by Snow Novels
When I returned to the stable and dismounted, I found the ring was gone. Worried it had fallen into a bed of hay, I began searching. And then, once more, a male voice spoke from behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to know it was Sam.
“Looking for this?”
I knew he had the ring. Looking at him would have been a moot point.
“Give it back,” I said, not bothering to spare him a glance.
“Come get it.”
All my life, I’d wanted to punch a man. Ever since the first suitor had shown up to my chamber door, I had wanted to punch a man. Until now, I had been able to pull myself together. Now, the urge was so great I thought I might explode.
I turned from the mare and glared at Sam. He looked dashing as ever, but the look in his eyes hadn’t improved. He was playing games with me.
“Give me the ring,” I nearly growled, stepping toward him. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Come now,” he said, holding the ring well above my head. “I’m just having a little fun.”
Something in me snapped. I thought I would punch him in the gut, take the ring, and leave – to hell with the consequences. But I didn’t. Instead, before I knew it was happening, I fell to the ground and began to cry.
It was as if everything terrible in my life that led to this moment fell onto me at once. And I wondered, for the first time, what I had done to deserve these things. I wondered, because I was a good person. I was a kind person. And, according to my parents, good people were supposed to be happy in life. Good people were supposed to experience good things.
Except, I wasn’t.
“Hey,” Sam said, his voice lowering to a whisper. He knelt beside me. “Paige, I was just playing with you. Did I hurt you?”
I snatched the ring from his hand.
“Do you know what your father will do to me if he finds out about this? Do you understand what he’ll do to me?”
Something registered in Sam’s eyes, and they clouded over with concern.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “God, Paige, I’m sorry.”
“You should be,” I sniffed. “Sleeping around, hurting good people like Ava - ”
“How do you know about that?”
“I saw you!” I said, shooting him another glare. “I was walking in the garden last night and I saw you. She’s my friend, Sam.”
“She’s your maid.”
I shook my head.
“You’ve obviously never been so alone in your life that you turn to your butlers for friendship.”
I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t see through the tears. I began to fall, but Sam caught me. He held me tightly in his arms.
“Paige,” he said quietly in my ear. “It’s going to be okay.”
Realizing how inappropriate the situation had become, I forced myself into an upright position. Sam followed.
“Nothing is okay.”
And then his lips were on mine.
He pushed me against the stable wall, wrapping his arms around my waist. His kiss was warm and passionate.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathed as he pulled away. “You’re beautiful, and I’m sorry for being terrible to you.”
I stared at him. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to have him – not the way Ava did, but the love making way. The way that actually meant something. And I knew, in my heart, that I couldn’t have it.
“I have to go,” I said, looking at the stable floor.
“Getting ready for the dance?”
“What dance?”
Sam ran his hands through his hair.
“My father announced a ball tonight. You have to accompany him. Nobody told you?”
“I’ve been here since I woke up.”
I wanted to cry all over again.
“I don’t want to go to a ball. I don’t want to be here.”
“I’ll be there,” Sam said with a light smile. “If that means anything.”
“Yeah,” I said, my mind on the Duke. “Yeah, it does.”
I left, praying for a way out.
How would the people treat me? A well-known whore, I doubted the ball would be much more than a party celebrating my “rebirth”.
I considered running. But I stayed strong.
My daughter needed me.
Chapter 5
The ball was every bit as terrible as I expected it to be. The Duke arrived in a carriage with his daughters and Sam to escort me to the ball, which was to be held in a neighboring castle. The ride was deadly silent. I’d been stuffed in a gold, satin gown that exposed my breasts more than I liked. If I was trying to avoid the title of “whore”, I wasn’t doing a very good job.
I doubted the Duke’s daughters wanted to comment on my outfit, as it very much resembled their own. I wondered if he’d been sending me his daughters’ old clothes, but I brushed the thought aside. It didn’t matter where the gowns came from. Each one was worse than the last.
Sam, however, seemed to like my outfit. In fact, he seemed to adore it. Whenever I looked at him for guidance, he was staring below my neckline. I wanted to say something (either that or smack him), but I refrained. I didn’t want the Duke to realize that his son was staring at his betrothed. That would raise questions I didn’t want to answer.
We arrived at the ball, but the Duke wasn’t very good company. He introduced me to a few of his friends – as well as his daughters – then disappeared into the crowd, murmuring amount “business” that needed to be attended to.
Alone at a ball with a country of people who hated my guts, I didn’t know where to turn. Each time I tried to find solace in the stare of a stranger, I found looks of distaste and spite. Even though I was getting married to a man of great repute, their opinions had not changed. Had they only known the truth ... maybe then, they would have helped me, instead of stared at me like an animal in a cage.
I sat at a table in the far corner of the room, which was mostly deserted – minus a drunk and a few lonely women.
“Can I get you something?”
I looked up, tears welling in my eyes, to find Sam. He was looking down at me with a gleam in his eyes. I could hardly believe it – but part of me honestly believed I was looking at a cheerful version of Sam.
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“You’re alone.”
“That’s nothing new.”
“Dance with me.”
“What?”
I stared at him. If he escorted me to the dance floor, everyone would know how I felt about him. It was obvious. I would be stupid to think otherwise.
“Sam, everyone will know.”
“So what?” Sam offered his arm. “I think it would be more shocking to these people if you claimed you were actually in love with my father. Marriage and love are far from the same thing.”
“Still ... ”
“Please,” Sam insisted. “You can’t sit here alone all night.”
Mulling it over, I gave in. I wrapped my arm in his and, soon, he was escorting me to the ballroom floor. His arm was firm and strong. His hand, which rested on my forearm, was soft and warm. I wanted to fall into him, but I knew it would be wrong.
We twirled onto the floor.
“I didn’t realize you knew how to dance,” Sam said, smiling.
“My father taught me,” I said, my face turning red. “We used to dance together in the parlor. He would pretend to be a handsome man at a ball somewhere.”
I trailed off. I didn’t want to finish the story.
“Is that all?”
I shook my head.
“I want to hear the rest.”
I shook my head again.
Sam twirled me around and dipped me, planting a kiss on my nose. I knew people were watching now, curious about the rake and the whore – dancing together at the Duke’s ball.
“It’s just that,” I said, as Sam lifted me back up. “My father always wanted me to marry for love. They made me promise. And, here I am, breaking that promise
.”
Sam nodded and was quiet for a while. We danced together until the music stopped. When it finally did, he whispered a single sentence into my ear.
“Don’t break that promise.”
He took my hand and led me from the ballroom.
Chapter 6
I followed Sam from the ballroom, only to find the Duke in the hallway with a group of men. They seemed to be discussing something of great importance, because they were huddled and talking very quietly. Our entrance made nearly all of them turn around.
“Enjoying the ball?” The Duke asked me, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes, of course,” I said, motioning to Sam. “Sam has taken the liberty of introducing me to several important families. I wondered where you were. I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Missing me already, are you?” The Duke smiled with pride – as if he’d won some kind of bet. “Glad to hear it. I’ll find you later. Have Sam escort you home.”
I nodded. Sam and I went back into the ballroom.
“I know he didn’t mean right now,” I said softly. “But can I ask for that escort as soon as possible?”
“Let’s go,” Sam said, taking my hand once more. This time, he led me back to the carriages. The driver listened to Sam’s instructions, then headed in the direction of the castle.
When we arrived, Sam helped me from the carriage.
“I was wondering if we could talk for a while,” he said, his eyes growing soft.
“I would love to,” I said, though my voice was strung with hesitation. “But I need to change. I think I might faint if I stay in this dress any longer.”
Sam turned me around, unbuttoned my gown rather fiercely (several of the buttons fell to the floor), and ripped my corset down the middle of my back. All at once, I regained the ability to breathe again.
“What about the dress?” I asked, worried the Duke would discover the damage.
“He has a thousand more, just for you,” Sam said, leading me into the castle. “And I have something you can wear for now. If you don’t mind coming into my chamber.”
“How many women have you taken to your chamber this week?”
Sam looked back at me.
“I don’t bring women into my chamber.”
Judging by his expression alone, I believed him. Feeling special (and slightly worried that I was being tricked), I followed.
Sam’s chamber was below mine. I wondered if he’d been able to hear my conversations with Ava and Isabella. That would explain his outburst at dinner, at least. But, to avoid confrontation, I didn’t ask.
His room was grand, with satin bedding and purple curtains. He littered the room with discarded clothing and shoes, notes that were left unanswered, and quills that he didn’t use. If I hadn’t believed that he refrained from bringing women into his chamber before, I certainly believed it now. No self-respecting rake would allow a woman to see him in this state.
“I love it,” I whispered, thinking about my plain chamber above. “I really do.”
“Ignore the mess,” Sam said half-heartedly. “I don’t spend much time here.”
He crossed to an oak dresser, opened a drawer, and removed a large robe for me to wear. Carefully, I removed what remained of my gown. My corset followed. Sam looked at me with a gleam in his eyes – similar to when he’d asked me to dance with him.
“Tell me,” he said, threading his hands into my hair. “Have you ever been in love before?”
My heart leapt to my chest. There were a thousand reasons why I needed to leave but, at that moment, none of them seemed as great as my one reason to stay.
“No,” I said, my eyes looking straight into his. I couldn’t read him. I couldn’t tell if he was playing me or not. I wanted to trust him, but I was afraid. “Do you say this to every girl you sleep with?”
Sam didn’t get angry. He merely shook his head.
“No,” he said, pulling my lips to his. “I’ve never said that to anybody.”
His lips met mine in an explosion of power and feeling. I’d been kissed before. I’d been touched before. But nothing had ever felt like this. Suddenly, I needed to be with him. That overwhelming feeling came again – and, this time, it wasn’t going to pass until my need was satisfied.
“Do you think you could be in love with me?”
For the first time since I’d met him, Sam’s green eyes looked fearful. I realized that he was worried I would reject him. The thought made me want to laugh, but I held the urge back.
“Yes,” I said with a sigh, allowing myself to fall into his arms. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, where he laid me down gently.
“Have you ever made love before?” Sam asked, leaning over me.
“No,” I said. “I’ve never gotten any pleasure from ... I mean ... ”
“We’ll fix that,” he said, removing his own clothing.
He kissed my neck after that, slowly and gently. He allowed his hands to travel down my body. First, he warmed my breasts. Then, he made his way to my hips. I curled into him – wanting (no, needing) his touch. When had reached the inside of my thighs when the moaning began. At first, I didn’t realize I was the one moaning. Then, I was powerless to stop it.
My mind descended into blackness.
Chapter 7
I opened my eyes and very quickly realized I wasn’t in my own chamber. As soon as the realization hit me, I fell out of bed and onto the hard wood floor.
“Are you okay?” Sam asked, sitting up straight. “Paige?”
The world was spinning. I could hardly believe what I’d done. I looked outside. The sun was coming up. It would be morning soon. What if the Duke had come to see me in the night and I wasn’t there? What if he’d sent out a search party? What if he already knew where I was, and would soon be there with a terrible form of punishment? What if he didn’t want to give me Fiona anymore?
“What’s wrong?” Sam was sitting next to me on the floor now. “Paige, talk to me.”
“I can’t believe we did this,” I whispered. “I can’t believe I let this happen.”
There was a knock at the door.
“Yes?” Sam yelled, shooting me a look. I quickly ducked underneath the bed, concealing myself with the comforter than hung to the floor.
The door to the chamber slammed open. I was certain it was the Duke.
I wasn’t wrong.
“Where is she?” The Duke’s voice boomed angrily. “Her maids say she never came back last night. You were the last person to see her. So, where is she?”
“I dropped her off at the front gate,” Sam said with a shrug. “I don’t remember giving you permission to come in here.”
“This is my castle. I’ll come and go where I please.”
“That’s your right, I suppose.”
“When I find her, Samuel, there will be consequences.”
“I’m sure you’ll find her, safe and sound.”
There was a loud grunt and footsteps. The door slammed shut. I began to breathe again.
“What are we going to do?” I asked as Sam reached for my hand. “He’s going to find out.”
“It’s going to be fine,” Sam said, helping me to my feet. “We’ll come up with a story. Don’t worry. I’ve made a career out of lying to my father.”
“That’s not a good thing,” I sighed. “What am I going to do when I marry him?”
Sam’s eyes grew wide.
“You’re still going to marry him?”
I hung my head in shame. Last night, I’d slept with the man of my dreams. Tonight, I was going to sleep with the man of my nightmares. Not because of love – oh, no – but because I had to save my daughter. And, no matter how strong my feelings for Sam had become, that wasn’t going to change.
“I can’t keep seeing you like this,” Sam said, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “I can’t see you with him. You’re supposed to be with me.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t do this,” Sam
explained, taking my hand. “I don’t bring women into my chamber. I don’t curl up and fall asleep with them. I don’t do this. Not now, not ever. And now I’ve gone and fallen in love with my father’s bride-to-be ... why do you have to marry him, Paige? Why can’t you marry me?”
“I need the money,” I said, not altogether untruthfully. “If I don’t get the money, I’ll starve. I don’t have anything, Sam. I don’t have a single penny to my name. When my parents died, the king seized their fortune. Even though, by law of the land, it should have been mine ... he followed my parents’ wishes. They never would have allowed it, had they realized how soon they would die but ... it was already too late. Now, I have no choice but to marry someone like your father, if I want to survive.”
“There has to be another way,” Sam said in frustration. “You can’t marry him for money. You don’t love him. We can’t have a secret relationship behind closed doors forever.”
“You can’t just let me go?”
He stared.
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Sam asked pointedly. “I’m in love with you. I can’t turn that off. I can’t stop. I’m in love with you and I want to spend my life with you. I know that sounds insane. I know we hardly know each other. But something about you makes me want to be a better person, Paige. Is that so wrong?”
I shook my head.
“No,” I whispered. “But I can’t be with you. I have to marry him, Sam. If I don’t, I’ll die. It might not make sense to you, but it’s the truth.”
“I could take care of you.”
“You would be disowned and probably exiled,” I said with a sigh. “Believe me, I’ve considered all of the options. I’ve tried everything. There’s no way out. I have to marry him – even though the thought makes me sick.”
“I’ll kill him before I see you stuck with him for the rest of your life.”
“Don’t say that!” I exclaimed, clapping a hand over his mouth. “What if someone heard you? You could be punished for saying something like that.”