by Laura Pavlov
The car merged onto the freeway and she shook her head at her mother. “What is it about? I don’t even know anymore. The pageant? Your legacy? My last name?”
“No. No. I don’t even know how to explain it.” She leaned back against the seat with a sigh.
“Try.”
“I was engaged to Winston when I was nineteen years old. I was so young. Too young. Grandma and Grandpa were thrilled about the wedding. I mean, marrying a Humphries was a step up for me, of course. I loved him. I really did. But I was too young to even understand what it meant. And then I met your father. Winston was traveling all the time, as his career was taking off. He was more than a decade older than me. And Nick, well, he was so handsome and charming. I mean, the man was deliciously sexy. And I was selfish. I acted on attraction,” Mama said, swiping at the tears falling down her cheeks.
“You can skip the part about how hot my dad was, please.” Elle rolled her eyes.
“Oh, of course. Yes. Excuse my manners. Well, you know the outcome. The fling came to an end with Nick, and I thought it would be our little secret. Two days before my wedding to Winston I found out I was pregnant. Kept it a secret from everyone until I was almost five months along. I never told a soul it wasn’t Winston’s baby. I think a lot of people suspected with the rumor mill and all the whispers about me runnin’ wild with some young boy a few weeks before the wedding. I think Winston always knew because we didn’t have, hmmm, relations before our wedding night.”
“Mama.” Elle threw her hands over her ears. She knew how one got knocked up, she didn’t need to hear all the gory details about their sex life.
“Sorry, but I wanted you to know I was a virgin on my wedding night, you know, with Winston.”
Elle’s jaw hit the ground. Was she playing with a full stack of cards? How did one manage to get knocked up before their wedding, yet remain a virgin? Only Caroline Humphries.
“I beg to differ, Mama. You were pregnant. Kind of impossible to be a pregnant virgin,” Elle said, studying her mother as she fell back in laughter.
“Right. But I hadn’t slept with my husband, which made me a virgin on my wedding night.” Mama crossed her arms in front of her, like she had the final say on the matter.
“Yeah, it’s doesn’t really work that way. But it’s beside the point. No one is questioning your virtue on your wedding night right now.”
“Anyhoo, I made a promise to myself back then to be the best mama to you. You know, since I’d sort of messed up with getting pregnant by another man and all. It’s really all I ever wanted. But I got so caught up in this secret. And well, secrets have a way of coming out of the shadows when you least expect it. But I shouldn’t have blamed you for my mistake.”
“So, I am a mistake to you. I always have been.” Elle shook her head and closed her eyes. Her heart had already been broken twice today and she hadn’t even had lunch yet.
“No. You most definitely are not a mistake. You never were. I made a mistake. But it brought me my greatest gift.”
Elle nearly choked on the water she’d just guzzled. She’d never referred to her as a gift. Not once in the twenty-seven years she’d been around.
“It’s true. I know you don’t believe me. I didn’t resent you, Elle. I wanted you to be mine. When your daddy came back into our lives and made his paternity a public spectacle, I was angry. But not at you. Not even at him. I was jealous because you fell in love with him right away. You two were so much alike. So natural together. I hated it. I know how ugly I sound, but I was green with envy. And I held on to you for dear life. But the harder I held on, the farther you moved away from me. I became obsessed with the pageants. With us sharing something Nick couldn’t touch. Something that was just ours. When you lost the pageant, I knew it was over. There was nothing else holding us together. And you couldn’t move to San Francisco fast enough. You left me and ran to him.”
The car pulled in front of the hospital and Elle sat completely silent. Processing Mama’s words, her jaw all but lying on the ground. Wow. Who would have guessed Caroline Humphries was jealous of Nick Fiore?
Elle grasped her mother’s hands. “Mama, I’ve loved you my entire life. My earliest memories are sittin’ on your bathroom stool while you had your hair and makeup done, and just watchin’ you. You’ve always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I was crazy in love with you. And when Nick came into my life, yeah, I did have an instant connection with him. But it didn’t lessen the way I felt about you. Or Winston.”
“I’ve made so many mistakes. About everything. And me wanting you to date Edward wasn’t about your happiness, it was another way to hold on to you. Having control over who you dated or married. And Maverick. Please. He reminded me so much of Nick, it terrified me. I saw the connection you have with him, and it scared me. There’s no excuse. I’m trying to be honest with you. I know it’s foreign, but I have to start somewhere.”
“I appreciate it. But this is a lot to swallow. How about we go inside and check on Winston, and we can continue this tonight at home. Let me digest it all for a bit,” Elle said, completely caught off guard over the entire conversation. She’d never seen her mother vulnerable or insecure. But she liked it.
“Yes, we need to get in there. I’m sorry to lay all this on you. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to leave Maverick during his season either,” Mama said, as they got out of the car.
Elle didn’t respond, but her heart squeezed at the mention of his name. She wanted to call him. Tell him everything. He knew how to calm her. Help her sift through her thoughts. But she couldn’t go to him now. She’d have to figure this out on her own.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Maverick’s Playbook
If you get sacked—pull your head out of your ass and figure it out!
Coach insisted Maverick stop by his office after he showered. He didn’t have a clue what it was about because they’d had a meeting two days earlier. He’d played well in his last game, even though his life was a pile of steaming shit. He’d fucked up bad with his girl, and he didn’t know how to fix it.
Coach Romero’s assistant, Carla, hung up the phone. “He’s ready for you, Maverick. You can go on back.”
“Thank you,” he said, striding through the office decorated in sports memorabilia.
Coach sat in his chair behind his oversized cherry wood desk. “Thanks for stopping by. Take a seat.”
“What’s up?”
“I wanted to ask you the very same thing. What’s going on with you? Everything all right?”
Was he for fucking real? Sure, his life was shit, but his game was exactly where it needed to be.
“Everything’s fine. Is there a problem?” His tone came out harsher than intended, but he wasn’t sleeping well, and he didn’t want to talk about his personal life, or lack thereof.
“I’m not attacking you, Maverick. But after two years of working closely together, I know when you’re off. And son, right now, you’re off. And I’m not talking about the game. You’re playing well, I have no complaints. But your head’s not in it. You aren’t leading the team right now.”
Maverick scrubbed a hand over his face. He’d survived a tongue lashing from Gigi yesterday. She’d been ever so happy to point out all the mistakes he’d made in his relationship with Elle. The last thing he needed to hear was how he was failing the only area in his life that didn’t suck right now.
“I’m sorry if I’ve let you down.” He let out a long, frustrated breath. What the hell did Coach want from him? He showed up every day, pushed himself as hard as he could, and put the ball where it needed to go ninety-nine percent of the time. What was the fucking problem?
“Listen, Maverick, I’ve been around a long time. I’ve coached a lot of athletes over the years. You’re special. You’ve got the talent and you’ve got the heart. It’s a rare combination. You aren’t just a player on this team, son. You’re the leader of this team. You led us to the Super Bowl last year, and we have the potentia
l to do it again this year. But it doesn’t work without you. If you want to be a stubborn ass and pretend everything’s fine when we both know it isn’t—then it’s on you. This is me offering my ear. We’re a team, remember? This is what you do for family, and I consider you part of my family.”
He wasn’t prepared for an emotional talk. Jesus. Everywhere he turned people were trying to get him to talk. Well, with the exception of the one person he was desperate to speak to. Peaches wasn’t taking his calls. And of course, Peyton wouldn’t help him. She’d slapped him in the goddamn face when she thought he’d had a woman stay the night at his house. Peyton apologized and insisted she would make sure Elle was brought up to speed on who Mandy was. Like he said—his life was a shit show right now. He closed his eyes for a minute. Tried to sort out the mess he’d made of things. Didn’t want Coach to see what a pussy he was when it came to Peaches.
“Just going through some personal shit. I don’t mean you any disrespect by not talking about it. I don’t like to bring my baggage to work,” he said, locking onto Coach’s hard stare.
“Well, I think you’re about to find out you don’t always have a choice. Life is messy sometimes. Tell me what’s going on. You’d be surprised what a wise old man I am,” he said with a chuckle.
Maverick ran a hand through his hair, stretched his legs out and crossed one ankle over the other. He’d need to get comfortable for this. “Okay, Mr. Wisdom. Have you ever fucked up really bad with Beverly?”
“You’re making this far too easy. Yes.”
“Well, I think our ideas of fucking up may be different.” Maverick leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“Were you unfaithful?” Coach folded his hands on his desk and his gaze turned serious.
“No. Of course not. I’m an idiot, not a douchebag.”
The older man laughed and blew out a breath. “Good to know. I think everything else is fixable. What did you do?”
“Accused her of being unfaithful because I was jealous. Turned my back on her when she needed me most.”
“I agree with you. You definitely behaved like an idiot. Have you apologized to her?”
“She left town and blocked my calls. I can’t reach her.”
Coach Romero leaned back in his chair and stroked his chin. “Do you know where she went?”
“Back home. Her stepfather had a stroke. He’s in the hospital. Her best friend, Peyton won’t tell me anything more. Elle won’t speak to me right now, and there’s not much I can do about it from here.” Maverick’s chest tightened.
It all made sense once Peyton gave him an ass kicking. Peaches looked devastated the day he’d stormed in her apartment. She’d just found out about Winston, and she’d needed to lean on him. But he’d been so caught up in seeing Edward in the lobby, he’d come in with guns blazing.
“Come on, Maverick. People have been messing up long before cell phones were invented. Just because you can’t call her doesn’t mean you can’t apologize.”
“And how do you suggest I apologize? I can’t fly across the country in the middle of the season,” Maverick said.
“Agreed.”
“Okay? Then what are you suggesting?”
“Well, what do you do when you can’t get the ball down the field. Or you’ve been sacked, and you can’t seem to get away from the other team’s defense?”
“I get pissed and make sure it doesn’t happen again. And this helps me, how?” Maverick didn’t hide his frustration. This conversation wasn’t helping, which was exactly why he didn’t like to talk about it.
Coach raised a brow and shook his head. “You get mad? Being mad gets the ball down the field? Being mad buys you time before a four-hundred pound man takes you down? Think, Maverick. You aren’t one of the best players in the League because you get mad all the time.”
He leaned back in his chair and thought about those moments in recent games. He wasn’t sure how this had anything to do with what they were talking about, but he’d play along.
“Well, I get pissed, and then I come up with a new plan.”
Coach’s fists hit the desk, causing Maverick to jump in his seat.
“Bingo. You come up with a new plan. You don’t get sacked and stay down. You fight. You figure out a way to make it happen. Relationships are no different. It’s called the game of life. You can sit on the sidelines or get your ass in the game. You don’t strike me as a guy who likes to sit the bench. And right now, you’ve been sacked.”
This piqued his curiosity. “Do you have any new plays in mind?”
Coach chuckled. “If you can’t reach her by phone, and you can’t fly there—think of something else. Come up with a new plan. You’re a smart guy—figure it out. On top of apologizing, you best show her how sorry you are for acting like a fool. And make sure you don’t do it again.”
“Okay. Maybe you’re onto something.”
“You’re not a guy that gives up easy, or you wouldn’t be the quarterback for the San Francisco Miners, would you? How important is she to you?”
“She’s the most important person in my life.”
“Well, then, start acting like it. Stop sulking and fix it,” Coach said.
****
“Tell me why you think you behaved the way you did.” Dr. Sparrow said.
He’d been there for forty-five minutes, and this wasn’t his first visit. He’d come three times in the last week and a half. She really took her time getting down to business. Dr. Sparrow was in her late thirties, tall and lean, dressed in a navy pantsuit. Her dark hair was pulled in a bun and red reading glasses hung from her neck—exactly what he pictured a shrink to look like. She didn’t appreciate the word shrink, and she told him so on the first day. Dr. Sparrow didn’t mince words.
“If I knew the answer to your question, I probably wouldn’t be shelling out the big bucks to see you, now would I?”
She gave him half a smile and studied him. He noticed this each time he came to see her, and she continued to do it today.
“Do you always make jokes when you’re uncomfortable?” she said, her head cocked to the side.
“Why do you think I’m uncomfortable?”
“You’re deflecting. Let’s stick with my original question. Why did you accuse the woman you love of being unfaithful, when you’ve repeatedly told me you trust her explicitly?”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. Damn, he hated this. Hated thinking about why his life was so fucked up. “The hell if I know.”
“Listen, if you don’t want to be here, no one is forcing you. But if you want to figure out why you pushed away the only woman you’ve ever loved, and why you wake terrorized from something in your past, then you are going to have to take this seriously. Or it’s a waste of our time.”
“I want to figure it the hell out. I think I accused Elle of being unfaithful because Count Asshat got under my skin.”
“The ex-boyfriend you spoke to in the lobby? Does he have an actual name?”
“Come on, Doc. I’m meeting you halfway, can’t you give me this one?” He leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out, crossing one ankle over the other.
“Fair enough. When Count—Asshat,” she gave him one simple nod, “when he gets under your skin, what do you feel?”
“It feels like…he’s trying to take what’s most important to me. It feels like a threat.”
“All right, good. What is he threatening to take from you? Elle?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think she wants to be with him?”
“No. She can’t stand the guy.”
“Then how could he take her away? Do you think he’d physically take her? Against her will?”
He thought about the ridiculous question and rolled his eyes. “No. I don’t think he’s going to kidnap her.”
“Then how could he take her away?”
“I don’t know. I know he wants to. And for a minute I guess I believed it was possible.”
“
You think she was dishonest with you?”
“No. She’s one of the most honest people I know. She doesn’t have a dishonest bone in her body.”
“So—then I’ll ask you again. How could he take away someone who doesn’t want to go?” Dr. Sparrow said.
He leaned forward and scrubbed his face with his hand. “Jesus. This is going nowhere. I don’t know.”
“Don’t get frustrated, Maverick. This is how we get to the root of the problem. I’m sure you experience frustrations when you’re playing football, but you don’t just give up because it’s not working, do you?”
For fuck’s sake. Did everyone have to throw football in his face every time he got frustrated?
“No. Maybe for a second I thought I’d been wrong about her. That maybe she was blindsiding me. It can happen when you love someone, and I love her so damn much. It doesn’t make sense, but it’s how I felt in the moment.”
“Good. It’s an honest answer. Has Elle given you any reason to think she isn’t who she said she is?”
“Never.”
“When was the last time someone blindsided you?” Dr. Sparrow pressed.
“I don’t get blindsided.”
“Interesting.”
“Why is it interesting?” he said, irritation coursing his veins.
“Because you thought it. About the woman you love. The woman who you say doesn’t have a dishonest bone in her body. The woman you claim to love more than you’ve ever loved anyone. No one has ever blindsided you, yet you doubted the most important person in your life?”
He was fucking agitated. And Dr. Sparrow remained completely calm. It was as if he was watching this whole conversation go down from an outside seat. Something in him always shut down when he discussed his biological mother. And he knew this conversation was going there.
“I didn’t say no one ever blindsided me. I said I don’t get blindsided now,” he hissed. Surprised by his own anger.
“Does talking about this bother you?”
“Yes. I prefer not to talk about it.”
“And how’s that been working for you?”