Redeemed Love

by M. S. Brannon

  I’m able to peer around his waist and see Matt slowly approaching the door. He has his hands up in a surrender fashion, though he still walks slowly toward the door.

  “Stop right there, Ryker!” Jeremy shouts and then steps out onto the top step. I am right behind him, waiting for him to lunge, keeping my tight hold.

  “I’m not here to fight, Jeremy. Look,” he pulls up his shirt, exposing his stomach, and then turns, showing us his back, “I don’t have a gun. I only want to talk and maybe give a peace offering.”

  “She doesn’t want anything from you.” Jeremy moves down and gets within inches of his face. He is summoning the old demons he used when he worked for my father. Soon, Jeremy will erupt into a stark raving mad lunatic.

  Matt leans to the side, looking past Jeremy and connecting his eyes to mine. He seems old and worn out. He’s lost a lot of weight and his hair is very thin. I can see the wrinkles under his eyes while the once flush, pink cheeks he used to have are now pale and gaunt.

  I grab Jeremy’s arm and feel his hot skin. After I give him a gentle squeeze and pull slightly on his arm, Jeremy breaks his glare and looks to me.

  I smile then nod my head. “It’s okay, Jeremy. Let him talk.”

  Jeremy doesn’t look happy but allows me to move in front of him. I solely focus on my father as I grab a hold of my necklace and pinch the gold crucifix between my fingers. I can feel something major is going to happen, and I sense God’s influence on this moment right now.

  Oh, please Lord, let this be a good plan. I can’t take anymore blows to my life, I beg inside my head.

  “Hey, pumpkin,” he says, and I roll my eyes. I’m not his pumpkin—not any more. “Sorry… I just wanted to see you before I left.”

  “Where are you going?” The words are automatic. I cannot stop my mouth from saying what I’m thinking.

  “I’m going to drive to the ocean—California maybe—to find a quiet place on the beach. I will find a nice, peaceful place to watch a sunset and cash in my chips. I am done, Cami. I am ready to for this all to be done. But I couldn’t do this without seeing you first.” My father holds his arms out, but I refuse to allow him to touch me.

  I am angry, so angry I don’t know what to do with myself. Here he is, blindsiding me with his arrival, only to come here and tell me he’s going to a stupid beach so he can live peacefully. I wasn’t supposed to see him again. He was just supposed to disappear, and I would get over this part of my life as it faded away. Now, now he wants to interrupt my very blissful life with Hunter one day after Jeremy has moved in?

  No! I won’t let him break me apart all over again. I was devastated after he told me he was my real father. I’d think about all the times he could have told me I really belonged to him. We could have started to mend, but no. He has to disclose his dirty secret when Jeremy is sacrificing his life to save himself from his grasp.

  “No!” I shout loudly as the hot, angry tears run down my cheeks. “You can’t come here and do this to me. If you really wanted to be in my life and see me, you would have done it after my real father died.”

  “Look, I know I fucked up, Cami. But I didn’t know what else to do. I did exactly what he did.” Matt points to Jeremy and then connects his gaze back with mine. “I had nothing when I was released from San Quinton—nothing. I loved your mother and was willing to go into that hell hole so I could free myself from this life. The two of you were my only means of survival.” He looks back to Jeremy and relates it to his situation. “So you can imagine how much it killed me to see it was all for nothing.” Jeremy nods his head in understanding. He knows exactly what that would be like because, if I would have chosen someone else over Jeremy, I know he’d be just as upset.

  My father’s blue eyes start to water over. He is recalling the pain he lived through years ago, and my heart breaks for him. He was in love and was abandoned. “I was devastated when your mother chose my brother over me. I was ready to kill them both, and very close to doing it until…” He steps closer and holds his hand out to me. I look at it like it’s covered with poisonous thorns but can’t keep myself from touching him. It occurs to me how much I really miss him. “I saw how well you were cared for and how much everyone loved you. My brother had the blue-collar job, and your mother was happy. I couldn’t ruin that. For the sake of your future, I could not ruin it.” As he runs his thumb over my knuckles, I can feel the warmth in his hand.

  My heart is aching and wants to fix whatever is wrong with him. I don’t want him to leave, but I can’t have him stay, either. I’m lost and don’t know what to do.

  “That’s what I came here to say.” My father looks to Jeremy and gives him the drug lord glare. “Take care of my daughter and grandson.”

  “Hang on,” I interrupt. “Why were you watching me? I knew you were there, but tell me why?”

  “I’ve been watching over you since the day he went to jail. I may not have been there myself, but someone was always watching over you. I enjoyed seeing you grow as a mother, too. Your son is amazing, and with any luck, he will be far better than his granddad ever was.”

  I knew he was there. I could always sense it and sometimes I’d spot Tank. However, now I know he was in the car, too. He was watching me from afar because he agreed to leave me alone.

  “You don’t have to go.” I’m desperate to make him stay, but I know it’s not possible. My heart simply hurts because I know this is the last time I will see him or touch him. Saying goodbye is always gut-wrenching, and I just don’t want to do it.

  Matt pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it swiftly. The tears have coated his lashes yet still remain in his eyes. “I’ve got to go, sweetheart.” He kisses my hand again then looks back to Jeremy. “Protect them.”

  “With my life,” Jeremy says and shakes Matt’s extended hand.

  “You’re a good man, Jeremy. I saw that the minute you walked into my house. There was something special about you. You know what? I think this is it.

  “This is what?” Jeremy asks.

  “You were here for her all along.” He breaks his gaze and looks to me. “Humph, maybe there is something to your God, pumpkin.” He shakes his head with a weird smile on his face then gets serious again. He lifts his hand and claps Jeremy on his shoulder. “I will die happy knowing Cami will be guarded and protected by you. I know the kind of man you are Jeremy, and if I had a choice in the matter, I’d chosen you. There’s no one better to take care of my daughter.”

  He turns around and falls back into his black car. Then, as quickly as he arrived, he is gone, leaving me feeling sad and angry.

  I can’t hold back the sobs and Jeremy doesn’t hesitate. He pulls me into his arms and I tuck my head into his chest. He holds me tightly as I mourn, yet again, someone I love.

  I was ready to beat Matt lifeless when I saw his car in the driveway. He was the last person I expected to see. When he said his peace to Cami, however, I think it gave her the closure she subconsciously needed for the last four years. Even though she was mad with her father, I know she was hurt more than anything.

  We pull into Reggie’s house just as Jake is parking. I texted him after Matt left, telling him we were going to be late and we’d meet him at Reggie’s.

  Hunter leaps from the car and comes running over to me. “Daddy! I had a sleepover with Uncle Jake!” He is smiling his huge, electric smile.

  I pull him up in my arms. “I know, little man. Did you have fun?”

  “Yes! We got to eat ice cream, popcorn, and watch movies. Then Auntie D let us sing. She’s fun.” Hunter is expressing every ounce of happiness with his eyes and bobbing his head as he speaks.

  “Wow, all right, little man. I’m glad you had fun.”

  When Hunter squirms from my arms and runs over to his mama, Cami scoops him up and kisses his cheek. He hugs her around the neck then runs off to swing in the backyard.

  I walk over to the passenger side of the car and escort Cami up the driveway. She lays her head down on
my shoulder and I pull her closer to my body then clasp onto her hip. We are walking with arms around each other like long-lost lovers would walk on the beach. That sounds nice. I’d like to live on the beach someday. Maybe when I retire, Cami and I can find a little spot and simply walk and enjoy each other.

  “Are you all right?’ I ask, still concerned with her encounter this morning.

  “Yeah, I’m okay.” As she lets out a sigh and gives me a gentle squeeze on my ass, I let out a small laugh while we round the corner to the backyard.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this—an Evans family barbeque—and the sight is perfect. Reggie is standing at the grill, flipping burgers and sipping on a beer. Like he always does, he is wearing a white tank top and grease-stained jeans. You can see every tattoo on his muscled arm. The girls are gathered in the shade, sitting around the table. Darcie is making her famous spiked lemonade coolers. With too many of those, the girls will be wasted in a couple of hours.

  Cami breaks from my side as she walks toward the girls. She gets along very well with my family, and her and Zoe have a close relationship. Cami admitted she’s never had friends before and is very happy they all get along so well.

  I look at the amazing burgers and soak in the aroma coming off the grill, my stomach grumbling. I cannot wait to sink my teeth into another hamburger. However, the waitress at the Ionia diner was right, that double deluxe burger is the best one I’ve ever had. Although Reggie’s will taste just as good, it wasn’t the first burger I had after being released from prison; so it can’t compare.

  He wraps his arm across my shoulders with a look of pride on his face. “I never thought I’d see this, little brother, not in a million years.” I look to him, confused, wondering what the hell he’s talking about. “You. This.” He points to my son and Cami in the backyard. “I always pegged you to be alone your entire life, kind of a wanderer. But you never cease to surprise me.”

  “You never thought he’d be a drug dealing killer, either,” Jake says as he walks to join us at the grill.

  I look to him and roll my eyes. Of course it’s going to be my twin who reminds me time after time the secret I kept from my family. I think he’s still hurt I never spoke to him, and that’s okay.

  I look over to him and reply, “No, you didn’t.”

  “Jake, where’s the hot dogs?” Reggie ask as he flips the burgers over.

  “Seriously, right now? Do you know what I had to deal with this morning? Two monster children and my very cranky and pregnant woman; it’s been hell,” Jake complains to us.

  “Yeah, yeah, I will get you your medal of honor later, but until then, where are the hotdogs?” Reggie could care less about his problems while I am smiling and trying to suppress my laugh.

  “Fuck, Reg. I didn’t get the damn hotdogs.” He lets out an exasperated sigh and then rolls his eyes. “I’ll text Drake.” Jake pulls out his phone and begins pushing buttons.

  I clap Reggie on the back and look at his burgers. They look absolutely amazing, and my stomach is about to die of starvation. He only looks back at me and smiles. The feeling of having all of his family here again must be great.

  We’ve traveled a long road, the four of us. From our violent, drug addicted mother; then to fending off a sick, pedophile asshole; to losing a dear member of our family, only to gain new family; to drugs; weddings; babies; and everything in between. The Evans brothers have lived it all, and yet, here we are, still together and still dysfunctional.

  The sound of Drake’s Chevelle pulls in moments before he and Zoe round the corner. He is carrying a sack of food as he walks over to Reggie, pulling a couple packs of hotdogs out. When he looks to me and half-smiles, I do the same.

  “Daddy!” Mia comes running from the swing set in the backyard, and Drake smiles the big, face-covering smile he used to sport all the time. It’s a perfect sight, and I cannot wait to see him give me a smile like that. He picks Mia up in his arms and holds her tightly. “Uncle Jake is cranky this morning.”

  “I know.” He glares at Jake.

  “Now, Axl,” he scolds.

  “What? You were! You didn’t want us to sing.” She looks back to Drake and bats her eyelashes. “We sing good, Daddy.”

  “I know you do, princess.” Drake kisses her on her cheek and sets her down. Mia scampers over to Delilah and rubs her belly then sits on Zoe’s lap, completely and utterly happy.

  “Hey, you guys don’t have any idea what I have to deal with at home. She cries all the time then gets angry and then wants to bone.” I spit out the water I just took a sip of. Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that one. Jake hits me on the back as I choke down the water. “You missed out, Jeremy, but all pregnant women want to do is fuck. My dick has never seen so much action and there are days I wonder if I can keep up, but you know me… I manage.” He winks to us and we all stare in unison at the admission of his sex life with the mother of his unborn children. “And they are freeeaaaakkkss. Every possible position. D is down for all that action. He knows what I’m talking about.” Jake points in Drake’s direction.

  “Ah… I don’t think I want to get into this conversation.” Drake pulls a beer from the cooler and cracks the can open.

  “Whatever, man. I know you know what I’m talking about. Reggie will never know because he’s too fucking old to get it up anymore.”

  Reggie sets down the spatula and punches Jake in the shoulder. “Fuck off, dude. I’m only going to be thirty-five.”

  “Precisely, that’s halfway to seventy,” Jake says in a smartass manner. I can’t help laughing, either. He is so stupid yet hilarious; it’s crazy funny.

  Reggie opens the hotdogs and tosses them onto the grill.

  “Jeremy,” the sound of Drake’s voice breaks up my thoughts, “do you have a second?”

  We are speaking to one another and the awkwardness is better, but we are far from perfect. I’m not sure if Drake and I will ever be perfect, but since the fight, he’s been trying to accept what I’ve done and understand it. Many times, when we get together, we will have conversations around the events we both experienced. With each word spoken, we get closer and closer to the happiness we are both seeking.

  “Sure,” I say.

  When we make our way over to the garage and walk through the door, for me, it’s like coming home all over again. I miss this place. I’d spend almost every available second I had out here with my car or Reggie’s or Drake’s. It sounds dumb, but this garage is one of the best places in the world. When I was young, this was the only place I felt happy. It was my escape from my mother and her lashings. I could get lost in my own little world and withdraw from everything else.

  “Something has been bothering me and I just need to know… the truth.” Drake is rubbing the top of his head, pacing the length of the room.

  “Sure, what’s up?” I ask, my curiosity growing.

  “Did you really kill Carter?” The question takes me off guard. I look at the concern in his face. “The thought haunts me that he’s still alive, yet it haunts me that he’s dead, too. I wanted him to suffer. For the longest time, all I could think about was his suffering and…” He looks away then back to me, his face cloaked with apology. “And yours. I wanted you to suffer right along with him. I never hated anyone as much as I hated the two of you. I wished you dead any moment I could get. But I’m paranoid Carter is out there, still lurking and wanting to capture my family. If he wanted Presley so bad, my mind can only think he wants Mia now. She looks just like her mother, especially her eyes, and I worry myself sick he’s out there, biding his time to come up and snatch her away.”

  I nod my head and listen to his concerns, happy I can provide him comfort. “You have nothing to worry about; he’s dead. And you did get your wish. I suffered while I was in there.”

  When I stand up and pull my shirt over my head, Drake stops in his tracks and looks at my body. My back especially is covered with old, white scars and fresh, pink ones. My arm and sides where I’ve bee
n stabbed, not to mention the wounds inflicted by our mother—oh, I have suffered. But, when I recall Carter’s snakelike eyes staring at me, I’m glad I went through the beatings. It is a reminder of why I did what I did.

  “What happened?” Drake asks and flops down on the orange, grease-stained couch.

  I sit next to him. We haven’t sat here together since the night after Presley’s funeral. I had only stared at him then, wishing for his pain to go away and wanting to gut myself all at the same time. I should have killed Carter long before he got to Presley.

  “My first year was really hard. I was hunted down by a white supremacist gang constantly because I refused to join them. They heard of my reputation on the streets and wanted me to be their ally. But I refused to give in, and I was beat constantly for it. They’d gang up on me. I was stabbed a couple of times but finally I had enough. Most of the time, I could fend them off, but when you’re fighting five guys to one, the odds are not in your favor. When their leader tried to rape me in the shower, though, I transformed fully into a person I never knew existed. I summoned all the hate, rage, and frustration and fought them off. Then, one by one, I stood over them and broke their necks.” I roll my shoulders back, remembering how alive the beast was inside of me and how much he loved taking lives. “Then the word got around with other gangs and groups, especially after the fucker who killed Ronnie. I made sure he paid with his life for taking Ronnie’s.”

  Drake sits back and tries to soak in everything I am telling him. It’s not easy talking about what I’ve done. I’m sure it’s not easy to hear it, either. “I had no idea about Ronnie.”

  “Yeah, he was walking across the yard and got stabbed.” I will never forget the image of his dead eyes. “I spotted Carter on the yard for the first time the day Ronnie was killed. He was moved to my cellblock, and I was dead set on getting revenge. Victor Ryker became my cellmate shortly after and helped me plot his death. The guards in I-Max are dirty, and if the money is right, they will do anything you ask. So, Victor notified Matt, and he paid them an ungodly amount of money. The guards conveniently disabled the cameras for seven minutes and lured Carter into the shower area.” I close my eyes and see all the red. The white tile was painted with Carters blood, and I loved it.