by Larry Senn
To begin reflecting on the Mood Elevator and its role in your life, ask yourself the following questions:
Which floors are most familiar to me as part of my normal day-to-day experience of life?
Which floors most commonly define my temperament? On which floors would the people who know me best most often expect to find me?
Which floors would I like to visit more often in my life? On which floors would I like to spend less time?
Which floors do I most often get stuck on when I am having a bad day?
Which floors do I tend to land on when my mood begins to drop?
Which floors do I visit on days when I am feeling most productive, creative, and happy?
Everyone experiences the Mood Elevator in their unique way. For me, the feeling of gratitude tends to mark those moments when I’m on the very highest floor of my personal elevator. When I slow down, quiet my mind, and set aside the preoccupations and pressures of the day, I become aware of the gratitude I feel toward my wife, Bernadette, and our five children. The same sense of gratitude wells up in me when my teenage son, Logan, or one of my other kids gives me a hug and says, “I love you, Dad,” or when I pause to experience a beautiful sunset that paints the sky with a multitude of amazing colors.
Good things seem to happen to me when I am on the upper floors of my Mood Elevator. I find myself feeling creative and resourceful. Ideas and answers come more easily, and solutions to problems seem more accessible. The feelings of love, hope, patience, and curiosity that I experience make my life richer and enable me to contribute more to my family and friends, to my church, and to my chosen life’s work.
In fact, the pleasure I take from my days on the upper floors is what drove me to write this book—and also what enabled me to turn that desire into a reality. When I am on one of the lower floors, creative thoughts don’t come at all. Frozen by writer’s block, I find it hard to think of examples or stories to illustrate my ideas—and the ones I do manage to come up with appear silly and worthless. By contrast, there are days when metaphors and images come pouring out, as if I am connected to a source of inspiration and ideas greater than myself—some fount of universal intelligence and original thought that I only have to tap into.
One of the warning signs I’ve learned to recognize that tells me I’m heading down the Mood Elevator is when I notice myself becoming more impatient, more easily irritated or bothered. A minor inconvenience, mistake, or misunderstanding that I would ordinarily shrug off or laugh about seems to get under my skin, provoking annoyance or anger when I’m sinking toward those lower floors.
I am sure you can recall experiences from your travels on the Mood Elevator in your own life. Most people have a natural desire to experience life on the higher floors more often and more consistently. Who wouldn’t want to worry less, feel less stress, and be irritated and bothered less often? Who wouldn’t want to feel more gratitude, love, humor, and lightness? Who wouldn’t want to experience a heightened degree of creativity, curiosity, flexibility, and resilience?
What’s more, the benefits of life on the upper floors are long lasting and cumulative. The more time we spend at those higher levels, the better our lives tend to go—because the upper floors on the Mood Elevator are where we function at our best, thinking most clearly, making the smartest choices, and behaving most creatively. Think about it: Which floors would you rather be on when you are trying to build—or repair—an important personal relationship? When discussing a sensitive issue with someone you love? When tackling a complex problem at work? When making an important life decision?
For most of us, the answer is obvious. The higher levels on the Mood Elevator lead to more success with less stress—to healthier relationships, greater personal productivity, and a better quality of life. No matter how you personally define success—regardless of what realms of achievement and happiness are most important to you—the upper floors on the Mood Elevator are a better place from which to parent, to lead, and to build a career.
Just imagine how different your life, work, and relationships might be if you spent a lot more time on the upper floors—and if you knew how to minimize the negative impact on yourself and others from your inevitable visits to the lower floors.
When I talk with people about the Mood Elevator, almost everyone immediately recognizes the concept—yet very few have ever thought about their life experience in this way. That’s probably because they assume that the Mood Elevator is “just the way life is,” a basic truth of human existence that we can’t change and that it’s therefore pointless to think about.
It is true that being human means we all spend time riding up and down the Mood Elevator. We all will visit most of the floors at one time or another. But the time we spend at the various levels differs dramatically. Have you ever known someone who seemed to have permanently moved in to the floors labeled impatient/frustrated, worried/anxious, and judgmental/blaming? On the other hand, have you ever been lucky enough to know someone who was habitually in residence on the floors named resourceful, hopeful/optimistic, and patient/understanding? The choices we make can have a significant impact on which floors we spend the majority of our time on—and that, in turn, has a huge effect on the people we come in contact with and the quality of our lives.
There’s much more to say about the Mood Elevator. The relationships among the different floors can be complex, and moving from one floor to another can sometimes be quite challenging. In the chapters to come, we delve more deeply into the realities of navigating life on the Mood Elevator.
For now, the key takeaway is this: The central purpose of this book is to provide you with some techniques you can use to increase the amount of time you spend up the Mood Elevator and reduce the duration and negative impacts of operating on the lower floors. The principles I share in the chapters that follow have already enabled countless people to spend more time on the upper floors, and I believe they can do the same for you.
2
What Drives the Mood Elevator?
Man is made or unmade by himself…and [as] the lord of his own thoughts, man holds the key to every situation.
—JAMES ALLEN
Becoming skilled at riding the Mood Elevator requires an understanding of what controls the vehicle.
So, what drives the Mood Elevator? Where do the moods that carry us higher and lower come from? The answer may surprise you because it is not obvious, nor is it what most people think, and simply understanding the answer can have an enormous impact on your life.
Some moods appear to come upon us out of the blue, like an unpredictable change in the weather. We get out of bed and find we have a bit of an attitude—one that makes us feel grouchy and irritable for no reason at all. Moods like this are the source of the old saying I got up on the wrong side of the bed.
But many moods seem to have a more concrete source. One obvious factor is the events in our daily lives. It often appears on the surface that the moods we experience derive from things that happen to us or things that people say to us. Think about my friend John, whose story I told in chapter 1. If asked, John would probably say that his whirlwind of moods was caused by his conversation with Fran, who passed along the rumor about possible layoffs at Tip-Top Products. Most people believe that their moods are caused by external circumstances—and this applies particularly to negative moods, which carry us to the lower floors. Something occurs that we don’t like, or someone does something that “pushes our buttons.”
You can think of any number of examples: A loved one makes a negative comment about your clothes or your cooking, or they fail to thank you when you really went out of your way to do something nice for them. The stock market goes down again, putting a hurt on your retirement investments. You step on the bathroom scale and don’t like the number you see. Your teenager brings home a date with a few too many piercings for your taste. You accidentally run a red light and get stuck with a costly ticket. Your boss or a colleague blames you unfairly for some
thing you didn’t do—or, worse, blames you fairly for something you did do! I think you get the picture.
We all encounter challenges like these on a daily—if not hourly—basis, but they don’t really explain where our moods come from. After all, a moment’s reflection will tell you that some moods have no apparent connection to outside events. We feel good or bad “for no real reason,” and in fact these moods often end up affecting our behavior and experiences rather than the other way around. In other cases, events that might ordinarily trigger a change in our mood simply don’t do so.
Yes, sometimes a critical remark from your spouse can cause your mood to plummet, provoking defensiveness or anger—but on some days you shrug it off or even offer a playful, teasing response that evokes laughter on both sides. Sometimes a stock market plunge may produce anxiety or depression—but other times it compels you to call your financial adviser and schedule a long-overdue conversation about how best to rebalance your investment portfolio. Sometimes a reprimand from the boss triggers hostility and resentment—but other times you use it as an opportunity to figure out how you can improve your work methods so that you won’t make the same mistake again.
We’re not automatons, reacting mechanically and predictably to outside stimuli. We’re human beings, and the ways we respond to circumstances vary—depending not on outside events but rather on what happens inside our heads. There may be events that stimulate our thoughts, but it is the thoughts that determine our moods.
Think back to my friend John. Yes, Fran’s comment launched the cascade of feelings that sent him on his wild ride down (and then up) the Mood Elevator. But each shift in the elevator’s direction was driven by a thought inside John’s head, from his memories of the hard work he’d devoted to Tip-Top Products to his fantasies about a possible future as a rising executive at his buddy Ron’s high-tech firm. John’s story illustrates the fact that it’s not the circumstances of our life that create our moods—it’s what we make of those circumstances. The controlling variable between the event and the mood that results is what we make of it—our thoughts.1
We see this truth in everyday life. You may end a difficult day feeling tired, a bit overwhelmed by thoughts of what you have to face tomorrow, and a bit discouraged by reflections on the things you didn’t accomplish today. Then you get a good night’s sleep, rise in the sunshine and take a walk or run, and find that, almost miraculously, life is fine. You head off to a new day at work feeling hopeful, ready to tackle that list of challenges.
Nothing in your life circumstances has changed. The only thing that’s changed is your thinking about it.
The same applies to our most intimate relationships. I have five children who range in age from 16 to 52. With my three older boys, who are now in their forties and fifties, I went through all the phases, from changing diapers and sleepless nights; to teaching them to swim, body-board, water-ski, and ride dirt bikes; to college graduations. I remarried more than 36 years ago, and after a number of years Bernadette said she wanted to start a brand-new family. We had Kendra when I was 55 and Logan when I was 65. The age difference between them makes Logan almost like an only child, so I often end up being his playmate—from paddleboarding to water-skiing to zip-lining. And I watch many dawn-to-dusk club volleyball tournaments, since that’s his chosen sport.
This unusual set of experiences stimulates a wide range of thoughts that could put me on very different levels on the Mood Elevator. On most weekend or vacation mornings when Logan says, “Let’s go, Dad!” I reflect on all the positive things Logan has brought into my life. Because he sees the world through the fresh and curious eyes of a child, he helps me learn and grow. And being his playmate has increased my commitment to health and fitness so that I can keep up with him. I usually respond to Logan’s invitation by yelling, “Last one in the water is a rotten egg!” and leading him on a merry chase.
But once in a while, my thoughts travel in the opposite direction. On an occasional weekend or vacation when I’d rather sleep in to relax or recharge, the thought of mustering the energy to go to Wet ’n Wild water park or to jump off the rocks at Waimea Bay provokes thoughts like What was I thinking—adding another kid to the family so late in life?! I could be catching a few more winks or enjoying my favorite book in the hammock instead of wearing myself out. I groan, turn over in bed, and pull the covers over my head (usually in vain, of course).
What has changed? It’s the same Logan and the same life I chose. It’s what I make of it—my thinking—that makes the difference. Yes, life is what we make of it.
The Movie in Your Mind
A while back Senn Delaney hired a new consultant named Deborah, who had previously worked for a company in Houston. Because our consultants fly to most engagements, they can live wherever they choose, and Deb elected to stay in Houston.
Shortly after Deb joined us and began her training, I scheduled a sales call with the CEO of a major utility company in Houston. I decided to invite Deb to join me. I thought that participating in the meeting would give her a chance to hear how we presented ourselves to a prospective client, and it might yield some work for her in her hometown.
It was an innocent, well-intentioned invitation. I had no idea how it would affect Deb’s thinking.
Much later Deb recounted to me the thoughts that had cascaded through her mind:
A sales call with the chairman of my new company!? But I’m so new. I’m just getting to know Senn Delaney. What if I perform badly? I’m not a salesperson; I’m a consultant. What if I say something stupid? What if I embarrass my boss and we lose the sale? I could get fired! That would look awful on my résumé. I took a risk leaving my longtime employer, and I can’t go back now. What if I can’t get another job? My oldest child won’t be able to start college. I could lose my house.
Before she got her imagination under control, Deb had pictured herself homeless, living in a cardboard box under the freeway.
In fact, the meeting unfolded quite differently than Deb had feared. The three of us got along wonderfully—in fact, it turned out that Deb attended the same church as the utility company CEO, and they had mutual friends. Senn Delaney won the consulting engagement, and Deb had an assignment in her hometown to launch her new career. It was later that Deb shared with me the fearful thoughts she’d subjected herself to, and we both had a good laugh over it.
But Deb is far from unique. We all go through life interpreting everything that happens (or doesn’t happen) and projecting a story about what it means. It’s as though we are making a movie in our heads. We take whatever our thinking is and make it feel as real as our emotions and physical reactions can—just the way a Hollywood special effects department can turn a fantasy into a virtual reality. And thanks to the power of our imaginations, we can take the same event and extend it into a happy ending or a disastrous one.
Sometimes the power of thought even makes us live through things that never happened. Have you ever gotten really mad at someone for something you thought they did—and then discovered they didn’t do it at all? Have you ever been convinced that you’d been turned down for a job or diagnosed with some terrible illness—only to learn that the worst had not occurred? You may have spent a day or two suffering needless torment—all because of the incredible power of thought.
When Senn Delaney was considering being acquired by a larger organization many years ago, we went through a period when our people’s emotions were roiling based on their thoughts about what might happen if the deal went through. Half of our employees were excited about the added opportunities the merger would bring—increased sales leads, broader capabilities, and added investments that could help us grow faster. The other half were so sure that we’d lose our unique culture that they were practically in mourning, thinking about updating their résumés and seeking new jobs as refugees from the company they’d “lost.” Each group was creating a movie about the future and then reacting to it—all based on little more than the thoughts in their he
ads.
In the end, that deal didn’t take place, and the movie scripts disappeared overnight, replaced by familiar reality. Interestingly, a number of years later we did decide to join a larger firm, Heidrick & Struggles. By then we had trained all of our people to better understand the power of thought and the Mood Elevator, and the transition went smoothly—because no one was distracted by thought-driven mood swings.
Understanding the power of thought to shape your moods can help you control your responses—just as you do when you watch a real movie: You sit in the darkened theater, caught up in the drama and the suspense; the music is playing, and the special effects are making your adrenaline flow. But consciously you know it’s just a movie. You know that, if it gets too scary, you can take a break to buy some popcorn; and even if the story is tragic, you know you’ll return to your normal life when the picture ends.
When you learn to treat your mental movies in that way, your thinking will begin to have less power over you. You will never let go of your moods completely, but knowing that your thoughts are the source of those moods can provide a little added distance and help you remain in control. It’s a powerful first step to learning to ride up the Mood Elevator rather than feeling like a helpless victim of emotional forces you can’t control—one of a number of steps you’ll learn about in the following chapters.
3
Up the Mood Elevator: The Big Payoffs
We are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy when they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.