by Rina Kent
That morning, I cried for so long after reading Xan’s text that Dad thought something was wrong with me.
But Xander didn’t stop there. No. He left me a gift in a green box in front of my room. When I opened it, a small silver kitty came out and climbed into my hand.
With the kitty was a note.
I never told you how sorry I am that Luna died. It’s a few years too late, but it’s time to move on and embrace a new life.
P.S. You’re mine.
Xander
I fell to the ground, hugged the kitty, and cried again. I cried so hard that I thought I wouldn’t stop crying or missing him.
I didn’t. Stop missing him, I mean.
Considering the nature of his rehab, he’s not allowed any contact with the outside world except for a weekly call with a family member, as in Lewis.
I always go to his house on that day, lingering outside as a creep until Ahmed opens the door.
While Lewis talks to him on the loudspeaker, I remain completely shut in the background, just listening to the tenor of his voice and boxing it for later when I’m alone and all I think about is him.
Lewis offered me to talk to him, but I shook my head, because if I did, I’d just cry. I don’t want to cry and disrupt his rehabilitation in any way.
And I’m always on the verge of crying when Xander’s first question is, ‘How is Kim?’ It’s as if he awaits the weekly calls to ask about me, my therapy, if I’m eating, if I’m doing better at school.
Lewis answers all his questions with a smile while I battle with the need to drive to wherever he is and maybe kidnap him or something.
He doesn’t need to worry about me. I’ve been healing, slowly but surely.
I think my actual healing process started the moment Jeanine left the house, and it only thrived after she and Dad signed the divorce papers. None of us went to her exhibition. Even Kir preferred a mac and cheese night with Dad and me than to celebrate Mum’s success.
And she did succeed. The articles praised her and the critics fell at her feet. She sold out with millions of pounds for a single painting.
That’s what Jeanine does best and what she should’ve been doing since the beginning.
In all the interviews she took, she said that she and Dad agreed for an amicable divorce. I scoffed and moved along.
She didn’t even try for Kir’s custody. It’s like she was somehow looking for this chance at freedom, a chance where she gets to disappear into her studio and forget she gave birth to children.
Samantha, on the other hand, didn’t leave peacefully. She tried to keep her promise to Lewis and ruin him, Dad, and all of us. Even Jeanine’s career.
There were nights where I wanted to hide beneath the blanket, shaking with the fear that she’d cause a ruckus and soon enough, everyone at school and in the country would judge me and Xan.
I lied to him the other day and said I don’t care. But I actually do. I don’t want to be labelled as his sister in any way.
And I don’t want to have to leave all our friends behind.
Instead of surrendering to that fog, I joined Dad and hugged him, then I talked to him about those thoughts. That’s my weapon against them. The moment I talk about them, they lose their lethal edge and disperse into nothingness.
Then, one morning, I woke up to find Lewis at the steps of our house, smiling with triumph.
He got Sebastian Queens, Silver’s father and Cole’s stepfather, and Jonathan King, Aiden’s father, involved.
Sebastian is the future leader of Lewis’s conservative party and expected to become the prime minister, so his power kind of overrules everyone else. Jonathan King kind of owns the country and everyone in it, so his power is even stronger than that of politicians.
According to Lewis, Samantha and her husband were sent outside the country and they’ll never return.
I asked if she could do anything from wherever she is, but he shook his head with complete confidence and told me, “She won’t be able to do anything from there.”
Those words sent a shiver down my spine and I kept wondering if it wasn’t a simple relocation. But then I thought about how she planned to destroy our lives, and I stopped feeling anything about her situation.
She won’t get to disrupt our lives again.
Or whatever life I’m trying to maintain now that Xan is gone.
In the spiritual trip I took to Switzerland last year, a Buddhist monk told me that souls are attracted to each other.
Now, I know why.
Xander’s soul completes mine.
Life without him has no meaning.
On day twenty-three of Xander’s rehab, I’m walking down the hall at school with Elsa as she tells me about the latest prank Knox pulled on her and Teal yesterday.
Even though I’m listening to her, I’m not registering anything. The halls and the students have all turned into grey, that shade that you see in old films.
Colours have been slowly diminishing from my life.
Elsa rubs my arm, bringing me out of my stupor. “He’ll come back, Kim.”
“I know.” I sigh.
Doesn’t mean this ache in my chest lessens. It’s like being caught in a net and not having the ability to move.
We stop in front of the class and I face her. “How would you have dealt with this if it was Aiden?”
“I can’t even think about it.” Her expression is apologetic. “So I guess that means I wouldn’t be able to make it.”
I nod. That’s what I love about Elsa the most – her honesty.
“We can have a game night?” Elsa suggests with a hopeful smile.
“Sure.”
“Did someone mention a game night?” Ronan grabs Elsa and me by the shoulders.
“You’re coming?” she asks.
“Depends on where I should come.” He waggles his brows. “Threesome, anyone?”
Both of us laugh.
“I’m not joking, mesdemoiselles. In fact, I haven’t been this serious about anything in my whole life,” he whispers so only we can hear. “I’m sure you’ve heard the legend around here about my package. Here’s a secret, it’s true.”
“Here’s a secret, you’ll die.” Aiden yanks Ronan’s hand from over Elsa’s shoulder, tucking her to his side, and glares at him.
“Fine, I’ll just have my Kimmy.”
“Nope.” Cole brushes Ronan’s other hand from my shoulder and subtly but firmly pushes him away from me.
“What’s in it for you, Captain?” Ronan demands.
“Knight asked me to, and I quote, ‘keep your octopus hands off Kimberly’. I’m just being a good sport here.”
Somehow, I don’t believe that Cole is being a good sport for no reason. Even Elsa said there must be something in it for him.
“I agree.” Aiden strokes his finger on Elsa’s waist. “Reed is the reason Knight won the case against the human rights court.”
My cheeks heat at the meaning behind his words and Elsa elbows him; so that means he must’ve told her about it. I wouldn’t be surprised; Aiden doesn’t keep anything from her.
“Human rights court?” Ronan stares between us.
“Knight’s virginity.” Cole hits his shoulder. “Keep up, Astor.”
“Wait a fucking minute.” The expression on Ronan’s face is to die for. It’s like he just realised the world is ending and he’s the last to know. “Knight is a virgin?”
“Was.” Aiden smirks at me and it takes everything in me not to hide.
“What the fuck?” Ronan shouts. “What’s with all the girls he took to those rooms and –”
“It was just a ploy,” Cole says, and I can’t help smiling.
“The sneaky fucker. Who else didn’t know?” Ronan stares at us and when no one answers, he snaps, “Only me?”
“If you want to blame someone, start with your big mouth,” Cole says.
“That’s it. Friendship is over.”
“You won’t see me complaining about
that,” Aiden says.
Ronan flips him off and turns around.
“Are you coming to the Meet Up later?” Cole shouts behind his back.
“Fuck you and the Meet Up, Captain.”
“How about the game night?” Elsa asks.
“Only for you, Ellie.” He glances back and winks at me. “And Kimmy.”
We both smile at him and he winks again.
While staring behind him, he bumps into Teal, who loses her balance and falls on her butt.
Some of the students snicker at the impact of the fall.
She glares up at Ronan, who instead of offering her his hand, shoves them both in his pockets, sidesteps her, and pretends she doesn’t exist.
What the hell?
That’s not the Ronan we know. He might act bitter, but he’s not a dick.
Elsa and I rush to help Teal, but she’s already on her feet.
“Are you okay?” Elsa retrieves Teal’s bag and gathers the books that have fallen on the floor.
“I’m fine.”
“What was that all about?” I ask no one in particular.
“It’s nothing.” As Ronan disappears down the hall, Teal stares at his back with so much malice, I can feel it under my skin.
Nothing? More like something.
Xan and I began with nothing, too, and now, I’m begging for air until he returns.
One more week.
Just another week and I’ll be able to breathe again.
40
Kimberly
“Come on, Kimmy!”
Kir is about to start his excited dance in front of my door.
Elsa and I promised to take him to Elites’ game and he’s been stoked since the morning.
I don’t share his enthusiasm. Going to Elites’ games and knowing Xan won’t be there is like inflicting torture upon myself.
But this has been a long time coming for Kir, and he’ll definitely throw a fit if I don’t take him today.
The other week Dad and I took him out for ice cream to celebrate Dad’s new job approval. He’ll now work in London and in the mornings alone, so he’ll have plenty of time for Kir.
Still, the little shit was only asking about when we’d be taking him to a game and told us that he can totally buy tickets online now.
My baby brother is getting bigger way too soon and I don’t even like to think about it.
While I’m hurrying to get ready, London jumps on the bed, demanding to be petted. I scratch under her chin and she purrs, then gets distracted by my keys and begins playing with them.
The door to my room opens as I’m rushing to gather my phone, one arm in my denim jacket. “Coming, coming.”
“On my face or around my dick?”
I stop in my tracks, jacket hanging off my arm and my bag open as the voice registers. That deep voice with a hint of playfulness.
His voice.
Please don’t tell me I’m imagining things, because that would be much too cruel.
I briefly close my eyes before slowly opening them.
There he is, standing at the entrance of my room, wearing a simple grey T-shirt and black jeans that outline his athletic frame.
He’s gained some muscles over this month, making him appear a tad more lethal, a tad more attractive.
His lips are curved in a small smile, creasing his cheeks with those hot as hell dimples.
The blue of his eyes swallows me whole until he’s all I can see and all I can breathe.
It’s him.
Xander.
The sensation that hits me is so violent, the bag falls from my hand, its contents spilling on the floor.
“This isn’t a dream, right?” I whisper.
He strides in my direction and reaches me in a fraction of a second. By the time I stare up at him, smell him, I’m already done for.
He lifts me up in his arms and I gasp as his lips crush to mine, his tongue invading me and feasting on me.
I don’t even have time to focus or to think. Xander kisses me with the desperation of a man on the verge of breakdown.
Like me, he hasn’t been breathing, and now, we’re sucking in each other’s air for the first time in forever.
I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his trim waist as I kiss him with everything in me.
He’s here.
He came back for me.
“Does this answer your question?” he murmurs near my mouth.
“Not really.” I brush my lips against his. “I need a bit more to make sure.”
He chuckles, the sound easy and heartfelt as he claims my mouth again. This kiss is slower, more passionate. He’s tasting me as much as I’m tasting him.
There isn’t that constant aftertaste of alcohol. Now, he’s only like mint and ocean and…Xan.
My Xan.
He’s breathing me in as much as I’m breathing him.
He’s feeling me as much as I’m feeling him.
He came back.
Oh, God. He came back.
“Wait.” I shake my head, needing to get out of my haze. “You still have a few more days, no?”
His dimples make an appearance as he grins. “I came out early for exemplary behaviour.”
“Really?”
“Really. I had to come back for you, Green.”
“I missed you so much.” My voice breaks with my confession.
He groans, “You’re killing me, Green.”
“You have no idea how much I missed you.”
“And you have no idea how much I love you.”
I pause, blinking. “Say that again. I didn’t catch it the first time.”
“I love you, Green. I’m in love with you. It probably began that day you hugged me and told me you’d never let me go. It’s only heightened since then, and I might have hated you for it over the years, but I never once stopped loving you.”
If there were a moment I could freeze in time, this would be it. I want to grab it, snap a shot of it, box it, and look at it in the future, preferably every day.
My heart nearly bursts as I let my fingers roam to his nape and I whisper, “I probably started loving you before. It became a torture over the years, but it was so worth it.”
He leans over and bites my lower lip into his mouth. “So worth it, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
“As in you wouldn’t change anything about it?”
I pause before I say with conviction, “No. It’s because of that I became who I am.”
“And you became mine.”
I can’t contain my grin as he narrows his eyes.
“You have to say it.”
“Say what?” I play nonchalance.
“Mine?”
“Yours.”
Epilogue 1 - Kimberly
Three years later
I wake up submerged in pleasure.
Literally.
My legs are wide open as Xander feasts on my pussy. His wicked tongue runs up, then thrusts inside me.
I back off the bed and grab his blond strands with a force that must hurt. That doesn’t stop him, though.
He eats me like a hungry predator and I’m his poor, willing prey.
His thumb finds my clit and he does that masterful thing, flicking and circling. It’s insane how much better he knows my body than I do. How he drives me crazy with the simplest touches.
The moment he teases it between his fingers, I’m a goner.
Complete and utter goner.
I scream his name as I come undone around his tongue. My breathing is harsh and fast as he licks my sensitive folds one more time.
When his face reappears from between my legs, he’s grinning so wide that his dimples form deep creases in his cheeks.
He darts his tongue out and licks me off his lips, and I can’t help the whimper that escapes me.
Oh, God.
That will never get old.
Since we started living together in college three years ago, Xander always wakes me up this
way or with his dick deep inside me. Bottom line, he always wakes me up with an orgasm and those mischievous dimples.
I try to wake him with my lips around his cock, but that doesn’t happen too often. One, he’s always up first, and two, he usually doesn’t like it when I take away his ‘morning fun’ as he calls it.
“Morning, beautiful.” He climbs my body with slow, sloppy kisses up my belly.
I stopped my life-draining diet two years ago. It took too much to make that decision, so as soon as I began to keep my food in, I decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle but without starving myself.
Xander became my personal trainer for runs, and I might have wanted to kill him at the beginning for all the long jogs we did, but then I started to look forward to them. And, okay, the way he looked in his running clothes might have helped a bit. Fine, a lot.
He’s just delicious, and all the girls who jog in our park agree.
When I glared at them, he teased me and told me while fucking me that I’m the only woman he sees and ever will.
True, I still have those self-confidence issues sometimes, but now, I have my mechanisms and I’ve learnt how to easily move away from them by digging into my self-empowerment.
Now, I can look at myself in the mirror and finally smile. I can be myself and not want to be someone else.
And the person who played the most important role in all of that is this man who’s now kissing his way up my body – my non-perfect, full of stretch marks and scars body – and still has that wild, lustful look in his eyes.
He flicks my nipple with the pad of his thumb and I moan deep in my throat and run my fingertips over the place where his heart lies. He had a tattoo inked on his skin as soon as he returned from rehab and stayed away from Absolut Vodka. We do drink, but he never loses himself to it now.
Green.
That’s what’s on the tattoo. Just one word next to his heart.
He got me inked on him for life, and I still feel close to tears whenever I see it.
Xander is mine as much as I’m his.
His chest sticks to mine as he grins at me with that sloppy, sleepy, lustful smile.
“Morning, Xan.” I ruffle his blond hair. I can’t keep my hands off it and I might be too in love with the colour. It’s shining under the morning light coming from the balcony of our bedroom.