Embittered, Lilith tore up the piece of paper. She wanted to rip it apart into a thousand pieces, but then she realized how childish she was being. Instead, she dropped the two halves of the letter to the floor.
Then she spotted a knife. When she tested how sharp it was, it effortlessly cut through her skin. The voices in her head grew silent, and Lilith smiled. The fact that the voices immediately returned even more vicious than before, didn’t matter. Lilith now knew what she had to do.
Knife in hand, she left the room. She left her cloak behind on the bed, because the night was warm enough to do without. Especially since she was dressed in woollen clothes.
The full moon illuminated the world around her. In the distance, the sea glistened. Lilith stole past the tents and followed the path down the cliff and onto the beach. The waves rolled over the beach peacefully, but Lilith needed something else to calm her down. She took off her boots and trousers and sat down in the surf. The salt water would intensify the pain. That was a good thing, because she deserved it.
Lilith confidently stabbed the knife into her upper leg. The pain immediately calmed her down. As she moved the knife in the direction of her knee, all other feelings were pushed aside, and the abusive voices disappeared along with the warm blood that was flowing out of the gash. Lilith closed her eyes. She drove the knife a little bit deeper into her leg before she pulled it out. A wave washed away the blood. The salt stung the wound.
Taken by surprise, Lilith bit down hard on her lip. She didn’t manage to suppress a moan and that got her angry again. She had no right to give expression to her pain. What she was doing to herself right now was nothing compared to what Chrys had gone through. Fire was infinitely more painful than a sharp knife cutting through flesh. She had experienced that herself.
Lilith started to make a second cut, parallel to the first. She took even more time to make this wound. Teeth clenched, she drew marks into her leg. Right now, the pain was the only thing that was real. That was good.
Ever since the attack on Tewarsum, Lilith punished herself like this. Ever since she had completely shut down her emotions, she often felt like a walking corpse and wondered if she hadn’t actually died when she had slit her wrist. Maybe this was the hell that her master had spoken of. That was why she had started hurting herself: if she could feel the pain, she knew that she was still alive.
Later on, it had become a form of punishment as well. For the things that she had done, and as an act of penance for the people she had killed. But first and foremost to counterbalance the rewards she was given for killing those people. At the same time, she also harmed herself when her master was mad with her, because that meant she hadn’t tried hard enough to keep him satisfied. In truth, she’d had no trouble finding reasons to do it and it had turned into an addiction. This was the only thing she had any control over. If other people were allowed to hurt her, why couldn’t she? But the fact that she did this to herself, gave others the right to hurt her as well. It was the axis that her life revolved around.
“Wait!”
Lilith turned around. A servus had been ready to throw himself on her, but now he was holding back. Kasimirh appeared behind him. In passing, he put his hand on the creature’s shoulder. “Good boy.”
When Kasimirh had reached Lilith, he glanced at her legs. Then he rested his gaze on the knife.
“What’s going on?”
Lilith stared at the red traces on her legs that kept getting washed away by the water, only to return as quickly as they had disappeared. She felt ashamed now that someone had discovered her secret.
“Why are you doing that?”
“I have to do something with the emotions that nobody wants to see,” she answered sharply, getting up.
“So, this helped you to stay strong? I’m sorry that I never knew.” He scrutinized her as he brushed her hair out of her face. A fresh scent – eucalyptus – entered her nose. It was confusing that he smelled the same as the man she was mourning. “What’s your reason for doing this right now?”
Lilith told him what Ferhdessar had done. She was so upset about it that the words just poured out after she had uttered the first syllable.
Kasimirh was livid. “The bastard! He had no right.”
Lilith bowed her head. She had been so wrong about Ferhdessar. How could she have been so blind to what had been so obvious. What had he ever done to win her trust anyway?
Kasimirh’s hand touched her jaw and moved down to her neck. “Where’s your amulet. Has Ferhdessar taken it from you?”
“I gave it to him. That’s what he wanted, wasn’t it?”
Kasimirh pushed her chin up so that he could look into her eyes. He slowly shook his head disapprovingly. Lilith backed away. She was convinced he was going to punish her.
“Fine, I’ll make you a new amulet later. The servus will take you home.”
He indicated that he wanted her to hand over the knife, but Lilith didn’t see that. All she could think about was that everything was going wrong. Now Kasimirh was assuming control over her again.
Ferhdessar had thought it best to leave Lilith alone, so he had found himself an empty tent. Despite his fatigue, he didn’t manage to fall into a deep sleep. When a scream cut through the silence of the night, he immediately jolted upright. Ferhdessar listened motionlessly to the sounds on the other side of the tent. Someone ran by, and a bit farther down men were yelling something at each other.
He jumped up and rushed out of his tent. More soldiers were running by.
“What happened?” he asked someone.
“There’s something going on at the prison.”
When they arrived, it immediately became clear that the servus had escaped. It wasn’t difficult to guess who had helped the creature escape. There was a small burn mark on the foreheads of the two men who had been guarding the cell. Exactly where Kasimirh had touched them with his finger.
“We have to go to the beach!” Ferhdessar yelled.
The servus would surely try to escape via the water, but if he was quick, he might still be able to stop him. Ferhdessar ran as fast as he could. He was clenching a magical fighting stone in his fist.
He held still at the top of the cliff. There were three people standing in the surf. Lilith was one of them. Ferhdessar could tell that Kasimirh was talking to her. A knife glittered in Lilith’s hands.
Do it, Lilith, kill him.
He motioned for the soldiers to calmly walk on. When he was less than ten yards away from Lilith he said, “It’s all right Lilith, you can do it. This is your chance to take revenge.”
She turned around to face him. Doubt was written on her face. As soon as she recognized him, her face turned angry.
“Give me the knife, Lilith,” Kasimirh commanded. “You shouldn’t do this to yourself because of what he did.”
Lilith closed her eyes and toyed around with the knife. She growled something and stamped her feet. Then she turned around and handed the knife to Kasimirh.
Ferhdessar was utterly astonished. “Lilith, what are you doing?”
“She’s mine, Ferhdessar. Take your loss and leave.”
Lilith stood in the surf with her head bowed. Ferhdessar took that as a confirmation of Kasimirh’s words. She hardly even resisted when the servus started dragging her into the sea.
Ferhdessar released the magic that he was still clenching in his fist. Kasimirh, however, was too fast. He caught the attack before it could hit Lilith and he let the energy spin around his hands as he examined it.
“Bring her here,” Kasimirh said to the servus. Then he took a drop of Ferhdessar’s magic. “Hold out your hand.”
After Lilith had obeyed him, he let the drop fall into her hand. She screamed as the drop ate away her flesh. She gave Kasimirh a startled look.
“Yes, Lilith, this is exactly what you think it is,” the prophet whispered. “Ferhdessar wants to kill you. I take it that Yvar ordered him to do so.”
“Is that true?” she asked F
erhdessar.
“You’re an enemy of Merzia.”
Lilith shook her head. “I want…”
“They never trusted you, my child,” Kasimirh interrupted her. “It was useful to have you on their side, but now that you no longer are, they want you out of the way. I’m sorry that I have to tell you this, but I want you to understand.”
Lilith hid her face in her hands. Kasimirh patted her on the shoulder.
“You feel bad, don’t you?” he asked kindly.
Lilith nodded. “You were right, master, when you warned me about the humans. Only now do I understand. That makes me sad.”
The glance that Lilith cast at him made Ferhdessar flinch.
“I can understand that. It’s so unfair what Ferhdessar has done to you. But now it’s over, my child.”
Kasimirh glanced at Ferhdessar before he handed the knife back to Lilith. Her knuckles turned white because she was holding it so tightly. “He’s the one who killed Chrys, Lilith, not you,” Kasimirh whispered.
Ferhdessar fixed his gaze on Lilith before he walked up to her. “Don’t let him talk you around, Lilith. We had a deal. We were going to fight him together. Side by side.”
“Yes, we had a deal,” Lilith screamed. “And you broke it!”
She jumped at him. Ferhdessar threw her off, but Lilith quickly recovered her footing and hurled herself at him again. A fight ensued during which Ferhdessar wasn’t always able to avoid the knife. He tried to kill Lilith with magic, but Kasimirh kept coming to Lilith’s defence.
At long last, Ferhdessar managed to pin Lilith to the ground. She struggled to free herself, but Ferhdessar tightened his grip on her wrists and used his weight to push her body into the mud. She cast furious glances at him. With every wave that washed over her face, the hatred in her eyes grew.
“Lilith, you have one last chance to turn your back on him. You know that I’ll do anything for Merzia. The only way you’ll be safe is if you join me again.”
Lilith shook her head.
“I’m offering her the same. I’ve protected her her entire life. Lilith knows this.” Kasimirh pushed Ferhdessar off Lilith with a simple wave of his hand and pulled her up. “I need to take care of him, sweetheart, but I’ll see you soon.”
He bent forwards and planted a kiss on her cheek. Lilith responded by pressing her lips against his jaw. Then Kasimirh addressed the servus, “Take her to the place that we agreed upon. I’ll come after you once I’m done here.”
Ferhdessar made another attempt to stop Lilith, but Kasimirh defended her again.
When Lilith was out of earshot, Kasimirh said to Ferhdessar, “You’re a fool. Lilith hadn’t returned to me. I came here to abduct her and I most likely would have needed to resort to violence to force her to come with me if you hadn’t tried to kill her.” He shook his head contemptuously. “But I’m grateful to you. She’s like a faithful dog now. She’ll obey me, no matter what I ask of her. Jakob apparently wishes me well.” The sorcerer folded his hands and looked up at the sky.
“Attack!” Ferhdessar ordered the soldiers. When they threw themselves at the prophet, however, Kasimirh disappeared into thin air.
Ferhdessar suspiciously searched the beach with his eyes. He had gathered some energy in his fist, just in case Kasimirh turned up somewhere else. Then he heard his voice.
“I’m sorry, Ferhdessar, that I can’t stay longer. It’s a bit too crowded for me and I had planned a different welcome for you. I’ll wait for you in the woods.”
Undecided, Ferhdessar stood in the surf. He understood why the prophet wanted to lure him to another place. Would he be strong enough to escape Kasimirh’s trap? The prophet was very powerful, he had already proven that. Ferhdessar threw off his doubts and started walking.
Today he was given a chance to prove himself. Some sorcerers thought he was inferior because he wasn’t a sorcerer by birth. An incompetent wannabe is what they called him! Just thinking about it already galled him. He had worked so hard to be able to take the test. It hadn’t come easy to him, but he had passed it. For that reason alone, he deserved more credit. I’ll show them what I’m worth. Today he was going to make history. Ferhdessar chuckled. Who had ever thought that a sorcerer with acquired powers would save the world?
He followed the paths through the woods. Suddenly he detected a huge magical force field. Kasimirh was waiting for him behind the tall bushes. A few more steps and Ferhdessar would be beyond the point of no return. He hesitated briefly, but then he walked on.
Kasimirh was sitting in the middle of a clearing. Dishes with burning oil illuminated the trees and the sorcerer. Ferhdessar regarded him closely. Everything about the man’s appearance was grey. His skin and his short-cropped hair were almost the same colour, and his dark robes accentuated the paleness of his skin. Nevertheless, the sorcerer didn’t look unhealthy. His posture was dignified and his eyes sparkled, obsessed by the task that God had given him. Ferhdessar had no idea where he was supposed to know the man from.
Getting up, Kasimirh eyed him inquisitively as well. “You’ve grown tall, Ferhdessar. And you’ve become older. But not so old that you’re becoming forgetful, right?”
Ferhdessar decided to answer by launching a fireball at the prophet. For a second it looked as if it hit its target, but it veered at the last moment. The fireball fluttered about briefly as if it had lost its way and then it was extinguished. Kasimirh didn’t even respond. Ferhdessar attempted another attack, but to no avail.
“Keep it up, Ferhdessar. Waste your energy on useless attacks. This labyrinth makes anything that enters it lose its way.”
Kasimirh made a gesture, causing the stones that he had laid out in the pattern of a maze to light up briefly. The prophet laughed haughtily and launched a fireball. Ferhdessar grasped at his shoulder. His clothes were singed to his skin.
“Except when you know your way in the maze, of course. I can go wherever I want. My attacks will find their mark,” the prophet said triumphantly.
Ferhdessar realized that he was powerless unless he could manoeuvre himself into a fight at arm’s length. He drew his sword and stepped across the outer stone circle. Determined, he walked towards Kasimirh. When he was halfway, he raised his sword. Kasimirh didn’t so much as flinch. He was waiting with his arms folded in front of his chest. Ferhdessar made his final step and brought down his sword. He lost his balance because, unlike what he expect ed, the sword didn’t meet with any resistance.
“Are you even listening to what I’m saying, Ferhdessar?”
The voice came from behind him. Surprised, he turned around. Kasimirh was still standing in the middle of the maze, but Ferhdessar was back at the outer edge.
“Who are you?” Ferhdessar was trying to buy time. How was he going to fight Kasimirh if nothing could reach him?
“So you never really listened to me at all. Ever since we were young I’ve tried to show people the right path. I was already preaching the word of Jakob back then. You must remember that, don’t you?”
Ferhdessar slowly shook his head, but suddenly it started to dawn on him. When the full realization hit him, it felt like a punch in the stomach. He had always thought that he’d never see this man again. Appalled, he looked at the prophet. Kasimirh smiled at him.
Ferhdessar’s memories took him back to the town where Kasimirh and he had grown up. Images flashed before his eyes of the other sorcerer walking through the streets yelling, “I am the messenger of the True God. It’s time for everyone to start following Jakob again, so that we can reach the Golden Era once more. It’s not too late. But if people keep ignoring God’s will, the world will be destroyed. I foresee horrible events, and nobody will be able to escape.”
They had both still been teenagers, and not much later the boy had disappeared. Because his drenched cape had been found on the riverbank, people had assumed that the sorcerer had been drowned. Life went on, and soon nobody ever thought about the young man any more. Ferhdessar had repressed the memory out of shame
.
“I thought you were dead,” Ferhdessar stammered. Why hadn’t he realized this before?
“Brilliant. That was exactly my intention. Back then, I wasn’t strong enough to fulfil Jakob’s assignment yet, so I thought it wise to disappear.”
Kasimirh’s laughter cut through the night when another of his attacks hit its target. Ferhdessar was thrown back and landed against a tree. The air was knocked out of his lungs. Down on all fours, Ferhdessar was fighting to catch his breath. At the same time he racked his brain, trying to come up with a plan, but he doubted if there was anything he could do. His desperation didn’t escape the prophet.
“I know how you’re feeling, Ferhdessar. And you were right all along: it’s wonderful to be on the other side and experience what it’s like to have so much power over somebody else.” His voice oozed with vengeance.
Ferhdessar tried to get up, but he fell back to the ground because Kasimirh launched an energy wave at him.
“I’ve always known that your magical abilities were substandard,” Kasimirh sneered. “But I’m warning you, I’m capable of a lot more than levitation these days. Do you remember that day in the rain?”
Ferhdessar indeed remembered that day. He remembered everything. The streets had been deserted on the day that Kasimirh was referring to. Ferhdessar and a group of his friends had come across the other sorcerer when he was taking shelter from the rain in a doorway.
“You and your flock of sheep,” Kasimirh hissed. “They were just scared of becoming your next victim if they didn’t follow you. I’ve always know that you would make a powerful ally. Unfortunately, we weren’t on the same side.”
Ferhdessar didn’t know how to respond. He’d had a happy childhood, with loving parents and many friends. The only thing that could have ruined everything was the fact that there was another sorcerer in town.
Ferhdessar’s powers had been acquired, but Kasimirh’s powers had manifested themselves all at once at a very early age. In the beginning he hadn’t had much control over his powers, which had led to accidents, making him the object of derision. Ferhdessar had only too gladly taken the lead. He had felt threatened by a second sorcerer in town with the same – or perhaps even more – powers as him. Years later, he had started to regret his actions, but back then he had been young. By teasing and challenging the clumsy sorcerer, he had made the others look up to him. Ferhdessar had enjoyed the feeling of power.
The Lilith Trilogy Box Set Page 29