His Perfect Woman (Urban Hearts Series Book 1)

by Towne, L. E.

  “Hey,” she stopped just inside the doorway. “Would you like some tea? I could brew a cuppa and bring it up?” She frowned, amazed at how quickly Eloise’s diction crept into her speech.

  “I don’t think so,” he said simply.

  “It’ll make you feel better.”

  “Oh, really?” he almost smiled then, just barely, but his eyes looked completely through her.

  “Okay, it’ll make me feel better, then.” Stepping farther into the room, she pulled a well used book off the shelf—Keats, and flipped it open. “I didn’t know he liked poetry.” Sinking into a stiff chair by the window, the only light in the room, she read a couple of lines aloud.

  “Why are you here?” His words were hot and angry and it shocked her. “Why are you doing this?”

  She looked up in surprise. They’d barely spoken in the three days she’d been there.

  “I’m just trying to help.”

  “You’re no longer part of this.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. But I’m here for Eli.” And it wasn’t just Eli. She could see the pain lines around Jonathan’s eyes—knew him well enough to know that despite his outward calm appearance, he was breaking inside.

  “That’s it, well, Eli will be fine. You can take him and go.” At the sound of his words pushing his son away, he heaved a great shuddering breath and rubbed his eyes. The chair creaked as he stood up.

  “Don’t.” Her voice belayed the frustration she felt. “Don’t push him away because you’re in pain. He needs you. You need him too.”

  “God, could you take your psycho babble and just get out of our lives.” He was facing the window, away from her like he’d break if he acknowledged her. She knew that was it. You didn’t live with someone for years and not know him, not if you were paying attention.”

  “For once in your stupid life, Jonathan, let it go.” She was bitter, she couldn’t help it. She was tired of being blamed for everything. “It’s not my fault your father died.”

  “Of course not, but you can’t do anything for me now.”

  “Not if you won’t let me. We used to be friends, you and I, and I thought we were getting that way again, kind of.”

  “You think these things because you want them to be true. You’ve always been that way, Az. The fact is you left. You decided we weren’t compatible anymore and you left.”

  She blinked, biting back a defensive retort as she realized that this was true. She had left. And he had moved on, found someone else. Someone who should be here at this very moment. Yet, Kate had been perfectly willing to let him stew in his father’s study for God knew how long. Azure knew Jonathan’s capacity for avoidance, squirreling himself away for months, keeping his emotions under such heavy cover so he wouldn’t have to deal with them. Oblivious to her silence, he continued. “All my father wanted was for us to be happy, a family. He loved you like a daughter, and you cast him aside like you did me, like you did all of us.”

  “That’s not true.” The protest couldn’t be held back anymore. He knew as well as she did, that their marriage had been over. She’d been the first to see it, and acknowledge that perhaps they really weren’t meant to be. The part about his family however, wasn’t true. They were Eli’s family, and she had tried to keep them involved in his life, not an easy feat, given their reserve and the miles between them. “I loved your father. He was like my own dad.” She had emailed and spoken to his father more often since they divorced than when she was married to his son, but of course Jonathan wouldn’t know that.

  “It broke his heart, and the stress…” Jonathan trailed off and she saw that it wasn’t her failing he was blaming, but his own—his own inability to communicate with his dad—with anyone. That closed off section of himself that kept him safe and yet so very alone was to blame. It wasn’t of course, but the look on his face was as plain to her as a sign held up at the airport. If they held up signs for personalities instead of names—hers might be stubborn, snarky or defensive. Jonathan’s would be stoic.

  She didn’t say anything. For once, she managed to control her defensive posturing enough to see his side of things, and she squeezed his shoulder. Brushing at his eyes, he looked away, irritated.

  “Johnny,” she said it softly. She hadn’t called him Johnny since they’d met, he simply wasn’t that guy. When she did, it was always during some moment when they’d been particularly intimate and he’d shown some glimmer of vulnerability. Back during the more stressful times of their marriage, she’d tried to use that tactic—calling him Johnny, to appeal to some softer side of his—he’d taken her head off about it. Today, the name slipped out almost unconsciously. His pain, his loss was her loss too and she wanted him to know that. His arm reached for her and she went—clasping him to her and holding him. She found herself crying for the first time. For him. For everything they’d lost. His hands were at her waist, his head tucked into the curve of her neck and he sagged against her as she became his rock, once again, his confidant, even for a little while.

  It was only a few moments. He turned away all too soon, rummaging in his father’s desk drawer for a box of tissues and handing her the box. Az sat on the corner of the desk and wiped at her eyes as he sank back into his father’s chair. Neither spoke for a while, the light from the window faded quickly, dousing the room in darkness and gloom. Without asking him, Az reached over and pulled the tiny chain on the banker’s lamp.

  “What am I going to do, Az?” He swiveled the chair toward her.

  “I don’t think you need to decide that right now.” She reached out to where his hand rested on the desk. “Just leave things be for awhile. Your mom’s taken care of, right? I mean, I’m sure there’s a pension or something.”

  “Yes, yes of course. It’s just that—” He turned away again. Azure heard his sigh escape without his realizing it. “I always thought he’d be around, that he’d take care of mum, and this house would always be here for me to come back to, for Eli to come visit.”

  “It still is, isn’t it?”

  “It’s not the same. I never thought I’d say that.” He pulled his hand away and stood up. “I never thought I’d say that I miss him.” He wandered the office, running a hand across the crammed book shelves. “He’s been gone, what? Less than a week? And I miss him, so much.”

  “I know you do.” She watched as he turned, making his way back around to the desk and her, still fingering the books and maps and papers that were so much of his father’s life. Jonathan stood sideways to where she’d risen from her perch on the desk, his right hand on a book shelf, the other reaching out for her. She took his hand in both of hers.

  “There’s so much I should have said,” he murmured.

  “We all have that. Things left unsaid…he wasn’t the easiest guy to talk to.”

  “Neither am I, I suppose.” He was morosely realistic.

  “No, you’re not.” She smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. “He did love you, you know.”

  “I know.” His voice was muffled in her hair, and she felt the warmth of his lips at her ear. “I loved you, you know?”

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I know.” He made a tiny sound of acceptance, or comfort, or something she almost recognized, a small hum of nonverbal communication. And then he kissed her—his lips pressed against hers in the same way they used to, back when they couldn’t get enough of each other, and before she could protest or accept, she didn’t know which—he pulled away, but not before she’d felt his sudden erection against her. He looked at her as though he didn’t realize who she was. Or maybe he did, and that was the surprise.

  “Oh, God, I’m sorry.” He stepped away, embarrassed, and she saw a flicker of the real Jonathan before the shutters came crashing down, hiding him from her, from everything that could possibly hurt him, including himself.

  “Jonathan, it—don’t worry about it, okay?” She didn’t know what to say—what words would reassure him that what passed between them was nothing more than a heated momen
t. His look changed from surprise to guilt to irritation in a few seconds and she wanted to stop it before it reached anger.

  Standing there in the study, he’d dropped his sign of strong stoicism for just a tiny moment, revealing the Jonathan she’d fallen in love with. The moment was gone. This was how they were. The thought that she had never been the right person—the one who could bring Jonathan out of his defenses long enough to shine—was even more solid than before.

  As she was trying to figure out how to tell him this, her cell phone buzzed with its familiar ringtone and she jumped. Pulling the phone out of her pocket, she watched as Jonathan stepped away. He shrugged, indicating the door and leaving her to answer. As she said hello, she touched her bottom lip with her tongue, the feel of him still there.

  “There you are.” Ross’s cheerful voice at once warmed her and jarred her away from her thoughts. “I wasn’t sure when a good time to call was, but…I couldn’t wait any longer.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m glad you called.” She sat down in the desk chair, warm still from Jonathan’s body. “Could you just talk to me awhile? Tell me about your day.” It took some moments before she could actually hear what he was saying, the shift from Jonathan to Ross still processing in her head. He missed her, but was deliberately cheerful, sensing somehow, that she needed the distraction.

  Ross’s call had ceased to calm her thoughts, the call ending too soon as he’d been on his way somewhere. But, it was getting late and she’d need to get Eli off to a bath and bed soon.

  Az followed the sound of voices to the kitchen and found Kate back again, playing checkers with Eli while Jonathan made him a quick snack. He placed a plate of peanut butter sandwiches, cut into fourths on the table.

  “Kate. I thought you had some things to attend to?” Az frowned, she hadn’t meant to say things, she’d meant event or appointment or something more specific than things, but words had failed. She wasn’t used to that, but ever since she’d met the girl—and the phrase, girl, was acceptable as she was younger than Az—she’d felt like an uneducated heathen. Not that Kate flaunted her Oxford education and ancient English ancestry that somehow linked to an earl or other nobleman back in the fourteen hundreds, because people of her breeding simply didn’t flaunt those assets—yet somehow, she’d managed to convey all of that in just the first meeting with Azure without her realizing it. Since that time—had it really only been four days ago—it felt like years, Az was constantly losing her former ability to articulate.

  Kate took her eyes from the checkerboard to Azure’s, and she smiled that practiced smile of British benevolence that Mal had called the mask of dignity.

  “The solicitor’s meeting, of course. We convened earlier than expected, and I simply had to get back. I so wanted to be with the family. Give this chap a chance to beat me at checkers.” She ruffled Eli’s hair and Az restrained the urge to break her hand, finger by finger. She smiled instead, forcing her lips to relax lest they become a grimace, or worse, a baring of teeth, like some lioness defending her young from hyenas.

  “Everything okay, back home?” Jonathan spoke up, and their eyes met across the table. His tone was perfectly natural, almost back to his reserved self, with none of the emotion he’d displayed earlier. It made her a little sad, to see the armor back in place.

  “Yes, yes. It’s fine. I have to make some calls to get some work things into place, is all.” Her forehead wrinkled. There it was again, the word things… why couldn’t she be specific? She supposed it sounded silly, calling for flower arrangers and musicians versus the all important work Kate did as a solicitor for a judgeship. And why was she in competition with Kate anyway?

  Jonathan frowned at her. “Why would they call you now? It’s really late there.”

  “This was from a…friend.” Az moved to the stove. “Anyone for tea?” She fought with the idea that she was becoming more British, the notion of tea coming up twice in under an hour. “I can get the service.” Eloise always served tea from her heirloom tea service she kept on the sideboard.

  “No need. We have tea bags, let’s just use cups.” He retrieved some coffee mugs from the cupboard, lining them up in front of the water kettle. “Kate, you having some?”

  “I think I’m full-up. Thank you, though.” She smiled at Jonathan, but as he turned away, Az caught they way she wrinkled her nose slightly at the tea bag he held in his hand. Azure doubted she ever drank anything but loose Earl Grey in a china cup with real sugar and heavy cream.

  “King me,” Eli said, taking a bite of sandwich. Kate feigned surprise and turned back to their game.

  “A friend, huh?” Jonathan voice was light. Az poured the hot water into both cups. “Is this who you’ve been seeing this summer?” He stirred his tea and stayed by the counter, far enough away from Kate and Eli so as not to be overheard.

  Kate had moved her checker piece over Eli’s in an elaborate pattern to jump as many as possible and he was protesting. Az smiled and looked at Jonathan. They both knew she’d never get away with it. Eli was a fierce checker player. Jonathan smiled back, but raised his eyebrows as he drank his tea. She supposed she’d have to tell him eventually.

  “I ran into an acquaintance from work and we’ve been seeing quite a lot of each other. It was kind of a set-up. You know how Mal can be and—”

  “Oh my goodness!” Kate exclaimed loudly. “You’ve beaten me again. You are such a good player. I bet you could play chess.”

  “Mom’s been teaching me.” Eli smiled at her, setting up more checkers. “Want to play again?”

  “Eli dear, it’s about bath time for you.” Az moved away from Jonathan and over to her son, who was of course denying the late hour or need for bathing. “You can play with Kate again another time. But let’s go on now and let Kate and your father talk for a bit, okay?” Eli reluctantly slipped out of his chair.

  “I’ll be up in a while, son,” Jonathan said and took his place across from Kate.

  As she filled the tub and added a generous slug of bubble bath, Az knew she’d taken the easy route by not telling Jonathan that the man she was seeing was Ross Berenger.

  They went to Stonehenge, like all the other tourists, standing in an endless line in the rain behind the railings. Azure thought the railings set up to keep people from climbing all over the massive figures ruined the mystic feel of the place, but she supposed it was necessary.

  The trip had been Eloise’s idea and Jane and Reggie had agreed it would be good for all of them to get out of the house. And then of course, Eloise had begged off at the last minute. So it was the whole family minus the matriarch, all packed into Reggie’s Peugeot and barreling through traffic out of the city.

  During the ride, Jane and Reggie played some alphabet game with Eli, which left Az and Jonathan to their quiet thoughts. Az watched the English countryside and thought of her most recent telephone conversation with Ross. She needed to get home, but couldn’t quite pull Eli away from his father yet, both of them still looking very fragile. The subject of an open-ended ticket and no real return date had Ross worried.

  “What do you mean you don’t know when you’re coming home?” Even with his slight exasperation, she loved listening to the sound of his voice. The deep timbre had a certain rumble that thrilled her to her toes, and she’d recall just how hot things could get when he talked to her during sex. She shook the delicious thoughts aside. She was there for a funeral. “The funeral was days ago.” Ross said and she could tell he was trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. She managed to pull herself out of her sex fantasy long enough to attend to the conversation at hand.

  “Three days Ross, the funeral was three days ago. I just can’t pick up Eli and take him away this soon.”

  “I understand, really. I do.” He sounded bereft and she relished the thought of him missing her as much as she missed him. “It’s just…are you sure you’re coming home?”

  She stopped her fantasy of what she’d do to him when she got home to cons
ider his question. The thought of staying hadn’t occurred to her and she wasn’t sure why he was thinking it. “Yes, of course. Why would you think I’d stay?” True, while they’d been in Chicago, both of them had discussed the next step. What would become of them once Eli got home and Ross returned to Chicago. She wasn’t sure she was ready for either of them to move.

  “You wouldn’t of course. It just…feels like there’s not much time for us, is all.”

  “Well, home is Denver for me. I can’t ask you to pick up and leave just to rent a new place. Your whole life is there—in Chicago.” She emphasized the city as if saying it again would make it clearer, just how complicated the logistics were.

  “You could come here, be a part of that life.” he said. Okay, maybe not all that complicated.

  “That’s a big step—not sure I’m ready for that.”

  “Just come home, we’ll talk about it. This phone thing is driving me crazy. It’s either 2am here or 6am there. We can’t seem to mesh.”

  They’d talked of other things: Ben and Rachel back from their honeymoon, his latest drafts on the new book, some article about the current book in a magazine, and always how very much they missed each other.

  “Mom, is this all there is?” Eli asked. They peered through the mist that floated mystically over the rugged landscape, weaving itself around the stone formations. He would have much rather gone to Harry Potter World. Az followed his disappointed gaze and listened to the clicking of cameras around them. Jonathan stood at her side and had not said much all day. He might have been more animated if Kate were there, but Az was glad she’d had an important docket this morning and couldn’t make the trip.

  “Eli honey, come with Auntie Jane, let’s go look at the museum.” The older woman held out her hand to the boy and they went off, leaving Jonathan and Az looking at the massive rectangles. Jonathan finally spoke, breaking her out of her own reverie.