by Snow Novels
“Look at all of these people,” Charlotte chattered next to me, eyes roving the room as she sipped away at a glass of champagne. “I’ve really missed everyone! Especially Anna! We hadn’t talked in forever, honestly, I was surprised when she responded and agreed to come. I mean,” she continued, taking a gulp, “I kind of knew she would, we’ve been friends for so long, but still, I was a bit worried.”
The mention of Anna made my heart speed up and my chest tighten in an uncomfortable way. “How is she?” I ask, trying to play it cool and not betray just how genuinely interested I was.
Charlotte shrugged. “She looks good, same old Anna and everything from what I could tell.”
“Is she working in town? Where’s she living?”
My sister cast me a sideways glance, somewhat suspicious of my sudden interest, but she seemed to shake it off. “You know, I’m not sure. She was very mysterious and all that when it came to talking about herself. I have no idea what she’s been up to really.”
“Oh,” I said, not really knowing what else I could have said.
I’d come back to town for two reasons. The first, of course, being my baby sister’s wedding, but the underlying force was a desire to see Anna and finally confront her about what happened between us before I left. I had tried to keep in touch but she had prevented that and, from what Charlotte had said, I hadn’t been the only one Anna had cut out of her life.
My eyes scanned the room, but there was still no sign of the girl who so easily managed to take my breath away. I took another drink of water, trying not to show how crestfallen I felt. Charlotte might not have known where Anna lived, which put a bit of a difficult spin on things, but it was a small town. One way or another, I was going to see Anna.
Chapter 5
“She’s right out here—”
I look up from my place on the bench, glancing back towards the restaurant’s side door where Mandy is motioning towards me, talking with someone behind her.
I crane my neck, wondering who would have come to work looking for me and why Mandy would lead them out here on my break. I had thirty minutes left, and I was determined to get in a small nap; I’d been on my feet all morning.
As soon as the person behind her stepped outside and out of the shadows, I froze. What I first noticed was the shock of bright blonde hair that mirrored my daughter’s. It had been longer a few years ago, but now it was cut in a much more professional-looking manner to fall just above his ears. His hulking figure with his bulging muscles rippling just underneath the thin material of his shirt was painfully familiar, and the small half-smile he gave me was almost heartbreaking. It was Chris.
“I’ll just leave you two alone then,” Mandy said when neither of us spoke, retreating back inside and shutting the door behind her with a dull thud.
“Hey,” he said after a moment, looking up at me with soft blue eyes.
“Hi,” I said, baffled by his presence and more than a little nervous.
He approached me slowly, as though he thought I might suddenly bolt, before gingerly taking a seat across from me at the small table. Only as he slid one across to me, did I notice he had been holding two cups of coffee.
“I hope you still like it this way: four sugars, two creams, right?”
I nodded, stunned that he would remember such a simple thing, and held the cup carefully in my hands.
“What are you doing here?” I finally blurted out. “How did you find me?”
“It’s a small town,” he shrugged. “I asked around and found out that you were still working here. What are you still doing here?” he asked, genuinely curious.
My eyes drop down to rest on my coffee and I take a slow sip, thinking over my words. “The music thing didn’t exactly work out for me and I missed my hometown, so here I am.”
“Here you are,” Chris said, eyes raking over my face in a way that made me flush. “How have you been?”
I smiled softly, thinking of my crazy life with my shit job and my beautiful daughter who I loved more than anything. "I'm doing alright; how about you? How's the limelight and the fans and finally getting out of this place?"
He laughed, his warm voice like honey. “I’m doing well, but it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. It’s a lot of pressure, a lot of expectations, and a lot of chaos. It’s overwhelming, which is why it’s good to take a break from everything and come back home. The company’s a lot better too,” he said, looking at me meaningfully.
I blush, taking another drink of my coffee. He was just as flirtatious as always, and still had that uncanny ability to make my stomach do little flips at a moment’s notice.
It was unnerving, how easily we slipped back into comfortable conversation, discussing anything and everything under the sun in rapid-fire succession as if there were too many words to say and our lips were just too slow to say them.
Just like high school, he was a pro at flirtation, dropping in a compliment or a subtle hint every few moments that put me on high alert. It was astonishing, really, that such a big shot star like him would still be interested in a small town nobody like me.
I mean, I had certainly heard stories. He was a local hero. Town gossip about the models he hung out with every weekend, the revolving door of hot girls traipsing in and out of his bedroom, and the lavish parties and swanky clubs he attended on a regular basis. That didn’t sound like the guy I used to know.
In high school Chris had been so sweet, he would make me feel like a queen, and right now, drinking coffee with him behind the restaurant and talking so easily with him, it felt like things hadn’t changed at all. But we had spent so much time apart. While I had been home raising our daughter, he had been out and about making a name for himself, partying and being with who-knows-how-many gorgeous women.
“I’ve got to go,” I said reluctantly, my mind mulling over everything as I realized that I had already spent five minutes over my break.
“Okay; can I see you later?” Chris asked, jumping up after me as I made my way to the door.
I stared at him, seeing the same guy who I had fallen for only a few years ago but simultaneously recognizing that people could change, and fame, in particular, could change them.
“We’ll see,” I said after a moment, offering a small smile before I went back inside, closing the door behind me.
Chapter 6
I checked my watch, noting that it had been ten minutes since Anna said she got off work at her second job at the local coffee shop. I had finally convinced her to see me again and now I was worried that she had decided to bail.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” I heard her voice say. She was out of breath as she ran over toward me, holding two cups of coffee in her hands. She handed me one.
“Thanks,” I grin, giving her a once-over. She was certainly a sight to see. Even with her strawberry blonde hair in a disheveled bun and only in a pair of dark jeans and white shirt, she was still breathtaking.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve got so much to do that I really can’t talk for long,” she says as we begin walking away from the shop.
A pang of disappointment hits me but I manage to stomp it down. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine,” she said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear while taking a sip of coffee, “I’ve just got a lot on my plate right now, and with the wedding coming up and seeing everyone again, it just seems like a lot.”
I nod, not sure what to say. “Well, I hope it’s not all bad seeing people, especially me.”
She offers me a small smile, shaking her head. “I’ll admit, I had been worried that fame had changed you and you’d come back to us as some kind of pretentious asshole, but you’re still pretty down to earth.”
I grin. “Thanks, I think that’s one of the biggest compliments I’ve been paid since I got here.”
“Well it’s a genuine one,” she grins.
After that, the conversation is oddly stunted. Every open-ended question I ask her is met with short, cl
ipped responses and she would no longer look me in the eyes.
It was odd, how one minute everything seemed great and the next like she wanted to be anywhere but next to me. Perhaps she had caught on to how much I still cared for her, and was now trying to send out strong signals to make it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me in that way. I purse my lips; of course, I’d been such a fool.
“I really should get going,” she says after a while, coming to a stop. I look around, pulled out of my pessimistic thoughts as I realize that we’re currently at a bus station.
“You’re going to take the bus home?”
She looked at me, puzzled. “Yeah, why?”
I shook my head. “No way, no friend of mine is going to sit and wait for the bus while I’ve got a perfectly good car right around the corner and nothing to do.”
She looked hesitant, clearly reluctant to come with me. It broke my heart.
“It’s just a lift home, come on,” I say, already taking a few steps away and gesturing for her to follow.
After one more moment of deliberation, she finally gives in, flashing me a bemused smile as she walks over to me to head back to my car.
The ride to her place was pretty quiet, other than her giving me the occasional notice to turn at the next light. In a matter of minutes, we were parked in front of a nondescript brick apartment building.
“Well, this is me,” she said, still not meeting my gaze.
“Do you want me to walk you up?”
“No, no that’s fine,” she said, voice sounding shaky. “Look, Chris,” she begins, and I brace for impact. “You asked me why I’m here and, the truth is, I never went to the music conservatory. I just didn’t have it in me, and so I’ve been stuck here like a loser for the last four years.”
“Anna—”
“Thanks for the ride,” she said abruptly, taking off her seatbelt and all but jumping out of the car and slamming the door behind her.
I sat there, staring as she ran up the stairs and in through the doors, disappearing from view.
Chapter 7
Part of my duty as maid of honor was catering to whatever the bride needed, and at the moment, she needed to unload on someone about all the pressure she was feeling, and right now, that someone was me. It was easy, falling back into our old routine. I sat there as she talked about what everyone in Randy's family thought of her and what her family thought of Randy and how they were basically a modern day Romeo and Juliet without all of the Shakespearian melodrama, youth and lack of common sense.
Eventually, she ran out of steam and instead of ranting, we collapsed back into easy conversation. We had missed so much in each other’s lives over the last four years and now we were filling each other in. Well, within reason. I was still extremely vague in terms of discussing what I had been doing over the last four years, and I wasn’t quite ready to divulge some of the bigger secrets of my life I’d been trying to maintain just yet.
“Hey bro!”
Fuck. I look up as I hear muffled footsteps coming into the carpeted living room, seeing a very uncertain-looking Chris.
“Hey Charlotte, Anna.”
“Come sit,” Charlotte said, patting the space on the couch beside her.
I carefully avoid his eyes, deciding not to influence his decision either way and feel a flicker of panic well up inside me as I see him take a seat out of the corner of my eye.
“What were you two lovely ladies talking about?” Chris asks.
“Just reminiscing about old times, talking about our favorite nights from high school before we all went our own ways. What’s yours?”
Chris glanced at me for a moment, so fleetingly I may have been seeing things, as he thought the question over.
“Honestly, I think the best time I’ve had here was the night before your graduation. The party was great and the company was even better. I don’t think I can remember a time I’ve had that much fun and felt so free.”
“Damn, that’s deep bro. Look at you getting all thoughtful,” Charlotte joked, nudging him in the side.
While Charlotte joked, I felt as though I were going to be sick. That night that he talked about as being his best, was the night we had been together, and the night that would eventually give me Lucy. The memory of that night and all the feelings it had brought with it was almost too much for me.
“Alright well, I’ve got a dress fitting to go to, but I’ll see you at the rehearsal dinner, right?” Charlotte says, looking at me.
“Of course,” I nod, not really processing her words as I stare at Chris.
“And don’t forget,” Charlotte continued, turning to her brother, “you still need a date for the rehearsal dinner. Get on that okay?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Chris said, waving her off. “Go try on your dress and get out of my hair,” he said, swatting at her side as she laughed and ran out the door, shouting out a goodbye behind her.
I almost wanted to call her back, wishing not to be left alone with him. I didn’t know how I was feeling, but being left alone with him would only make me feel the turbulent emotions more. The night before I’d come to the realization that the truth was that I was falling for him, again. And I had no idea what to do with that knowledge.
“So, speaking of the rehearsal dinner,” Chris began, jarring me out of my thoughts, “I’m going, and you’re going, and it’d be great if we could go together, don’t you think?”
I blinked at him, uncomprehending. “What?”
He laughed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as he said, “I’m asking you out on a date here, albeit a pretty boring date. But don’t leave me hanging here, will you come with me?”
His smile was shy and his eyes earnest as he looked at me, waiting for my answer. I bit my lip, knowing that the next words out of my mouth would likely put me in a world of trouble.
“I’d love to.”
Chapter 8
The alcohol was definitely beginning to kick in. I had agreed to go to the local bar with some of my friends from high school and somehow had lost three rounds of beer pong in a row, not to mention taken my fair share of welcome shots.
Now, I stood shakily next to the bar, trying to think of a way to get out of a conversation with the group of chattering fan-girls around me without coming across as a complete asshole. This was not my scene and hadn't been for quite a while. I was done with partying and people wanting something from me everywhere I turned. And, now that I'd come back home, it seemed that everyone was trying to get me back into that lifestyle when all I wanted was to escape. Well, everyone but Anna. Speaking of Anna . . .
“Sorry ladies, but I’ve just remembered that I’ve got a very important meeting to attend,” I said, absurdly proud of myself that I managed to slur only half of my words.
I ignored their words of disgruntlement and cries for me to come back as I staggered out of the bar, waving a haphazard goodbye to my friends who had moved on to trying to get some company to head back home with, and walked out into the crisp night air.
I didn’t know where I was going as I walked away, tripping over my own feet a few times as I made my way through the familiar streets of my hometown.
I don't know how long I walked, but eventually, I came to a stop, something telling me that I'd finally reached my intended destination. Looking up, I realized that I'd come to Anna's apartment where I had dropped her off the day before.
“Anna!” I yell, not sure which apartment belongs to her. “Anna!” I yell again, not caring who heard. “Anna, it’s Chris!”
A few lights turned on in windows and several people pulled curtains pulled back to cast me angry glances or yell at me to shut up before disappearing back into their apartments. I didn’t care.
“Anna!”
“What the hell are you doing here?” Anna hissed, leaning out of an open window three stories above me.
"I came to see you!" I say, my voice an exaggerated whisper in my drunken state.
“It’s the middle of
the night!” she says, glaring at me. “Go home!”
“I wanted to see you though!” I say again. A genius idea suddenly coming to me.
I stumble over to the fire escape and pull myself up on it.
“Chris, Chris, what are you doing?” she demanded.
I ignore her, focusing on not falling as I get closer and closer to her window.
“Have you lost your damn mind?” she demands, glaring at me as I finally reach her window, leaning in.
“I wanted to talk.”
“I have a child Chris!” she says, making my eyes widen as she gestures inside to a curious little girl in her pajamas, clutching a teddy bear behind her.
A drunken thought comes to me that slips out of my unfiltered mouth before I can stop it. “Is she mine?”
Anna's eyes widen before she quickly shakes her head. "No, she's not. I slept with a few people in high school, you weren't the only one. Don't worry."
A pang of disappointment hits me and I don’t know why. Having a child would be difficult, and it would change my life, but as I looked at the tired little girl with hair very similar to mine and her mom’s eyes, I couldn’t help thinking that the difficulty would be worth it.
Anna sighed, shaking her head at me. “Here, you’re obviously too hammered to go home. Come on in, you can sleep on the couch.”
Too drunk to argue I accept, letting her help me over the windowsill and inside.
Chapter 9
I felt sick, lying in my bed with a cup of tea as I stared at the words of a book that all seemed to blur together. I had tucked Lucy into bed, telling her that a friend was going to spend the night on the couch, and retired to my room for the night. I felt guilty, remembering the look on Chris’ face when I told him that I’d been with lots of people in high school sexually and he wasn’t special. That had been a lie. He was special; he had been the only person I had ever slept with in high school.