by Holly Rayner
I rolled my eyes and said, “Please, I know you can afford a hundred more just like it. But, if it’s too cold for you...”
“It’s not too cold for me. I just don’t want to ruin my jacket. Sure, I can buy another one, but I like this one.”
“Sure, I understand. Some people just can’t handle the cold.”
I was beginning to realize how competitive Aaron was after watching him play the midway games earlier. I was egging him on, knowing that if I tested his competitive side, he would do it. He pulled off his coat and lay down next to me. For the next fifteen minutes we made snow angels. He made three until at last one was perfect. When we stood back up, we were both covered in snow. I reached up to brush it off his shirt and before I had time to even react he brought his lips down on mine and we shared the sweetest kiss. It wasn’t the tongue tangling, spit-swapping kind of kiss I was used to men trying. It was closed mouthed and tender, like the kiss of an old soul. It was completely romantic and it made my stomach flutter and my head spin. I may have even felt it in my toes if they weren’t already frozen.
When we finally broke apart I had a hard time getting my breath back. Aaron was looking at me strangely. The animation and excitement that had been on his face while we lay in the snow was gone. It was replaced with a look of confusion or regret. Did he regret kissing me?
“I’m sorry, Robyn,” he said. “I just remembered there’s somewhere I have to be.”
“Oh, right now?” It was quite a coincidence that he only just remembered as we were sharing a kiss.
“Yes, I’m sorry,” he said. “Thank you for the day. I had a really good time.” Then he turned and walked away, leaving me confused and quite a bit hurt. Was he sorry that he had to leave, or sorry that he had kissed me?
I went back into the park that night and caught the man who took pictures of the carriage rides just before he left for the night. I made my purchase and as I walked to my car, I let my mind run back over the day. I’d heard the way he laughed on the ice. It wasn’t a fake laugh or a polite laugh. It was a hearty, robust, from the gut kind of laugh. The kind that says a person is having a great time. I looked down at the Santa Claus in my hand and remembered the way he’d picked me up and swung me around when he’d won it. Aaron had been truly happy then too. I think he had fun… I know he did, but something was standing in the way of him admitting that and going with his feelings. Maybe he hasn’t been in a relationship for a while. From what he said about Christmas with his family… or without them, he didn’t sound like the relationship there was a close one either. Maybe he’d been hurt in the past and had closed himself off from intimacy. Maybe whatever happened to him had happened at Christmas time and that’s why this time of year made him so unhappy.
I was sure that was what it was. He was so successful and so rich that it probably intimidated a lot of people. Some people might think that would give him an advantage in the dating pool, but unless he was looking for someone just as rich as himself, I can imagine how his position would scare a lot of women off. Most men in his position dated actresses or models. They were women with high self-confidence and just as much money. I did have good self-confidence, but I was lacking in the money department. He still didn’t frighten me; even knowing that he was my boss wasn’t intimidating. I’m not sure why, I suppose because I’d been raised not to judge people by the things they had or didn’t have. Should I respect my boss’s authority? Of course. Did that mean I had to cow down to him? Of course not. His businesses and material possessions were only things after all. What really mattered was your heart and soul. I felt his heart today; when he laughed, when he hugged me and most definitely when we kissed. It was a good heart, a romantic one, whether he was ready to admit that or not. Maybe the wall he’d built around it just needed to be chipped away at. I wasn’t ready to give up on him yet. I was willing to do a little chipping and see if I could break through. Besides, my heart already felt a connection to him. I wasn’t going to cheat myself out of the first real feelings I’d had for a man in a long time. I decided that he was definitely worth some time and effort. If nothing came of it, at least I would be able to say that I tried.
CHAPTER NINE
~
AARON
“Aaron?” Doug, my VP of marketing was looking at me strangely. We were sitting in our regular Monday morning meeting and I guess my mind had drifted off topic. I had no idea what he’d just said. “Are you okay?” he asked me. Doug had worked for me for years. He’d never had cause to ask me if I was okay before this.
“I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. I’m sorry, Doug. Can you repeat that?”
He was talking about advertisement for the products we distributed to New Zealand. He’d enlisted a production company to shoot short videos and television ads. It was going to cost a fortune, but start-up always did. I never let cost get in the way of a good business decision. Today, I just didn’t care either way. I let him give his spiel for the second time that morning I suppose, and then I let Hal, my Chief financial officer barter with him about the cost. I’d hardly even processed what he’d said. My mind was definitely elsewhere; a few floors down to be exact. I’d been thinking about Robyn almost constantly since… well, I guess since the day I saw her step off the elevator if I’m being honest with myself. That was what started it all. It was why I’d even been at that auction in the first place. If I had been thinking then, I would have known it was too close to Christmas to get so close to anyone. Then I’d agreed to go to that fair. Against my own better judgment, I’d had a good time… too good.
“Aaron?” This time it was Hal bringing me back to the present.
“Yes?”
“I asked if you would be okay with those figures…”
“Oh, um… what was it, exactly?” I asked.
He repeated them and then said, “Are you sure you’re alright?” Now, everyone at the table was looking at me strangely. I needed to remember that I had a position to uphold here.
“Yes, I’m sure. I apologize to all of you. I don’t mean to waste your time this morning. I have something urgent that I should deal with. I trust your judgment on this Hal, and you too Doug. Go ahead and arrange it for whatever Hal thinks the right budget will be and I’ll sign for it.” I looked at Sheila then; she was taking notes for the agenda. Janice usually did that, but she was busy working on plans for the Christmas party. It was another thing I didn’t want to think about at the moment. “Just transfer whatever else is on the agenda to next Monday, unless it’s urgent. If so, star it and Janice can bring it up with me later in the week.”
“Yes sir,” Sheila said, standing up. The rest of the executives at the table were still looking at me strangely, but they got up from it and before they finally left me completely alone, Hal hung back to speak to me.
“Is this about the meeting with Xiong this evening? Are there problems you’re anticipating?” The meeting was important, crucial actually. Winters needed to branch out into broader markets with the economy the way it was here in the states. We’d gone into Russia and New Zealand so far and dabbled a bit in the U.K., and now we were looking at China. But I didn’t anticipate any problems. I had all my ducks in a row for the meeting. Hal was a worrier though, so I wasn’t surprised that was where his mind had gone.
“No Hal. That meeting should go just as planned. It’s a personal matter. But, I’m fine, really.”
He gave me a nod and the meeting finally disbursed. I could understand why they were all so alarmed by my behavior. It was definitely unlike me to be so absent during a meeting. I was always on point and I was angry with myself over being distracted today. I never let myself get so off track. That reminded me of what Robyn had said about going off track and making new discoveries. I had discovered plenty by staying on track, hadn’t I? I was focused and driven, that was what had led to my success at such a young age. I started this company with very little and now look where we were at.
I was willing and able to put aside
things that other young men held up as priorities, such as attachments to pretty women. I never got attached to women. I had plenty of dates, and plenty of women who wanted to attach themselves to me but I just never let it happen. Robyn was just so different though. I wasn’t used to a woman who was so blatantly enthusiastic about life. Not material things, not money… just life.
She’d wanted to pay for everything that day at the park. That was another thing I wasn’t used to. It wasn’t that I minded paying for things. God knows I have more money than I could spend in a lifetime even if I tried. But, somehow it felt more human to have someone buy you a sandwich or a cup of coffee for a change, especially someone who knew I could afford to buy my own. I didn’t get the feeling that she was trying to attach herself to me either. I got that feeling from a lot of women. I mean… I think she likes me, but not the me that most people want to be attached to, Aaron Winters, CEO, the guy with the power and the money. She liked the Aaron on his ass on the ice, and the one who felt compelled to beat a silly twelve year old at a silly midway game. I can’t remember the last time that someone liked that Aaron. Heck, I couldn’t even remember the last time that I was that Aaron. Robyn had brought that out in me, the guy who wasn’t afraid of relinquishing a bit of control and having fun. I think that’s what it was about her that had gotten under my skin.
I’d gotten so caught up in it all that day that I had kissed her. It was an amazing kiss. It was the kind that sent electric currents running down your spine and into your toes. I wanted nothing more than to deepen that kiss, but instead, I’d run away like a coward and left her standing there alone. I’d probably be lucky if she ever wanted to speak to me again. Someday she was going to see something like whatever it is that she saw in me in another guy. He’d end up with her and I would be right where I am today, rich and lonely. Lately the only time the feeling of loneliness went away was when I was with Robyn.
The kiss was two days ago though and I haven’t seen her or called her. I’ve never been afraid of anything in my life. When my parents died I knew instinctively that I was going to be the only person that I could count on for the rest of my life. I’d learned to do everything from that point on, by myself, and none of it frightened me. It motivated me, in fact. Robyn, and the way that kiss had made me feel frightened me to no end. I’d had plenty of kisses, but none of them hit me in the gut the way that one had. The fact that it frightened me made me angry with myself.
I sat at that desk in the empty conference room staring at the walls wondering if I should call her. Should I just go down there and talk to her? I’d love to see her. Her energy alone infects me. I hadn’t realized until the moment I’d become infected by it that something was missing in my life. I thought I had everything I wanted or needed. The rest of it was just extraneous and usually required more time and attention than I had or wanted to spare, and if it did I’d always just walked away and left it behind me. Perhaps I should stay up here in my ivory tower and let whatever it is that I feel for her and she feels for me fade away. Surely if I just stay away from her now, the feelings will eventually fade. It wasn’t like I was in love with her…
ROBYN
I tried not to, but since Saturday night I hadn’t been able to think about anything except Aaron and that kiss. I kept hoping that he would call me, or send me a text or an email or something, but to no avail. I had taken Christmas cookies that I made on Sunday in to my co-workers and I’d even thought about taking some up to him. I was worried about getting the rumor mill started, I didn’t want to make being friends with me difficult, he seemed to be having a hard enough time with that already. I hoped that’s what we were becoming… friends. It had definitely felt like more than that when he kissed me, but then he’d taken off and I didn’t know if that was because he felt regret, or panic. It hurt either way.
I thought about him saying that he had a big meeting later today with some men that were coming in from China. I probably shouldn’t expect to hear from him after that. I’m no executive, but I can imagine a thing like that would be pretty stressful. I know from the cues Max has been giving me about the marketing for it on our end that it was a huge proposition Aaron was setting forth to them.
“Robyn?” I looked up to see Gary at my desk. He had that look of reverence in his eyes that was always there when he looked at me.
“Hi Gary, what can I do for you?”
“Nothing,” he said. “I just wanted to thank you for the cookies. My Monday was kind of crappy and then I saw them in the break room with your little Christmas note. Actually, I smelled them first. You could use them as potpourri. I’m sure they don’t last long enough for that though. They were delicious. That was really nice of you. Thank you.”
I smiled. Poor Gary was really a nice guy. It was too bad that I wasn’t attracted to him at all. “You’re welcome. That was what I was hoping to do, brighten everyone’s Monday. I love to bake. It’s cathartic for me.” I wasn’t going to tell Gary, but baking all day Sunday was how I’d lifted my own spirits after what happened on Saturday.
“It worked. You’re amazing,” he said. He gave me that look again, the one that said he was infatuated, and the one that made me uncomfortable. I don’t know why I couldn’t just fall for a guy like Gary who was so easy going. It must be because I liked a challenge so much.
“I appreciate you stopping in, Gary. Was there anything else you needed?” I asked, trying to hurry him along. The way he looked at me made me feel guilty some times for not reciprocating.
“No, that was it,” he said. Then he thanked me again and went back to his own office. His visit made me feel good, in spite of the slightly uncomfortable part there at the end. I was glad to know that I’d lifted someone’s spirits. It gave me an idea. I could sneak up to the tenth floor while Aaron was in his meeting and leave a plate of them for him with a note. He’d said the meeting was late afternoon, so when I get off he should still be in the meeting. Maybe it would ease his stress after the meeting. At the very least, it would let him know that I’m thinking about him. I hoped that would be a good thing.
I went to go and grab some cookies out of the break room; I had brought several dozen, but I knew from experience they would all be gone soon. Just as I got to the open office door, the phone rang. I went back and answered it, it was my friend Melissa.
“Hey Robyn! I’m sorry to call you at work, but I wanted to catch you this afternoon. I’m making reservations for our annual dinner on Thursday. I’m getting a head count. Are you bringing a date?”
“N---Actually, yes…I think I am,” I said, suddenly getting another idea.
“Great! I’ll make yours for two. I’m looking forward to seeing you, girl! It’s been what… since Halloween?”
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I took this manager position and I work more instead of less. How is that possible?”
Melissa laughed, “I know what you mean. I worked sixty hours last week. We need to stop this or we’ll turn into some stuffed shirt CEO’s someday.” That made me think of Aaron again. I wondered what my friend would think of my… whatever this was I was feeling for him.
“Never!” I told her, jokingly.
“I’ll see you on Thursday and then we’ll make a standing date for once a month after that, work or no. You’ll have to dish to me about your date too.”
“Sounds great, thanks Melissa,” I told her. I hung up with a smile and a warm glow inside. I’d known Melissa since I was in high school. She’d come to my town to live with her aunt and uncle while her parents were in Europe and she’d loved the school and the people so much that she talked her parents into letting her finish school there. She was originally from New York and I’d come to New York with her for school after graduation. We roomed together for the first two years and then I’d gotten my own place. We talked on the phone often, but she was right, it had come down to seeing each other only on holidays. I was ready to rectify that. I needed my friends in my life. Maybe by the time we had our “standing
date” I’d have something to “dish” about.
I went to the break room after that and was happy to find that there were enough cookies left for me to take several for Aaron and not wipe them completely out. There were a couple of notes next to mine from my co-workers thanking me too. That made me smile. I filled a little festive plastic plate with the cookies and took them back to my office. Then, I wrote a note:
Aaron,