by Abbi Glines
What did that say about me? How fucked up was I that something as basic as hot sex could make me forget what I’d lost. What had been taken from me so unjustly. Was my soul as black now as I’d once accused . . . ? I closed my eyes before finishing that thought. I wouldn’t think about her. Not here in this room with Ophelia lying there asleep. There was something pure about Ophelia and I knew it was part of my attraction. She deserved more than me. More than the way I’d spoken to her while I couldn’t get enough of her last night. There had been no sweet words come out of my mouth and a woman like her deserved that. Not what I had given her. She was better than that. Yet another thing I had to be ashamed of in the predawn.
My leaving was in her best interest. I knew now that this connection with her was deeper for me than was good for her. If I’d only known this with her before I’d left, then things would have been so very different. I would have never ridden out of Sea Breeze. I would have never met . . . Alice.
“Are you going to stand there and stare at me until I wake up or leave without a goodbye?” Her voice was raspy from sleep and her eyes were still closed. I’d been too close to falling into the deep pit of agony thinking of my past to notice the change in her breathing and realize she was awake. I should have left sooner. Now I had to face this. Find a way to make it right and walk away.
“I wasn’t sure. I was still debating.” That was only partially true. I hadn’t been debating. I knew I was going to leave. I had to leave. But the honesty wouldn’t come. Nor would my resolve to leave her. “What’s your preference?” I asked instead of making the decision myself.
She stretched and the blankets eased down just enough that it gave me a clear view of the tops of her breast. Remembering how they felt didn’t help matters. I looked away from her and focused my gaze toward the window.
“I need coffee,” she said instead of answering. “Go turn on the espresso machine and wait for me.”
I simply nodded, knowing I should leave and knowing I wouldn’t. Not until she was ready. I owed her more than a quick exit. The ease in which she was handling this also made it harder to go. Ophelia wouldn’t be dramatic. I knew that, but deep down I wanted her to be more affected by the idea of me leaving. Accepting that weakness as one of many I had when it came to her was another reality.
Walking away from the view of her in the bed was a relief and disappointment. I’d never know what it was like to have her in that bed. To wake up with her curled up to me smiling from a night of wild sex. Fuck, the sorrow that came with knowing this was over before it began hit me harder than I expected. I didn’t torture myself with looking over at the sofa. The images from last night would forever be burned in my brain. I didn’t need any extra encouragement to dwell on it.
The kitchen was dark still before sunrise. I found the light switch and then went over to press the power button on the espresso machine. It was easy enough to find. After turning it on, I leaned back against the counter with my arms crossed over my chest and I waited patiently. Or appeared to be relaxed. I was wound tightly, and it wasn’t going to ease as long as I was near her. Not after last night.
I knew she was thinking we would both feel better about this if we talked before I left. I owed it to her to let her believe she was right. I’d fucked her like a crazed man, talked to her harshly while doing it, and then shot my load into her without permission. I definitely owed her the talking she was wanting. Even if leaving would have been easier. I already knew the sex we had enjoyed wasn’t going to change anything. We were consenting adults. She could reassure herself all of this. I’d give her that. She didn’t need to know she’d fucked with my head. Made me want in a way I didn’t think I could want anymore.
Her exit from the bedroom into the living area stopped all other thought. She hadn’t bothered with brushing her hair. The thick blonde locks were in a disarray that reminded me of sex. She was wearing a large sweatshirt and a pair of men’s boxers when she walked into the room barefoot. The bright pink on her toenails even managed to fascinate me. Damn, I needed to get some space between me and this woman.
She said nothing as she walked by me to begin making her coffee. I waited and when she said nothing, I started thinking maybe she expected me to speak first. The unwelcoming scowl on her face kept me from testing that theory. Instead I gave her time to get her coffee made and hopefully she’d speak soon.
Even if it was “get the fuck out of here.” Which I would deserve and I’d also do without argument.
When she was finally done with the complicated coffee process, she held the cup in her hands and leaned back on the bar to face me.
“I may have drunk too much last night and gotten a little carried away. I remember it clearly though and I’m glad I did . . . we did.” She laughed softly as if her stumbling over the words was funny. “You know what I’m saying. It was great. We’re good. No worries and you’re sneaking out wasn’t required. I won’t be stalking you, I swear.”
The thought of Ophelia Finlay stalking anyone was so damn foreign I would have laughed if I could. A woman like her didn’t need to stalk a man. She needed to be concerned with being stalked herself.
“I wasn’t worried you’d be stalking me,” I confirmed although I knew she’d been trying to lighten the mood.
She took a drink of her coffee. The fullness of her lips was distracting. I needed to be leaving. Watching her drink coffee and being turned on by it wasn’t helping matters. I was not good for her. It was that simple. After last night, she had to know it too.
“Leave, Eli. I know you want to go. Just don’t think I’m expecting anything more from you. That wasn’t what last night was about.”
There it was. She wanted me gone. This was what I expected, but a large portion of me had hoped she’d try to get me to stay. When I was near her, life was better . . . no, it was more than better. Seeing her was worth waking up for. It had been so long since I had a reason to open my eyes and live. That was all fantasy though. I could never act on it.
I dropped my arms and straightened. Leave, just leave. That’s all I had to do. What I would do for her sake.
“Thanks for dinner,” I said not sure what the proper goodbye was here.
“Thanks for eating it,” she replied with an amused smirk.
The tacos had been good. I’d told her that last night already so I didn’t say it again just to prolong the inevitable. I made my way to the door. We’d said everything else. Or almost everything else. I paused with my hand on the doorknob. Then figured what the hell. I had one last thing to say.
Glancing back over my shoulder my gaze met hers. She hadn’t moved from her position, but she’d been watching me leave. “The sex was amazing,” I told her.
“I agree,” she replied. Her pleased grin made me want to smile in return, but I didn’t. “Scale from one to ten?” she asked me.
That one was easy. I finally gave into the smile that tugged at my lips. “Best I ever had,” I replied then without giving her a chance to say more, I opened the door and left. I didn’t need to know if I was the best she’d ever had. Or how I ranked on a scale from one to ten.
Honestly, I didn’t like being reminded other men had been inside her and that itself was reason enough for me to get the hell out of here. Too deep. Too easily. I forgot my past when I was with her and I never needed to forget. It was who I had become.
She didn’t call out to me or follow me. It should have been a relief instead of a disappointment. When I got on my bike and cranked it up, I glanced to the kitchen window of the flat. She stood there watching me. I could easily stay right here and look at her for the rest of my life. Seeing what I couldn’t have but wanting to be near her.
She was everything I wish I’d known before.
JUNE 07 / 7:05 PM
Ophelia Finlay
THE KERRINGTON CLUB was a part of my life. It wasn’t just Rosemary Beach’s country club . . . it was a second home as I was growing up. Every big event in my family happened at the
Kerrington Club. Weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, cotillion, coming out balls, prom, tennis lessons, and any other event my parents’ circle of friends could dream up. It was always at the club.
Tonight was a first for all of us though. This would be the first movie premier held at the Kerrington Club. Woods Kerrington was the president of the club and his middle son, Blaze, had landed his first main role in a movie. Upon his request, there was a private viewing for friends and family at the club tonight exactly one week before its box office release.
If it wasn’t for the fact my boss, landlord, and best friend wasn’t Blaze’s sister-in-law, I would have probably spent my evening at home. Not that I wasn’t happy for Blaze. I was. Truly, I was. But this was not my kind of event. The getting dressed up was the first annoying thing about it. Black tie seemed a bit much. The cameras going off in our faces as we arrived was even more against my guidelines for a successful Friday night.
I much preferred Netflix and ice cream. Mint chocolate chip to be exact. Also, my pajamas were my choice of attire. Instead, I was in a black cocktail dress that I’d worn three years ago to Phoenix’s graduation party . . . at guess where? The club. I figured no one would remember it. I also didn’t expect to be in any photos considering I wasn’t very close to Blaze, at least since we’d gotten past puberty. I also wasn’t family.
Mom had called to ask if I wanted to ride with them. I knew she was worried about my sudden reclusiveness. The past few weeks I had worked and stayed home. Sundays had been the only time they saw me. I hadn’t even called to check on Phoenix or sent her another text message for her to ignore. She was avoiding me and that was fine. Dad had said she was doing okay and that’s all I needed to know. Honestly, I wanted to hear her voice, but I wasn’t going to dwell on it.
Mom had been disappointed when I said I’d drive myself. Having my own vehicle meant I could escape when I wanted to. My parents would stay because Blaze’s parents were some of their closest friends. Dad was also a board member at the Kerrington Club. It was expected for him to be there. I, however, could slip on out when I was ready.
I knew Mom had hoped I was bringing a date when I had declined her offer. I could hear the unasked question in her tone, but I ignored it. No reason to let her down further. My invitation had said I could bring a plus one. I had RSVPed without that option. I had no one I was interested in taking. The funk I was in had to do with a man if I was honest with myself. So I was taking my mood on Eli Hardy out on all the male population. Probably wasn’t healthy, but I was doing it anyway.
Eli had left my apartment the morning after our mind-blowing night of sex and not called, texted, or shown up at my loft. Not one word. When he’d left after telling me I was the best he’d ever had, the smile on my face that day had been ridiculously bright. Even Lila Kate mentioned my mood. The next day I was still feeling the glow, but as the second day came to an end and I’d checked my phone a million times for a text or missed call from him, I started to get that maybe it wouldn’t come.
A week went by and I knew he wasn’t going to contact me again. The best he ever had comment had been bullshit. Something he could say to ease the fact he was running off and not coming back. I’d been a fling. I hadn’t ever been a fling for a man. Sure, I’d had one fling in college, but I had chosen him as a fling after a bad breakup. He hadn’t chosen me as a fling.
Eli Hardy had not been a fling for me. I’d wanted to have sex with him and after the experience, I had wanted more of it. Not just the sex. More of him. Eli had not felt the same way. I was ashamed to admit I had spent hours thinking over what I’d done wrong. How I had turned him off being around me. I could only come to the conclusion he wasn’t interested in me. I wasn’t his type. That had caused me to eat more mint chocolate chip ice cream than my hips needed.
The valet line at the club was longer than normal, but then for private parties it always was. If I hadn’t decided to wear the six-inch heels I had on, I would just park and walk. I waited in the line instead to save my feet. Besides, it was more time I didn’t have to go inside and pretend like I wanted to be there. I was sure Blaze’s movie was great. I’d seen the preview on television more than once. It looked good. But the socializing I wasn’t crazy about. My mother studying me and trying to figure out my mood was also a reason to dread this. She wasn’t pushy, but she would worry.
Two cars ahead of me I recognized as Nate’s newest Range Rover. I hadn’t realized it until I saw Nate step out though. I watched as the backdoors both opened while the valet was opening Bliss’s door for her. I didn’t have time to be confused by the back doors or a moment to let it sink in that someone had come with them until I saw the dark thick heavy curls and the skin-tight red dress that barely hit mid-thigh. My eyes were on Saffron Corbin. I was surprised she’d managed to get an invitation. Bliss nor Nate cared for her much. She often made scenes in public places. My gaze swung from that side of the car to the other. My throat tightened and I gripped the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles went white. Eli Hardy was closing the door he’d gotten out of, dressed in a tux. My first thought was he filled one out much better than the last time I’d seen him in one. My second thought was he was who had brought Saffron. She was his date.
A few choice names ran through my head as he walked over to stand beside her. Nate said something to him and he and Saffron made their way toward the entrance. I watched them, not sure what I was feeling. Shock, disappointment, anger . . . I wasn’t sure which one was the strongest. Until he placed a hand on her back as she entered the club. The word, “motherfucking bastard,” came from my lips and I knew then it was definitely anger that was winning. I was pissed. My stomach was in knots as well which meant the anger had to do with hurt. I could admit that. But only to myself.
Saffron Corbin, seriously? Of all the people in that stupid town he lived in, he chose Saffron as his date? Wasn’t she a stripper or something? I’d heard she got arrested with strippers in a pool. I couldn’t remember details because I hadn’t really listened to the story when it was being told. But it was one of many about her. She was a slut.
If that was what Eli wanted then fine. I didn’t want him in my bed again. I didn’t want him near me again. I sure as hell didn’t want to speak to him again. As if this night wasn’t bad enough, he had to show up here and bring a freaking date. The hurt was quickly being drowned out by anger and disgust.
By the time my car rolled up to the valet, I was giving myself a pep talk. Calming down, getting over it, because I was about to walk in there and smile, pretend like I owned the place, and not look his way once. He’d regret this one day. I wasn’t sure when but he would. Because I might have been moody the past few weeks, but tonight I was about to play a better role than Blaze Kerrington ever thought of. I was a female on a mission.
I stepped out of my car when the door was opened by the valet and smiled at him. I was practicing and it was working. He flushed. That probably was an unfair way to gauge the effectiveness of my smile. The kid was probably eighteen years old. But I felt better none the less.
Eli Hardy better watch out. I wasn’t worried about Saffron. She’d done nothing wrong. It hadn’t been her I’d cooked for then had wild sex with on my couch. She wasn’t the one to walk out and never call again. No, Saffron was not the enemy. I wasn’t vindictive with women. It had never been my way to handle things. Even when my boyfriend in college had been caught cheating with another girl. One I knew. I hadn’t been mean to her. She hadn’t been the one I was dating. Sure, she was okay with dating a cheater, but that was her issue, not mine.
No, a Finlay didn’t attack everyone in their wake. They went after who had hurt them and they made them regret it. Except possibly Phoenix, she’d destroy them all. Female included. Regardless, Eli Hardy was about to get a taste of how bad it was to screw around with a Finlay. We weren’t weak and we didn’t give sympathy where it wasn’t due.
JUNE 07 / 7:27 PM
Eli Hardy
“C
RUZ IS GOING to regret having an invitation sent to me when his brother jumps out a motherfucking window,” I muttered to Bliss as we stood inside the large ballroom area we’d been directed to.
Bliss cut her eyes at me. “I don’t think this place has a window high enough for him to truly do damage,” she whispered back. “He may just go drown himself in the fancy pool they have here.”
Nate was talking to Woods Kerrington who had been standing at the entrance greeting guests. Woods was Cruz and Blaze’s father. He also owned the club. His grandfather had built the place. Bliss and I hadn’t grown up in this world with these people and although we had been raised in a wealthier lifestyle than average, this was on another realm for us. The one percenters filled the place and it made me want a beer and my jeans. Too uptight of a crowd for me.
I glanced over to my right to see Saffron was still working on getting Blaze’s attention. He was the reason she was here. I’d been going to come because I was selfish and wanted to see Ophelia. Saffron did some detective work and found out I had an invite. She’d worn me down for a week until I agreed to bring her. Besides, it gave Holland, her twin sister, a Friday night free of any Saffron clean up. Typically, Holland had to pick up Saffron from a bar or bail her out of jail on weekend nights.
I wasn’t related to the Corbins, but they were like family. I’d always seen the twins as I did my sisters. Although if one of my sisters acted the way Saffron did, I’d lock her in the attic until she was thirty. The girl was exhausting.
Blaze had a crowd around him and what looked like a date of his own hooked on his right arm. Good luck with that, Saffron, I thought. Not that it would stop her. She would see the other girl as a challenge. The other girl would possibly lose. Depended on how this upper-crust worked and if Saffron could handle the different tax bracket.