And Gundersnap prayed for a dwarf and a pony. “Please, dear God, make Gortle’s headaches go away and his poor bent legs not pain him. And make Mummy not call on him to dance and tumble for the amusement of the court. Watch out for dear Gortle, God, and for my dear pony, Menschmik.” And then she had another thought. “Oh, and P.S., dear Lord, may I not drown in the moat.”
As the last candle was snuffed out, a lovely sound swelled through the castle. It was the Royal Camp Choir accompanied by their songbirds. As the third-year girls made their way through the long corridors and twisting passages of Camp Princess, they sang the sweet and slightly mournful song known as “The Princess Taps.”
“Day is done, gone the sun
From the hills, from the lake,
From the sky
And towers high.
The stars in heaven’s gown
Bright as jewels in thy crown.
But rest ye now, Princesses royal.
Dream of thrones
But keep ye loyal
To your people
And your kingdoms,
Safe they keep
While you sleep.”
Alicia couldn’t fall asleep, so she decided to read another letter or two from Love Letters of a Forgotten Princess. Yes, these were the letters of an aching heart, she thought as she lit her special reading candle. Would anybody ever ache for her as the princess ached for her true love? Or would she ever feel such a yearning for a true love?
Her own parents had a very happy marriage, but it wasn’t this romantic, Alicia thought wistfully. She didn’t wish her mum and pop pain, but just a little achy romance would be awfully interesting. Not heartbreak-achy, not like the poor needlepoint counselor who died of a broken heart before the tapestry was finished. That would be like so, well, over the top.
She remembered that she wanted to put on her thinking tiara and figure out what was with this tapestry. She scrambled out of bed and got the tiara from its velvet box. Then she climbed back under the covers and, with her thinking tiara firmly in place, Alicia thought about where the ancient tapestry might be hidden. She wracked her brain, but nothing came. Instead, the open page of her book caught her eye. It was one of her favorite letters.
…and so, My True Love, evil cannot part us, neither the Blood Guard nor the treacherous queen. We shall meet in another world, a better world. A world that has neither kings, nor queens, nor princes or princesses. A world without crowns, but one where we shall be clad only in the light of the stars that shine through us.
This was the part that always confused Alicia. Was the forgotten princess talking about being dead? Dead and stark naked in heaven? That is what it sounded like to Alicia, but she never dared ask what it might really mean.
As the candle sputtered out, Alicia drifted off to sleep. The thinking tiara slipped off her head and onto the pillow. A chill filled the air and Alicia shivered, pulling her velvet covers up under her chin.
Something cold brushed her cheek just as she fell asleep. And once again a voice whispered, “Young princess, I am old. Please help—not all my tale is told.”
But once again, by morning she had forgotten the words, forgotten even the whisper in her dreams. Yet still there was that strange sensation that someone, something had passed through her chamber as she slept.
Chapter 7
AN AMPLE LADY
The next morning the three princesses of the South Turret emerged from their bedchambers in their best winter clothes. They were struck by an amazing sight.
“Munk doctum!” gasped Gundersnap in Slobo.
“Holy halibut!” whispered Kristen.
“Lady von Schleppenspiel!” Alicia exclaimed.
The needlepoint counselor sat in a very large rocking chair, dozing. The girls’ exclamations had not sent even the faintest ripple across the placid lake of sleep in which she seemed to be completely immersed.
Suddenly a strange noise rumbled up from Lady Merry’s massive body. The silk that spanned her stomach gave a lurch. Her mouth opened and a very large burp came out, causing a chandelier overhead to shudder.
The lady’s eyes flew open. “Oh, my goodness! My goodness! You’re here! Oh, miladies, shame on me for drifting off like this. And here I am awakened by my own digestive music. I’m afraid I sounded very much like the tuba in a marching band—my gut, that is!” She giggled. It was a teeny-weeny little giggle, which seemed odd to Alicia, coming from an enormous woman who had just burped loud enough to shake a chandelier.
Princess Gundersnap stepped forward. “Vye are you here, please?”
“Oh, my goodness.” The lady began chuckling. “They didn’t tell you? I am not just your needlepoint counselor; I am your lady-in-waiting. I know von Schleppenspiel is quite a mouthful. My full name is Lady Merry von Schlepp…etcetera, etcetera.” She waved her hand dismissively. “You know the rest. You may call me simply Lady Merry, as in Merry Christmas. Princesses are permitted to call their ladies-in-waiting by their first names as long as that name is preceded by the correct title. Rule two, section four, article five of the rule book.”
“B-b-but,” stammered Alicia. “I thought we were each to have our own lady-in-waiting.”
“Oh, there’s a shortage this year, and I do believe I am ample enough for three. One of me equals three ladies-in-waiting. Wouldn’t you agree?” Lady Merry asked. And now she started laughing quite hard again.
The three princesses stood transfixed as the guffaws set the eight chins rippling. The ripples traveled through Lady Merry’s body until her midsection jiggled. Her tiny feet were caught in an antic dance of their own as she kicked them out from the hem of her gown. She reminded the princesses of a ship caught in the midst of a violent squall. These were no longer simply ripples. These were waves, and the princesses watched closely to see if the vessel itself would hold. Would the seams split? Alicia wondered.
Finally the laughter subsided, and Lady Merry whisked a dainty hanky from somewhere deep in the bodice of her dress and wiped the tears from her eyes.
“Yes, miladies, I must tell you that I do prefer the word ‘ample’ to ‘fat.’ ‘Fat’ just sounds too dense to me. Ample, amplitude—a lady of great amplitude—yes, rather nice, I think. Or a lady of ample proportions suggests that I am much more than just fat—I have room for many things. By that I mean more things than just the common ones such as etiquette lessons. That is the standard stuff we ladies-in-waiting are expected to help you learn.” She daintily put the hanky to her mouth and burped again, though not as loudly as she had before.
“For example, muffling a belch. I can do it even better than that when pressed.” She held up a hand and waved her sausagelike fingers for silence. “Listen!” Once more she raised the hanky to her mouth. The princesses saw a tremor pass through the sea-blue bodice of the dress, but they heard nothing.
“Totally fab!” Kristen said.
“We shall have burping contests! We’ll see who does the best. Oh, miladies, we’re going to have such fun! Now, it is suddenly spring, I see. So how about we all go out and play a bit of lawn tennis?”
“You play lawn tennis?” Alicia asked.
“Of course!” Lady Merry exclaimed. “I play it sitting down. I have discovered that almost everything one does standing up can be done sitting down. Ring for my servants, please, and then we’ll be off.”
Before the servants had arrived, the soft green of the new spring leaves had begun to darken. “Hold it!” Lady Merry raised her hand for silence and stared out the window. “My goodness, miladies, regard the leaves of spring.” She paused. “As they darken to the deep green of summer and…and…” Lady Merry squealed with delight. “The first orange leaf of autumn is here. We all know what that means—we must go to the Forest of Chimes.”
“What?” Kristen said. “A two-minute summer? Total weirdness.”
The girls were having trouble following Lady Merry and keeping up with the ever-changing seasons.
“Quickly now, we must get out b
ird-catching nets. This is the songbirds’ hour,” Lady Merry said.
“Or minute?” Alicia asked.
“Would it not be more practical to vait?” said Gundersnap.
“No, my dear, nothing is practical here. Not at Camp Princess! Oh, practical! What an odd little word!” Lady Merry seemed quite amused. “And furthermore, when autumn happens like this, it always stays for at least a day.”
Let’s hope so, Alicia thought. She feared it might take her a day to capture a songbird. She was getting even more nervous about the songbird contest.
Chapter 8
THE FOREST OF CHIMES
The Forest of Chimes was indeed a most enchanting place. It was a place of music. The songs of the birds mingled with the chimes of the trees, which had bells on them instead of leaves.
Alicia had been following a little golden bird through the forest, but just as she swooped the net down, the bird escaped. She paused now to catch her breath and listen. It was a most musical forest. Even the stream that ran through the forest did not simply gurgle, but poured forth a song of liquid silvery notes like those plucked from the strings of a harp.
In the distance she could hear cries of delight as other princesses caught their birds. But just as Alicia had feared, she was having no luck at all. She peeked into a rotted-out tree stump filled with moss. It was said that sometimes birds hid in mossy places. But Alicia saw nothing inside except a few spiders.
Not far away, Alicia spotted a lovely tree with low-hanging branches. She could almost touch the bells as she stood beneath them. She looked up and searched for birds that might be hiding among the bells. But all she saw were the crystal clappers that made the beautiful sounds.
“Alicia! Time to come in, dear,” Lady Merry called. “Don’t worry if you don’t catch your songbird today. There is always tomorrow.”
But tomorrow won’t be the same, Alicia thought sadly as she walked back toward the edge of the forest. It might be winter again, or maybe even a hot summer day when the birds were said to be too tired to sing. And even now the light was growing dim. It would be harder to find a bird as the sun sank toward the horizon and twilight set in.
Alicia turned her head quickly as she heard the tiniest tinkling chimes of a bell bush. She saw a flash of gold. A bird had settled in the thickest part of the bush.
Alicia tiptoed toward the sound. Never mind the net, she thought. Her hand darted out and she caught the songbird in her hands. The songbird was hers! It was a beauty—a deep golden color with lovely turquoise flecks sprinkled on its wings.
Twilight was deepening as Alicia began to find her way out of the forest. In the fading light, she had the oddest sensation that someone was following her. It could hardly be Lady Merry. Trees would be crashing and the earth underfoot quaking, she thought, trying to distract herself with this silly thought. Twice she looked behind her to see if there was something. But she saw nothing unusual. Still, she could not shake the eerie sense of being followed. Finally she emerged from the forest.
Lady Merry was fretting when Alicia reached her. “I was about to send in the game warden to find you. You had me worried to death, my dear. How would it look if I lost you on my first day as your lady-in-waiting? I have never lost a princess in all my years here. And I don’t intend to.”
Alicia followed the sedan chair in which Lady Merry rode, carried by two footmen. For the walk back to the castle, the ample lady muttered about naughty, headstrong princesses. “Naughty, naughty princesses, one in every lot. I’m older now. Don’t know if I can still take it.”
But Lady Merry did take time to examine the bird Alicia had caught and pronounced it enchanting. “He’s simply enchanting. And it’s a weeb—how lucky!”
“What’s a weeb?” Alicia asked.
“A weeb, my dear, is a lovely bird found only in the Forest of Chimes. He is very rare indeed.”
“How can you tell it’s a he?” Alicia asked.
“Do you see the bright turquoise spots on the wings?” Lady Merry said as she gently stroked the bird’s feathers. “That is how one tells with weebs. The females don’t have those spots. And it’s said males are very difficult to teach. But when they finally learn, they have voices beyond compare. They are dear, sweet little birds.”
“Will you sing me a nice tune and then let me teach you more, dear, sweet little bird?” Alicia asked.
The little bird seemed to shake his head. He looked at her as if he wanted or needed something. Alicia felt a cold shiver run up her spine.
When she returned to the South Turret, Alicia heard her two turretmates already practicing with their songbirds in the parlor.
“Listen up, birdie boy, I’ll sing you a sea shanty,” Kristen was saying.
“Nocht, nocht, nocht, Princess Kristen. That is much too difficult for a beginning piece. You must try something with a good, precise beat. Vatch me!” Princess Gundersnap had an orange and green bird perched on her finger. She now stretched her arm straight out in front of her. “Vrachtun, birdie,” she said firmly. Alicia thought that this must be the call for attention in Slobo.
Gundersnap gave the bird a crisp salute with her free hand.
“Holy monk bones! He’s saluting her back,” Alicia gasped.
“Totally ice!” exclaimed Kristen.
Indeed, the bird had raised one wing slightly in what could only be thought of as a birdlike salute. Then Gundersnap began marching around the salon of the turret.
“Hup, two, three, four. Hup, two, three, four. Sound off, tweet tweet!”
The bird tweet tweeted back! “Hup, two, three, four. Hup, two, three, four,” Gundersnap sang happily.
“That’s not a real song, Princess Gundersnap,” Kristen said.
“Of course not. It is the first drill exercise of the Empress’s Grenadiers.”
Alicia herself could hardly wait to get started, but there would be no military exercises for her beautiful bird. She went into her own chamber, put her bird into the cage hanging by the window, and got out the book that had been distributed to all the princesses, Basic Songbird Instruction.
“‘Lesson one,’” she read. She tapped on the cage lightly with her finger. “Training a songbird always begins with scales,’” she continued. Then she sang, “Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do!”
The little bird tilted his head slightly as if he were listening to Alicia, but he remained silent. Alicia tried again. She sang each note of the scale slowly and clearly, waiting between each note to let the bird join in. Nothing. She tried one more time, but the weeb simply sat in his cage and stared at her.
“Oh, dear, I hope I don’t have a dud of a songbird!” Alicia murmured.
As she spoke, the shutters shook violently and swung open. A blast of raw, cold air came rushing in. The golden weeb started beating his wings against the walls of his cage as the wind swirled around Alicia. Then the wind and the weeb grew calm.
“What was that all about?” Alicia whispered, terrified, as she closed the shutters. The South Turret was beginning to feel creepier and creepier!
That night in bed, long after she had said her prayers and read two long letters from the Forgotten Princess, Alicia tried to sleep but only tossed and turned. Although her little bird remained silent and hardly fluttered a feather, Alicia seemed to feel another presence in the room. It was still autumn, but she felt so cold it could have been winter. Alicia remembered her own little joke about a two-hundred-year-old ghost being quite out of fashion. It didn’t seem so funny now. Gundersnap and Kristen were both much braver than she was. Alicia wished she could run to them now. But she did not want to be what her father called a puffball princess. Her pop’s words came back to her: “You know, dear Alicia, being a princess has its responsibilities. One must be firm and fair in judgment. One must be steadfast, true to one’s beliefs, and brave in the face of danger.”
“I don’t believe in ghosts!” Alicia whispered in the firmest voice she could.
Her father would say, “Don’t
be one of those puffball princesses like Aunt Molly, always dithering about. Despite her pretty ways, she has about as much sense as a chicken. Exactly like a Belgravian Meadow Hen—all pretty feathers but not much else, and scared of its own shadow.”
The flames of the fire in the grate cast shadows across the floor of Alicia’s chamber. Alicia dared herself to sit straight up in bed and watch her own shadow for at least ten seconds. “One…two…three…,” she counted. As she moved her head, she saw her shadow with its loosed hair spread upward on the wall. She raised her arms. “Five…six…seven.” She felt the bird staring at her. “Well, go ahead and stare!” she muttered. “Eight…nine…ten.” She’d done it. “I am not a puffball princess!” she said in a firm voice—and then dived under her velvet blankets, pulling them up around her head.
When the clock chimed midnight, she was still not asleep. So Alicia decided to read just a few more pages.
Dearest, I must flee, I must flee, for your safety as well as mine. We must be apart if we shall ever have any hope of being together. I shall return to the place where I was happiest before I met you. Though I have no hope of throne or kingdom, I will be taken in and made welcome.
Alicia had often wondered what that happy place was. Where was it? What made the Forgotten Princess so happy? It must be a lovely place, she was sure. Each time she read this passage, Alicia wished that she could go to that place where her heroine sought refuge. If only she had been born back then, she could have helped the Forgotten Princess. How ice would that be? Alicia loved Kristen’s odd expressions. Yes, totally ice to help the Forgotten Princess.
As she read, she grew drowsy, and the book soon fell to her chest. Her hands rested on the cover. Did she feel the beating of her own heart through its well-worn pages? Or were there two hearts beating? And did she hear the dim notes of a song that a bird could be singing? Or was it part of a dream?
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