by Amy Richie
“Are you ok?” I felt a cool breath against my face. “You were screaming so loud, I was worried.”
I peeled my eyes open, finally able to focus on his face. “Tristan?” I croaked out. “You’re here?”
His eyes narrowed. “Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?”
“It was so scary,” I managed to whisper.
“What was scary?” He nudged me again, harder this time. “Your dream? Was your dream scary?”
I nodded, my head still on the hard ground.
“Was Nona there?”
“No, it wasn't her,” I mumbled.
“Then who was it? What did you dream?”
Why did his voice sound so far away? Was he leaving again? Maybe Zac was coming back; I shouldn't just lay here and wait for him.
“Ren? What was your dream?”
“It was Zac,” I breathed out. “He kissed me.”
“Ren, we have to go,” he spoke close to my face, urgency making his voice come out like a low hiss.
“I can’t,” I whined. “Just let me rest here for a little while longer.” Why did I still feel so cold and weak? It was just a dream – Tristan said it was just a dream.
“There’s no time for you to rest,” he said loudly. “Get up.”
“No time?” I looked up at him, my eyes still bleary from a restless sleep. “What do you mean? Do you think Zac will come here?”
“I’m surprised he isn't already,” he replied darkly.
“You said he couldn't hurt me,” I pulled my head up to accuse him, “but he grabbed me and he felt real.”
“It’s because you let him in your head.”
He continued to search the horizon for any signs of Zac while I struggled with the task of getting up from the ground. Now that I was no longer in the dream world, my ankle was hurting again, throbbing dangerously when I put just a little pressure against it.
“What if I let you in my head?” I panted. “Can I do that?”
“It’s too late for that.” Glancing down at me for a brief second, Tristan began walking away before I was fully up. “Come on,” he yelled back at me.
Not seeing any other way to ignore his frantic words, I rose up onto two shaking legs. No way would they be able to carry me very far away. And Tristan was already too far ahead to call him back.
As if he would actually listen to me.
“Wait,” I croaked, hobbling pathetically forward. “Please wait for me.”
If he left me now, what could I do? Sit and patiently wait for Zac to come back and kill me off? Tristan wouldn't leave though, he would wait for me. He said I belonged to him, he said Zac couldn't have me. I just had to keep going.
“Tristan,” I screamed into the wind. Squinting hard into the black darkness, I tried to make out his familiar form. I couldn't see him anywhere. “Did you leave me?” I called with as much force as I could muster.
In place of an answer, there was a huge gust of wind. Already weak, it was enough to knock me down to my knees. I expected pain, the rocks had dug into my knees earlier, but the pain never came. Maybe I was too cold to feel anything anymore. Was my blood freezing? Was that possible? Was that what Zac’s kiss was doing to me?
“No,”I shook my head back and forth. I wasn't letting Zac win so easily. I had lived through an entire lifetime of Toby and my ghost-people. I wasn't as weak as Toby always said I was. I would make it back to him; I would find Toby no matter what!
Gritting my teeth until they throbbed, I pushed myself back up from the ground. “Ow,”I cried out, clutching the coldness in my chest.
“What are you doing?” Tristan asked, suddenly back by my side.
“I thought you left.”Relief flooded through me, bringing a stupid smile with it.
“Not yet,” he snarled, “but if you don’t hurry up, I will.”
“I’m trying,” I grunted painfully. “My legs won’t work.”
“Of course they will,” he hoovered momentarily at my shoulder, “don’t stop moving.” In a huff, he was gone again.
“Great advice,” I yelled into the now empty space beside me, “glad you filled me in on that. Couldn't have figured that much out on my own!”
Yelling was a waste of energy, I quickly realized. Better to use all I had on walking. Just doing that was going to be hard enough. I took one step forward and then another; I had this.
“Hey, wait up.” How would I know I was even going in the right direction if he was too far ahead of me? Why was he going so fast anyways? It wasn't like it would make me hurry anymore. I was already going as fast as I could. “Tristan!”
The wind picked up around me, angry gusts of freezing cold air whipping my hair all around my head and neck. It was just like in my dream except the air was hot in my dream and this was cold. Maybe that meant the ghost-people were coming. I wasn't afraid of them though.
At least, mostly not afraid.
“Why are you going so slow?” Tristan came back to me, throwing his hands impatiently into the air.
“I can’t…breathe,” I rasped. “Zac must have done something to me.”
“He didn't.”
“Tristan,” I reached out to grab his arm, only to come up empty, “am I dying?”
“Absolutely not,” he denied furiously. “We'll get you out of here and somewhere warm.”
Somewhere warm? That sounded perfect.
“Do you still have money?”
Did I ever have money?
“It doesn't matter,” he continued in the same breath. “I'll get us some money and we can go to a hotel for the night.”
If he had money all this time and just didn't tell me...I tried to snarl my face up but didn't want to waste any energy. Cash would have been nice earlier though. Food would have been helpful. I took a few more steps, trying hard to stay beside Tristan.
“Just make it to the road, Ren,” he pleaded.
Why? What was on the road? A taxi?
“It'll be easier to walk on the road, you won’t have to worry so much about falling down.”
That sounded suspiciously like a lie to me.
“Can you keep going?”
“Yeah,” I gasped out. I could keep going.
“Then come on, keep moving.”
Was I not moving? I glanced down to my traitorous feet. Were they moving?
“Ren.”
I had never before heard someone say my name like Tristan did. Worry. There was so much worry in that voice; Tristan was worried about me.
“I’m not worried,” he argued, “you’re fine, just being lazy.”
My lips turned up at his words. Now I knew I was in trouble.
“Don’t even think about giving up,” he warned. “If you give up here then it’s over.”
Over? My mind slowly turned the word over and over, turing it inside out so I could see it more clearly. Tristan meant that I would die. But was that so bad? As long as I didn’t kill myself and join Tristan, Toby would be freed. I could be happy with that.
I forced my foot one step further, accidently making my weight fall unevenly onto my injured ankle. It was too much, I knew I was falling before my knee dug into the unforgiving earth. The loose gravel dug into my skin, causing more injuries to my battered body.
“Get up,” Tristan’s voice hissed into my ear. “Get back up, right now.”
“I can’t.” I tried to suck my cries back in, resulting in a sob that echoed all around us. “I just can’t.”
“You can’t stay here, Ren.” He knelt down so we were face to face. “You understand that, don’t you?”
“I know what it means,” I fell forward with the effort of screaming at him, hitting my hands on the ground in front of me.
“Get up,” he repeated through clenched teeth.
“I already told you I can’t!”
“Ren,” now I could hear the desperation in his voice, “I can’t help you. I can’t touch you.”
I looked up, our eyes meeting across the short span that separated us. So many words went unspoken between us. I didn't understand it and maybe I never would, but Tristan did like me. He didn't want me to die out here.
But there was nothing he could do. We both knew it.
“I know,” I nodded, letting my body sink the rest of the way onto the cold, hard ground. “It’s ok,” I whispered.
“Don’t say that,” he pleaded, even as he rose back up. “It isn't ok.”
He couldn't carry me though, and I couldn't walk. Maybe Zac wouldn't come for me out here in the real world, maybe I could fight him off. Maybe...
When I looked up again, Tristan was gone. He had left me all alone…and without even saying goodbye.
Chapter Eleven
Grunting slightly, I managed to roll over onto my back so I could see the stars. I had always liked looking at the stars, trying to imagine what kind of life forms lived out in the other galaxies. Before my mother tried to kill me, before the ghost- people became too loud to ignore – my father liked me a little. He told me that there were too many stars to think that nothing lived up there.
Maybe he was wrong though, we were probably all alone on this planet. If there were other life, why didn't they ever visit?
Was Tristan from a different planet?
It didn't really matter where he was from, he had gone back home now- leaving me all alone to die. It was fitting, for me to be alone at the end. Somehow, I had always known it would be like that.
Above me, a lone star streaked across the sky- racing for its fiery death. I had never before made a wish on a falling star like the song commanded.
Where would I even begin when it came to my wishes? I wish I was normal? I wish my mother never hated me so much that she wanted me dead? I wish I never saw Toby?
But did I wish that?
Toby had always been with me; I couldn't call him a friend exactly, but at least he never left me alone. Even when things were really bad and everyone I knew and didn't know turned their backs on me- Toby never changed.
He knew I didn't kill that boy on the lake. True, I didn't go for help, but I didn't push him in either. I wasn't the monster they all thought I was.
Not really.
I would never see Toby again now. It was hard to imagine what I would say to him if he was there with me- but still... Maybe we wouldn't need to say anything. We had managed for so long without talking, we wouldn't really need to say anything to each other.
I could tell him he was free now, though. Him and his once upon a time wife. They would both be free after I died. Toby always said I was the worst person he had ever known, but at least I had held on and not gone to join Tristan.
It would have been nice to tell him that.
Nona would be disappointed that I was dying without much of a fight. She had told me I would become a warrior and defeat Tristan. I didn't really see him as the bad guy- not after meeting Zac- but I wouldn't be defeating anyone flat on my back.
Not that I would have been able to anyway. Nona expected me to try though. What did she see in me that no one else could?
Nothing, I realized grimly. She was just desperate and I was the only hope she had.
I wasn't anything special though, just a weak human girl. And in the end, I was even weaker than most.
No, I half sighed. I didn't regret not being able to be Nona's warrior. My only regret was not finding Toby.
He had been there on the worst day. When I was six years old and facing a mother who never wanted me anyways. There was no apology in her eyes when the police showed up and ordered her to put the gun down. She just turned the gun on herself and pulled the trigger without blinking.
That was the day I stopped talking. There was nothing left to say- besides, no one left was listening.
My dad no longer looked at me after that day. Whatever boarding school he could find that would take me was enough for him to pretend that he was doing his best to heal my 'mental wounds'- as his new wife liked to call almost being shot by your own mother.
Would they tell him that I had escaped from Nine Crosses? They might have to. Would he care? Not likely. And when would they find me out here? Would he care then? What did it matter to me if he did or not?
I was over eighteen- he wasn't obligated to pretend anymore.
The wind died down around me until it was just a light breeze blowing softly over my face. Even my ghost-people were abandoning me in the end.
My eyes grew heavy as I lay there, so heavy that I didn't have much choice but to let them drift closed. I wouldn’t be able to see the stars with my eyes closed. Slowly, I peeled them back open.
The stars were still above me- unhindered by the bars across my window. It really was pretty out there.
It was too bad it took dying to realize how good it was to be alive. I had never given much thought to dying- I always knew the ghost-people would one day take me to join them.
I just didn't realize how much I would care.
Tristan made it different, I realized- he changed me. It was because he cared whether I lived or died. I had never had that before and it made all the difference. He hadn't stuck around to watch me die, but wherever Tristan was, he wasn't happy.
Nona had warned me not to trust Tristan- had said he wanted to kill me. Maybe it was wrong for me to like him- he had driven hundreds to their premature deaths; he even wanted me to come to the same end. I couldn't help myself though.
Would Tristan go to find his brother, Zac, after I was dead? Would he try to get revenge or would he be smart enough to just forget about me? He should have known better than to start caring for a human girl.
Zac was right; I made him weak. It wasn't like I asked him to come after me. My future was destined for death and darkness from the very beginning. Who would the curse fall on after I was gone?
As far as I knew, my mother didn't have any sisters or other family. Tristan had said the magic was old and the curse would find her. Would she be stronger than me? Would Toby find her?
No.
Toby would be free- my death would make sure of that. I tried to smile, but I was too tired for even that tiny motion. When was the last time I had slept properly? On the bus? Or was it way before that?
Maybe I hadn't slept since I was separated from Toby. He had always made me feel safe enough to fall asleep- even when the ghost people were still lurking in the shadows. Despite his obvious dislike for me- Toby would never let the ghost-people hurt me.
I sniffed pathetically, not managing enough to stop the wet tears from sliding from the corners of my eyes and down to the unforgiving earth. Crying wasn't something I made a habit of and I was suddenly overcome with a fierce sadness.
Toby would make fun of me for crying, but I still wished he was there with me. I opened my mouth to suck in a lungful of cool night air. It was too bad that the wishing star had already passed me by because I knew exactly what my wish would have been for.
I would wish for Toby.
Suddenly, and without any warning, someone grabbed a hold of my arm and began pulling on it. Whoever it was pulled hard enough to make my body jerk up from the ground and slam back down. I couldn't see anyone through the darkness though. Had Zac come back to finish me off?
Chapter Twelve
“Ow,” I gasped as tiny dots of light exploded all around me. Were the stars falling down? Did I die? I still felt the same though- except for someone pulling on my arm.
“Let me go.” I feebly tried to pull my arm back down beside me where it belonged. “Please,” I pleaded, “just let me go.”
I twisted my neck as far as it would go, trying to see who was above me. The darkness was too thick; it wasn't Tristan or any of the ghost-people though- the hand grasping my arm was too solid.
“Who are you” I barked out. “Leave me alone.”
“Just relax,” a voice growled out- a voice I knew almost as well as I kne
w my own. Maybe ever better, considering I hadn't used mine in so long. It was impossible though.
“Toby?”
“Hey, Crazy.” He knelt down until his face was just about level with mine. “Long time no see.”
My mouth fell open, shock speeding through my veins. There was no possible way that Toby was here- none at all.
“How the hell did you end up down on the ground anyway?” he snarled, standing back up to tower over me.
“F...fell,” I stammered.
“Still weird to hear you talk,” he snorted.
“I'm dreaming, right?”
I had wished so hard for Toby to be there with me that I had dreamed him up. As far as hallucinations went, he was pretty solid.
“You're not dreaming,” he denied, his usual scowl perfectly in place.
“You can't be here though,” I stubbornly insisted, “did I die? Is that how you're here?”
“Ren,” he loudly clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “you've always been a little slow.”
“I looked for you,” I told him, careful to keep his face in my line of sight.
“You shouldn't have left,” he snapped. I didn't miss the tiny grin he flashed first.
“You left me,” I reminded him.
“I would never leave you,” he scoffed. “I can't.”
Toby's curse made it impossible for him to leave me- kind of.
“It's ok,” I sniffed. “I'm going to die here, then you'll be free.”
“Don't be stupid,” he growled out. “You're not dying here.”
“No,” I tried to shake my head. “Tristan told me about your deal.”
“What deal?”
“If I don't kill myself he'll set you free. You and Violet.”
Toby fell silent for a long moment, it was too dark to see much of his face, but I could tell he was looking down at me. “Come on, Crazy,” he said finally. “Let's get out of here.”
“Didn't you hear me?” I almost laughed out loud at his confusion. Toby had always seemed so much smarter than me.
“I liked you better when I couldn't hear you,” he grumbled, bending low to hook one arm under my shoulder.