by Abbi Glines
He ran a hand through his hair looking exasperated. “Because she knew I had an invite and begged me. She wanted to meet Blaze. She was annoying the fuck out of me about it. I gave in,” he said this with no emotion then added, “Can you tell me why you ignored me all night?”
He’d brought Saffron to meet Blaze. That took some wind out of my sails. At least with my explanation. Sure, he hadn’t called me or texted, but I had ultimately been angry because I’d been jealous that he was here with her. I would have been pissed if he’d been here with anyone.
“You had forgotten me. I simply reacted in turn,” I admitted. It was vulnerable of me and if he hadn’t told me why he’d brought Saffron, I may not have given him the truth. But the explanation came out before I could think it through. I might have sounded less petty if I had been less blunt.
“You think I forgot you existed?” he asked, his brows drawn together in disbelief.
“What else was I supposed to think?” I wanted to say more. Remind him he hadn’t called or texted. But I had a little pride left. I was holding onto that. I wasn’t going to spell it out for him.
“When I left, you seemed fine with us leaving things like that. You didn’t act like you expected more. Was I wrong?” he asked me.
Was he wrong? That was his concern? Really? This man could not be that dense. I was also done talking to him about this. If he was going to be dumb then so be it.
“No, Eli. You were right. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to get out of here before they all come upstairs.” I didn’t smile. I didn’t say goodbye. I just got the hell out of that building. The head valet knew me and gave a nod to let me know he was having my car brought around.
I thought Eli may join me. When a few minutes went by and the door didn’t open behind me, I knew he wasn’t going to. The sight of my car meant my silent hope he’d try harder was in vain. The man had no clue or he didn’t want to act as if he did. Whatever the reason, I was done.
I tipped the valet then climbed into my car and drove away.
Glad to be gone.
Sad that it was done.
JUNE 07 / 10:39 PM
Eli Hardy
“YOU SURE YOU want me to just drop you off and not wait? Because I know my sister and there is a ninety-nine percent chance you’ll be paying Uber to drive your ass back to Sea Breeze and that won’t be cheap.” Nate sounded serious when he warned me. He’d laughed when I told him to take me to Ophelia’s. Then when he realized I wasn’t joking he seemed more concerned.
“Does Uber even serve this area?” Bliss asked, not sounding as if she was liking the idea of me being dropped off either. “Maybe you should go see if Ophelia will let you in before we leave.”
I didn’t want them to sit out here while I went to the door. I wasn’t so sure Ophelia was going to let me in either, but if they were here to witness this, she may send me packing easier. I’d let her leave earlier without saying more because it was a conversation I wanted to have in private.
We’d had to wait to find out if Saffron needed a ride or not. Bliss and Nate had been ready to leave, but Saffron wasn’t concerned with anyone but herself. It had taken more time than necessary. My concern now was that Ophelia could be asleep. It had taken too damn long to get out of there.
“It’s fine. Y’all go,” I said, opening the car door and climbing out.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Nate drawled trying not to sound amused for Bliss’s sake. She wasn’t amused at all and wanted to wait. I could see it in her expression.
I stepped up on the sidewalk and waited until they drove off. They didn’t need to witness this. Once they were gone, I headed for the door and rang the bell to the loft. There was a chance she was asleep and if she was, I figured I’d Uber to Destin and get a hotel there for the night. Then try again tomorrow.
Until I talked to her, I wasn’t going back to Sea Breeze. I knew I should let this go and forget it. But I couldn’t. Seeing her again tonight solidified that I couldn’t stay away from her. I didn’t want to. Even if it was for her best interest that I keep my distance, I couldn’t fucking do it.
“Why are you here, Eli?” Her voice came over the speaker connected to the doorbell.
“To talk,” I replied, hoping I didn’t have to do it over the damn video camera she had attached to her door.
“We talked. What else is there to say?” Her voice was raspy and I wondered if I had woken her up.
“A lot . . . a lot of shit I should have said before.”
She didn’t respond to that right away. I wasn’t sure if she was cutting me off or if she’d fallen back asleep. When the seconds turned into a minute then two, I was about to ring again and start my talk right here on this damn sidewalk.
But a light came on inside just before I rang the bell a second time and I saw her coming toward the door through the windows. I relaxed some but not completely. She still may not be planning on letting me in. Our talk could very well take place right here with me standing outside and her inside the doorway. It was something though.
I heard the lock click free and then the door opened more slowly than necessary. As if she was debating on shutting it and locking it again. All that blonde hair I was so fascinated with was in a messy knot on top of her head. The makeup from earlier was scrubbed free and her face was natural yet still stunning. The oversized sweatshirt and boxer shorts she was wearing were her chosen sleep attire, so she’d been in bed or about to get into bed when I arrived.
“Come inside,” she said with no enthusiasm. It was clear she didn’t want to talk to me, but she was going to do it against her better judgment.
I stepped inside and waited as she locked the door again then I followed her toward the door that led to the loft. She said nothing as we headed up the stairs. No questions or warnings to be quick. I wished I knew what she was thinking so I’d have some idea about how to handle this. How much truth to tell her. If I should explain it all . . . although I didn’t think I could.
Now I was inside I wasn’t sure what to say first. My goal had been to talk to her until she understood but how did I do that exactly. What did she want me to say? I had spent the past couple of weeks thinking she had considered what we’d done a good time. Nothing more. Until she had acted like I was invisible tonight, I’d believed it had been only me affected by our time together.
She walked over to the overstuffed blue chair that sat across from the sofa and sank down into it then stared at me. “You’re here. Now what else did you need to say?” She was matter of fact. No smiles. None of the flirty behavior she’d displayed in the past. I hadn’t expected it of course. She was angry with me.
I moved over to the sofa and sat down on the edge, letting my elbows rest on my knees as I sat forward. This wasn’t something I wanted to appear relaxed about. I wasn’t fucking relaxed so there was no need to appear as if I was. When I walked out of her door the last time believing this was over had been foolish. I had wanted it to be for her sake, but after tonight, I wouldn’t be able to save her from me. Her pull was too damn strong.
“I’ve thought of little else but you since I was here last,” I admitted, and her bored expression didn’t budge. I shouldn’t have expected it to. Her brother had warned me already. He would know her better than anyone. My telling her I thought about her all the time didn’t change the fact I’d not contacted her. That was how she saw it.
“When I left that morning, I was confused about the way I was feeling. It wasn’t something I expected. Just like I hadn’t come here to see you expecting us to . . .” I paused, unsure which word would describe it adequately. I didn’t want to cheapen what had happened between us on this sofa.
“Fuck for hours,” she said with no trace of a smile. Not even an icy one.
I wasn’t going to agree with her description because I considered it more than fucking. She’d gotten inside me in a way no one else had. I knew that now and I was learning to accept it. “Not the description I’d give it,�
�� I told her, not letting her coldness stop me from being honest. “That night surprised me. You surprised me and the connection . . . it was . . . I hadn’t expected it. When I left, I thought it had been a fun night where you were concerned and I had to deal with it and move on.” I stopped again, making sure I thought through my next words. Blurting shit out never worked well for me. I was a thinker and that was not something that tattoos, tragedy and horror couldn’t change. Words couldn’t be taken back. Once they were spoken, they remained. Never forgotten and seldom forgiven. I knew that too well. The words I chose to use with Ophelia would not be ones I regretted. I could at least protect her from my words even if I was not going to protect her from getting close to me.
“You were standing in my room ready to bolt without a word when I woke up, Eli,” she reminded me. As if that answered everything. Maybe to a woman it did, but I wasn’t a female and I had never been able to understand the opposite sex. I’d failed so many damn times at guessing what they meant measured beside what they had said, I was giving up on that hope.
“I was deciding on waking you or leaving you a note. Not because I didn’t want to speak to you but because you were sleeping peacefully. There was no sneaking out in my decision. I’d just had the best sex of my life and I didn’t know the next step or if there was a next step.”
I knew more had to be said, but from that explanation, the ice in her glare thawed some. Just a tiny bit. Not enough by a long shot but it was softer by a degree or two. Telling her all of the truth I could was the only way to deal with the situation we were in. If I couldn’t stay away from her, then I had to do all I could to get her forgiveness.
“I left under the impression you wanted to continue as things were which was . . . hell, I don’t know. Until that weekend, I’d barely spoken to you enough to call you a friend. But I need you to understand that not a day has gone by since I left here that I haven’t thought about you. That I didn’t want to pick up the phone and call you.”
There was the fucking truth. One I should have kept to myself.
Frustration crossed her beautiful features. “Then why didn’t you?”
Because I was trying to protect you from me. Because I am not a man who can love, not anymore. Because my addiction to you will never be enough for us to last. Craving someone is not the same as loving them. All of those were reasons I shouldn’t even be sitting here. I said none of that though. I was too selfish.
“I didn’t think you wanted me to.” I stopped myself before I blurted out more and held her gaze. If she looked close enough, she’d see the darkness inside me. She needed to know I was too fucked up now to ever be what she was looking for.
“I don’t sleep around, and I don’t have casual sex. Before you, I hadn’t slept with a man in over a year. Sure, I’d had some wine, but I wasn’t drunk that night. I knew what I was doing, and I trusted you enough to do it. I wouldn’t have done either of those things if I didn’t want to see you more.” She said the last part like she was confused by why it was even being said. I knew my vagueness was confusing. My secrets would be unfair to keep from her if I was going to do this. If I was going to give in to wanting to be near her and feel peace again. She was the only person who could make me smile or feel like laughing. When I thought I’d never want to do either again, she’d given me a reason to want to without even realizing it. With her, I had a freedom but what did she get in return? Nothing. She got nothing.
“There’s some emotional damage that I don’t think I can ever heal from. I’m not going to be able to let someone in completely. You deserve to be given it all. I can’t be that man. But I want to be near you. I crave your presence and that’s all I know. It’s selfish that I came here. Asking for anything with you is fucking selfish.” The words came tumbling out of me like a motherfucking truth serum.
She uncrossed her legs and sat up straighter. There was no sign of the earlier frost in her eyes. That had vanished as quickly as I’d blurted out the shit I hadn’t thought through. Instead of looking confused by what I’d said, she appeared thoughtful and poised. I knew she was turning it over and thinking it through. Just watching her was like being given a small gift. Her beauty could make a man forget every dark corner of his life. That either made her dangerous or an angel. I wasn’t sure which.
“I’d like a chance to decide what is and isn’t good for me,” she told me. “I don’t need to know what secrets you’re keeping that make you feel as if you are broken in some way. Not yet at least. Right now we can go slowly. Test the waters. See if this mutual attraction we are both feeling is worth fighting whatever obstacles lay ahead.”
She made it sound so simple. Easy even. I was willing to agree to anything if I could keep her for awhile. I knew forever wasn’t going to happen. Nothing was simple or easy about the truth. I wasn’t the kind of man who could hold onto Ophelia Finlay. If I had been whole, she’d still grow tired of me. She was excitement, beauty, energy all tangled together perfectly in one stunning female. I’d thought so the first time I’d met her. Even then I’d known she was to be admired from afar.
I’d never been able to hold onto a woman before. Believing I could hold onto one as magnificent as this one would make me a fool. I would reserve my heart or what was left of it. But the rest of me she already had. Without her asking for it, I’d handed it over the last time I was here.
“Okay,” I agreed. Only an idiot would turn down an offer like that.
JUNE 08 / 6:59 AM
Ophelia Finlay
HE WAS BEAUTIFUL when he slept. I wondered if he knew that. Had another woman told him before? His lashes were so long and dark in contrast with his blonde hair. His lips full and his jawline wide and strong. Which was what made the other features appear masculine. Otherwise he’d be too pretty to be a man. The wide expanse of his shoulders that weren’t covered up by the blankets also made those perfect features manly. I wanted to reach out and stroke his shoulders and tattoo-covered arm, but I refrained. Mostly because I didn’t want to wake him and also because I was still so unsure about us.
Yes, he was in my bed, but we hadn’t had sex last night. When we had finished talking, I’d asked him to stay. Then shown him where the towels were in the bathroom so he could shower. There was a pair of Cruz’s athletic shorts left here from when Lila Kate still lived here. I kept forgetting to give them to her. Last night they had come in handy for Eli. I’d laid them out on the bathroom counter and explained why I had a pair of men’s shorts.
He’d walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom and I was already in bed. I had pulled back the covers for him to join me. He had without a pause and then tucked me against his chest. Nothing more. No kissing. No talking. It had been so warm and comfortable I’d been asleep within minutes. Little time to think about much more.
It felt silly to think I couldn’t touch him if I wanted to. We’d been close all night. It just seemed too soon. After last night’s talk, this should be clear but in reality, it wasn’t. Or I was just being weird about it all which I was good at. Then there was the little issue with my wanting to have sex with him again . . . like right now.
His breathing remained deep and slow. He wasn’t waking up and I needed to use the bathroom. As quietly as I could, I slipped out of bed and went to handle my morning necessities. This way my teeth would be brushed before he woke up so that was a plus. No morning breath to worry about. I also ran a brush through my hair to get out the tangles before tiptoeing back into the room then toward the kitchen to make coffee. Saturday morning toddler “princess camp” classes started at nine. Which meant I had to be down there getting lights turned on, stocking the waters, making sure the dance supply store had all the merchandise displayed and answering the phone by eight-thirty.
Coffee was required first. Then another cup before I was truly functional. Otherwise, I was groggy and often grumpy. I started the espresso machine and then turned the coffee pot on. Monday through Sunday I needed two shots of espresso in my coffee. I real
ize that’s every day of the week, but it made me a nicer person.
I turned my head to stare at the fridge and wondered if it was overkill to make breakfast for Eli. Was it rude if I didn’t? I had stayed single so long, I was terrible at having men over. I’d forgotten what was the polite thing to do. I doubted Eli expected me to cook him anything but was that the point?
While I went about fixing my espresso, I asked myself did I like Eli enough to want him around a lot? Yes. Was I happy this morning waking up in bed with him? Yes. Did men like to eat food? Yes.
Once the espresso was brewing, I went over to the fridge and grabbed the bacon, eggs, and then reached into the freezer for the frozen biscuits. I was making the man breakfast. Great sex was not enough to keep him coming back. The thought made me laugh at myself. If he only knew how awkward I was, he’d rethink this. I kept my secret introverted issues undercover for the most part. I forced myself to act normal in public settings. When you have a younger sister like Phoenix that dominates a room and draws attention then soaks it up like a sponge it’s hard to embrace the fact you’re introverted, or you’ll always be overlooked.
Mom always said I was more like her than the other two, but my mother was not introverted. She was quiet and didn’t demand attention like Phoenix or fascinate people like Nate, but she had a certain beauty about her and not just her appearance. There was this inward beauty that lit up a place when she was there. Without words or actions, she became the focal point. I was not like my mother. My thoughts were not beautiful. Unlike my mother, I could be a selfish bitch.
I went to work heating up a pan to fry the bacon. While that was getting hot, I put the “made from scratch” frozen biscuits I’d bought from the grocery store on a cast iron skillet then stuck them in the oven. A complete cheat but they looked legit when they were done. I thought they tasted as good as Bliss’s homemade biscuits.
My coffee was ready, so I paused to pour a cup then turned back around to find Eli standing in the living area with nothing but those athletic shorts on. His long hair was messy and the artwork on his chest and arm was literally breathtaking. The way he looked would make any woman strip naked and beg him to fuck her. See . . . bad thoughts. So not like my momma.