by Diana Palmer
“I won’t be anyone’s mistress. Not even yours.”
“Any more than I’d ask you to,” he agreed. He reached up and touched her lips gently. The feel of her soft, warm body made his own begin to throb. “You’re much too intelligent to settle for being a man’s toy. It would be a waste.”
She sighed with soft contentment. Her fingers smoothed over his lean cheek and down to his square chin. He tensed when she slid her finger under one of the buttons on his shirt and touched his hair-roughened skin.
Her eyes lifted to his. “That arouses you, doesn’t it?” she asked.
He nodded. “I meant it when I told you I don’t want things to go that far. We can’t make love. Not ever.”
She grimaced, pain in her whole look. “Why?”
“How can I tell you?” He drew her down to him, his eyes solemn and sad and bleak. “Go back to San Antonio and use that mathematical brain of yours to save the job press. That should keep you occupied.”
“You could keep me busy here,” she suggested.
“We’ve had this discussion before,” he pointed out.
It was harder than ever to breathe normally. She studied his hard face and remembered vividly how it had looked the night she’d seen him on the beach with Terri. Contorted, vulnerable, fiercely passionate. He never let go with Amanda. He was always in total control.
His dark eyes narrowed. “What are you thinking?”
“I was remembering how you looked that night I saw you with Terri,” she said huskily. “Abandoned, carnal. You won’t let yourself be that way with me.”
“How do you think you’d react to a man’s passion, Amanda?” he asked. “Because it’s unmanageable. It requires a submission that I don’t think you can give.” His chest rose and fell heavily. “You aren’t naive. You know exactly what I’d do to you. You saw me do it to Terri.”
She shivered as the vivid picture imposed itself on her senses. “Yes,” she said unsteadily. “I watched you.”
He made a rough sound at the sensuality he read in her eyes, her face, her voice. Without one single thought of the future, he reached up suddenly and dragged her down to lie totally against him while his mouth ground up against hers in urgency and need.
It was immediately explosive. She moaned, and his body clenched. He parted her lips and caught her hair at the nape of her neck so he could grind her mouth against his.
She whimpered with the shock of pleasure it aroused. He caught his breath, but it was already too late to pull back. He was at the mercy of a need that knocked the breath out of him.
He whipped her over onto her back and drew her half under him, expertly guiding one long, powerful leg between both of hers.
She felt his arousal, was shocked and thrilled and intimidated by the intimacy of it. She stiffened uncertainly, and her nails curled into his muscular upper arms.
His breath sighed out roughly against her lips as his head lifted. He searched her turbulent eyes in a silence that magnified the sound of surf and heartbeats.
He scowled. There it was again, that unexpected fragility in her eyes. He tried to imagine seeing her like this with another man, and couldn’t. He smoothed a big, lean hand against her soft cheek and watched her mouth turn to press tenderly against its palm.
That was when he knew. It would have been impossible not to. The infatuation she’d always felt for him was still there, but it was magnified by a sexual awakening. Her strengths were formidable in intelligence and independence and temper. But she would yield to him. The knowledge humbled him. He’d never felt this sort of protectiveness for any other human being.
“Here,” he whispered, and a big hand dropped to ease her legs even farther apart so that he could press down to her. She gasped as his hand contracted, pulling her up rhythmically into the cradle of his hips. His own breath caught at the exquisite thrill of pleasure it gave him.
She’d wanted to be with him like this for so long that the joy of it almost made her faint. This was Josh, holding her, wanting her. She smelled the talc on his powerful body, the faint scent of his cologne, the whisper of coffee on his breath as his mouth poised over hers.
“And you want me...to leave!” she whimpered.
He shuddered. “The hell I do,” he said huskily.
She moved. Barely, but enough to make him totally aware of her vulnerability, her complicity. She looked up at him unafraid.
“You could use something,” she whispered. She lay trembling on the sand beneath the warm crush of his body, her black hair making a cloudy halo around her oval face. Her eyes were half-closed, misty. “Couldn’t you?” she whispered.
His face hardened. His eyes darkened, and even though he didn’t move, he withdrew from her. She could see it. Feel it.
Her eyes narrowed with hurt. She felt the passion go out of him, and it didn’t surprise her when he suddenly rolled away and sat up. She bit her lip to stop the pain of his rejection. He was still in control, even now. He wanted her, but not enough.
She sat up, too, staring blankly at the bay. “Joshua, don’t make me ashamed that I offered.”
“Shame isn’t a word that has any meaning between you and me,” he said quietly. “Love is a very precious gift.”
“Love?!” She panicked. He mustn’t know, he couldn’t! It would push him away. “Josh, it was only...”
His head turned, and he stared her down. “Only what? Puerile curiosity about intercourse? A whim? A sudden attack of animal passion?” He scowled at her.
She hesitated. Her shoulders rose and fell. She searched his face with eyes that grew dull with resigned acceptance. “You know.”
“I always have,” he replied. “No other woman has ever had the place in my life that you occupy.”
“What kind of place is it?” she asked with an attempt at lightness. “That of a friend you can force yourself to kiss occasionally, but nothing more?”
He started to speak, but the effort failed. He averted his eyes to the sand and reached for the cigar she’d taken from him. He did light it this time. The pungent smoke drifted away in the breeze, and he didn’t speak. Neither did she, for several tense, depressed seconds.
“There hasn’t been anyone,” she said dully. “I’ve saved it all up for you, for years, ever since I was in my teens. I don’t know what it is to want anyone except you.”
His eyes mirrored his anguish, but he didn’t let her see them. Her words were like a knife through his body.
He lifted the cigar to his mouth with determination, and he didn’t look at her.
She knew what he was saying with that deliberate silence. He was telling her that she was special to him, but not special enough. She could have his friendship, his support, his affection. But that was all. He had nothing else to offer her.
“You don’t want to get married,” she said after a minute.
He hesitated. “That’s right,” he said at last. “I don’t. And you would.”
His eyes closed, and all his muscles clenched. He could almost feel her, like that...
“It would be good,” she said, tight-lipped.
“Too good,” he rasped. His eyes opened, tormented. “Neither of us would ever get over it.”
“Josh,” she whispered, “I lo—”
His hand slid quickly, gently, over her mouth. “You and I will always have each other, even if it isn’t in quite such a physical way,” he said, cutting off the incriminating confession. “We’ll forget what happened on the other island, and here,” he added firmly. His eyes punctuated that determination. “It was my fault. The way things stand, I had no right to touch you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will, one day,” he promised.
She looped her arms around her updrawn knees. “Are you still my friend?”
“The best one you have,” he replied quietly
.
“Okay.” She watched the progress of a sea gull across the sky. “I’ll go home and back to work. Thank you for letting me stay.”
“I think you know that I enjoyed it as much as you did. But it’s past time to get back to reality. We’ve been dreaming, Amanda. Both of us. Dreams are like clouds. The first strong wind can scatter them.”
She turned toward him, her expression one of subdued curiosity. “What do you dream of?” she asked.
His dark eyes dropped to hers, and in them was such pain that she caught her breath. “Don’t ask,” he said. “Don’t ever ask.”
He got up abruptly. “Bring the cups, will you? I’ve got to try to track down Brad. He’s overstaying that business trip.”
“All right.” She picked up the cups and followed him back to the house. The memory she’d hoped to take away with her wasn’t the one she would pack with her aspirations. It looked as if she might get her wish about the job press. The one about Josh, though, was as empty as the cups in her hand.
* * *
JOSH FLEW TO JAMAICA. He didn’t find Brad, who was off with some young woman, according to a clerk at the hotel desk. He did find the group of businessmen with whom Brad had been hobnobbing, though. They were gathered in the lounge with their wives. When one of the women turned toward him, he recognized Terri.
There had been a time when the voluptuous brunette had made his pulses dance with a glance. Now, with the hunger for Amanda that he carried with him, Terri was not a threat to his senses any longer. She was just the wife of a business acquaintance. He laughed inwardly, considering how much he’d changed.
With a lazy smile, he took her outstretched hand when she approached him. “Look what the wind blew in,” she mused gently as he bent to kiss her fingers with old-world courtesy. “What brings you to Jamaica?”
“I’m trying to find my brother,” he replied easily. “He seems to have vanished.”
“He’s found a new conquest,” she told him, smiling. “Leave it to Brad, right?” She turned and looked over her shoulder, motioning to a short, dark-haired man. “Josh,” she said, sliding her arm around the newcomer, “you remember Nicos Mikapoulis, don’t you? He’s my husband now.”
Josh shook hands and smiled. “Yes. I read about the wedding, along with the rest of the world. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Nicos gazed at his wife possessively. “I am a fortunate man. Your brother and I had a long talk last night,” he added. “I am seriously considering his proposal.”
Josh was impressed. It appeared that his little brother deserved his day off. He and Nicos discussed the details that Brad had already covered, then Nicos went to get another drink, leaving Josh alone with Terri momentarily.
Terri’s dark head tilted to one side. “I understand Amanda’s staying with you,” she commented. “It was a shame about her father. Is she coping well?”
“I think so,” he replied. He sipped his ginger ale. He never indulged in liquor at business meetings. “It’s been rough on her.”
“I don’t doubt it. There was a lot of unfinished business between Amanda and her father. That always makes mourning more difficult.” She searched his eyes and for a moment, hers were soft with memory. “Sort of like us. But now... Nicos and I...well, I think I’m pregnant,” she said hesitantly.
His face showed no reaction at all, but his eyes darkened just faintly. “Are you? Congratulations. I’m sure Nicos is pleased.”
“We both are. It’s what I’ve always wanted.” She was uncomfortable and looked it. “I really did care about you. It’s just that I wanted something more.”
“I know that. No hard feelings.”
“Of course not,” she said honestly, her eyes quiet and haunted. “I’ll always want you,” she murmured. “Perhaps that’s my punishment.” She gave him a smile that was a little too bright. “He’s good to me, though. I’ll never cheat on him.”
“That will make him a very fortunate man,” Josh said. “I saw enough raw, careless passion when I was a kid. If I’d married, I couldn’t have lived like that. Fidelity should be part of marriage.”
“Yes.” She fingered her drink. “It’s a waste,” she added wistfully. “To look like you do and not want to get married and have a family.”
“I am married,” he reminded her. “To my business.”
She sighed. “Yes. You always were. Are you going to stay for a day or so? Nicos and I have no plans for this evening...”
“I have to fly back to the cay,” he replied. “Brad’s done a good job here. I won’t infringe on his territory. I just wanted to put in an appearance. If you see him, you might tell him that.”
“I’ll cover you,” she said, chuckling. Then she smiled sadly and lifted her glass. “Here’s to old times, my dear.”
“And your forthcoming happy event,” he said, meeting it with his. There was a soft tinkling sound.
As the other members of the group joined them, conversation became general. When Josh left, memories of his childhood returned to haunt him. His mother had been beautiful like Terri. But unlike her, she’d never been faithful to his father, or his father to her. It had made him sick to see how little real emotion existed between them.
He tried to imagine loving someone and being cuckolded. The memories he had of his parents had made him bitter and distrustful of emotion.
Then he thought about Amanda. He couldn’t imagine her sleeping with anyone except her husband, if she married. Amanda loved him. And he...
His stride quickened. He mustn’t let himself think about that.
* * *
ON ANOTHER BEACH, a few miles outside Montego Bay, Brad sprawled next to the blonde waitress on a private beach that belonged to the businessman he’d just closed a deal with for Josh. His sleek body was bare to the sun except for a tiny pair of white briefs that didn’t reveal as much of him as his companion would have liked to see.
He was very nicely built, Barbara thought as she studied him. He was more man than she was used to, and devastating with that almost all-over tan. No body hair, either. Some women loved it, but she didn’t.
She’d kept him at arm’s length for two days. He’d taken her to the best restaurants when she was off from work, and he’d been kind to her. Really kind. She decided that it was time to pay him back for the respect and courtesy he’d shown her.
She stood up and untied her white robe. Under it she was nude except for her tiny thong bikini briefs. She let the robe drop on his chest.
His dark eyes opened. He smiled with surprise and lazy appreciation as he took in her bare breasts and the soft curves of her body. “Very, very nice,” he said softly. “I was beginning to think you were wearing a habit under your uniform. Make yourself comfortable.”
“Don’t mind if I do.” As she spoke, her fingers slowly undid the ties of her bikini briefs. She let them fall, watching his eyes slide over her with evident appreciation.
He arched his back sensuously, and his interest in her took a slow, physical form. “Ever made love underwater?” he asked huskily, because the pleasure of her lack of inhibition made him hungry.
“Not yet.”
“We’ll save that for another time. Lie down,” he coaxed.
She spread her robe close beside him and stretched out on it, her blue eyes darting over him with blatant interest. “You’re very experienced, aren’t you?” she asked, remembering the way he’d kissed her good-night at her cottage in the wee hours.
“I get by.” He turned his head and smiled at her.
“So do I.” She rolled onto her side and slid her hand across his flat belly. “Want me to relax you?” she whispered huskily.
He lifted toward her with a pained smile. “Go ahead.”
She teased him, toyed with him, until his face went rigid. This wasn’t strange to her. She’d learned a lot about pleasuri
ng men, even if she hadn’t had much in return. She stroked him, smiling when he groaned.
“Damn!”
He stripped off his briefs and turned to her, his face as taut as his powerful, lean body. He hung there, waiting.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He moved then, straddling her wide hips. “Wait,” he said softly when she reached up for him. He retrieved his wallet from the folds of his towel and opened it. He removed something from it and put it in Barbara’s hand before he tossed the wallet back onto the towel. “Do you know what to do with that?” he asked.
“Yes. I guess so. But I don’t like them...”
“All the same, you’ll use it with me,” he said firmly. “I don’t take those kinds of chances. Ever.”
She made a protesting noise, but she wanted him enough to cooperate. She put it in place, making him pay for forcing her to use it as she teased him mercilessly.
He laughed softly. “Not bad,” he murmured, shivering a little with pleasure. “Show me what else you’ve got.”
She opened her legs and hooked them around his hips, watching him watch her. He bent and pressed his mouth down hard on her belly, working up to her breasts. He suckled them. While she gasped at the expertise of his movements, his hands learned her body as intimately as she’d learned his. He caught a hard nipple in his teeth and worried it with his tongue while his fingers invaded her in a slow, sensual arousal that quickly made a cry tear out of her throat.
He lifted his head. She was wanton now, her body shivering, her legs pulling at his hips. He laughed softly. “Do you want it?” he whispered.
“Yes! Yes, now now, now!”
Her voice broke as he thrust into her, his body fierce and merciless as he possessed her in one surge. She shuddered into completion almost at once, and he laughed while he taught her new sounds to make, new ways of moving, new rhythms. He kissed her roughly and then turned her under him, so that he was over her, behind her. Her hands clawed into the towel as she felt him.