Guilty Hearts

by Jade Winters

  He walked over to her, encircling her waist and nuzzling her neck. He felt the familiar tensing of her body and let go, then took his usual chair at the breakfast table. Yet again the rejection had gone straight to his heart. How long can this go on for? She brought his coffee to the table and placed it in front of him and, as if an afterthought, she kissed him on the top of his head.

  “What are your plans today?” he asked

  “Oh, the usual,” she replied, pouring cream into her coffee, before taking a seat opposite him.

  “How’s the cat project coming along?” he said.

  “Good.” She smiled. “In fact, I met a journalist on my night out with Jo and their magazine is covering it.”

  “Really?” he said, his eyes widening, “you didn’t mention it before.” He snapped the paper open, pretending to scan the front page. Was this what it was all about? Had she met a man on her night out with Jo?

  “I know, I was so overwhelmed with work. I’d sort of put it to the back of my mind.”

  No wonder she didn’t take the bait. She’d already met someone.

  “Which magazine are they from?”

  “A newish one called Women’s Lifestyle.”

  “Hmm, never heard of it. Seems funny, a man writing for a women’s magazine.”

  “The reporter isn’t a man, it’s a woman,” she replied.

  “Really!” he replied a little too quickly.

  “Yes.”

  The pieces of the puzzle were starting to fit together. Was this reporter his Pandora? But why had she lied and said nothing happened? “You don’t normally do interviews.” His mind was reeling. He hadn’t been able to get in touch with Pandora since she sent her last message. When he’d tried he find her profile again it was no longer there. He felt conflicted. Wasn’t this what he wanted? Hadn’t that been the whole point of setting the meeting up? Half of him wanted to free his wife and let her walk her own path. But the other half wanted their relationship to be how it was in the beginning.

  “Are you ready for your breakfast?” she asked as she stood up.

  “Yes, please. I think I’ll just have muesli and fruit this morning.”

  She opened the fridge, her back to him. “I liked the vision of the magazine. I think it’s a good fit for me.”

  “Really?” he replied, as he tried his best to remain casual.

  “Yes, I can’t even remember how the conversation came about if I’m honest, but there was something about the way she spoke of the magazine that made me think it was about time I put myself out there a bit more.”

  “You hardly need the publicity, darling, or the work.”

  “I know,” she said, tipping the dry textured cereal into a bowl and topping it with pieces of fruit. “But I just thought it would be nice to speak to a new audience.”

  “You mean a younger audience.”

  “Well, it wouldn’t hurt, would it?” she asked. “I wouldn’t mind creating designs for less money.”

  “You mean you want to start designing for commoners, just like The House Doctor?”

  “Oh don’t be such a bloody snob, Gareth.” She sighed with exasperation. “Honestly, sometimes you can be such a ....” She stopped.

  Gareth quickly realised he had overstepped the mark. He rose from his chair. “I’m sorry,” he said, going to her and placing his hand gently on her shoulder. “I just didn’t think before I opened my big mouth.”

  “But you thought it though, didn’t you?” she said, pushing his hand away and shoving his breakfast bowl to him. “I’ll grab a bite to eat at work, suddenly my appetite has gone.”

  Within minutes, he heard the front door slam shut.

  Why the bloody hell do I do that? No wonder she’s unhappy. He emptied the contents of his bowl into the bin. Maybe it’s time to let her go. If she loves me, she will come back and if she doesn’t, do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?

  CHAPTER 10

  Kathryn could hear Rachel’s gentle laughter rippling through the air as she neared Cody’s office. Although the door was ajar, she couldn’t quite make out what was being said.

  “Ah, Kathryn, you’re here,” Carol said, loud enough that the laughter stopped abruptly.

  Kathryn spun towards Carol with a start. “Jesus, you scared me, I didn’t hear you.”

  “Sorry, sweetheart, your mind must be elsewhere. I think they can hear my elephant feet in the next building,” Carol said with humour. “I’ve put your mail on your desk.”

  “Thank you.”

  “And Rachel is here. Cody is keeping her amused by the sound of it,” Carol said, jerking her thumb towards her office, just as the door opened fully and Rachel stepped out into the corridor wearing a charcoal top, distressed skinny jeans and black knee-high boots.

  Her close proximity brought with it the aroma of jasmine. Immediately, Kathryn’s mind flashed back to their first meeting and its intensity. She suddenly felt caged in between Rachel and the narrowness of the walls.

  “Good morning,” Rachel said, her eyes dancing.

  “Morning,” Kathryn replied, glancing at Rachel and then at Cody, who smirked back at her. They seemed to be very pally with each other. She knew from the office gossip that Cody was single, she couldn’t remember a time when she was anything but — it seemed she was always dating someone new, but never for very long. Watching them both goad each other playfully, she could sense the similarity between them — their carefree attitude. In a way, she felt jealous of the freedom they had to do whatever they wanted —

  they answered to nobody. That was something she had never experienced.

  “So what’s on the agenda today?” Rachel asked, drawing Kathryn’s attention back to her.

  “My morning is free so we can start the interview now, if you like,” Kathryn replied, trying her best to sound light and cheerful. “Shall we?” she said, signalling for Rachel to follow her into her office.

  “Great.”

  “I’ll see you later,” Cody called out as the door to Kathryn’s office closed behind them.

  Rachel took a seat opposite Kathryn’s desk and dropped her black leather handbag to the floor. “So I take it your husband’s injuries were not life threatening?” she asked as Kathryn busied herself opening the mail.

  Kathryn looked up briefly. “No, just a rather nasty lump on his head, he’ll live.” She flicked through the rest of the letters and, deciding they could wait, sat down, feeling safer behind her desk.

  The mere mention of Gareth caused anger to rise within her. She was still reeling from the comment he had made earlier. She had to work for everything she’d achieved in life and was also a ‘commoner’. So for him to look down on people because they didn’t live in a swanky house or drive flashy cars was an insult not just to her but to every hard-working person out there.

  “Do you want something to drink before we start?” Kathryn asked, remembering her manners and pushing thoughts of Gareth to the back of her mind.

  “No thanks.” Rachel withdrew a pen and pad from her bag, clicked her phone onto record and crossed one leg over the other.

  “Okay, go ahead,” Kathryn said, trying to relax. If there was one saving grace of the day it was that Rachel was being open and friendly, so she was pretty certain that she had not offended her. She was relieved, as she had spent most of the night worrying and wondering how she was going to face her today.

  “So tell me, what tips can you offer the lay person who can’t afford to hire someone like you?” Rachel began.

  “Good question. I think the most important is to go for quality over quantity. I know it can be difficult when you don’t have much to spend, but there is no point having a room full of junk when you could have one or two very nice pieces of furniture.” She paused, resting her chin on her hand. “I would also emphasise how important it is to decorate one room at a time. Trying to decorate a whole house at once leads to a loss of focus and usually ends in a half-hearted
attempt when it all becomes too much.”

  Rachel nodded and began scribbling on her pad. Kathryn watched her delicate fingers as they clutched the pen and roamed effortlessly across the page. A silver ring entwined with abstract branches adorned her middle finger and a second thick band, her thumb.

  Noticing the pause, Rachel looked up, prompting Kathryn to continue.

  “I always decide on the colour of fabrics before I choose paint colours and keep bright colours for small items and more neutral colours for large spaces. I also only use the least prominent colour in the room to accessorise and group the accessories so that the room is balanced.”

  For the next hour, Rachel grilled her like she was interviewing a politician, and Kathryn answered the questions honestly and candidly. Finally Rachel switched off her recorder and closed her pad.

  “You’d give Jeremy Paxman a run for his money if you ever decide to get into investigative journalism,” Kathryn said, feeling pleased but mentally exhausted. It was the first time she had opened up to someone about her work in that depth. She wondered how she’d feel when she interviewed her next about her private life.

  “That was really interesting and I can say, hand on heart, I enjoyed every moment of it.” Rachel smiled.

  “I’m glad, I like your style of interviewing.”

  “Well,” Rachel said, putting her things away. “I think I have enough to get started.”

  “Good.”

  Rachel stood up to go.

  “So will you be going straight back to your office?”

  “Later. Cody asked me to join her for lunch, apparently there’s a fantastic noodle bar nearby.”

  “Oh, erm, yes there is — Cultural Revolution, they do very tasty dumplings.” Kathryn’s muscles tightened. She silently prayed that lunch was the only thing that they intended having together. The thought of Rachel and Cody as a couple would be too much to bear.

  “I’ll give them a go, you’re more than welcome to join us.”

  “No, no, you go, I have a few things I need to be getting on with.”

  “Okay. When would be a good time for me to come back for another interview?”

  “Huh?” Kathryn said, her mind a million miles away. “Oh, erm, let me just check my diary,” she said, picking up the thick book from her desk. “Thursday would be okay, if that’s alright with you?”

  “That’s perfect.”

  ***

  The noodle bar was situated over two floors — stacks of bare wooden tables were placed only inches apart, an ingenious idea thought up by the owner, who wanted to cram in as many people as possible.

  “Thankfully we’re here before the rest of the office crowd,” Cody said as she took off her blue suit jacket, hanging it on the back of her chair before they took their seats.

  Rachel eyed the interior, admiring the simplicity of the decor. It was just the way she liked life — uncluttered.

  “The smells are making my mouth water,” Rachel said, inhaling the garlic aroma. She picked up the menu and began flicking through the pages.

  “The food tastes even better,” Cody replied, as she sat back in her chair.

  After scanning the menu for a few moments, Rachel came across the mixed dumplings Kathryn had recommended and decided to have those.

  “I’ll have the same,” Cody said to the petite young waitress, who wore a black skirt and white shirt, “and a glass of house red, please.”

  “And I think I’ll have ...” Kathryn paused whilst she read over the drinks list. “The carrot juice, please.”

  “Not a day drinker, huh?”

  “No, if I drink during the day, the alcohol seems to have a funny affect on my body.”

  “How did your interview go?” Cody asked.

  “Good, Kathryn’s an interesting person, as you must know.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “How long have you been working for her?”

  “Oh God, it seems like forever, but in reality only about five years.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “Do I ever. What’s there not to like? The hours are long but I get to travel and the boss is hot, which I’m sure you’ve noticed,” Cody said as if sharing a dirty secret.

  Rachel smiled sweetly without answering. The less anyone knew about her the better, especially Kathryn’s employee.

  “I see the way you look at her, I know you like her,” Cody said, her eyes boring into Rachel’s.

  The waitress brought their drinks and placed them on the table without interrupting.

  “Really?” Rachel asked, neither confirming nor denying her claim.

  Cody took a mouthful of wine. “Yes, and if you want a little bit of friendly advice — one sister to another, I wouldn’t even think about it. She’s as straight as they come ... I am right in thinking that you are in the club?”

  Rachel nodded as she sipped on the fresh juice, enjoying the sweet taste. One thing she would never do is deny her sexuality — it was a part of who she was.

  “Phew, for a minute I thought the old gaydar had broken down again.”

  “What do you mean again? Did you hit on someone who didn’t appreciate it?”

  Cody laughed. “Well, yes.” Her cheeks slightly reddened. “Kathryn.”

  A good-looking person like Cody wouldn’t normally have a problem attracting any woman, so she wasn’t surprised that she had set her sights on Kathryn.

  “When I first met her, I swear I thought I was going to die, she literally took my breath away.”

  The waitress brought their steaming hot food to the table.

  “I was young and naive,” Cody said, expertly plucking a dumpling with her chopsticks and taking a bite. “I stupidly believed that if you felt that strongly for someone they would automatically feel the same way.” She shook her head. “Boy, was I in for a shock.” She laughed at the memory. “Let’s just say that was a hard lesson to learn, not to mention a shock to my ego.”

  “So you actually told her you liked her?” Rachel asked as she chased a dumpling around her plate.

  “No, but she’s not stupid. She just let me down very gently without me making an idiot of myself.” She placed her chopsticks down and looked at Rachel earnestly. “So take it from a seasoned fool, if you have any notions about Kathryn, don’t bother.”

  “My intentions are purely business,” Rachel said as she stabbed a dumpling with one chopstick and triumphantly popped it into her mouth.

  Cody grinned. “Yeah, of course they are. Do you want me to get you a fork?”

  “No, no, it’s fine. I think I’ve got the hang of it.”

  Easing back in her chair, Cody eyed Rachel up and down slowly as she finished her meal. As Rachel speared her last dumpling, Cody leaned forward and propped both elbows on the table. Lowering her eyes she said, “Look — if you’re not busy this weekend maybe we can hang out together?”

  “Maybe.”

  ***

  “Girl, you had better watch yourself,” Zoe said, opening a puzzle box and spreading the pieces over the coffee table in their living room. “Working on two women in the same office, tut tut.”

  “It was only lunch, Zoe.” Rachel sat on the armchair beside her, watching as she arranged the pieces.

  “For now!”

  “No, not just for now. Nothing’s going to happen — now or ever — with either of them.”

  Zoe stopped what she was doing and looked up, her eyebrows raised. “I’ve known you too long to not put anything past you.”

  Rachel knew she had a reputation but she did draw the line somewhere. She may not have any control over who she was attracted to but she could try and control what she did about it. She congratulated herself on having stuck by the cast iron rule she had put in place for herself — absolutely no flirting.

  The first part of the interview had gone smoothly and there was no reason to think the second part wouldn’t go the same way. Then it was goodbye to temptation.

  Both women jumped when they heard a
loud knock on the door.

  “Are we expecting somebody?” Zoe asked in surprise.

  “Not anyone for me,” Rachel said as Zoe got up to answer it. “It’s most probably the plumber, the kitchen tap burst again yesterday whilst you were at work.”

  “Who is it?” Zoe shouted from behind the front door.

  Rachel heard the front door opening and the brief sound of a male voice. When Zoe returned, she had a man in tow.

  “Someone for you. I’ll be in my room if you need me,” she said before leaving the room.

  Rachel’s posture stiffened as she looked up at the middle-aged man, dressed casually in jeans, T-shirt and a black fleece jacket.

  “Alright, Rach?” he said.

  She did a quick retake as she noted he was the spitting image of her father — rich blondish-brown hair, wide shoulders and a strong, square jaw line.

  Rachel stood up. “How did you find me?” Her voice was as cold as ice.

  “Is that how you greet your own uncle after all this time?”

  “I asked how you found me?” she said again, crossing her arms tightly against her chest.

  “Your cousin saw your face in some magazine you write for. Right impressed she was, to be related to a fancy writer. Once we found the name you hide under, tracking you down was easy.”

  “What do you want, Dean?” Like a statue, she stood motionless.

  “Oh, it’s like that, is it? First names, no uncle.”

  She let out a bark of bitter laughter. “You lost that privilege years ago when you abandoned us. As far as I’m concerned, the only family I have is my mother. Now can you tell me what you want?”

  He stepped towards her, extending his hand. She shuffled backwards, steadying herself before nearly falling onto the sofa.

  “Don’t put your hands anywhere near me.” Rachel raised her voice, her face turning crimson.

  “Hold your horses, young lady. What do you think I’m going to do?” he said, lifting his hand up and backing away. “I don’t have to be here, you know, I’m just doing your old man a favour.”

  Rachel’s jaw tightened. “I’m not the slightest bit interested in anything that man has to say.”