by Rina Kent
“We’re going to Elsa.” Kir clutches Xander’s hand with his free one. “Come with us, please?”
“Sure, Superman.” He musses Kir’s hair.
“Yay! Hear that, Kimmy? Xan is going.”
“No, he’s not.” I lean over to hiss to Xander, “Since when do you go out with us?”
“Since I decided I can.” His shit-eating grin never disappears. “Besides, I’m going to Aiden.”
“Go to him in his damn home.”
“Or I can go to him at Elsa’s since he never leaves her side.” He steps closer and it takes everything in me not to push back. His body heat mingles with mine and I inhale him in, mint and fresh clothes out of the dryer and… Is that a hint of alcohol?
He’s still smiling, but his tone is biting as he murmurs. “And lose the fucking attitude.”
“Can we go in your car, Xan?” Kir jumps, oblivious to the tension brewing between us. “Can we?”
“No.”
“Of course.”
Xander and I speak at the same time. I shoot him a glare. “I have a car, let’s go separately.”
I pull on Kir’s hand, but he refuses to budge. “I want to go in Xan’s car. It’s sooo cool.”
“You little ungrateful brat.” I stare down at him, incredulous. “Whose car drives you to school every day?”
He pouts, blinking up at me with those puppy eyes. “But today, we can go in Xan’s car. Please, Kimmy, please?”
The resident arsehole’s lips tug in a smirk as he watches me fighting the Kirian pleading effect and losing miserably.
Still, there’s no way in hell we’ll go in Xander’s stupid car. I just have to find a way to convince my baby brother of that fact.
As if sensing my intentions, Xander retrieves his keys from his pocket and throws them in Kirian’s direction. The latter clutches them with both hands, staring at them with wild eyes.
“Go ahead.”
“Really?”
At Xander’s nod, Kirian runs towards the dark blue Porsche, trotting and grinning like an idiot. I’d hate to put an end to that joyful expression and I hate that this bastard is the reason behind it.
Maybe if I weren’t such a chicken shit, I would ask Dad for a sports car instead of my safe MINI Cooper.
“You’re a wanker, okay?” I sigh in both frustration and resignation.
Xander kills the space between us until his face is mere inches from mine. His mint breath intertwines with my shaky one as his eyes darken to a bottomless blue colour.
I’m so taken aback, it takes me a moment to realise the proximity.
He hasn’t been this close since that time at the beginning of the year when he cornered me in the garden and told me – or rather, snapped at me – to stop wearing short skirts.
It was the first time he’d gotten close after so many years of tormenting me from afar and blatantly leaving the room whenever I came in as if I had a contagious disease.
He cornered me a few times after and they all had to do with my dress code.
Fuck him. It’s not like he’s my dad.
Like every time he gets close, I can’t control my breathing. I know it’s inhale, exhale.
In. Out.
But sometimes, even those simple steps are the toughest thing to do. For one, I keep breathing him in with every inhale and breathing my confusion out with every shaky exhale.
It’s as if I’m about to vomit my heart, not my food. His lips twitch and I nearly faint, stopping the breathing struggle altogether.
Is he going to kiss me?
Shit. Shit.
“What are you doing?” I hiss, pulling my head away.
“I wasn’t doing anything, but if you keep the attitude, I’ll do things you won’t like.”
My lips part, then I quickly clamp them shut at the thought he might consider that as an invitation.
Damn him and damn me.
“Kimmy! Xan!” Kirian hops in front of the car. “Come on!!”
I raise my hand in a small wave, using the chance to pull out from Xander’s orbit. It’s like a magnet that keeps dragging me in despite my attempts to stay away.
When I chance a glance back at Xander, he’s not intimidating me with his gaze as he was a moment earlier. He’s staring at my hand, my wave, and then his focus slips for a moment.
No, no, no.
I drop my hand to my side and pull down the sleeve of my woollen pullover as I brush past him towards Kir.
He didn’t see.
He couldn’t.
5
Xander
Elsa’s foster sister, Teal, has taken Kirian downstairs. Judging by his sly grin, he’ll probably charm her to get himself another brownie.
I was supposed to go with him or search for Aiden, but I find myself at the door of Elsa’s room, staring through the small opening like a fucking creep.
Hey, don’t judge. Creeps have reasons, too.
Elsa is on her bed, wearing her pyjamas. Her long blonde hair is tied in a ponytail that covers most of her back. Kimberly has a bent leg on the bed as she smiles along with something Elsa’s saying about her stupid soap operas and shit.
She’s been telling Elsa how much she’s missed her and that the school sucks without her. Every time Elsa reaches over to her friend’s hand, Kimberly tactfully pulls it away, keeping it beside her.
I tilt my head to the side as if that will give me an exclusive view of all the inside info. I’m itching to go in there and fucking rip up the sleeve of that pullover to see beneath it.
What the fuck are you hiding?
“Take these.” Elsa picks up some avocado pieces with her fork and gives them to her friend. “Since Dad and Aunt learnt that avocados are good for heart disease, they’ve been stuffing me with them.”
“I’m good.”
“Come on. Try them. They’re wonderful.”
A smile flashes on Kimberly’s lips, which is obviously forced, as she grips the fork with trembling fingers and stuffs the pieces of fruit in her mouth. The way she makes herself chew is like she’s eating a dead insect.
Since the beginning of this year when she returned to school looking slim and hollow, I knew a big chunk of her was missing, aside from her curves.
She’d become this mimicking of a person who bent to others’ views of what they thought she should look like.
The Kimberly I knew wouldn’t have followed others’ instructions about her life. She wouldn’t have looked at herself in the mirror and thought, hey, how about I become someone else?
I might have hated her more than before, I might have watched her through the window and contemplated how to fuck her life over and ruin whatever the hell she was trying to become.
But as I watch her now, and after I saw that shit earlier and heard what Kir said when he was frantic that she was with Jeanine, I’m starting to have a different thought altogether.
Maybe the fake behaviour isn’t her endgame.
When we used to play hide and seek as kids, Kimberly used to put a pillow in her bed and cover it. She said it served as her camouflage, something to hide her actual position.
Is all the fakery a camouflage, too?
She drops the fork, but Elsa urges her to eat more. Kimberly’s skin is pale, so her expression is usually naked for the world to see. She couldn’t hide the flustered emotions if she tried. Her cheeks redden and her ears heat under that mane of hair.
As soon as Elsa goes back to talking, Kimberly uses the chance to push the plate of fruit away as if it’s a contagious disease.
“I’m feeling guilty for leaving you alone,” Elsa says with a slight furrow of her brow. “I can’t wait to abandon this bed and return to school.”
“Me, too.” Kimberly smiles. “But you don’t have to worry about me. Ro and I have been having so much fun.”
I shove my hand in my jeans pocket and make a fist.
“You and Ronan, huh?” Elsa hits her friend’s shoulder jokingly.
“It’s not lik
e that.”
“Then what is it like?”
“I don’t know. Aside from you, he’s the only one who’s taken time to see me.” Her head bows and the green-ish strands camouflage her expression.
“See you?” Elsa asks.
“The real me.” Her head lifts as a grin moves her lips. How can she have so much sadness in a smile? How could she fool me all this time?
“I don’t know about Ronan, but I’ll always have your back, Kim.” Elsa pats her hand in a motherly way. Kimberly must feel the same since she stares at Elsa’s hand as if she’s hit some sort of a jackpot.
“You see me,” Kimberly says with a low edge to her voice.
No, she doesn’t.
No one sees her. No one but me.
“Elsa, I –”
A hand wraps around my shoulder. I jerk backwards, ready to punch whoever interrupted my eavesdropping session.
Aiden.
Fucking arsehole.
He pulls me to a corner near the stairs, still not letting go of my shoulder.
I let him lead me away for no other reason than not to expose my extracurricular activities in front of his girlfriend’s room. His black hair is damp as if he’s been running wet fingers through it. Now that I think about it, when we first came over, Elsa was in the bathroom and –
Okay, I don’t need that image.
“What the fuck were you doing there?” Aiden snaps as soon as we’re out of the girls’ earshot.
“Passing by.”
“Funny, because I think I saw you standing there like a fucking pervert.”
I push away from him. “Elsa wasn’t naked this time.”
“You should thank your lucky stars for that.” He glowers at me. “And stop bringing up the other time before I fucking murder you.”
I lift a shoulder as I lean against the wall and cross my legs at the ankles. The other day when all of us spent the night at his house, I made Aiden believe I saw him at the pool with Elsa.
I didn’t, I spent most of the night outside a certain room. Still, I like using that bit against him to get a rise out of him.
Spoiler alert. I can be a dick.
“Why not?” I raise an eyebrow. “She was my girlfriend first, remember?”
Pretend girlfriend. The reason was to get back at Aiden for comforting Kimberly like a doting arsehole. Let’s just say the relationship lasted for a minute, and Aiden ended it with a fist to my face.
It was the first time he got violent, and I enjoyed every second of it.
“Fuck you, Knight.” He smirks. “You don’t get the privilege to have me beat your arse again. Try again in ten years.”
There went my plan.
“And stop fighting in those shady neighbourhoods. It won’t be long before Nash knows, and if he does, Coach will, too.”
“Aww, I’m touched.” I place a hand on my chest. “Your words just hit me right in the feels, mate.”
He continues staring at me with a blank expression, the way cats watch their stupid owners. At least, that’s how our cat used to watch us when I was a child.
Aiden has an impeccable poker face; it’s impossible to see past it or through it. I’m surprised he can see with it himself. His dark grey eyes are unfeeling and cold. While the girls find him attractive, they usually stay away because of his closed-off attitude and ‘fuck off before I kill you and your family’ aura.
The only person he shows a human side in front of is Elsa. Even that part of him is dark, but she’s also crazy since she kind of accepts the psycho the way he is.
“Fine.” I sigh when he keeps glaring. “I’ll be careful.”
“You know I hate repeating myself. I said to stop it, not to be careful. If Nash focuses on your sorry arse for a fraction of a second, he’ll figure you all out.”
“I didn’t know you loved me so much, King.” I tap my chest again. “My heart is about to explode.”
“You must be so lonely.” He shakes his head. “I’d pity you if I knew how.”
“Fuck you, King.”
“Stay out of trouble. I don’t and won’t be the only striker in the formation.”
Ah. There it is. The actual reason why he’s throwing lovey-dovey shit all around. It’s not that he’s worried about me, it’s that he doesn’t want to be stuck as the only striker.
Pretty sure he’d quit Elites altogether if the situation somehow ended up going in that direction.
I waggle an eyebrow. “Then maybe I should have Nash figure it out, huh?”
“Are you ready to add your father to that mix of people?” He dusts off my hoodie as if there’s something stuck in there. “How is Lewis’s campaign going?”
“Wonderful, thanks for asking,” I say with a grin, even though I want to punch him in the fucking face.
“If you punch, I’ll punch, Knight.” He shakes his head with mock sympathy. “I’d hate to break that nose when you have so many pictures to take for the election campaign.”
He steps back as I fist a hand to my side. I’m definitely going to a fight tonight. Fuck Aiden and Cole, fuck Coach and Dad. Fuck everyone, basically.
Fistfights are the only thing that allow me to blow off steam, and I need to do that so I don’t blow up from pent-up frustration.
Aiden sniffles me like some dog. “Try the icy mint next time.”
“What are you, my mother?”
“You must really be lonely if you want me to be your mother.” He shakes his head with a mocking edge. “I’ll hit you up when I consider adoption.”
“Dick.”
“At least I use mine. Yours is filing a lawsuit for human rights violation.”
“Did I hear something about a lawsuit?” Ronan lunges at Aiden from behind in a bro-hug that the latter tries to escape. Ronan is like an octopus, though – the type that never lets go of their victim.
“Knight’s dick is filing a lawsuit in search of his balls.” Aiden’s expression remains neutral as he says that.
I narrow my eyes on him as Ronan laughs, then stops. “But why are they searching for them? Wait a second, mon ami. Did one of the girls give you something? I told you to wrap it.”
Aiden smirks. “Oh, I’m sure he did.”
“Fuck off, King.”
“What? What happened just now?” Ronan stares between me and Aiden. “You’re hiding something from me again, aren’t you? I swear I’m the one who’ll be filing a lawsuit for neglect at the supreme court of friendship.”
“That doesn’t exist,” I say.
“Friends?” Aiden searches around him. “Who?”
As if someone pushed Ronan’s buttons, he launches into a long monologue about how he’s always left out and that we’re triggering his abandonment issues – the same speech he uses to lure in girls and have them suck his dick to ‘loosen him up’. Girls always fall for the vulnerable act he pulls off so well.
Out of the four of us, Ronan gets the most pussy, but not the best, because he’s like a fucking bus. Anyone is welcome.
Also, he’s fine with sloppy seconds or thirds or even one hundredths.
Told you, he’s a fucking bus.
As he talks, I’m tempted to punch him in that aristocratic nose he’s so proud of, break it and watch blood ooze from it. He wouldn’t be able to defend himself either, because he doesn’t know how to punch, and he hasn’t been in underground fights as I have. Aiden wouldn’t save him either, because he simply doesn’t care.
Two reasons stop me from taking action. One, we’re in Elsa’s father's house, and both Ro and I would be murdered by our fathers for starting shit in Ethan Steel’s house; he’s like a new emperor around here.
Two, and most importantly, if I hit him, the reason behind it will be as clear as day.
No matter what he does, it won’t get to me.
I’ve already formed a thick armour around me and no one will get through it, not even Ronan’s deliberate antagonising and his staged selfies.
And I know they’re staged, bec
ause as much as Ronan acts like a clueless little shit, he’s in fact a fucking fox. Why do you think he pretends to be supportive to girls? It’s his sure way into their knickers.
Still, I hit his side harder than I should.
“Ow!” He clutches it. “What the fuck was that for?”
“To shut you the hell up. What are you doing here anyway?”
“I come to visit Ellie all the time.”
“Elsa,” Aiden grits out.
“Ellie is better, la ferme, King." He watches me up and down. “What are you doing here? I heard you drove my Kimmy.”
Aiden’s focus turns on me as if he’s waiting for me to say something similar to what he’s just said.
That she’s Kimberly, not Kimmy.
And she’s not his and never will be. Not now, not fucking ever.
But I don’t say that. I have no right to fucking say that or anything remotely similar. Besides, Ronan is like a dog searching for a bone, the moment I give him a reaction, he’ll latch on it and chew me out.
Not in this life, arsehole. Fuck you very much in French.
“Too bad that’s none of your business.” I grin.
“Both of you can leave now.” Aiden snaps at the stairs. “Your presence is no longer needed – not that it was in the first place.”
Ronan launches on another argument about how this isn’t Aiden’s place and he can’t kick us out, then he goes on to remind him that he still can be Elsa’s fiancé if he chooses to because of two fathers’ agreements and whatnot.
I’m vaguely listening to them at the beginning until I spot Kimberly’s form retreating down the hall. She didn’t see us, and if she heard us, she doesn’t show it, appearing focused on her task.
She can’t be going for Kir since she has to take these stairs to do that.
Aiden is threatening to break Ronan’s nose, and his dick if need be, and while I’d love to stay and watch that show, my feet lead me away from them.
I leave my friends behind without as much as a word. They don’t even pay me attention as I tiptoe down the hall to where Kimberly disappeared.
The only thing at the end of it is a guest bathroom. The sound of running water comes from inside, but there’s nothing being washed since there’s no interruption of the water flow.