by Amy Richie
“Wait!” I felt the panic start to close my throat. “How are you going to get a ticket? Don’t just leave me alone here!” But my calls fell on deaf ears, he was already being swallowed up by the crowd. “Tristan!”
A young guy walking quickly towards a parked bus faltered in his stride so he could stare at me. While I screamed at no one. I tucked my hair behind my ears and ducked my head to avoid eye contact with the stranger who was probably seconds away from calling the cops on me.
The wall at my back kept me from falling over but even that couldn’t keep my heart from pounding furiously under my shirt.
Lucky for me, the man continued on his way to the bus with only a few more glances at me. I craned my neck, trying to see where Tristan had gone, but I couldn’t find him among the crowd. How was he going to be able to get a ticket by himself? I should go to the ticket counter with him. But where was it?
I pressed my eyes closed tight together. I just needed to clear my head and not panic. People did this sort of thing all the time. Going to buy a bus ticket? It shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t leave me with a racing heart and sweating hands.
“Just take a step, Ren,” I whispered, my lips barely moving across my personal scolding. “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” If only I could make myself believe that.
“Are you talking to yourself?” asked a familiar voice.
My eyes popped open. “Tristan?”
“Were you expecting someone else?” His lips turned down into a mock frown.
“No!” I swallowed hard, relief making me light headed. “I’ll go with you to get the tickets,” I pushed myself from my hiding place.
“No need.” His teeth flashed in a wide smile as he waved a small white paper in front of my face.
Chapter Thirteen
I still couldn't understand how I had a freshly printed bus ticket in my hand. I ran my fingers over the black ink, slightly awed by all that had happened.
I thought no one else could see my ghost people, but somehow Tristan had been able to get a bus ticket and Toby had been able to get me a bag with clothes and money. “Did they see you?” I asked again.
As I expected, Tristan groaned out a half answer. “Don't over think it, Ren. You needed a bus ticket- I got one for you.”
“Yeah, but...”
“I told you I would take care of you. Didn't I say I would?”
“Yes, but...”
“Did you doubt me?”
“No.” Maybe I did a little. He was an invisible man. How did he even have money? “Can you put your hands in your pocket?” I asked abruptly.
“What?”
“I mean,” I squared my shoulders to look at him better, “if I tried to reach into your pocket- my hand would go right through you.”
“Why would you put your hand in my pocket?”
“I wouldn't.”
“Then?” One half of his mouth rose up into a lazy grin.
“I didn't mean that I wanted to...” Heat rose to spread into my neck. I ducked my head, mortified that he would misunderstand me.
“Come on,” he tugged lightly on my shirt sleeve, “we better not stand out here in plain sight in case you decide to start ripping my clothes off.”
“I never...” He was laughing though, a kind of sound I had never heard before. A sound I wouldn't be able to ignore no matter where I was in the world. My lips reformed into a smile despite my embarrassment. “I only meant how would you get money out,” I called out even as I followed him across the platform.
“Sure,” he called back, his smile still wide.
I was too aware of the strangers watching me to deny his accusations again though, a fact I was sure he would take as an admission of guilt. I groaned inwardly at all the looks I'd have to endure now. Would I even be able to feel him? He seemed solid enough in the hotel when he kissed me. I was sure we'd be able to...
I shook my head quickly before any worse thoughts could form. What was wrong with me? Was I really one of those girls? The kind that fell for the first guy to show me any attention? He wasn't the first though.
I shook my head again.
“Keep up, Ren,” Tristan called out. I was surprised when I looked up and he was watching me. Had I really been going that slow?
“I'm coming,” I shooed away his outstretched hand just in case no one could see him. How would that look if I was holding hands with the air? He could try to be a little more careful. He was starting to act like Toby.
I cringed inwardly as soon as his name crossed my thoughts again. He was probably back at the hotel by now, knowing I had left. Would he know who I had left with? Would he come here for me?
I decided when I was thirteen that I no longer wanted Toby to follow me everywhere. Hiding from him wasn't easy, though. He told me then that he would always be able to find me- no matter where I was in the world. It was his curse. I was still thirteen when I gave up and decided to just let him tag along.
Here I was years later, trying to hide from him again. He would find me though.
Following Tristan was different than Toby following me. “We'll sit here and wait for the bus,” he stopped abruptly in front of an empty wooden bench.
“Here?” I croaked. “Can't we find somewhere less noticeable?”
“We'll sit here,” he repeated.
Tristan’s chin tilted up, his eyes watching me expectantly. Sitting down didn't seem like the best idea. What if someone sat down beside me? I danced awkwardly with indecision while he sat calmly, just watching me.
“No one will sit beside you,” he surprised me by guessing my anxieties. He couldn't know that for sure though. “You notice that no one has approached you yet?” he grinned.
Now that I took a minute to actually look around me, I realized he was right. The people left at the bus station barely even glanced my way. They all wore matching scowls and hurried about their own business.
I couldn't blame them either. Sprinkled throughout the crowd were the ghost people; shouting at people. A man sat against the wall not far from where I was standing; his hands pressed tight to his face, his eyes nearly swallowed in the lines of his scowl. A woman I recognized from the hospital was mere inches from his face- screaming.
“Why can't I hear them?” I hissed, sliding onto the cold wood beside Tristan.
He shrugged, his grin faltering but reappearing quickly. “Why should our morning be unpleasant?”
A strange sensation stirred low in my gut, one I didn't recognize. It took me a moment to realize I felt bad for these strangers; people who were headed to new destinations- who were now being tormented because I was there.
“Can't you make them just go away?” I hissed.
“It doesn't work like that.”
“They listen to you,” I insisted. I wasn't sure why exactly, but the ghost people listened to Tristan. I had seen it before back at the hospital; he could do it here now, too.
“Sometimes,” he shrugged nonchalantly.
“You're really not going to help these people?”
“Why should I?”
“Who...” I leaned forward too quickly and almost went for a concrete nosedive. Why should he? Why wouldn't he was a better question.
“The only person I care about is perfectly safe.” He turned away without even a tiny tug on his lips to show he was joking.
“I don't...” I hesitated, chewing on the inside of my lip while I tried to make sense of Tristan.
“You, Ren,” he said without looking my way, “you're the only one I care about and you're fine.”
My mouth clamped shut. Even if I knew how to respond to that, no words were escaping my lips now. Tristan cared about me? Me? Why would he? He didn't even know me.
Maybe that was the key. He didn't know me. Anyone who knew me, knew I wasn't worth caring about. No one ever had before. I wasn't even sure how I should act now that Tristan cared about me.
My eyes moved al
one to take in his harsh profile. Full lips were stretched tight over teeth I knew were perfect even if I couldn't see them. My fingers longed to smooth out the lines between his eyes where his scowl met irritation.
It was a strange feeling knowing someone cared about you. All of a sudden, I felt responsible for Tristan’s missing smile and a deep longing to bring it back. It wasn't like we would be here long, maybe I should just relax and ignore the ghost people.
“H... how far away is this place you're taking me?” I only had to clear my throat twice to get the question out.
“Couple days.” Scowl still in place. Maybe I had even managed to make it worse.
“That's... kinda far.”
“We need to put some distance between you and the hospital.”
“Oh.” Of course. That made perfect sense.
“There's the bus now.” He nodded towards a sleek grey and red bus that was screeching and hissing to a stop in front of us. A small, tight smile flashed my way before he sprang to his feet.
A lot less enthusiastically and clutching my ticket until the paper bent, I stood up beside Tristan. A young man wearing an all blue uniform danced the few steps off the bus and skidded to a halt just barely a foot away from me.
“We still have almost thirty minutes before we leave.” He may have tried for a kind smile, but it mostly just looked worried.
“I'll just wait on the bus.” I swallowed past the dryness in my throat. Strange how easy it was to talk to the man. “Is... is that alright?”
He glanced behind me. “No luggage?”
“Just my bag.” I turned in profile to show off the red schoolbag I still had hung on my back.
“Go ahead then.” He nodded towards the waiting bus.
The inside of the bus was clean, even if it did smell like burning oil. “We should sit at the back, right?” I shuffled forward a few feet.
“The bathroom is back there,” Tristan replied easily, “it might get crowded.”
I slid quickly into the next seat we passed. What was I doing? Why did I think I could get away with this? A half hour. No way would I last that long. I craned my neck, trying to see as far out the window as possible. The police were probably already on their way.
“Hey,” Tristan nudged my shoulder.
I turned quickly towards him, a fake smile already plastered on my face to show him just how not nervous I was. “Yeah?”
“You worry too much, Ren,” he smiled wide, rubbing his hand lightly up my arm. “You need to relax.”
My smile froze in place. How long had Tristan been watching me? “I had a friend who used to tell me the same thing.”
“At Nine Crosses?”
“No,” I rolled my eyes. “I mean a real-life friend.”
“Oh,” his mouth moved to form a perfect circle. “And where is this real-life friend now?”
“He's...” I jerked my head around to watch out the window. Daylight was rolling in faster now, erasing the darkness. “He always said no matter how black the night, morning would come again,” I murmured, not looking back at Tristan.
I hadn't thought of Austin in a while. Now wasn't the time to dredge up old memories. The morning didn't always come, though. Not always. Sometimes things just stayed black.
Chapter Fourteen
As the miles drifted past the oversized, slightly tinted bus windows, Tristan became quieter and quieter until he was only a ghostly presence at my side. I tried not to imagine what he was thinking about, but my eyes strayed often to his stony features. What did really old ghosts think about to make them scowl so often?
I opened my mouth to ask, then snapped it closed again when his hard eyes swung over to me for a brief second. The bus had picked up more passengers anyways, I told myself weakly. Better not talk to myself.
The window was a safer object for my curiosity. At least the window didn't glare at me, even the reflection staring back at me couldn't muster the gumption to glare.
I never had been very brave; probably a result of seeing ghosts my whole life. It made me different from the very beginning and the world didn't often let me forget that.
Or maybe it was just Toby.
I sighed deeply, causing the window to fog up where my mouth was too close to the glass. Running one finger across the window, I traced a small 'T' before I realized what I was writing. Wiping it clean with a closed fist and a gasp, I glanced at Tristan just to be sure he hadn't seen.
He wasn't looking my way; he was still glaring straight ahead. There was no one up there to make him so angry though. Just an older couple, bent low and whispering softly to one another. We could barely even hear their voices, so it wasn't like he could be bugged by them. At least I couldn't.
“Can you hear what they're saying,” I whispered loudly. Too bad I wasn't as good as the couple in front of us. I was out of practice though, I defended myself against the insults that didn't come; then I realized Toby wasn't there.
“No,” Tristan answered shortly.
“Really?”
His head jerked over to look at me briefly, irritation dominant. “I'm not trying to hear them.”
I sat back in my seat, confused by his anger, but too self conscious to pursue any answers. He was just worried, I nodded to my own inner voice, he's worried about where we're going. Look what happened at the bus station- I wouldn't even go with him to get the ticket.
I'll try to do better, I promised silently. People just make me nervous.
As if he could hear my thoughts, which was quite possible, his face relaxed back into an easy smile. “We'll stop soon, then you can get out and stretch your legs.”
“I'm fine.” The man from the seat in front of us turned to look at me, then turned away quickly when he caught my eye. Never make eye contact with a crazy person, it was probably in a brochure somewhere.
Tristan laughed loudly, the sound making my own lips curl up in response. “A lot of people talk to themselves,” he assured me with a wide grin.
“I wasn't talking to myself,” I muttered, “I was talking to you.”
He grinned again, showing off all of his perfect teeth. Tristan was an easy man to trust, with his laughter and relaxed eyes. I felt myself leaning closer to him without meaning to.
He was so different from Toby. And Toby was the one I was supposed to trust. Nona just didn't know Tristan the way I did; or Toby. Her words would have been different if she knew.
I chewed nervously on a loose piece of skin on the tip of my thumb. Nona had told me not to trust Tristan; that he was trying to kill me. Maybe I just had a messed up judge of character. In reality, how many 'good' people did I know?
There wasn't anyone that fit that description, not anymore. It came down to a choice. Between Toby and Tristan. It should have been an easy choice for me.
Tristan was nice to me; Toby hated me. Tristan was the easy choice; why, then, was there such a nagging unease in my stomach?
It's only because you're used to Toby, I tried to argue with myself. He had always been with me, so of course his crude name calling had become second nature- comfortable even. I felt incredibly exposed without Toby hovering over me; and I wasn't sure yet if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
“What are you thinking about?” Tristan nudged my ribs.
“Nothing,” I tried to smile, but he wouldn't let it go.
“Come on, didn't we promise to tell each other everything?”
“When did we say that?” Why did my voice have to sound so airy?
“I just decided right now,” he winked, “so, what were you thinking about that would make your forehead go all liney?”
Liney? “Just...” I couldn't tell him I was thinking of Toby. “Just a dream I had.”
“What kind of dream?” He scooted closer to me on the seat, pressing our thighs together.
“I was on a road.”
“A road?” He glanced quickly at me, new interest shining in his eyes. “A r
oad to where?”
“A road to nowhere,” I murmured, “with no one on it.”
I had been having the dream for as long as I could remember, until I came to Nine Crosses. Then it just stopped.
I was always on the same road- just walking. Even though there was no destination, I wasn't afraid. I hadn't thought about it before, but could it be the same road Nona had met me on?
“Sounds like a pretty boring dream,” Tristan scoffed.
“I don't have a very good imagination,” I admitted with a small frown.
“Who needs an imagination when you can see ghosts?” He wriggled his eyebrows at me, waiting for my giggle that didn't come.
Glad he thought seeing ghosts was funny. It had never done me any good, though. My mom tried to kill me, my father hated me, and the only friend I ever had... was dead now. Not exactly something to laugh about.
Austin didn't believe in the ghost people, even when he guessed my secret. “You're crazy, Ren,” he had told me, shaking his head.
Nothing new there. A lot of people said that.
I never asked him to follow me that night and I might have tried to save him when the ice broke and he fell in the water- if only Toby hadn't made me stay back. Toby told me there was nothing I could do.
The police found me on the bank of the river the next day, still staring out at the place Austin had disappeared. The only friend I had ever had.
Until now.
It wasn't easy to recreate the same feelings with Tristan that I had with Austin. It was probably just because I didn't know him very well, or maybe because he was a ghost. It was probably just because I didn't know how to be a friend.
Why didn't they have brochures for that? The object of my intense staring session turned his face to smile at me. “We're almost there,” he promised.
I nodded quickly.
“Excited?”
Should I lie? I nodded again.
“Me too,” he admitted with a chuckle.
True to Tristan’s promise, it wasn't long before the long- almost empty- bus pulled into an equally empty gas station. The tires groaned as the driver applied the brakes and switched off the engine.