“Who’s done it successfully before?”
“No one. We could be the first.”
“You’re feeling better?” I asked.
“May I take back my shell?” Victory asked.
“Go for it.”
He popped on his shell and stood at attention. “I will avenge her!”
Oh, no!
“I might not have made myself clear. You’re a baby and I’m in charge,” I said quickly.
He pumped his fist. “I am Victory!”
I slapped my forehead. “Can you hear me?”
“I hear and obey. Maraleeza must be avenged. I will avenge her.”
“Where’d you get that from?” I asked. “Iris!”
Iris flew up to the box with Horc on her hip and Gerald beside her. They looked determined.
“We’ve made a decision.”
“Great,” I said. “Who are you avenging?”
“Huh?”
“Never mind.”
Ovid stuck out his long, forked tongue and lapped up some meaty jelly. Gerald and Iris turned a sickly green.
Horc began drooling. “Mine.”
“Not yours,” said Iris. “It smells like grody fish.”
“I love grody fish!”
I took Horc and set him next to a blob of jelly. He dove in face-first and slurped half the blob. I shuddered and asked, “So what’s the decision?”
“You’re going and I’m staying here with Penelope,” said Iris. “She’s sick and she needs me. I love her.”
“We all love her,” I said. “You have to be seen. I can’t get in.”
Gerald picked up a lock of my hair. “You can change your hair. They’ll never know it’s you.”
“They’re scared of me. They’ll want you. Don’t be difficult.”
Iris put her hands on her hips. “I’m not going. I can’t. I’m not like you. I don’t do things alone.”
“Since when do I do things alone?” I asked. “You’re my ears.”
Victory hopped from me to Horc’s head. “I will lead you, mother. We will storm the Vatican!”
Iris ran over and scooped him. “Baby, you’re back.”
“Aunt Matilda says I’m the best phalanx ever,” he declared.
“No, I didn’t,” I said. “You’re a baby and I’m in charge.”
“I will make mistakes and mistakes are okay.” He pumped his tiny fist. “I am Victory!”
Gerald asked me, “What did you do?”
“I don’t even know,” I said.
Iris snuggled the megalomaniac. “I can go to the Vatican.”
“Really? Because Victory’s Victory again?” Maybe it was worth it.
“But we’re not going to the Vatican without you,” said Iris. “We’re a team and a team sticks together.”
“We are sticky.” Horc certainly was. He had bits of pork and eel all over him.
“That’s not the plan.”
“We made a new plan,” said Gerald. “You’re going.”
“They know who I am and they don’t like me.”
Iris crossed her arms, then Gerald, and then Horc.
“Victory,” said Gerald and Victory did it, too.
“We’re Whipplethorns and we can do it together,” said Gerald.
“This is such a bad idea,” I said.
“It’s a great idea.”
“When the Whipplethorns stick together, we can’t lose,” said Iris.
There were so many ways to lose, I quickly lost count. I shouldn’t have given in, but I did. Add one more mistake to the list.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“LPSAS RES ABSCONDUNT.” A chill ran up my spine and covered my scalp. My hair changed from its waist-length black to a platinum blond bob.
Suzanne clapped. “Very nice. Can you make me a redhead?”
“I can try,” I said.
“Maybe later, when all is said and done.” She turned to Penelope and fed her a huge amount of cinnamon and turmeric. The dragon licked her chops and closed her eyes.
“The labor is definitely stopped?” I asked.
“For now,” said Suzanne. “But you need to get to Margarite soon.”
“This has to work.”
“It’s a good plan. Miracles like Sundays.”
I rubbed Penelope’s swollen belly and prayed that Suzanne was right. We’d waited instead of going to the Vatican the day before to try to get Iris in. She needed to be seen by the human pope to become cardinal. We didn’t need Pope Joyous for that. Aldo told Iris that the human pope would be performing Sunday mass right out in the open in St. Peter’s. Anybody could go. We only needed tickets and Suzanne’s husband, Jonas, got them for us. We’d wait until the end when the pope went to greet the people. Iris would go up then and be seen.
Suzanne and Jonas promised there’d be plenty of fairies there, but most of them would be wanting to see the cardinals that were in residence, not the human pope. He wasn’t a normal seer. He could only see fairies in the church. That was why it was so important for him to see Iris. Once she was seen by him, she’d automatically be admitted to the papal residence, where rumor had it that Pope Joyous was holed up with Margarite. No magic could keep my little sister out. She would go and convince them that we only wanted help for Penelope and our family. Maybe I could help Pope Joyous if he was sick. Lrag’s spell was good for a lot of things. I could make that. I’d be happy to, if they’d only save Penelope and intervene with the French.
Iris joined me at Penelope’s side. “Are you ready?”
“Is it time?”
“It’s an hour before the mass.”
I nodded and picked up Fidelé and Rufus. I wanted my reptiles with me. That nasty cardinal hadn’t seen them yesterday, so they wouldn’t give me away. Plus, if Iris got me in to see the pope and he needed one of my spells, they’d help.
Fidelé wrapped his long tail around my neck and Rufus decided that my shoulder would do for now. I went to Penelope’s head and caressed her snout. “I’ll get Margarite one way or another.”
A tiny flame lit in her nostril. That was all the strength she had. I kissed her nose.
“What does Margarite look like?” I asked Suzanne.
“She has short brown hair and grey wings. She’s a wzlot. Have you seen a wzlot before?”
Alesky at the mall was a wzlot. I remembered his luminous grey wings well, not to mention his disapproval of me. I hoped that wasn’t a wzlot thing. “I have. We’ll be back as soon as we can.”
The healer nodded and turned to Penelope’s tail. The swollen section was submerged in my tea. It was better, but still giving Penelope pain. Hopefully, Margarite would have something for that. That wzlot was coming with us if I had to drag her out of St. Peter’s by her wings.
Horc toddled over and held up his arms. “I am ready to meet the pope.”
“Iris is meeting the pope. We’re there for moral support.”
Victory danced around on this knobby head. “And to avenge Maraleeza.”
“No avenging. Go back to being depressed,” I said.
“That is over. I am Victory!”
Gerald touched my arm. “Follow me.”
And we did, right to the Vatican and a mess of trouble.
St. Peter’s Basilica was packed, wall-to-wall humans and plenty of fairies, too. There must have been thousands of humans inside. The place was immense, beyond immense, and covered in beautiful mosaics. Iris and Gerald were enthralled. I was nervous. I wanted to get this over with, not take a tour.
We flew down the nave over thousands of humans and joined the fairy section on the left side of the main altar. The altar was underneath a canopy that didn’t seem that big until you were under it because the dome over it was so high, but it was huge.
We landed between two candlesticks that were as tall as Tess’s dad and settled in on the right side of the group.
Gerald nudged me. “Ask me how tall the canopy is.”
“Gerald.”
“Ask me.
I know. You know, I know.
I know I don’t care.
“Fine. How tall is it?”
“Ten human stories. Ask me how much bronze is in the canopy,” said Gerald.
“How much—”
“100,000 pounds. Ask me—”
I thrust Horc into his arms. “Ask Gerald stuff.”
Horc put his nose in the air. “He may ask me how much 100,000 pounds of bronze would bring at market.”
The boys went back and forth about stuff that didn’t matter at all and Iris slipped her dimpled hand in mine.
“Are you excited?” I asked.
“I’m nervous. What if he doesn’t see me? What’ll we do?”
“That’s not going to happen.” I’d been wondering the same thing. Iris had to be seen. I didn’t have a back-up plan.
Gerald leaned over to me. “They’re talking about phalanx.”
“Who?”
“Everyone. They were spotted by the Pieta.”
He said that like I knew what the Pieta was. “Where’s that?”
A willow dryad, like Lonica, turned around and said, “The Pieta is in the Chapel of the Pieta. On the right, when you come through the portico. Is it your first time in the basilica?”
“Yes,” I said. “Did you see the phalanx? I thought they were banned.”
“They were,” said the dryad. “The papal guards have been searching, but they’re so small they can slip into cracks.”
Another dryad beside her turned around. “Where are your parents? You should stay close.”
“They’re coming,” I said.
“Don’t look so worried, my dears,” said the first dryad. “The phalanx won’t trouble you.”
“Why are they here?” asked Iris.
“No one knows, but they could be planning an assassination of the human pope. They’ve done it before.”
Iris clasped her hands together. “But he’s still coming, right?”
“Yes, yes, he isn’t the type to let a threat stop him. Pope Joyous won’t be here though,” said the second dryad.
“I heard he’s sick,” I said.
“Could be. No one knows.”
Iris squeezed my hand. “It’s starting.”
Human music swelled in the basilica and I heard it. Well, not like everyone else heard it, but I got a good bit. Humans were pretty loud and so was their music. The officials of the church filed in. Then the human pope arrived. He was older than I thought he’d be, but he had kind, gentle eyes. The kind of eyes that would see Iris. No problem. After the humans were in place, the church fae came in. Some cardinals were there, including Cardinal Roscoe. I made sure I stayed out of his eyeline. He and the rest of the officials were scanning the crowd of humans, but not the crowd of fairies. We had to have tickets, so maybe he thought a threat couldn’t come from us, but the tickets were easy to get. Any kind of nut could be in our group. Horc was sitting on Gerald’s lap, talking about what kind of chisel to use on bronze. The ashrays next to Gerald were eyeing the spriggan with distaste. He did have a little dollop of drool on his lower lip and smelled like eel. If they let us in with him, they’d let anyone in.
I tried to focus on the mass like Iris, who was on the edge of her seat, hands clasped. I couldn’t. I scanned the crowd, looking for phalanx, papal guards, or anybody who might recognize us. Fidelé and Rufus were asleep. I thought they were pretty unusual, but nobody paid them any mind.
I petted Fidelé’s tail and kept watching for something bad to happen. Nothing did. The mass went on and on. It seemed longer than a mass in St. Stephen’s and I wanted to jump up and yell, “Come on!” But I kept petting Fidelé’s tail and let Iris have her moment. She deserved it after all that had happened.
The mass ended at long last and I squeezed her hand. Iris’s calmness vanished. “I’m not ready.”
“You’re ready,” I said. “Go.”
“I can’t. Not without you.”
I hugged her quickly. “You can do it. We’ll be right here.”
Gerald gave her a thumbs-up and Horc muttered, “Bronze.” Very supportive.
Iris took a deep breath and stood up. She eased out into the aisle and took halting steps toward the human pope. To my surprise, no one stopped her. She walked past the altar boys and officials. She went to the front of the altar and started to kneel. That’s when they noticed her. The cardinals clasped hands, but they didn’t move. Tatzelwurms slithered onto the altar, but Cardinal Roscoe waved them off.
Iris kneeled in front of the human pope and looked up, beaming. Nothing happened. He looked down right where she was. Nothing. He said a few more words and glanced down again. Nothing.
The dryads turned around. “What is your sister doing?”
“She’s supposed to be seen,” I said. “She’s the new cardinal of Vienna.”
“Are you sure?” asked the first one.
“Yes, yes,” said the second. “I heard something about that. The cardinal of Vienna chose a child when he was dying.”
“I thought that was a rumor.”
I leaned forward. “It’s true. That’s Iris. She’s the one he chose.”
“Well, he isn’t seeing her.”
“That’s not possible.” I looked at the cardinals again. Why wasn’t Cardinal Roscoe moving? The human pope wasn’t doing anything either. He’d stopped moving. He stared out over the altar, totally still.
Gerald poked me. “What’s happening?”
Iris looked over at us. “Something’s wrong,” she mouthed.
“What?” I mouthed back.
“Eyes.”
Eyes?
“Wait here,” I said to Gerald.
I stood up and looked hard at the pope. Even from the side, I saw what Iris saw. The pope’s eyes were cloudy and unfocused. I looked at the cardinals. They were staring up at him in total concentration. Cheaters! Dirty. Nasty. Cheaters!
I pushed my way out onto the aisle. “No! She will be seen.” I ran across the altar with the tatzelwurms swarming. I swirled my arm, forming a ring of fire around me. “Get in his face, Iris!”
“Victory!” She pointed past me. I turned just in time to see Victory leap off Horc’s head. Gerald jumped, trying to grab the phalanx, and Horc tumbled to the ground. Victory jumped from head to head. He wasn’t looking at me or Iris. He stared up, yelling, “I shall avenge her!”
Bissabova were climbing down the spiral columns of the canopy, their orange fins standing out sharply against the dark columns. And they weren’t alone. De’ Medicis, in their armor, flew down, pointing their spears at me. I hesitated for a second and that’s all it took. The tatzelwurms went for Iris. They cast the same protection spell and netted her in a black translucent film that pinned her to the altar. I shot five fireballs that split into another five. The hail of fire hit the tatzelwurms and they hit one of the candlesticks. It tottered for a moment and fell over. The human crowd jumped to their feet, screaming. The cardinals jumped back and released their spell on the pope. He collapsed. Everyone, human and fae, went crazy. The de’ Medicis launched their spears. I put up a shield. They bounced off, but there were too many of them. The bissabova slithered down the columns at amazing speed. A brave papal guard leapt over my ring and grabbed me by the arm. “That is enough, principessa!”
I stuck a fireball in his face and caught the ribbons of his uniform on fire. He wheeled away and another replaced him, pinning my arms to my chest. Victory leapt past me, landed on a guard’s head, and slashed him with his shell before flinging it at a bissabova. The shell sliced the bissabova’s leg clean off. He tumbled off the column, screaming. Something leapt at the falling sea serpent. With a flash of green, the serpent was sliced in half. I screamed. Everybody screamed, even the guard holding me. Whatever it was twisted and somersaulted in the air, coming to land a foot away from me with arms outstretched.
“Unhand my fair lady, you scurvy dog!” shouted Bentha. His skin was perfectly painted and he had a full set of needles on his head.
I reached back and pressed my hand against my captor’s hip, burning right through his uniform. He let go quick. The bissabova and de’ Medicis converged with the papal guard and the tatzelwurms, surrounding us on all sides.
“Who are you?” hissed a tatzelwurm to the ponderosa.
“I am Bentha, best sword of the mall, and you are a legless worm that reeks of cowardice!” Bentha attacked the tatzelwurm and sliced off the fork on the end of its tail before it had a chance to react.
“Get Iris!” I yelled.
Victory bounded from tatzelwurm to tatzelwurm, slashing them with his shell. “I will save Mother!” And then he wasn’t alone. Dozens of shells were slashing, taking out de’ Medicis at the knees.
“The French phalanx!” I screamed back to where Gerald was. “Run, Gerald!”
Bentha cut his way through two guards and said, “You are half right, my lady. Look again.”
A black diamond formation broke through the crowd. A shell popped up in the middle. A familiar face grinned at me with a smoking stick clamped between brilliant white teeth. “I see your middle name is still disaster.”
“Commander!”
“Come on, boys!” shouted The Commander. “Let’s teach these fools about combat. Get in the formation, Matilda.”
Bentha grabbed my arm. “Commander! We have company!”
The papal guard turned from us and engaged another foe that I couldn’t see. But I didn’t need to see. Water hit the guards. They lost their grip on their swords and were cut to pieces by The Reich’s Fae.
“Hold!” yelled The Commander. He jumped onto the top of the shells of his men and ran over them to me. “Who is the enemy?”
“Pretty much everybody,” I said.
A Reich’s Fae gushed water in the face of a bissabova. The sea serpent flipped on its back and lashed out with its hind legs, slicing through the wasserquelle’s gut.
“Who are these guys?” asked The Commander.
“Wasserquelle from The Reich’s Fae,” I said.
“What do they want?”
“Me, I guess.”
“Boys,” shouted The Commander. “Protect Matilda!”
“No, Iris! Where’s Iris?” I started to fly up to get a better view, but a group of de’ Medici made a strafing run at me and I had to put up my shield.
To the Eternal (Away From Whipplethorn Book Five) Page 33