by C. J. Miller
She had agreed to meeting Casimir and she was happy he was here, at her beach house. Though they were not lovers, this had the makings of a secret rendezvous. She shivered at the thought. “Let me get dressed.” It wasn’t as if she had been sleeping anyway.
“You don’t need to change. You look good to me,” Casimir said.
Her legs were bare and her nipples were pebbled against the cotton of her tank top and robe. It was hard to believe he was actually here. “Want to come inside? I can show you where I paint.”
He shook his head and set his guitar on the porch, leaning it against her wooden chair. “No, we’ll save my first painting lesson for another day. Being in the princess’s house without a chaperone could be trouble.”
“My guards can be trusted,” she said.
“Perhaps I do not trust myself,” Casimir said. “Let’s go for a walk. You said you loved the sea.”
They started down the stairs and her bare feet sank into the cool sand. Her guard followed at a distance. As they walked along the water’s edge, Casimir didn’t touch her, didn’t hold her hand. His hands were tucked into his pockets in a boyishly charming manner. He had changed out of his suit and was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a navy T-shirt. She could make out the muscles of his shoulders, arms and chest. She suppressed the urge to run her fingers down the hard planes of his body.
“I’m glad you came to see me tonight,” she said.
“I’m sorry if I woke you.”
“I wasn’t sleeping.”
Concern dotted his face. “I imagine you’ve had a hard time sleeping since that night.”
He bent to pick something up.
“I miss them. I go over the sequence of events and try to think if there was more I could have done. I try to remember the last thing I said to each of them. I don’t even understand why it happened.” Who had wanted her family dead? Why that night? The questions yielded no answers, only more frustrating questions.
Grief made her throat tight and she went still, closing her eyes and gathering her strength.
“You don’t have to be strong in front of me. Cry if you need to. I’ll be strong enough for the both of us. For you.”
A great heaving sob shuddered over her.
“I want to hold you. Let me hold you. Is that okay?”
She answered by stepping into his arms.
Casimir gathered her against him, his powerful arms clutching her to his muscular frame.
He held her while she cried. The water lapped over her feet at uneven intervals, the cool sensation soothing the burn of grief. The wind blew and the quiet of the night made her feel as if she and Casimir were hidden from the rest of the world.
When the tears stopped, only deep unrelenting sadness remained, heavy in her heart. Taking a deep breath, she rested her head on his chest. “A queen shouldn’t cry.”
“Where did you hear that? That’s nonsense.”
“My country needs me to be strong.”
“Crying and showing emotion doesn’t make you weak. It takes real strength to open up about how you’re feeling,” he said.
She broke away and sat on the sand. He sat next to her. He had his elbows propped on his bent knees. “You can say anything to me, Serena. I won’t sell you out.”
“I hardly know you,” she said. Yet she trusted him more than a princess should.
“When two people have been through something like we have, there’s a bond. It’s hard to ignore that connection. You can trust it. If you listen to your instincts, you’ll know I’m right.”
Then he had felt it, too. She would be careful what she said to him, knowing a woman in her position should be, but she had someone to talk to and that was what she needed most. “I was humiliated tonight. The king never showed and he never called.”
“It was a jerk move,” Casimir said.
Then she wasn’t the only one who thought so. “Why plan a party and invite me if he had no intention of coming?”
“I am not sure that he had no intention.”
“He could have called. Texted. Had someone else call or text.”
“That’s true.”
“I didn’t want to see him tonight.”
“Then why were you at the palace?” Casimir asked.
A complicated situation made more complicated by the day. “I don’t know how much you follow politics, but my country needs me to marry the king.”
“Why?”
“We’re in a difficult location being between two lifelong enemies. If Icarus decides to take a shot at Rizari, we’re in the way. Therefore, Icarus may want to use us or invade to have easier access to Rizari.”
“The president of Icarus told you this?”
She had yet to have a reasonable conversation with the president on the matter. “No, but Danae was planning to marry King Warrington to form a strong alliance with Rizari. Rizari’s military presence can prevent Icarus from seeing us as an easy mark and attacking. The Assembly believes it’s inevitable for Icarus to make a play for more power and more land.”
“I see,” Casimir said. He didn’t seem eager to share his thoughts on the matter.
“What would you do?” Serena asked.
“That’s not for me to say.”
She wanted to know. “I asked your opinion.”
Casimir glanced at her, amusement on his face. “Is that a royal request?”
“It is,” she said with a smile.
“I would hate to belong to someone in marriage who I could not tolerate as a person and who did not respect me.”
“I belong to no one,” she said. Yet even the denial was a lie and she knew it. From the weaker position, she would be forced to agree to Warrington’s terms. He would own her.
Serena watched the endless waves and thought about running away, just getting in a boat and sailing off. “I was never meant to be queen.”
“Life has its own sense of humor. Perhaps you never believed you would be, but you have what it takes.”
She scoffed. “If you knew me better, you would not say that.” He didn’t know about her social anxiety, the complete lack of experience and the fact that she had zero desire to be the figurehead of a nation.
“What I know tells me you are strong, faithful and loyal. What better qualities to have in a queen?” He handed her a piece of green sea glass.
She held it up in the moonlight.
“A broken shard of glass, someone’s trash. It’s been tumbled by the water and smashed by the rocks and the sand until it’s beautiful and shiny.”
“What it’s gone through is what makes it beautiful,” Serena said. She held the sea glass in her palm.
Casimir had the soul of a poet, the strength of a fighter and the bravery of an explorer. Everything she had been looking for in one man and had never found. Her heart clamored at her to crawl into his lap. But she couldn’t.
She belonged to another man.
Chapter 3
Serena picked up the small globe from her therapist’s desk. Dr. Albert Shaw had been her therapist for five years and she had seen him more frequently in the past several weeks. He had been helping her with her social anxiety and more recently, with her grief. He asked her prying questions, he was perceptive and she wanted to convince him she was fine and healed, as if that would actually prove she was better.
She had to fight through this period of her life and be strong, not break down into tears and sob about her father and sister—which had happened twice in this office—and remain calm. Immediately after the morning’s session, she would be heading to the Spear’s Point Marina to give a speech for the start of the boat-racing season, locally and affectionately known as Boat Day.
Water and related sports and hobbies were integral to Acacia’s culture. Almost every child she knew—herself included—learned to swim at a young age, learned to captain a water vessel as a teenager and learned to fish somewhere in between.
Serena thrived when she was on the water. She hoped to hang o
n to those feelings while giving her speech and not let the stage fright that plagued her consume her. Stage fright was not a good quality in a queen. She knew it and her father had known it. To a large degree, he had tried to help her through it. Speech tutors and public-speaking lessons hadn’t worked. When she’d turned twenty, he’d given up and switched to helping her avoid the limelight. It was one of the reasons it had been easy for her to stay out of politics.
Serena had instead focused her time and energy on her artwork, a fine hobby for a princess. Serena had crossed a line when she’d asked Iliana to help her sell her work. Yet those sales had meant something to her. She had felt as if she had worth beyond her title and breeding.
Dr. Shaw entered his office, his gait implying he was in no hurry. He had a full beard, a warm smile and rosy cheeks, making him look a little like Santa Claus. But his leisurely movements, advanced age and jovial appearance were misleading. His mind was sharp. He missed nothing and he saw through lies. Serena didn’t bother lying to him. Lying to herself, however, could still be a problem in tough situations.
Serena sat on the same chair she always did during her sessions.
“Have you had an easier time sleeping?” Dr. Shaw asked, taking his seat.
Serena had declined a prescription for sleeping pills, but had agreed to try lavender oil and some calming breathing exercises before bed. She’d tried to cover the dark circles under her eyes with makeup, but Dr. Shaw had a way of seeing through smoke and mirrors.
“A little.”
“What’s helped? What hasn’t helped?”
Though she hadn’t slept long, after Casimir had left her on the porch of her beach house, she had found the deep sleep she’d craved but that had been out of reach. “I found the man who saved my life.” Saying the words made her feel breathless and excited.
Dr. Shaw shifted in his chair, dragging his hand over his beard. “Tell me about that.”
Serena related the situation. She left out how attracted she was to Casimir, how much she wished she could have a relationship with him.
“What did you feel when you had to part ways?” Dr. Shaw asked.
A combination of emotions, sadness and loss, but also hope and excitement. “The same grief I’ve been carrying around, but I felt better.”
“Sounds like he’s a good man to have around.”
That was putting it mildly. He had been helpful to her in every situation they’d been in together. But she had to be realistic about her boundaries and accept her new life and responsibilities and that meant she had to let him go. “He and I can’t have a relationship and we both know that. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Inappropriate to have a friend?”
The way Dr. Shaw posed the question, he had picked up on the fact that Serena was attracted to Casimir. They weren’t simply friends and to pretend so was to lie to herself, to Casimir and to Dr. Shaw. “I’m attracted to him.”
“Grateful for what he has done or attracted to him?”
“Both.”
“What does he feel about you?”
Serena didn’t know. He had been courageous for her, attentive to her and had made her feel desired and wanted. But he hadn’t made any advances toward her. Could he want to be friends? What reason did he have to pursue a friendship with her? “I don’t know. I assume he likes me. He acts like he does. But maybe he’s just using me.” Being a royal hanger-on was a full-time occupation for some.
“Nothing you’ve told me would suggest he is using you, but I would be cautious about requests in the future. When there’s an emotional debt, it can be exploited.”
Serena heard a commotion outside the office. Dr. Shaw rose to his feet. The door banged open and a man in a ski mask entered. He fired his gun at the window and it shattered.
Fear torqued through her. Immediately, the night her father and sister had been killed snapped to mind. Not again. This couldn’t be happening again.
Casimir wasn’t here to save her and she would have to save herself. She leapt to her feet, diving behind the couch.
One of her guards burst into the room, weapon drawn, and fired at the masked man. Two. Three. Four shots.
The man fell to the ground.
Serena climbed to her feet. Her guard rushed to her. She was fine. Rattled, but physically okay.
But Dr. Shaw was not moving. He was lying on the ground, blood pouring from his shoulder. A scream died in Serena’s throat. She peeled off her sweater and hurried to him, pressing it to his wound.
“Help me!” Serena shouted to her guard.
He rushed to her side, taking over trying to stop the doctor’s blood loss, and Serena fumbled for the phone on the doctor’s desk to call for an ambulance.
* * *
Two of her guards had been killed by the masked men who had stormed the therapist’s office. Her security had killed one of the men outside the private office and the other had been gunned down in front of her.
With those images pulsing in her brain, Serena changed her clothes. Iliana was helping her and for that Serena was deeply grateful. She couldn’t think of anything except Dr. Shaw. He was in the ICU at Thorntree General and his fate was in his doctors’ hands. When he was more stable, he would be helicoptered to a larger hospital in Rizari with better equipment.
The media was reporting on the incident as another failed attempt on the princess’s life.
“Serena, are you sure you want to do this?” Iliana asked, sitting next to her and putting her arm around her shoulders. “Because if it’s too much, we can come up with an excuse and you can go home.”
Serena would have critics no matter what she planned today. In the past, she had been blasted for being too shy and too quiet. She had been called slow, although testing proved what she had tried to tell her father and her doctors. Her mind was fine. It was her mouth that didn’t want to work. Even when she tried to say the words that came to mind, they sounded garbled when they left her lips. And worse still, she hated the look on people’s faces after she spoke. They’d look confused or bored. She had a unique talent of making awkward silences fall over a conversation. It was her superpower.
Her sister had known what to say, even in tense situations. Her sister had charmed men into doing what she wanted. But Serena was not her sister.
Serena wouldn’t go down this dark road, especially not now when she was rattled, her emotions in tatters. Her public failings were in the past. She had a new life path and she had to get on board and give it everything she had. Serena took a deep breath. “I want to do this. I want to show whoever is targeting me and my family that I won’t be intimidated by threats and violence.”
Iliana’s eyes were deep pools of worry. “If you’re sure...”
“I am sure.”
The Spear’s Point Marina had been decorated in Acacian colors: red and gold. Flags were posted at the ends of the docks and boats were likewise decorated. Citizens wore red and yellow T-shirts. Bands played patriotic songs. Over five thousand people were expected to attend this year’s Boat Day celebration.
Iliana left Serena alone for a few minutes inside the marina’s private suite. Serena looked out at the water and tried to center herself and her thoughts. She needed to appear strong and in control. While she did not want to look hard and distant, she had to keep her emotions on a short leash.
Iliana returned, looking excited. “The king is here!”
For a brief moment, Serena thought she could mean her father, but Serena then remembered it couldn’t be so. Iliana meant King Warrington.
King Warrington had been scheduled to be part of the day, but had not committed to specifics. Serena’s feelings about him were mixed, at best. They hadn’t spoken since he had stood her up the night before. No calls or text messages with an explanation.
“Are you excited?” Iliana asked.
Serena hadn’t told Iliana about what had happened with King Warrington or about Casimir’s late night visit. She didn’t have time to discus
s the details now.
“Of course,” she said.
Iliana narrowed her eyes. “You sound just the opposite. Did something happen with him last night?”
“Nothing happened and that’s why I’m anxious. He didn’t show up.”
Iliana winced. “That bad? You should have called me. We could have commiserated over glasses of wine.”
“It was late when I arrived home. I didn’t want to bother you.”
“You are never bothering me. You can call me anytime you need to. I’m not saying that as an employee. I’m saying that as a friend.”
Iliana was loyal and steadfast. Serena would be lost without her. “Was the king headed in this direction?” Serena asked.
“I don’t know. I didn’t see him myself. Your uncle told me he was here. Speaking of...”
Her uncle entered the tent. Worry etched his face. He hugged Serena. “Are you okay? I heard about what happened this morning.”
Serena blew out her breath. “I survived.”
“And I am grateful. Do you need anything?”
She considered asking him to give the speech, but she wanted to honor her father and sister’s memories. She wanted her father’s legacy as a good and strong leader to continue with her. “I have the speech written. I’ll be okay.” Her uncle didn’t know the full scope of her public-speaking anxiety. Her family had concealed it even from him.
“That’s my girl,” her uncle said and kissed her cheek.
“Ready?” Iliana asked.
Serena stood on shaky legs, but at least she was standing. Heat flamed up her back. Her chest felt tight and she couldn’t pull enough air into her lungs. This couldn’t happen now. She had four minutes until she was scheduled to speak. A panic attack was unacceptable.
She had practiced her speech a number of times, but she couldn’t recall how it started. Then, somehow, she was standing on the platform overlooking the crowd. Balloons blew in the wind, streamers whipped in the air and every eye was on her.
The head of the Assembly was making his opening comments and introducing her. She stepped forward, scanning the crowd for King Warrington. When she reached the podium, she opened her mouth to speak. Her tongue was impossibly dry. She took the water cup from the hidden ledge inside the podium and drank.