What had troubled her the most, however, was that he had never once wished to greet her, to speak with her directly, or to even take tea with her! He had shown no interest in her whatsoever and had only communicated with her via notes. She had not remained in London but had returned to her father’s estate almost at once, not wishing to remain in a society that would whisper about her without hesitation, yet she had found no solace in being back in her father’s home.
Even now, as she stood on the threshold of the church, Julianna knew that she would be marrying a complete stranger who clearly had no consideration for her whatsoever.
The thought made her stomach twist with disappointment as tears blurred her vision. She ducked her head low.
“You must prepare yourself,” Lady Newfield said firmly, pressing Julianna’s hands. “What are your arrangements once the ceremony is at an end?”
Julianna shook her head, forcing her tears back. “I do not know,” she said honestly. “Lord Altringham has not informed me of his intentions.”
Lady Newfield’s eyes flashed with the spark of anger that filled her at such words, her lips pulling thin.
“Then I shall remain with you, I think,” she said decisively, making Julianna’s heart leap with a sudden hope. “After all, it is quite common for a lady to take a relative with her on honeymoon, although I am aware it is not very often their grandmother that attends them!”
Julianna let out a small, broken laugh and embraced her grandmother, feeling as though her heart were breaking all over again. “I would be most grateful for your company, Grandmama,” she said sincerely, as Lady Newfield patted her back gently. “I thank you.”
“But of course.” Lady Newfield reached up and pressed Julianna’s cheek lightly. “Now, you must take a deep breath and step into the church, Julianna. The time to wed Lord Altringham is come.”
* * *
Quite how Julianna had made her way to the front of the church when her legs were shaking so terribly and her heart pounding in a furious manner, she could not quite say. The foreboding figure of Lord Altringham—tall, with his shoulders flat and his hands tight behind his back—awaited her arrival, but when she stood by him, he did not so much as glance at her.
Her heart twisted in her chest and she closed her eyes tightly. He did not want to marry her and she did not want to marry him. And yet, here they were and there was nothing she could do about it.
As the ceremony began, Julianna tried to recall the blessings that would soon be hers when she became Lady Altringham. Lady Newfield had told her many times that to be Lady Altringham was a blessing in itself, for she would have rank and position within society.
Julianna knew that, whilst such a thing was true in itself, it did not mean that society would show her any sort of respect or consideration. In fact, they would look at her as though she meant very little, recalling precisely what had occurred in order to force Lord Altringham’s hand. Perhaps some would begin to suggest that she herself had intended such a thing from the very beginning.
You will have your own estate, she reminded herself. You will be mistress of a very fine house. You will lack for nothing. You will not become a spinster, a governess, or a paid companion. There is no longer any shame from your father attached to you. Perhaps one day, you will bear children.
Heat flew into her face at this thought as she glanced up at Lord Altringham. He was staring steadily forward, and she dropped her head almost at once, feeling a little afraid that he might see her watching him so. She knew nothing about Lord Altringham, she realized, save for the fact that his reputation as a rake preceded him. She had discovered as much from Lady Newfield, who knew the gentleman the moment she had laid eyes on him. Whether or not he had a cruel temper, she could not say. How relieved she was that Lady Newfield would attend with her wherever she was to go with Lord Altringham once the ceremony was over! At least she would have a little protection for a short time.
“Miss Martins?”
Her head lifted and she saw the question in the parson’s eyes. Embarrassed, she dropped her head and held out her hand to her father. He took it and placed it firmly on Lord Altringham’s. Julianna barely moved, feeling the coldness in Lord Altringham’s hand and wondering if it reached his heart also.
Her words of promise were spoken, Lord Altringham spoke his also, and then very soon, the matter was at an end. Her veil was lifted but she did not look up into Lord Altringham’s face, certain that he would have already turned his head away. They were wed and nothing now could separate them.
The small church was entirely silent as they walked from the building. Julianna saw Lady Newfield smiling at her, clearly a sign of encouragement, but Julianna could not bring herself to smile back. Her whole body was trembling, her head bent low.
“The carriage will take you to my estate.”
They were the first words Lord Altringham had ever spoken to her. Julianna looked up at him but he had turned his head away, gesturing to the carriage before her.
“Might I ask,” she began, aware of just how badly her voice trembled, “whether you will attend with me?”
A harsh bark of laughter ripped from his mouth as he began to stride away. “I have no intention of going anywhere but London, wife,” he said, the words loud and filled with anger. “Good day to you.” His steps were firm and sure as he made his way toward a horse that was waiting for him, being held by a small boy. Lord Altringham threw him a coin as he looped the reins over the horse’s head.
Julianna stood, frozen with shock as her new husband pulled himself up on to his horse, grasped the reins, and kicked the horse’s sides. With a whinny, the horse gathered itself and broke into a gallop, dust flying up from where its hooves bit into the dirt. Julianna pressed one hand to her heart, her eyes wide with horror as she realized just what had happened. Her husband had separated himself from her almost at once, without hesitation and without even a modicum of concern for her. She was to go to his estate and remain there, until he decided, at his leisure, whether he would return.
Embarrassment and shame climbed up her spine as she dropped her head.
“Quickly now, my girl.”
A firm hand caught her arm, tugging her forward gently toward Lord Altringham’s carriage.
“Grandmama,” Julianna whispered, feeling weak and hopeless. “He has gone back to London.”
Lady Newfield’s eyes flashed. “A very selfish decision indeed,” she proclaimed as one of the servants opened the carriage door for her. “But nothing that can be changed now. Come now, in you go, and I shall take leave of your father for you before I join you here.”
Julianna could barely breathe, her hands pressed hard against her heart as she stared, unseeingly, at the seat across from her. Lord Altringham had gone back to London rather than do his duty as he ought. He was her husband and certainly should be treating her with respect, but it seemed that he had no thoughts for anyone but himself. Relief that the church had not been particularly busy with well-wishers flung itself at her, glad that not many would see her shame. Of course, those within society would know that she had been left behind at the estate, for she highly doubted that Lord Altringham would keep such a thing to himself. No, most likely, he would laugh about it with his friends, would tell them what he had done and expect them, in return, to laugh along with him.
“Well, that is settled.”
Lady Newfield climbed into the carriage with a good deal more strength than Julianna had expected, reaching up to rap on the roof. Julianna did not dare even lift her eyes to look out of the window, such was her shame, even though she knew in her heart that her father would not make any attempt to wave her off.
“It is just as well that I had my things placed with yours on the earlier carriage,” Lady Newfield said briskly, sitting back and placing her hands in her lap. “Lord Altringham will not expect my company at his estate, of course, but it cannot be helped.”
Julianna sniffed indelicately, her vision blurring with t
ears as she looked up at Lady Newfield. “He will not be present at the estate in order to complain about your company, grandmama,” she said sadly. “He is, as I have told you, gone to London.”
Lady Newfield shook her head, tutting for a moment. “I am sure that he will not stay away for long,” she said firmly. “After all, whilst there is still some time left of the Season, he is now a married gentleman and I am sure cannot stay away from his wife for long!”
Julianna shook her head. “I have no confidence in him,” she said, recalling just how sharply he had spoken to her as he had prepared to leave. “I did not even look into his face for a single moment, Grandmama, for he would not so much as look at me.” Her shoulders dropped as she continued to battle tears. “I am certain that he means to have very little to do with me. Whilst he had done his duty, he will give me no time, no attention, no consideration. It is as though his life has continued on just as it has always been, whereas I shall remain in his estate without even the smallest joys at becoming his wife.”
Lady Newfield said nothing for a few minutes, sitting back in her seat and searching Julianna’s face. Julianna returned her gaze, her heart beating slowly and with a sense of sorrow washing over her. This was not the circumstance she had hoped to one day find herself in when she had first thought of matrimony. Rather, she had found herself hoping that the gentleman she would wed would, at the very least, care for her a little. She had never expected love, even though such a thing was the most wonderful of dreams, for Julianna had always been practical in her thoughts. And yet now to be married and to feel such pain and sadness quite broke her heart.
“Then you must write to your husband the moment we reach his estate,” Lady Newfield declared. “I understand it is only a two-day drive to London from the Altringham estate, so you should have a reply from him very soon.”
Spreading her hands, Julianna looked into her grandmother’s face without hope. “And what am I to write?”
“Well, you must ask him just how long he intends to be in London for,” Lady Newfield replied quickly, as though this was something Julianna ought to have known. Julianna dropped her head, tears touching her cheeks. “Thereafter, you will be able to determine just what you should do next.”
“What I should do?” Julianna lifted her head and looked at her grandmother, a sense of foreboding filling her. “What am I to do?”
“Yes, precisely,” Lady Newfield said with such a sense of firmness that Julianna’s tears began to dry on her cheeks. “You do not intend to simply do as he asked and remain at the estate, do you?”
Opening her mouth to reply that yes, this was precisely what she had intended to do, Julianna closed it again slowly and sat back a little more firmly in her chair. She narrowed her eyes and saw her grandmother smile.
Something began to warm her heart and some of the sorrow she felt so keenly began to fade away.
“What do you mean?” she asked slowly as Lady Newfield grinned broadly. “You cannot mean that I ought to return to London in order to pursue him?”
Lady Newfield’s smile remained and her eyes lit up, her neatly pinned gray hair bobbing back and forward as she nodded. “That is precisely what I mean, Julianna,” she said, without a note of questioning in her voice. “To remain at his estate, to do precisely as he asks without complaint, will only make both you and him quite miserable. Thus, you must do something about the situation, even though I am well aware that it is not of your making.”
“No, indeed, it is not,” Julianna murmured, folding her arms across her chest and allowing herself to consider all that her grandmother said. “But I do not think that searching him out in London will be a wise thing to do, Grandmama. He clearly does not want to know me, else he would have shown a little more interest in me at the first!”
Lady Newfield waved a hand as though to push aside Julianna’s concerns. “It does not matter what Lord Altringham wishes, Julianna,” she said firmly. “You are married now. He has a wife, you have a husband. And one way or the other, he is going to discover that you are the best thing that could ever have happened to him. I am quite certain of that.”
* * *
“A note for you, my lady.”
Julianna’s heart quickened as she took the note from the wooden tray held out to her by the butler. It had been a fortnight since she had sent her first letter to Lord Altringham, and a fortnight of waiting for him to reply. Lady Newfield had been quite certain that a reply would come in time. Had it not been for her, Julianna was quite certain her spirits would have faded quite terribly.
“A note, you say?” Lady Newfield half rose from her chair, then sat back down again, choosing not to stand up and hurry over to her granddaughter. “Pray, what does it say, Julianna?”
Julianna glanced up at the waiting butler, quite certain she saw a glimmer of sympathy in his kind face. “I thank you. I do not require anything else for the present,” she said, and he smiled, bowed, and took his leave. Julianna sat for a moment or two, looking down at the letter in her hand and feeling her whole body run wild with tension. What would it say? Would Lord Altringham be returning to his estate? Would she soon have to make preparations?
“Open it, Julianna!”
Lady Newfield’s exasperated voice prompted her to react. Quickly, she broke open Lord Altringham’s wax seal, unfolding the letter quickly.
Her heart sank. This was no letter. It was merely a note. A note that one might send to another over some small matter or other.
“Julianna,” Lady Newfield murmured, her eyes searching Julianna’s face. “You have gone quite pale.”
Taking in a deep breath and forcing herself not to cry, Julianna tried to shrug but did not manage to do anything other than lift one shoulder.
“He writes that he intends to remain in London for the foreseeable future,” she said, aware of how quiet and tremulous her voice had become in only a matter of moments. “And that I should not expect his return.”
For some minutes, nothing was said. Silence rose between them and Julianna felt unwilling to say anything of consequence for fear that it would only add to the distress that both she and her grandmother clearly felt.
“Well!” Lady Newfield threw herself out of her chair, beginning to stride up and down the drawing room, her skirts flying about her as she did so. “That is more than a little insulting, my dear, and I certainly do not intend to allow you to be so disrespected without taking action!”
Swallowing hard, Julianna let out a long breath. “Do you mean to return me to London, Grandmama?”
“Just as we have already spoken of, yes,” Lady Newfield said decisively. “Your husband cannot simply parade around London as he has done before.” She sniffed, her anger burned into every line of her face. “I have had a letter from Lady Tillsbury and she stated that it is quite ridiculous and most disconcerting to see him behave so.”
Julianna blinked rapidly, her chest constricting. “She has seen Lord Altringham?”
“Indeed, she has!” Lady Newfield declared angrily. “And his behavior is most disgraceful. Therefore, it is to London we shall go!”
Julianna swallowed hard, her heart thumping furiously at the thought of being in Lord Altringham’s presence again. What would he say when he saw her?
“I shall speak to the staff and make arrangements,” Lady Newfield said before Julianna could even think to protest. “I am sure they will be quite supportive of your return to London, my dear. I have noticed that they treat you with great consideration.” With a quick smile, she hurried to the door, leaving Julianna to sit in her seat alone, the note from Lord Altringham still in her lap.
The moment the door closed, Julianna leaned forward, put her head in her hands, and began to cry. It was all such a terrible mess and now it felt as though things were only going to get worse. She was living in a home she did not know, married to a gentleman she knew nothing about, and was now to return to London in what was apparently an attempt to make things better between them. Excep
t Julianna had the sinking feeling that all it would do would be to make the situation a good deal worse.
Chapter Two
Thomas sighed contentedly and sat back in his chair, eyeing the delicious company all around him. This was precisely where he needed to be in order to avoid the whirling thoughts about his wife that continued to throw themselves at his mind. He did his best to forget her, of course, and that was made all the easier by the fact that he did not even know her face, but still the thoughts would linger when he did not wish them to do so.
At least here, in society, he was able to find a good many distractions from his torturous thoughts.
“Good evening, Lord Altringham!”
Thomas looked up but did not rise, recognizing Lady Steele and knowing that if he should rise, bow over her hand, and make many compliments to her, she would only take it to mean that their rather warm acquaintance of the past might be likely to continue.
He certainly did not wish it.
“Good evening, Lady Steele,” he said with a small but dismissive smile, letting his gaze flit to the other side of the room as though he found someone more interesting over in that direction. “How are you this evening?”
One glance toward Lady Steele told him that his less than warm welcome had made the point he had hoped for.
“I find myself in the most excellent of company,” she answered with a brittle smile. “Although, not at this very moment, unfortunately.”
Thomas could not help but chuckle at her barb which, it seemed, only made Lady Steele all the more upset. She turned on her heel, her head held high and her eyes narrowed. Striding away from him, clearly affronted, Lady Steele began to speak loudly and in rather brisk tones to someone clearly more willing than he. Thomas smiled to himself, turning his head away from her and thinking to himself that he had been quite foolish to ever have pursued the lady in the first place when he knew very well that she was rather petulant.
In Search of Love: Convenient Arrangements (Book 2) Page 2