She squeezed her daughter’s hand, and Lauren squeezed back. “I’m sorry I’m dampening what should be—is—such a happy time, I’m just—”
“Looking out for your aging mother, I know. And I love you for it, dear. But you’re here now, and you’ve met Arlen, and you’ve seen how happy I am. Of course I hope that, over time, you and Arlen can develop some kind of relationship with one another. But, ultimately, I hope you’ll give me your blessing and let go of your reservations and simply be happy that I’m happy.”
“I am. Truly. And I know you are. I’m sorry that I’m not as infatuated with your husband as I am with your new life here. For that part, I am supremely grateful. And while I’ll be perfectly honest and say I can’t see Arlen and I ever being chummy…” She thought about the way he’d been watching her, the way he was looking at her when he’d caught her, so to speak, in his library. “I’ll do my best to keep my feelings where he is concerned to myself. I’m a big girl, and though it still doesn’t completely make sense to me, to what I know about you, or thought as I did, it is—he is—what you want. And that’s what matters most. That I can wholeheartedly accept. I thought our tastes were more closely aligned, but then you’re making a lot of changes I wouldn’t have prescribed to you, and they’re obviously good ones. So I’ll hold my tongue.”
Charlene sighed. “I hate it that you feel you have to, but I guess once it’s all been said—”
“It’s all been said,” Lauren agreed. “I won’t bug you about it any more, promise.”
Her mother slid a sideways glance her way, her smile knowing. “Okay.”
Lauren laughed. “Really, I’ll do my best.”
They drove on in silence for a few minutes, then Charlene said, “So, do you think your suffering Arlen in silence is something you’re going to have to do more often?”
“Are we back to my possibly moving here?”
Her mother smiled now. “Your turn to be grilled.”
Lauren smiled, too. “I thought it was feeling a bit warm. And the answer is, I don’t know. But there is something else I have to tell you.”
“Okay.” Charlene looked over at her. “Sounds ominous and from the look on your face—”
“I quit my job.” There, she’d said it. Finally. It didn’t feel as good as she’d hoped. Her mother didn’t say anything right away, but when Lauren dared look over at her, she couldn’t say she looked exactly…surprised, either. “I expected shock. You don’t seem all that surprised.” Then her shoulders fell. She’d waited too long. “Did you already know? I’m so sorry you had to hear it elsewhere.”
When her mother did look at her, it wasn’t with the disappointment or concern Lauren had feared. It was with hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“So, you did know. I’m so sorry. I was trying to find the right time. How did you find out?”
Charlene sighed. “Well, this isn’t likely to win Arlen any points—”
“He told you? How on earth did he know? I thought maybe you’d heard from one of your old Washington connections. I was hoping, being out here, you wouldn’t be in as direct contact…but it never occurred to me you’d hear it from someone here, especially not…” She let the thought trail off as she worked through it mentally. Lauren knew that the only person she’d told was Jake, and he wouldn’t have mentioned it to her. And Lauren sincerely doubted he’d shared the news with Arlen over the smoker at the barbecue last night.
“I don’t exactly know, dear, but he keeps up with national news. In fact, he follows the politics in Washington very closely. I can only assume it was mentioned in a local article back home.”
“How long have you known?”
“He told me this morning. Said he thought you’d tell me yourself last night, but when you didn’t mention it, he told me over breakfast.”
Lauren replayed the dinner conversation and the short talk they’d had in Arlen’s den. “So that was why he was asking all those questions about my working with the senator. He knew all along.”
“Maybe he was just trying to give you the opportunity to talk about it. I guess he knew we were meeting today and thought if you didn’t tell me today, either, I should tell you I already knew to ease whatever anxiety you might be having. I’m sure he was only thinking to help. He knows how tense things have been—were—between us.”
“I’m sure,” Lauren said, working hard to keep her tone neutral, because, at the moment, she felt anything but. All those questions about her running for office herself and being a credit to her party. They’d been alone then, which her mother likely didn’t even know about. Arlen had every opportunity to tell her he knew, to tell her he wanted to help, if that was in fact his goal. She couldn’t shake the way he’d watched her, talked to her, perpetuated what he knew was a lie. Or at least not a whole truth. It just churned things up all over again.
Which was another reason to keep her mouth shut, at least until she’d had time to think it through. It felt like a betrayal, or worse, like he was purposely trying to do quite the opposite of her mother’s supposition and shove the wedge even deeper between them. She knew that was purely an emotional response to a man she didn’t like, and it was very likely just as her mother had said. But her gut told her otherwise.
Of course, her gut had told her otherwise about their marriage being a happy one. So what did she know?
What she knew was that the more she learned about Arlen, the less she liked him. Helping, my ass. She was unable to shake the reaction. She’d talk it over with Jake later. He was the voice of reason where she was not, and had the added advantage of town perspective. She found herself wanting to smile a little. How was it in such a short time, it was already as natural as breathing to think of him as someone to turn to. Her backup, so to speak. Her…partner. She’d never had that before. Not in this more intimate way. It felt pretty damn good.
“What I don’t know is why you quit,” her mother said.
Lauren wrapped her arms around her middle as if trying to lock in the warmth that she always felt when thinking about Jake. She’d need all the warmth she could get from the looks of things.
“I…I wasn’t happy. I guess that’s the bottom line.”
“You mean working for Senator Fordham? I thought you really admired and respected him.”
“I do respect him and if I was going to keep on in my career…I’d most definitely want to be on his team while doing it. But that life wasn’t satisfying to me. I was becoming more jaded by it, more cynical about it, and no matter how hard I try to cling to my ideals, I don’t like the person I’m becoming.” She lifted a hand. “I know it could be argued that to do otherwise is to be hiding my head in the sand, avoiding reality, but there is a difference between knowing and having a deeper appreciation for the world we live in, including the not-so-lovely parts, except I was feeling like I was part of the not-so-lovely sector, and I guess I’m no longer starry eyed enough to believe I can make a difference. At least not the kind of one I’d have to make to keep my soul intact while doing it.”
Her mother didn’t respond right away, but one of the things Lauren had always loved and appreciated about her was that, unlike her daughter, she thought through things before speaking, at least when confronted with something new and outside her comfort zone.
When she did finally speak, she said, “I had no idea you were so unhappy. I thought you thrived on that life, much like your father. I always thought—knew—I’d have never survived it. Feeling much the same as you apparently feel now.” She eased off the gas and reached across the seats to squeeze Lauren’s knee. “Maybe you have more of me in you than you thought.” She laughed shortly. “Sorry about that.”
Lauren quickly covered her mother’s hand before she could pull it away. “Don’t say that. I’m grateful to be able to feel anything. And that is largely thanks to you. I did thrive on it, once. But I’m not like Dad. Or Granddad, as it turns out. I don’t have the stomach for it. But I didn’t know what else to do.
That is what I do. That is who I am, or what I am.”
“So what made you finally take steps to change your life?”
“I know this is going to sound funny, or ironic, or both, considering how against it I’ve been…” She looked over at her mother. “But it was you. You suddenly just picking up and changing your whole life. Even if I didn’t understand it, I saw you reaching for what you wanted, or at least thought you wanted—initial perspective, not the current one—and it really made me take a look at myself. Especially given how unhappy I was with you running off like that. It made me question all kinds of things, about you, about us, and a lot about me.” She laughed a little, but there wasn’t much humor in it. “You know, there was a part of me that was just so insanely jealous when I found out. And not because you’d found love, or a partner, but because you escaped. Because you just went and did it. And I didn’t think I could do that. Had no real clue that that was even a real possibility.” She smiled then, and it was sincere and heartfelt. “But look at you. I thought moving to Florida was a huge change for you, a step into the life of a content retiree, and wondered how you’d manage the transition given how busy you’d always kept yourself. But I’d never in my wildest dreams imagined you’d reach for, or want, this life.”
“I wouldn’t have, either,” Charlene said. “If anyone in my acquaintance had told me a year ago I’d be living in the mountains, driving an SUV, and wearing Birkenstocks, I’d have asked if them if they needed their medication adjusted.” She laughed. “But, as we learned with losing your father so suddenly…the world moves in ways unrevealed to us until it’s time for us to know it. It’s what we do with it when it is revealed that matters.” She looked over at Lauren. “I chose to grab hold.”
“And I chose to let go.”
They both laughed and Charlene drove on in silence for a bit, and they both watched the sun setting in spectacular fashion over the western ridge as they drove toward it.
“Have you any plans on what you want to do? Were you thinking about getting back into law? Do you have something already lined up?”
“No.”
Her mother did send her a surprised look then, and she laughed again. “My, we are a pair, aren’t we?”
Lauren shook her head and smiled ruefully. “A pair of what I don’t know, but at least we’re a happier pair.”
“Are you?” her mother said when their laughter drifted to silence. “Happier?”
“Yes, most decidedly. I have no regrets about leaving. It was abrupt to everyone else when I gave notice, and I talked at length with Todd first, so he wasn’t blindsided. But I’d been thinking about it for some time by then, and I knew if I didn’t just sever the tie, I’d never leave. Because I had no idea what to do next, but I couldn’t even think, couldn’t organize my thoughts, my life, because it was dedicated twenty-four-seven to the work I was already doing.” She took a restorative breath, and realized the knot had eased in her gut. “So I talked it over with the senator, and he couldn’t sway me to stay, which just confirmed my convictions, and he handled it as well and respectfully as could be expected. He’s offered to help me find something I love—I think he’s even put my name out there; Daphne called me today to say someone called her as a reference—”
“Is it something you want?”
“I don’t even know what it was all about. I’ll contact Todd on Monday. I need to check in with him anyway, and it’s a good excuse to do so without seeming like I’m missing my old job. I am curious how it’s going and plan to talk to Daphne again later, but it’s more a natural curiosity, not a homesick feeling.”
“And so, now what?”
“I don’t know. I decided to come out here, see you, to fix what most needed fixing first, then maybe I could think more clearly on the rest.”
“And…?”
She laughed. “And I am just figuring out the fixing us part.”
“And now there’s Jake.”
Lauren sighed, but she was smiling as she did. “Now there’s Jake.”
“How long were you planning to stay out here?”
“As long as we needed; I really had no timeline set up. One thing about being a workaholic for the past ten years is that I am in the comfortable position of not having to rush into anything right away.” She looked at her mother. “I have time to figure things out. I want to enjoy some time with you. I’ve really missed you, missed us. And, now…”
Her mother’s smile was knowing bordering on wicked. “There’s Jake.” She even wiggled her eyebrows.
Lauren swatted in the general direction of her mother, but also spoke before thinking. “See, that’s the passionate, tempestuous woman I know. I can’t believe you’re stifling that part of yourself in any way.”
Her mother’s expression immediately shuttered a bit and Lauren wanted to kick herself in the ass. Or tape her mouth shut. “I’m sorry, truly. I was just—”
“No, it’s fine.” She looked at her daughter, all sober, serene, and looking wise beyond her years. Or maybe wise because of her years. But Lauren also noted, for the very first time, the weariness there. Or maybe it was resignation.
And she started to worry all over again. Dammit.
“Let’s look at the sunset and just appreciate that we’re here. Together. And we’re good,” her mother said. She pulled the truck over at the crest of the next ridge, and the valley spreading below them was breathtaking, aglow with the colors of the setting sun behind the rigid and jagged peaks rising above it on the other side. “We are good, aren’t we?” she asked quietly, a few moments later.
Lauren hated with a passion the renewed niggling in her gut. “We’re the best,” she whispered. “The very best.”
Maybe just as parents worried about their kids no matter their age, kids worried about their parents, too. It was natural, normal even. A sign of a loving partnership. At least that’s what she told herself as they finally turned around and headed back toward home.
Home. As the light faded, and they drove on in what she desperately wished was companionable silence…she found herself wondering how that word applied to her life now. And realized she had absolutely no clue.
Chapter 17
Ruby Jean threw her arms around Jake’s neck and held on tight, kicking up her heels and making him grunt as he grabbed hold of her to keep from tumbling them both to the ground. “Paddy would be so insanely proud of you right now.” The widest smile split her pretty face.
“You think so? I’m not so sure. But it was my only choice.”
“He just hated the commercialization that came with investors. You kept control of how the Betty Sue would be maintained and marketed. Besides…” She bussed him noisily on the cheek as he set her on her feet again. “You bring that trophy home and put it on the wall, next to his picture, and he’ll be smilin’ in heaven for all eternity.”
Jake laughed, feeling too good to argue the point. “I wonder if you can claim bragging rights in the afterlife?”
“Oh, I’m certain if there’s a way, he’ll be the one findin’ it,” she said, affecting the brogue that always grew far more pronounced whenever their grandfather was exercised over something—which was almost always—and despite the fact that Patrick McKenna had spent all but ten of his seventy-five years on American soil.
“I’m sure you’re right.” Jake glanced over his shoulder at Roger and the group, who were presently arranging rooms at the resort registration desk. They had consumed, perhaps, a wee bit too much celebratory champagne, and while Jake was perfectly sober and could have flown them back to Vegas, they’d opted to return in the morning. Jake had had to scramble to rearrange two of his lessons, but a bit of inconvenience was more than worth it, considering what they were doing for him. And for Betty Sue. “Sorry, about earlier. I know they got a bit out of hand.”
Along with the celebratory champagne, a few of the guys had been more than a little obvious about wanting to do some celebrating of a more personal nature with his sister. And
while he’d teased her about their availability, in no way did he expect her to put up with that nonsense.
“If I’d had any idea they were going to behave like that, I’d have—”
Ruby Jean put her hand up. “I can handle myself, big brother. They were just excited about the prospect of seeing big jets fly at ridiculously fast speeds. It’s a testosterone rush and I was an available outlet to cut it loose on. But, trust me on this, no one manhandles Ruby Jean McKenna.” She flashed her dimples in a sweetheart of a smile. “At least not without her explicit permission.”
Jake groaned and clapped his hands to his ears. “I do not need to hear about this, much less think about it.” But his sister had been telling the truth about being able to handle herself. She’d handled their drunken advances with an easy demeanor and quick wit that kept things friendly, but made it perfectly clear she wasn’t going to play.
It was funny, though in some ways Jake had always been a little in awe of his baby sister, from how young and how quickly she’d taken to flying, to her daredevil nature, but in most other ways, she was, in fact, his baby sister and always would be. So, it always kind of set him back a step when she showed just how mature and responsible for herself she really was. She might come crying to him about, well, almost everything, or so it seemed, but when it came down to it, she was a smart, resourceful, highly capable, independent young woman.
She frowned. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like a proud principal or something. What’d I do now?”
He hugged her. “I know I hassle you, and that’s largely because you drive me crazy on a regular basis, but if I haven’t told you this lately, I really am proud of you, Ruby Jean McKenna. You’ve grown up good.”
A Great Kisser Page 26