by Edie Claire
I had sworn up and down that I wouldn’t expect too much from him too soon… or at all. Yes, he had feelings for me before — when I was the only human he could talk to. But that was no fair test. What happened between us from this point forward was all that really mattered.
No pressure or anything.
“I wish I could put everything that happened in order,” he said as we began walking down the beach again. We were heading toward his place to get back into the car and retrace the steps we’d taken during my dress-shopping expedition to Haleiwa. “It’s hard to keep all these random stories straight. Can you start at the beginning again, and tell me what happened each day?”
I tried not to tense. I would simply stick to the same outline I’d given him before; and if he asked for more details I would give them, come what may. I started at the beginning with our first meeting. Then I looked down the beach and nearly groaned out loud. We were about to pass yet another set of prowling females.
Being a pro surfing mecca, the North Shore was usually populated with more men than women. But today, for whatever reason, we couldn’t walk fifty yards without passing some tropically tanned girl or other, every one of them eyeing Zane with a look of invitation — as if I wasn’t even there. Whether I had any claim on the guy or not, it was seriously getting on my nerves.
“And then you followed us to the Foodland,” I was saying. “The next time I saw you was at the condo—”
The girls came up level with us. They had to be in their mid-twenties, but that didn’t stop them from not-so-subtly throwing out their chests and flashing their best smiles. “How are you doing?” one of them said silkily, her dark eyes flashing.
“Hey,” Zane said in a friendly voice, smiling back at her.
The girl actually stopped walking, even though Zane and I kept on. After a couple paces, I threw a quick glance over my shoulder to catch her frowning back at us. Her companion laughed and nudged her to keep moving.
I exhaled with a sigh.
“Go on,” Zane urged.
I thought a moment. “I forgot what I saying.”
He looked at me curiously. “Something wrong?”
I avoided his eyes, looking further down the beach instead. Naturally, another tigress was approaching. This one was alone and wearing a thong. I released another sigh.
“Kali,” he insisted. “What is it?”
I did not want to have this conversation. But I wasn’t the coy type. “You must get a lot of that,” I said flatly.
“Of what?” he asked.
“Of girls, women even, looking at you like…” My mind flew to the most desirable thing I could think of. “Like melted chocolate.”
He blinked back at me innocently. “Melted chocolate?”
“I mean flirting with you.”
He shrugged. “They were just being friendly.”
It was too much. I stopped and glared at him.
All at once he dissolved into laughter.
I groaned. He knew exactly what I meant. “You are—” I stammered, irritated.
“ — Like melted chocolate?” he finished, his green eyes twinkling at me.
Thoughtful Zane was attractive, yes. But playful Zane was killer, annoying male ego notwithstanding.
“I am never complimenting you again,” I stated, walking away.
He jumped back into step with me. “Ouch, that’s harsh!” he grinned. “And you know how much I enjoy it.”
The girl in the thong was nearly level with us, and I prepared to ignore another shameless mating display. But just as she began to arch her back and run her fingers through her hair, I felt Zane’s arm snake around my own and clasp my hand.
My breath caught. It was crazy how strongly his touch affected me. Just having our fingers laced together shot a pang of longing through me like a thunderbolt.
The girl lowered her eyes to the ground and moved on.
When she was out of earshot, Zane turned to me. He did not release my hand. “Better?” he asked softly.
I swallowed, sure that my heart was in my eyes. “Much,” I answered.
***
The main drag in Haleiwa was as lively and quaint as I remembered it. Old buildings, new buildings, outdoor markets, restaurants, shave ice, tropical plants, surf boards, one giant bus full of Japanese tourists, signs for a church barbecue, swimwear, art galleries, and roaming red chickens.
“Oh, look. What about him?” Zane asked, pointing to a heavy guy in his mid thirties who was enjoying a beer next to a store hawking sea shell art. “Does he look familiar to you?”
I took as close a look as I cared to at the man, then pulled my empath blind back down again. I did not care to know his feelings regarding the half-naked girl on the swimwear poster in the opposite store window. “I don’t think I’ve seen him before, either,” I admitted. “You have to remember, you spent a lot of time out surfing with these guys when I wasn’t around — or wasn’t paying attention. You probably shared a board with half of them.”
He frowned. “I guess I’ll never know for sure. It’s just so bizarre. I see that guy almost every time I pass by here, and every time I look at him all I can think is, ‘He’s an idiot.’”
I laughed. “Maybe you should trust those feelings.”
We had been strolling up and down the main drag in Haleiwa for a while now, with Zane pointing out various spots and me trying my best to explain what had happened there. His association of different feelings with visual memories was uncanny, though of course there were some things I had no clue about, the sea-shell guy being one of them. But I was touched when he remembered being worried in the dress store — a feeling which puzzled him until I explained that we had gotten separated and he had searched for me for a long time. The weather was sunny, mild, and picture perfect, and walking beside him now, solid and alive, was so much like a dream come true I felt giddy with the thrill of it.
“Are you getting hungry?” he asked finally, as the increase in traffic announced the arrival of rush hour — and dinnertime.
“Starved,” I answered.
“Dinner’s on me, then,” he said cheerfully, steering me into a nearby shopping plaza and around to the restaurant in the back. “I love this place. You okay with Mexican?”
I looked up at the colorfully painted logo above the restaurant’s front door. La Ola. The place where Matt was waiting tables this summer. “Mexican’s fine,” I said uncertainly, cursing myself even as I hesitated. The whole story had to come out sooner or later. It was not that big a deal.
“You sure?” Zane asked, holding the door half open.
“Yes,” I said firmly, stepping through it. My eyes scanned the restaurant. It was about a quarter full already. There was a hostess, and a bartender, and two other wait staff that I could see. No Matt.
I breathed a little easier as the hostess seated us in a booth and told us that “Bryan” would be with us in a minute. But I still felt uncomfortable. The latest narrative I’d given Zane still had gaping holes, and that wasn’t fair to him. I needed to fill in the details soon, whether he asked for them or not. Today. Before he took me home.
“It’s amazing what a difference twenty-four hours can make,” Zane said cheerfully. “These last few weeks I’ve stockpiled so many questions I thought we’d never get through them. But thanks to you, I’m already feeling closer to normal again.”
“Normal?”
“As in, knowing my own life,” he answered. “Having no idea what went on while my body was in that hospital bed, things I did and said thousands of miles away, has been making me crazy. But I’m starting to feel better about making peace with it.” His eyes wandered to a point in space over my shoulder, and his face darkened. “Not that some things don’t still bother me.”
“Like what?” I asked.
His gaze remained elsewhere. “I’m not a violent person, you know. Never have been. I’ve always been the peacemaking sort. This is probably uncool to admit, but I’ve never even been in a fi
stfight. I’ve always been able to talk my way out of it. And I’ve been in some dicey situations, believe me.”
My pulse began to race. Where on earth was he going with this?
“I don’t hold grudges, either. Not my style. Don’t cultivate enemies; don’t want any. I try to see the best in people. That’s why it’s so weird.”
“What’s so weird?” I asked anxiously.
His gaze turned back to me. He tilted his head in the direction behind my seat. “That guy over there. I saw him here a couple nights ago, and he was nice as could be. Didn’t know me from jack, but was plenty friendly. Good waiter, too. And yet…”
He leaned in toward me, lowering his voice. I leaned in too, though my pulse was now stratospheric and my appetite nonexistent. “And yet,” he repeated, “every time I look at the guy, I have the most amazing urge to smash his face in. You have any idea why that might be?”
“Kali!”
My heart dropped into my shoes.
Matt hustled up to the table, loaded tray in hand, his voice jovial and his face beaming. “You made it! All right! You didn’t come all the way out here just to give me a hard time, did you?”
It was all I could do not to liquefy and ooze under the table.
“Hey, Matt,” I said as casually as I could manage, which was not very. “We just got moved in yesterday. Today Zane and I have been checking out the beaches. How’s work?”
“Awesome,” Matt answered, setting two glasses of water, a bowl of salsa, and a basket of chips down before us like a pro. “This isn’t my table, but what the heck — I’ll get #10 another spread in a second.” He glanced at Zane. “Hey, weren’t you in here a couple days ago?”
“Sure was,” Zane said without expression. “You talked me into the enchiladas suizas.”
“Yeah! Hope you liked them.” Matt looked from Zane to me again, then startled slightly. “Oh, wait. So you’re…”
“That’s right,” I said clearly, answering his unspoken question. Could this possibly get any more awkward?
Deal with it, Kali.
“Matt, this is Zane; I told you he moved out to Oahu just recently. Zane, this is Matt, fellow Air Force brat. He’s the guy who gave me a tour of the island when I came out for spring break. He also talked me into going to Frederick High next fall.”
The guys exchanged another nod of greeting. “A decision you won’t regret,” Matt said to me, his voice still easy. “Well, I gotta get back to it. You guys enjoy your dinner.” He threw a friendly smile in Zane’s direction. “Hey, if you’re in the mood for beef, try the guisado de res. It’s awesome tonight!”
He winked at me and disappeared back into the kitchen.
I let out a ragged exhale. “I’m sorry about that,” I said miserably, forcing myself to meet Zane’s eyes.
He studied me back with a curious expression. I couldn’t read any more; he was too good at masking his emotions when he wanted to. “What are you sorry for?” he asked evenly.
“For letting you get blindsided like that. He told me he worked here; I just didn’t think about it until it was too late.”
Zane took a sip of his ice water. “So, that’s it.”
I didn’t want to know. But I asked anyway. “That’s what?”
He smiled at me, but it was a small, sad sort of smile that twisted my stomach into a knot. “Where the face-punching thing comes from. He was into you, and vice versa, and I was a walking corpse. I get it.”
But he didn’t. “Matt liked me, yes,” I explained. “And I wasn’t indifferent to him — he really is a good guy. You were there for the tour, the dance, everything. I asked you to come with us and you agreed, but you said you didn’t want to interfere.”
“How very noble of me,” he said dryly. “Did I keep my promise?”
He had let his guard down. Despite his efforts to seem poised and casual, I could see the pain in his eyes. The sight hurt me every bit as much as it had the first time, and I felt a spurt of righteous anger that we had to go through this twice.
“Of course you did. Neither of us thought there was any chance for us.” I steeled myself. “But after the dance, Matt and I kissed goodnight, and you—”
“On the beach,” he interrupted. “I saw you, didn’t I?”
I nodded. “I thought you might be feeling something at that spot when we were there earlier today. I should have just told you all this then. I’m sorry.”
He sat back in the booth. “Then what happened?” he asked.
I swallowed. This was the hardest part. “Then you told me that you were leaving. You said you couldn’t stand to watch me fall in love with some other guy.”
His eyes locked on mine. “And what did you say?”
A booming voice erupted. “Hey, guys! I’m Bryan. I’ll be taking care of you tonight, although I see Matt’s already got you started off with some chips. Can I get you some drinks?”
Somehow, mechanically, Zane and I both managed to place our orders. It seemed like years before we were alone again, but the delay was useful. I now knew exactly what I needed to say.
Feeling a surge of boldness, I reached out and took one of Zane’s hands in mine. Another ripple of heat surged up my arm. “Here’s the truth. The second I realized you had feelings for me, I never thought about Matt again — not in that way. Even though it still looked hopeless for you and me, I let myself fall for you. Totally and completely. And when you faded away, it hurt like hell.”
My voice wavered. “And for what it’s worth,” I finished, “I wouldn’t have gotten back to you in Nebraska as soon as I did if Matt hadn’t driven me to Honolulu in time to catch the next plane out.”
Zane’s face had gone unreadable again. He raised an eyebrow. “Matt drove you to the airport? How’d you manage that?”
“I told him the truth. Or at least as much of it as could possibly make sense to him. That I had to get back to see another guy I cared about that might be dying. It was awkward.”
Zane sat forward once more, adding his free hand to our joined ones. “Wait. You had just kissed this guy, like, two days before, and then you told him you needed a ride to the airport to go see some other guy, whom he had to think you were already involved with before you met him, and he said yes?”
“I said it was awkward.”
At long last, the twinkle returned to his eyes. He massaged the backs of my hands with his thumbs, sending tremors all the way to my spine. “You know what?” he said warmly. “I think you’re right. I think this Matt character really is a good guy.”
I smiled with relief.
He gave my hands a squeeze, then released them.
“Wish I’d known that five minutes ago,” he said lightly. “I would have ordered the guisado de res.”
Chapter 16
Zane and I were about to walk out of the restaurant when Matt hailed us and stepped over. “I wanted to ask you, Kali,” he began with a note of seriousness. “Have you talked to Lacey since you got here?”
“We saw her this afternoon at the pool. Why?”
His hands fidgeted with his apron. “I was wondering how she seemed to you. If she was… you know… upset.”
His eyes met mine, and I understood. “Not particularly,” I answered. “She complained about Ty not being around, but she didn’t seem any more upset than the last time I heard her say that.”
Matt looked at me with disbelief for a second. Then his blue eyes flashed fire. “He didn’t tell her,” he growled. “He swore to me he would! I’m going to kill him.”
“Forget him,” I urged. I didn’t think that Matt was quick to anger, but something told me this particular grievance wasn’t quick. “Just focus on what’s best for Lacey. Tell her yourself.”
He looked away from me. “I thought it would be better coming from him.”
“Maybe it would,” I agreed. “But is that ever going to happen?”
He growled once more. “I’ll take care of it,” he said gruffly. Then he raised his eyes, looked
from me to Zane and back again, and forced a smile on his face. “Come back again anytime, you two. I’ll throw in some extra guacamole.”
He clapped me gently on the back, gave Zane a nod, and left us.
Zane and I walked away together toward the spot where he had parked his car. I kept expecting him to ask for an explanation. But he just walked silently, seeming thoughtful. “Zane,” I said finally, “If you ever want to know something, anything, all you have to do is ask me. I’ll tell you the truth.”
His eyes met mine, first with surprise, then with a tenderness that was tantalizing. “Do I have anything to worry about with this guy, Kali?”
I smiled back at him, my limbs feeling like rubber. It was no confession of undying love, but whatever it was, I would take it. “Absolutely nothing,” I assured.
His knee-weakening gaze continued a moment more, then abruptly he broke it off, opened my car door for me, and walked around to the driver’s side. “We’d better head back to Honolulu,” he said regretfully, hopping in. “I believe you have a date with a packing box.”
I groaned. “Yes… about sixty of them.” Why had I promised my parents I would get back early enough to help out some more? The day had flown.
We drove out of Haleiwa and got back on the highway towards town. “So tell me,” Zane asked finally, “who exactly is Matt going to kill? Euphemistically speaking, of course.”
“Of course,” I confirmed. I gave Zane a summary of the situation with Ty and Lacey, but even as I defended Matt’s peaceful nature, the heat of anger I had seen in the football player’s normally gentle blue eyes disturbed me. Then all at once, I understood it.
“So,” Zane was asking, “do you think he’ll tell Lacey himself?”
I turned to him. “Don’t you think he should?”
“For her sake, sure,” he agreed. “But she’s going to hate him for it. At least for a while. Tough way to lose a friend.”
“He’s going to lose her as a friend anyway,” I predicted, smiling smugly to myself.