by Towne, L. E.
“Ross?”
“Okay, remember last month’s workshop in Chicago?” Rachel gulped her drink. Az nodded. Of course she remembered. She’d sent Rachel instead of going and had forced herself to some lame training thing in Kansas, not wanting to stay home. Rachel had returned from that workshop all glowing and giggly. “Well, one of the nights I had drinks with Ross,” she said, her unlined eyes looking soft and pathetically happy. Az clutched her iced tea glass, trying to magically change its contents to Vodka. “It was fun and then his brother showed up.”
“Ben?” she blinked.
“Yeah, Ben,” Rachel said breathily. “They told me about the karaoke night where you guys all sang and Ben got sloshed. He was just so…amazing.” There was that breathless excitement again.
“Ben?” she said again. “You met Ben Berenger?” Az knew she sounded stupid, but before she let herself breathe again, she had to be sure.
“Yes, and I had a great time. He came back the next morning and took me to breakfast and then dinner that night before I had to fly back…and we’ve been talking on the phone…and this weekend he was flying in with Ross on Friday, and we—”
“Okay, okay I get the picture. You and Ben have a thing.”
“Yes.” She breathed out. The relief was mutual. “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t working that weekend. Because I did—I was.”
Az’s heart started beating again, somewhere distant in her chest. “I don’t doubt that you were working. But you’re not booking Ross for things simply because of Ben, are you? I mean, he’s a big boy. He can show up without his brother, right?”
“Yes, yes of course, but this is only the second time we’re meeting, and showing up with Ross is kind of, I dunno, maybe it’s an excuse. Milwaukee isn’t that far from Chicago and he had the weekend off and—”
“Rachel, it’s fine.” Azure was cautiously relieved. In reality, it didn’t change anything, but she was glad for Rachel. Ben was a great guy. Rachel rambled on and Az nodded, not really listening as she was thinking back to when she’d met Ross’s brother.
Ben Berenger was almost as hard to forget as Ross was. It had been a particularly brutal day at the Chicago convention and Azure had eased the pain of it with her usual Vodka Collins—extra cherries. Leaning back into more sumptuous leather than she had at her house, she remembered closing her eyes and relishing the first sip.
“Az.” A male voice interrupted her moment and she’d responded with an irritated groan before looking up to find Ross grinning at her, just behind him, stood a taller man with longer, slightly darker hair. “This is my brother, Ben,” he said, walking around the low table and sitting beside her, allowing Ben to fold his prodigious frame into the chair directly across.
“Hi,” She reached a hand out and he shook it briefly as she noted the family resemblance. Ben’s eyes were hazel, not the startling green of Ross’s, but they had that same friendly crinkle at the corners when he smiled. He had dimples. He was taller than Ross, by a couple of inches, actually bigger all around, but not in a brutish, hulking way. She noticed his mannerisms could make people forget just how large a man he was, until he stood up. “Did you hear Ross’s speech?” she’d asked, simply to start a conversation.
“No, I missed it. I just got off work and came down to see my little brother in action, but—traffic.” The dimples went away and he looked so perplexed Azure almost laughed.
“No worries,” she said, “It was his standard take on how to live your best life and still make a boat load of money speech. I’m sure you’ve heard it.” She glanced at Ross, who was fidgeting with the label on his beer bottle. “Though, the anecdote about the nurse choking on her strawberry shortcake was good—nice addition.” He nodded and smiled, almost shyly and that was weird—the appearance of his brother making him quiet and less Ross somehow. Ben laughed, drawing her back to the sound and the dimples again.
“You should write a self-help book, man. You’d clean up.” He nodded at Ross.
“That’s what Azure says, too.” Ross answered his brother, but his eyes didn’t stray from her face. “Sure, I have time for that. I could write on cocktail napkins from planes.” Her phone buzzed in her jacket pocket. She took it out, glanced at it and put it back. “More issues?” Ross asked.
“Oh, just the normal stuff—my techie, Amy, is sick again. Dave is paranoid that it’s contagious, which is only true if you drink the tequila. My eight a.m. presenter isn’t here yet—Jenny Lee, her flight is delayed.” Ross’s hometown of Chicago was an iffy destination in the winter months, but strangely, the problem was at the other end—some kind of security thing in Newark. “Nothing out of the ordinary.” She gave them both a wan smile. “It’s been a helluva day.”
“Well here’s to a better evening,” Ben said and they clinked their respective drinks. “Ross tells me you’re the problem-solver extraordinaire at these things.”
“Sometimes,” she said. “Sometimes I hide in the hotel bars until everyone solves their own problems.” This got her a flash of the dimples again. He was attractive, in a rougher, less classic way than Ross. “So… how many years apart are you guys?”
“I’m three years older,” Ben answered and it was cute the way his voice dropped to a more serious, mature tone. Perhaps he’d been mistaken as younger and she mentioned it. Ross’s laugh sung out, deep and sexy.
“We’re the brothers in the middle. Have one older sister, Maggie. She’s an assistant dean at the community college, and our little sister, Madison, is in college in Texas.”
“How is your mom?” she asked and was pleased to see his relief.
“She’s doing really well, thanks.” Ross had told her previously that his mom had undergone a breast biopsy.
“So what do you do, Ben?” She’d been making polite conversation, vaguely remembering something Ross had said about his brother’s work.
“I work in a lab at the University.”
“Ben’s the head lab tech in the Bio-technology research dept.” Ross added with obvious pride in his voice.
“Impressive. You have a very intellectual, successful family, Ross.” She smirked at him, “Do they know about your penchant for Austin Powers’ movies?”
“Yeah baby,” Ross said in his Austin voice. She rolled her eyes as Ben looked over at his brother.
“She knows about The International Man of Mystery?”
“I like The Spy who Shagged Me better.” She sipped her drink, watching the two brothers. It was evident they enjoyed each other’s company, not a hint of sibling rivalry or other usual family dysfunction. Somewhere behind her, a guy started testing the sound system for karaoke night. She groaned inwardly, remembering another night where she’d embarrassed herself in front of Ross and co-workers. Her drink finished, Az had pushed her chair back to leave, wanting to give the brothers a chance to visit. She looked forward to a hot bath and room service.
“You’re going?” Ross asked, looking like he’d just gotten turned down for prom.
“Stay,” Ben said, “Ross and I were going to order dinner, please join us.”
She was doubtful, but Ross leaned over, his hand falling upon her arm in a conspiratorial caress. “Stay, we can get Ben drunk and make fun of him when he sings karaoke.” His request had sounded like a much better offer than room service.
Azure sipped her ice tea across from Rachel, who was still going on about Ben. She was happy for her. She was. Ben was great—good-looking, smart, and unattached, unlike Ross had been.
Attached, unavailable, taken—Ben had reminded her of Ross’s status when they were alone. He’d called it blurring the lines. He’d been gentle, but he was also right.
She remembered Ben’s concern and the end of the evening where she’d leaned into Ross’s warmth under the portico of the hotel. A fairly drunken big brother had just left in a cab for home. Weird details of that evening came to her: how the back of his hand had felt occasionally brushing hers a
s they waited for the elevator—the conversation with her co-worker who’d spotted them, how, once in her room, she’d called Ross and said she’d needed space.
“Az?” Az blinked to find Rachel looking at her peculiarly. “Are you okay? I think I lost you there.”
“Oh, sorry I was just thinking that…long distance things are difficult. New romances have a way of interfering with work.”
“Sure, I know. I don’t even know exactly how this will work out, it’s so new.” The blonde beamed across their salads at Azure. “But isn’t he great and good looking and just…everything? He was so funny.”
Az smiled. “You should hear his rendition of It’s Getting Hot in Here. It’s hilariously bad.”
-13-
A couple months earlier, there had been a Chicago workshop that he couldn’t miss, but was reluctant to attend because it was hosted by CTC. After driving himself crazy with every scenario possible if he ran into Azure, he needn’t have worried. She’d sent her assistant, Rachel Jarvis, a leggy business school grad with long blonde tresses and a penchant for fast food. Rachel turned out to be a perfect match for his brother, Ben. He and Ben had met for dinner at the hotel bar and Rachel had come in to request nachos to go. Ben convinced her to stay and join them for dinner.
It was a match that quickly caught fire. Ben even took time off to fly with him to Milwaukee for a weekend panel just to meet up with Rachel. Seeing them together, holding hands, or Ben opening the door and Rachel ducking under his arm, Ross felt the loss of Azure even more acutely. He tried to be happy for his brother, and he was. He was happy, but when Ben spoke of Rachel, something he did often, Ross couldn’t help but think of her boss. Some days, he’d only think of her ten or twenty times.
The MacKenzie Lehrman contract made other companies take notice of him and he’d gotten very good reviews from Conway Titensor Consulting, (he was sure that was Azure Worth’s doing, in spite of what happened between them). Suddenly, his email was full of offers and jobs as far away as California and he could practically name his price. It was because of those offers that he’d decided to follow Dani to the coast.
He waved at his neighbor with the dog as he walked down the hall in his building. Since Dani had left, he’d actually gotten to know the man. His name was Leonard Smith and he worked as an editor for a non-fiction publisher. The little Schnauzer’s name was Oscar. Ross had been thinking of inviting him over for a drink for awhile so he could pitch his book idea. He stopped at his apartment door, about to say something when a tinny version of Aerosmith’s Dream On piped on his phone. With a look of apology to Leonard, he answered as he let himself into the apartment.
“Hey babe, what’s up?” Since she’d been gone, he’d found himself smiling when he heard her voice, something he hadn’t done in a very long while.
“I booked another commercial.” Her voice rose in its little girl squeak. “I have lines, I’m so excited.”
“That’s great Hon, what’s it for?”
“Insurance, nothing exciting, I’m the girl whose car gets crunched by space junk.”
“Like a good neighbor?” Ross closed the door behind him. The apartment sparkled. With his increased income, he’d been able to hire a cleaning service and they’d come today. The faint smell of furniture polish tickled his nose as he crossed to the window. The drapes were pulled back, letting the sun in. He smiled at the view of Chicago. A view he’d miss when he was gone.
“My character’s name is Natalie, I mean, no one actually says that, but that’s what I’m calling her. We’re filming next week.” Dani spoke again.
“Good luck, or do I say break a leg?”
“I think leg breaking is only for the theater.”
The lease on the Chicago apartment wasn’t up until August. He had until then. He and Dani had agreed she’d move ahead to book some auditions and settle in. With the ever present Simon’s help, she’d found herself a bungalow in a suburb with a Spanish name. Something vista or vista something. Ross thought that the only vista they’d get in LA would be obscured by smog, yet several towns had the vista moniker. He hung up his jacket–a new lightweight cashmere by Brioni.
“You are coming home this weekend, right?” He didn’t mention the family dinner on Sunday. Dani hadn’t been to his parents’ house since the holidays, and after the third missed dinner, his mom had asked about her. It was if she sensed his reluctance, his uncertainty for the move, for the life with Dani. He’d evaded her questions.
Dani’s voice held just a trace of exasperation. He must have asked her this before.
“Yes, just had to call and tell you the good news.”
“I’m happy for you, babe. Good job.”
“Thanks, I love you.”
“Love you too.” He set his phone down and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirrored closet. His face looked pale above the dark blue shirt, he smiled ruefully and the ever present crinkles at the corners of his eyes had deepened over the last year. He looked away and continued to undress.
It had been over a year since he booked that first speech in St. Louis. The image of Azure walking down the hall with him catapulted into his brain, her laugh, the pixie hair cut that was more sexy than cute. The memory of her vanilla scent assaulted his nostrils and he sat down heavily on the bed. Just when he’d get into the groove of his new old life, a thought of her would come up and slap him in the face
His phone rang again, pulling him out of his thoughts. He stepped into a pair of well worn jeans and grabbed the phone before it went to voice mail.
“Hey little brother. You and Dani coming for dinner this Sunday?” Ben’s voice boomed over the line.
“Yes, you’ve only asked three times, what’s going on with you?” Ross laughed into the phone. He padded into the kitchen, shirtless and barefoot and started pulling out salad fixings from the vegetable drawer. He selected a Cabernet from the new wine cooler they’d gotten and opened the bottle.
“Rachel’s coming in, and I, ah, wanted to make sure-”
“Dude, I know. You’ve only said it–wait, what’s going on? Are you guys making some big announcement or something?”
There was a happy silence on the other end.
“Ben?”
“She’s gonna move here in the fall. I’m getting married bro.”
--------
Ross no longer avoided the conferences that CTC sponsored. He’d worked a couple of panels they’d presented, and after the mixed joy and disappointment of seeing Rachel there instead of Az, he’d gotten used to not running into her. Ben and Rachel’s announcement at the family dinner had taken the focus off him and Dani, but Dani’s tone was off as she admired Rachel’s ring. His parents were quietly pleased at Ben’s news and his mother’s reserve faded into fondness when she spoke to Rachel. It was a severe contrast to her worried smile whenever she watched him and Dani together.
The plan was for him to fly out and spend the Fourth of July weekend in Hollywood with Dani. He’d figured now was as good a time as any to pop the question. Azure’s continued silence and then absence had finally convinced him that he’d needed to get on with his life. Ben recommended a diamond warehouse on Michigan Avenue and he’d picked out a square cut diamond, with a hint of blue in its brilliance. The black velvet box sat on the coffee table as he packed for one last gig before the holiday. A quick speech in Omaha for his Mac-Lehrman clients.
Azure
Since Rachel came onboard at CTC, Azure spent more time in Denver, but even less time at home. Things with Jonathan had gotten so tense, she felt like a combatant walking into an enemy camp just entering the front door. Letting herself into a dark house after a typical late night at work, she startled when she found Jonathan sitting alone in the kitchen, waiting for her.
“It’s about time,” he spoke quietly and she jumped, but managed to keep her cool. Tree filtered moonlight cast odd shadows through their kitchen window. Clicking on the light over the stove, she brushed the ominous feeling away. What now?
“I didn’t think anyone was up. Why are you sitting here in the dark? Is Eli okay?”
“He’s fine—asleep hours ago.” He sighed and sipped at a coffee cup. Azure wondered if the cup actually contained coffee at this hour, or perhaps something stronger. There had been a bit of that lately. “Do you want some tea?” Gravitating toward the single light, Jonathan moved to turn a burner on. At least, he wasn’t drinking.
“Ah, no. I’m just tired.” She longed to make an escape up to their room. They were back to sleeping in the same bed, though they were more recalcitrant roommates than anything.
“We need to talk, Azure.”
Azure. He never used her full name, always using the shortened version, except in cases of extreme emergency or stress. When she’d awakened in the hospital after delivering Eli, he’d called her Azure then. She sighed.
“Now? It’s late. I have tomorrow off.”
The tea kettle slammed onto the burner of the stove with a sharp crack.
“There’ll be something else tomorrow. We need to talk now.” He walked behind her and paused. She stilled, waiting for a touch or some softening of tension. He didn’t touch her, but slipped past her to sit down again. “Please.” Exhaustion came through the single word.
When she had settled across from him, he laid out his plan carefully. He wanted to go home, to England. His parents had lent them the money for a visit and he wanted them to go as a family. It was one more last ditch effort to save their marriage. She didn’t see the point. A weekend in Vail or two weeks in the UK, it didn’t matter. At this point, a trip into space wouldn’t repair the damage in the relationship. But, in his usual stubborn, infuriatingly patient and logical way, he convinced her to take some time. He’d made it sound so easy. Just give it a go, Az. Almost before she knew it, she was putting in for two weeks vacation.