I heard the proud smile on Jens’s face as he spoke through a grin. “It’s not like that. Not a hookup.”
There was a beat’s pause, and then Tucker said in a quieter voice laced with smarm, “If you’re not hitting that, do you care if I…”
My cheeks flamed pink with hatred. I flung open the door and all but flew down the stairs to Tucker’s smirk and Jens’s head buried in his hand. I leaped from the fourth stair and jumped on Tucker again, slapping him across the face a few times before he slipped me off him. “You want to hit that?” I shouted as I socked him in the arm. “How about that?” I smacked his cheek with a loud clap. “How about that? Is that what you had in mind? Because I could do this all day!” When Tucker grinned, I smacked him again as hard as I could across the face. “Does that turn you on?”
Tucker’s crooked smile stretched from ear to ear. “Actually, yeah. Your bedroom’s upstairs?”
I recoiled from his joyful laughter at the game he’d gotten me to participate in. “Call me when this joker’s gone,” I tossed to Jens as I ran back upstairs to grab the bags.
Fifteen.
No Escape
I wanted to go to a hotel, but that would mean Jamie would have to tag along, and I still couldn’t look at him, much less share a room with him. He’d granted the Huldra couple the guest room, and Jens and I were given use of the rec room in the basement, which had a pullout sofa and several other long couches to stretch out on.
My anxiety peaked the second I stepped over the threshold. Britta was gone, and I was staying in a house with a man who hurt me on a soul level and a woman who toyed with my mind so much, I’d had a seizure twice. In the back of my mind, I knew Jens was supposed to protect me from stuff exactly like this. I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
Tucker and Jens were on nonstop chatter mode. They’d not seen each other much in the last year, apparently, and Tucker filled Jens in on the different jobs he’d done and the things he’d been up to. What I learned from trying unsuccessfully to tune him out? Tucker was a horndog with extra cheese.
Jens plugged in the video game system he’d hooked up for Jamie’s house. Jamie didn’t have as much aptitude for technology, so Jens and I played it the most. To watch Tucker germing up my controller made my upper lip curl with disgust. His suspenders made him look a notch above the rest of us in hipster class, but I held tight to my yellow and purple Chucks.
“I’ve been in Colorado for the last six months. Josephine lives just a few hours from where I was staying before.”
“You were at Ethel Thompson’s before, right? That was a nice house.”
Tucker cracked his knuckles proudly in between turns. “Ah, it still is. Belongs to yours truly now. Sweet old bird signed over the deed just before she died.” He sighed. “Ethel was a fun one.”
I wanted to barf on his smug little head. He’d removed his Newsies cap, revealing trimmed black hair that was too styled for my liking. Tucker was well manicured and looked, I don’t know, properly groomed. I wanted to fling mud at his starched shirt just to mess up his orderly perfection.
Jens scratched his five o’clock shadow. “Josephine got something special?”
“I’ve got my eye on her house, of course, and the land. But she’s got this grand piano. It’s not just any instrument, Jens. It’s a masterpiece. Built by August Förster himself.”
“Good luck acquiring your treasure, man. Hope she’s got all her teeth.”
“I’ve learned to look past appearances. Eye on the prize, friend. Eye on the prize.”
I steamed as I pulled out my pajamas from my bag in preparation for a much needed shower. “You know I can hear you, right?”
“Love, I assume you listen in on every jewel I have to say. Most lonely ladies do.” Tucker tossed me a cheesy grin, and I wanted to smack it off his face.
“Is your accent as fake as everything else about you?”
Tucker sat up straighter. “I spent a fair amount of time in England, I’ll have you know. I go back there whenever the mood strikes me.” He eyed me with a smarmy smirk. “Most ladies prefer their seduction with a little James Bond thrown in to mix things up.”
“Keep up the charm, and Jens’ll be able to keep you nice and warm tonight. Honestly, Jens. Your BFF’s a pig.”
Jens guffawed. “No more than Tonya was. She verbally lusted after every guy who walked by her. Loudly.”
I wanted to argue on principle, but Jens was not wrong. My best friend had been a bit boy-crazy. I didn’t bother with a reply, but trotted upstairs to the full guest bath on the main floor just off the living room.
Elsa was on the couch with Leif, and the two were talking in hushed tones and sign language which stopped at my arrival. “Has your husband gone, then?” Elsa asked nonchalantly.
I nodded, not willing to be baited by her, and shut myself inside the beige and rose-tiled bathroom without a word. I didn’t feel any sort of safety with her in the house. I turned on the water before I even undressed to drown out any attempts she made to whistle me into Crazy Land.
When I finally stepped into the large two-headed shower, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of disquiet. Elsa was a big problem, breaching trust time and time again in the name of diffusing the bomb that I apparently was. All I’d done was keep a secret, and she’d been permitted to control me without a blink.
We shouldn’t have let her do that, Jamie said, horning in on my private thoughts.
“Get out!” I shouted, my anxiety shooting through the roof at the mere sound of his voice. “Get out of my head!” Mental images he’d subjected me to flooded my memory. I panicked, hyperventilating in the small space.
I would never escape Jamie. No amount of running would ever let me get away from him. It didn’t used to bother me so much before, but he was a different person to me now. There was no trace of that foreign black fog that accompanied his recently acquired foul mood, but I still didn’t trust him.
I’m sorry, Lucy! I was just trying to talk to you!
I dropped to my knees in the shower, tears that had been on standby spilling down my cheeks and washing down the drain. Would that my problems flowed away so easily. “Leave me alone!” I yelled, not able to separate mental conversations from live ones.
I saw Jamie hold up his hands through the cracks in my poorly constructed mental wall. Wait, here! Look, I can bring him back for you.
I blinked, and Jamie let himself in through the door I thought I’d left bolted shut. Stupid imaginary locks. He brought with him Linus, thrusting him at me by way of a peace offering. Only Jamie didn’t know how to imagine Linus; he didn’t know Linus. The mannequin stood with his hands in his pockets, wondering what purpose he was supposed to serve. He was a puppet who didn’t know me at all, but was to pretend to in order that I might be pacified.
Does that make it better?
Someone was knocking on the bathroom door, like there weren’t two other bathrooms in the house.
Fake Linus took a step toward me, and I screamed. Memories of him were hard enough to picture clearly without this imposter mucking it up and being introduced to my psyche. I groped at the beige tiled wall of the shower, seeing but not seeing as I let loose my agony at being given no space at all after the trauma of my house almost burning down and living through the previous week of mental torture. “Leave me alone, Jamie! Go away!”
The bathroom door opened, and the shower curtain was torn back. My scream reached new heights of volume, causing Elsa to jump.
“Are you alright? I heard you shouting.” She took in my fear that did not go away at the sight of her.
I was trembling thinking of the many ways she could manipulate me, and prayed my sanity would hold. “Just go! I don’t need your help! I don’t need you in my head, too!”
I shoved the curtain into place just before Jens came bounding up the stairs. Tucker appeared out of thin air in the doorway, letting loose a puff of gold dust at the use of his elfin magic. I’d forgotten about the whole por
ting thing that elves could do. “Do you normally shower in a group here?” Tucker asked, genuinely confused at Elsa’s presence in the occupied bathroom.
Jens came to my aid and shoved everyone out, shutting us in the bathroom together. “What’s going on, Loos? Did Elsa do something? Let me feel your hands.”
I stood and reached for the soap. “No. It’s the bond. I can’t get any peace. Jamie… I can’t get away from him! I just want to take a shower by myself!” I sniffled, not caring how pathetic I sounded. “And Elsa terrifies me! I don’t know when she’s going to decide to warp me again, and it’s got me on edge. I don’t want another seizure!”
Jens was silent for a moment, carefully choosing the right words to bring comfort to a confusing situation. “I’ll stay right here until you’re finished. I shouldn’t have taken off like I did. Totally understandable why you’d be on edge. They shouldn’ta messed with you like that.” He paused. “I don’t know how to deal with Jamie. He’s never done anything like that before, and I can’t exactly punch him to teach him a lesson. I talked to him, but it doesn’t feel like enough. He’s still screwing with you?”
I finished washing my body and stood in the hot water, afraid to face the music of my meltdown. “No. He’s just trying to talk to me, but I don’t want to hear it. I can’t be around him. Jens, I can’t stay here! You have to see it’s not safe for me! Please see that!” I turned off the water.
Jens nodded, handing me a towel. “I agree. I’m just not sure what to do about it. I mean, wherever I take you to get away, Jamie has to come. And I can’t keep him out of your head. You two have to duke it out. Laplanding’s a long road. Tell me how to help, and I will.”
“Just keep him away from me.”
“Done. I can lock him in his bedroom, no problem.”
“And do we need Elsa here? I kept a secret, Jens. One secret. One bad decision, and she thinks she has the right to control hundreds of people to try to get the information out of me. And whatever she’s trying to do when she controls me is backfiring. Please make her leave. I’m honestly afraid she’s going to give me brain damage or something. I don’t think that’s a far leap, here. And frankly, I don’t think it’s something I should even have to say. This is dangerous, having her here.” I stepped out of the shower wearing the towel. “Part of the reason we trust her is because she agreed not to control us. I’m a person, Jens. Nobody gets that anymore. She’s controlled me and hurt me in the process twice, now. I kept one secret, and you ran out on me! I had to sleep on the floor like a dog! She’s shown us she’s perfectly happy to put me in danger, and no one’s stepping up and kicking her out!” I gestured wildly with my glittery arms. “I’m not a second-class citizen here, and I shouldn’t have to tell my boyfriend that!”
Jens held up his hands. “Hey, I’ve been gone the past week. I didn’t know they were doing that to you.”
“You might want to rethink your defense,” I grumbled.
“I’ll take care of it.” He sighed unhappily at my partial nudity and the missed opportunity it presented. “I really hate that this stellar image of you is ruined by all the fighting. One day, I want to fully enjoy the sight of you in nothing but a towel.”
“I’ll put that wish on your Christmas list. Better than the bucket of coal I’ve been saving for.”
He held out his arms to me, and I sank into them, pressing into the sugar cookie scent that centered me amidst the chaos. “I’m sorry Jamie did that to you. Please tell me the reason you didn’t rat him out was because I wasn’t there. Please tell me if I was, you would’ve said something.”
I nodded, unsure if that was a lie or not.
That was a lie, Jamie informed me. Your secrets run deep, and you’ve never relied on Jens like you should. Jamie was sitting in the background of my mind, privy to my private thoughts, and felt at liberty to comment on them.
“Go away!” I yelled, tensing in my boyfriend’s arms.
“Jeez, Loos! I thought we were having a moment. You don’t have to freak out on me.” Jens released me with a scowl.
I shook my head and tapped my temple. “Not you. Jamie! He’s in here. I can’t have a second without him.”
Jens’s shoulders relaxed, and he leaned forward to kiss me. “Okay. I’ll go talk to him. Hang in there. We’ll get through this, alright?”
“Through this… to what? This is ongoing. There’s no ‘through’. It’s never-ending, and I’m having a rough time with it.”
Jens held up his hands, taking the high road above my argumentative crabbiness. “Alright. Through the hardest parts. You and Jamie had a good rhythm for a while. It’ll take some time, but you’ll get it back.”
I nodded, unconvinced. “I don’t get why you’re with me,” I blurted out. “I’m like, a bucket of damage over here, and it’s only getting worse. I don’t know why you haven’t cut your losses yet.”
Jens quirked a thick eyebrow at my unexpected words. “Back atcha. This thing with Jamie’s just a setback. It’s like anything else. We’ll figure it out. Your mess isn’t too much for me, Mox. No more than mine is for you.”
Of all the faults and shortcomings we had between us, I couldn’t suffer an inch of space to part me from him any longer. I reached for his face and kissed him more passionately than he’d been expecting. I swallowed his noise of surprise as our tongues forgave the misunderstandings and hurt feelings they’d inflicted on the other.
Jens’s arms went around my waist, pressing my body to his eager one. I’d missed the feel of him, and the taste of our delicious tease we knew couldn’t go anywhere for a very long time.
Sixteen.
Tolerating Tucker
I felt a little better after ridding myself of the smoke stink and donning my favorite fitted sky blue yoga capris and soft yellow t-shirt. My navy opera gloves were a necessity with a stranger in the house, though I wished I didn’t have to wear them at night.
I listened carefully to the noises in the house to make sure no one was in the kitchen. I was tired from the long day and the even longer week, but I could still feel Jamie in my head, waiting around for me to make the first move. I located the stool only I needed to reach things and placed it in front of the cupboard I knew had the liquor in it.
Lucy, please. Just talk to me. I know what I did was unforgiveable, but I’m falling apart over here.
Since alcohol didn’t do anything for Undrans, they only stocked the most flavorful things they cooked with or kept around for company. I made my white Russian a double after downing a shot of vodka to take the edge off of Jamie’s protests.
You’re drinking too much, he commented. I couldn’t wait for the alcohol to numb the recesses of my mind so I could sleep. What can I do to make it right?
I refused to talk to him. They’d ostracized me, made decisions for me and controlled me. Fine. Maybe I did deserve some freedoms taken away, but if they were going to cut me off, they couldn’t have friendly conversation in the trade. Maybe that was bitter. I didn’t much care.
I took my drink downstairs and was greeted by Tucker lounging on the couch and playing video games by himself.
“Care if I sit?” I asked.
“No, ma’am.”
Something about the way he said “no, ma’am” sounded sleazy, but I decided not to overanalyze it. I flopped on the couch furthest from him and sipped my necessary nightly ritual.
“So, you and Jens?” He didn’t look away from the screen as he spoke to me.
“Yup. What’s your plan for fixing my house?” I asked, none too subtly.
“I’ll make some calls in the morning. Shouldn’t be a problem. Might take a week or two.” He handed me the spare controller. “Do you want me to teach you how to play?”
I took another sip and swept up the controller. As soon as the round started, my avatar kicked into high gear, racing through the board and destroying the boss in record time. “Which one’s the jump button? These things are so darn confusing. Must be my ovaries slowing me
down.”
Tucker’s eyes were wide. “Oh. Well, maybe you can teach me a few things, then.”
Tucker’s alright, Lucy. I don’t really know him, but he’s Jens’s friend out here. He didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to set your house on fire. He was just doing his job. Jamie’s voice was the same quiet calm it had always been, but there was no comfort in it for me anymore. I took a large gulp of my drink, wincing at the burn necessary to drown Jamie out.
Tucker watched me play the next round. “You don’t like me.”
I kept my eyes on the screen. “Boom goes the dynamite. What’s there to like? You basically burned away my life. There’s no trace of me anywhere but right here and the half-job you did to my house.” My guy took a wrong turn, so I paused to course-correct. “I can’t imagine it matters to you whether or not I like you, but it’s polite of you to pretend, I guess. So, if you factor in that one point for politeness, you’re still running a deficit of seventy-six before you reach acceptable homo sapiens level.”
He leaned back against the couch. “You’re welcome, by the way.”
I scoffed. “It’s a wonder you’re bipedal. Where do you get off thinking I owe you any kind of thanking?”
He picked up his controller when I died at the next boss. “I did my job on the books and off. A lot of the times I destroyed your apartments were personal favors to Jens done for cash under the table. He never told me why some of your addresses had to be kept off the radar, but I helped when I could. Didn’t leave a trace for whatever it was you were running from to find you. So, you’re welcome for helping keep you alive.”
Though I could sense a bit of truth in the logic, I was set in my stubborn opinion. “A) jobs done for payment aren’t favors, they’re jobs, and B) you almost just murdered me with your little sparks.”
“Well, there’s that. Did I say I was sorry?”
Lucy at Peace Page 11