Best I've Ever Had

by Abbi Glines

“You ignored all my calls. I had to come here,” she started again, her face frantic as she glanced at Micah for what? Support? How the fuck did he equate into this anyway?

  “Leave,” I demanded. “I want nothing of hers. Why the fuck would I? Why would you think I needed to hear anything about her? She is dead. Go home, Annie.” I didn’t give her time to say more before I began walking away again. I didn’t head toward the path that would take me back to the front of the building. I couldn’t go in there now. I needed to be alone. I needed to get the fuck away from it all.

  Just a moment to calm down.

  “The baby wasn’t yours.” Annie had said the words loud enough for me to hear her without yelling. I heard them, but that didn’t make what she had said clear. I stopped and stood there for a moment. I didn’t turn around again to look at her. There was no point. It was her words I was trying to make sense of.

  “JT had wanted her to get an abortion. I found the paperwork for her consultation at the clinic. The night you met her, they were on one of their many breakups because she wasn’t getting the abortion. I found a letter she’d written to him but never sent. It was written the day y’all ran off to get married. She told him she’d found her baby a father. She was going to stay clean and she wanted him out of her life.”

  I didn’t want to hear any more of this. It wasn’t true. I had lost my son already. She wasn’t going to take his existence from me too. I shook my head and kept walking. This was more of the O’Conner lies. That’s all they knew to do. Lie. Destroy everything around them.

  “Do the math, Eli. Add it up. The doctors thought the baby could live. She was almost six months pregnant. Not four. Did you even ask about that? The night you met Alice she was pregnant.”

  Unable to listen to any more of her lies, I turned and stalked back toward her. My fury building as the words continued to spew out of her. “NO! You won’t take him from me! I have only that and you want to take it too. He was all that was pure all that was real within the fucking web of lies she destroyed me with.” The torment that had held me captive for so many dark days after I’d buried my son was there again. Wrapping me tightly. Reminding me of all that I had lost and how I’d let him down.

  Annie didn’t move and I stood there now feet away from her wanting to see her walk away. Just fucking disappear.

  “I didn’t come to cause you more pain,” she said slowly. “I came here to free you. To tell you what I should have already done. To save you from the lies that she left behind.”

  I took a step back from her. The pity in her eyes wasn’t meant for me. I wouldn’t accept that. Just like her words were bullshit.

  “She was my wife. That was my son. The rest was a lie. Our life had been one big motherfucking lie. But I held him. MY son, damn you. He was mine. You won’t take that from me too.” Every word from me burned like acid in my throat. I saw the truth in her eyes and my chest felt like a fire had exploded inside me.

  Without another word, I went to my bike. I didn’t look back and I rode away. From the lies, from the truth, from everything that I’d been running from since the night Alice died, from Sea Breeze . . . and from the only hope I had at living again.

  JUNE 30 / 12:07 AM

  Ophelia Finlay

  SITTING IN FRONT of the dance studio when I pulled up after my drive back from Sea Breeze was the last person I expected to see. I’d hoped in the dark corners of my broken heart that Eli might be here waiting. The small shred of hope that when he had driven off, he’d needed to leave everyone else, but he would find his way back here. He wasn’t here though, and the tears still wet on my cheeks did nothing to ease the pain he’d inflicted. Not from the words I’d heard outside Live Bay but from his leaving without saying anything. I thought we were something more. That he’d explain it all to me, tell me the whole story. But I’d been wrong, and the heartbreak was like anything I had ever experienced.

  I turned off my car, but I didn’t get out. I sat in the silence and studied my sister sitting on the cement with her legs crossed and her back resting against the front door to the dance studio. There was a suitcase beside her, and I knew then her relationship had ended. This was her return. Her eyes met mine and even in the limited lighting, I could see the dark circles under them. Her fair skin was more pale than normal. Phoenix was dealing with hurt as well. It was clear in her eyes.

  I wanted to curl up and cry until I was too tired to cry anymore, but my sorrow would have to wait. I could see without hearing her say a thing that my sister needed me. She was carrying her own pain inside and like always she was coming to me to unload it. I’d have to listen, advise, and give her a shoulder to cry on. My tears had to be put on hold. Taking a deep breath, I wiped away what was left of them on my cheeks and did the best I could to compose myself and get a firm lock on my emotions before getting out of the car.

  Phoenix stood up as I walked toward her. She had lost some weight which was unnecessary and made her appear fragile. My sister was not a fragile person. She was headstrong, determined, outspoken, extroverted, and at times mean as hell. She was by no means fragile. However, right now she appeared to be and that worried me. I had never seen her like this.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I asked her as I stopped in front of her and then grabbed her chin so I could study her thin, pale, face closely. When she didn’t jerk away from me with a smartass comment, I knew this must be bad. She was not okay. This was not my feisty sister.

  “I’ve been sitting on that hard concrete for two hours and my butt is sore. What’s wrong with you?” was her reply. That sounded more like Phoenix even if she didn’t currently look like the smartass she was, at least there was fight left in her.

  “I fell in love with a man who doesn’t love me, he had secrets, I knew he did, the secrets came out tonight, he ran off without a word, I don’t know when I will see him again. Now what happened to you?” I knew my sister well enough to know she’d evade answering until she had the Cliff Notes on why my eyes were red and swollen. I wasn’t a crier.

  She frowned. “You fell in love with Eli Hardy?” she asked, sounding shocked.

  “Yes, but I didn’t tell you his name,” I pointed out.

  “Nate told me you were seeing him,” she explained. Then she sighed so heavily her thin shoulders lifted dramatically before falling back into the slump they were in before. “He was married,” she said.

  Yes, I had heard Eli was married. The woman outside Live Bay had said as much. How on earth did Phoenix know that? “How did you know about Eli’s marriage?” I asked confused and suddenly feeling even more lost.

  Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Holy shit,” she said then continued to gape at me. My confusion was mounting. “Eli Hardy is married?”

  “Wait . . . you didn’t know Eli was married then who were you talking about?” I asked, realizing then she hadn’t been talking about Eli when she had stated he was married. Even as I worked through it all in my head, it began to become clear. “Oh no,” I said, understanding now what Phoenix had been telling me.

  “Yeah, he told me yesterday morning. When I walked into the apartment to find his wife there. She was surprising him. Her and their two little boys.” Phoenix’s voice sounded void of emotion, but her eyes told a different story.

  “Bastard,” I said angrily, thinking of how he’d not only used my sister but he’d cheated on his family. There was no reason to continue this outside. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me in a hug before unlocking the door and opening it for her to go inside. “Is that suitcase all you have?” I asked her as she picked up the handle to roll it.

  “It’s all I took the time to get.”

  I didn’t press her for more. Once she was inside and headed for the loft entrance, I locked the door behind me and followed her in silence. My broken heart still throbbed painfully in my chest. Tears still clogged my throat as I thought of Eli and the desire to see him. Hold him. The fear I may never get a chance to do that
again gripping me so tightly in my chest it hurt to breathe.

  I couldn’t dwell on that now though. Phoenix was not the one to unload on. She wasn’t very good at support. I held my sorrow inside. For now, I would focus on hers and allow it to distract me.

  When we were inside the apartment, Phoenix left her suitcase by the door and walked over to the sofa and sank down onto it. I laid the keys on the entry table and waited for her to say something. I could tell she wanted to unload.

  “I’m pregnant,” she said the words as she stared straight ahead at nothing.

  “Oh no.” I could only manage a whisper. She’d said the only thing I hadn’t been expecting to hear. Unable to move, I stood there staring at her wondering if I’d heard her incorrectly.

  “I told him at the airport. I’d been going to tell him tonight. I was planning a surprise dinner and,” she paused, closed her eyes and shook her head. “I was so stupid. I thought he would be excited. I thought we were in love.” Finally, she turned to look at me. “But we weren’t. he has a family already. A beautiful family.”

  I moved to her then. She was so close to breaking down and I had no words of comfort, but I wanted to hold her. I didn’t want her to feel alone. Sitting down beside her, I reached for her hand and held it in both of mine. The first tear slid free and rolled down her cheek.

  “She didn’t even acknowledge me. She looked at me once then back at him and said ‘This again? Really Edward? I thought we had moved past your need for a toy. Make it disappear please.’ Then she had taken her boys’ hands and told them to go find a bedroom they liked. As if I weren’t standing there. As if I was a pet he’d picked up. In that moment, all I could think was ‘His name is Edward?’” She laughed, but it wasn’t real. It was more hysterical. “I thought it was Dannon. Like the yogurt.”

  My father may kill the man. I hoped he was wealthy enough to hide properly.

  The first sob broke free and Phoenix turned and laid her head on my shoulder as she cried. I held her and said nothing. There was nothing I could say to make this better. I had no wisdom for her. No guidance. My little sister’s bad decisions had always been an issue. This time, however, she’d have to grow up. There would be no more time for selfish impulsiveness. Those days had ended.

  My tears returned and I cried silently as she clung to me. This time I wasn’t just crying for myself, but for the life my sister had to face now. She was terrified and no one could fix that for her. I would sit here and hold her until she had no tears left. Then put her to bed. Tomorrow we would decide how to tell my parents.

  JULY 5TH / 8:17 AM

  Eli Hardy

  I HAD JUST finished drying my hair with a towel when the doorbell rang. I knew someone would come by today. I was expecting one or both of my parents. The family Fourth of July gathering had been yesterday at Gran’s and I’d not gone. I had seen Gran early that morning and explained to her that I had to work. She understood and although I knew she had questions, she hadn’t asked them.

  Dropping the towel on the sink, I went to open the door and deal with this now rather than later. If my dad needed to yell at me, or my mother fuss then ask me a million questions it was time I let them do that. I’d been avoiding everyone for a week. They probably knew something now but not enough about my past.

  Larissa walked past me before I even got the door fully opened. “You’ve had enough time. I respected you had to deal with things. I kept my mouth shut as did Micah. But you’re going to look at these damn papers that woman left right fucking now. Then we are going to accept what it says and if you need to get drunk, we will do that. This hiding away shit stops though. You have family and friends who love you. Stop avoiding them. Let us help you heal, goddamnit!”

  Larissa opened the leather bag she had on her arm and pulled out papers that had been folded. I watched her silently as she opened them up and looked at them. “I’ve already seen this, and I know what it says. From the shit I heard out behind Live Bay a week ago, I was able to piece this all together. YOU need to look at this.” She shoved the papers at me.

  I didn’t argue with her. She was right, I needed to see what it was Annie had brought for me. It had taken some time to let it sink in, but I knew she’d been telling the truth. With or without whatever this was she had left for me. The papers were from a women’s clinic in Atlanta. The papers confirmed Alice’s pregnancy. It stated she was four weeks pregnant. There was a helpline for addiction and a list of several abortion clinics. The papers were important because of the one thing on them that Annie had circled with a red marker—the date.

  The visit had been three days after I met Alice.

  I had already accepted this. The baby boy I had held in my arms, the name Isaac Hardy I had given him, had never been mine. Even now that I knew he had been a part of another lie Alice had told me, it didn’t change how I felt about him. Isaac was a Hardy. I’d been the only parent to hold him. I’d been the only person at his memorial. I was all he ever had. I was the one person on this earth who mourned for him and loved him.

  That alone made me his father.

  All this paperwork did was tell me Alice had been lying from the very beginning. There had never been real love between us. I loved someone who never existed. I didn’t know the real Alice. I had married a girl because I thought she was pregnant with my child. I believed I loved her. In reality, I had fallen in love. With the baby she carried inside her.

  “Are you okay? Do I need to get the whiskey?” Larissa asked me, her voice softer now. Not in command mode like she had been when she walked inside here.

  “I’m okay. I’d already accepted this. Annie showing up like she did and blindsiding me with it had been necessary. I get it now, but this was something I think deep down I knew and I was running from the truth because I wanted him to be mine biologically,” I explained. “But it took me some time alone to face this and accept. I’ve done that and out of all the lies Alice spun and the destruction she left behind, she can’t take away how I felt holding Isaac in my arms. I grieved for the life he would never have because I loved him. I was the only person who did and that makes him mine. I was also his.” I handed the papers back to Larissa. “You can have these. They hold facts, but those facts don’t change how I feel about him.”

  Larissa took the papers then took two steps back to sit down into the chair behind her. “Shit. Now I need a fucking drink,” she said, reaching up to wipe a tear that had rolled down her cheek.

  “I can make you coffee,” I offered.

  She looked up at me and gave me a watery, emotional smile. “Is it bad that I hate this bitch? She’s dead. You shouldn’t hate the dead. Right?”

  I understood hating Alice too well. I’d lived seven months hating her, but there was no point in that. Not anymore. “She’s dead. I’m not. I have a life to live the best way I can. Why hate her because she lost the chance to change her ways? She lost the chance to choose to be a good person. The short life she had started with horror and instead of finding a better life like her sister did, she died in horror as well. I can’t hate her because she was never well mentally.”

  Larissa leaned back in the chair. “You’re a good man, Eli Hardy,” she said with a touch of pride in her voice. “No amount of tattoos or moody asshole decisions can change the good in you. Try and cover it up all you want but you will never be a bad boy. Get over it.”

  None of that had to do with me trying to be someone I wasn’t. Circumstances had caused me to change. The truth was I wanted to be a good man. My dad had a great life and he was never a hell-raiser. Being bad for fun never appealed to me.

  “I’ll never be the same guy who left here again. Too much happened and it changed me but I’m not going to let it ruin me. Not anymore. I’m not weak and it’s time I remember that.” I said the words I’d been telling myself the past few days aloud. Hearing them helped solidify that decision.

  “That’s a relief,” she said, looking pleased. “What about Ophelia? Have you talked t
o her? Fixed shit there?”

  I shook my head. It was all I could do. Saying her name was difficult. She was always on my mind. Every decision I made, her voice was there in my head. My dreams were always of her. She would be the one who taught me that loving a woman was more than sappy emotions, attraction, shared memories, hot sex, and the way you felt around her. Really loving a woman was wanting her bad moods as much as her good ones, craving the sound of her voice even when you can’t stand the thought of speaking to anyone, finding peace in her presence when you thought you’d never find a way free of the sorrow, loving a woman is when holding her is all you need. Loving a woman also meant acknowledging when you hadn’t treated her the way she deserved and letting her find the man worthy of her. Ophelia Finlay would forever own my heart. While she had given unselfishly, I’d allowed my inner turmoil to ignore what she deserved.

  I walked past Larissa without another word. I’d make coffee, I’d go to see my gran, and I’d go to work. I would live my life and find where I fit here once again. No matter where she was or what she was doing, I knew I’d also love Ophelia Finlay with every fiber of my being until the day I died.

  JULY 8TH / 9:30 PM

  Ophelia Finlay

  I STOOD OUTSIDE of Live Bay in the tightest, shortest dress I owned. My heels were so hot I was obsessed with the way they made my legs look. Bliss had helped me curl my hair and I knew it hung perfectly in loose curls down my back. She’d done such a good job. I owed her big time for putting up with me all afternoon and evening. I’d left the guest bedroom at her house in a mess. Unsure what to wear when I grabbed every dress I owned from my closet, tossed it in my car and drove to Nate and Bliss’s house after having a meltdown this morning. I had tried on most of those dresses for Bliss and most of them were tossed all over the bedroom I stayed in when visiting their house.

  The past few weeks, I had been consumed with helping Phoenix adjust to her reality. It had helped me during the days not being able to sit home alone and fall apart. However, at night I spent most of those missing Eli and crying. Okay, I spent all of those missing Eli and crying. It wasn’t getting better. Time was not easing my heart ache. I was in love with the man and if I had to force him to accept he loved me too, I was going to do it. If I thought about this plan too hard, I would back out of it and I knew that.