Trust I Seek

by Laura Gates

  As he slipped out of the apartment, he got a phone call. Luke’s name and picture appeared. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

  “Have you looked at the time? Fans are showing up for the tour of the studio we promised!” Luke snapped.

  Beau looked at his watch and realized it was almost 9, which was the time of the tour. “Sorry, got caught up with something. I’m on my way,” Beau said.

  “Did you go to a bar?” Luke asked.

  Beau hesitated to answer, trying to think of a lie. “No. I’m just at home. I will be there in 10 minutes.”

  “Are you sure you don’t need time off?” Luke asked.

  “No. Stop asking me that. I’m fine.”

  “Did you hook up with someone last night?” Luke asked again.

  Beau hesitated again. “I’ve been staying in hotels at night because it still feels weird to be in the house by myself. I’ve been eating at home, though.” Beau could feel the trench he was digging getting bigger.

  Luke felt very suspicious of Beau’s words, but all he could do was take his word for it. “All right, see you in 10.”

  “See ya, man!” Beau hung up his phone.

  The weeks started to blur together, and Beau’s days and nights remained the same. He started going to different clubs and raves throughout San Francisco to avoid running into the same girls. His targets were usually in their early 20’s because they didn’t know who he was, and he found that appealing. He would always sneak out of the girl’s apartment and head to the studio the next morning.

  The other band members would be inspired in their writing, and Beau went through Writer’s Block. There was only one additional time in his life where he felt like this, and he ended up going to rehab. As his thoughts wandered, Beau wondered what would happen if Luke, Kade, and Rob found out he was living his old lifestyle and going against the straight-edge lifestyle he firmly represented in the past. Beau knew he could stop if he wanted to because he already had rehab. He knew he didn’t need to go back.

  Death Toll’s new album was coming along rather slowly mainly because Beau lacked the inspiration he felt during previous albums. Luke, Kade, and Rick tried to help him, but the Writers’ Block kept getting worse. Beau tried watching the news, going to a park, at times tried talking to a girl instead of just kissing her, hanging out with Luke and his family, but nothing was working. The band began to notice Beau’s erratic behavior as the weeks progressed. Whenever they suggested taking a break, Beau snapped at them, and the snaps would get harsher and harsher. Luke was especially getting frustrated with Beau because he thought Beau would have moved past this behavior. One particular evening, Luke decided that he would follow Beau around to see what the deal was.

  Luke excused himself early after practice only to hide his car just a block away from where he had a clear visual of the studio exit. Beau left shortly after, trying to figure out which bar or lounge to go to that night. He climbed into his Rover and drove off, not realizing that Luke was following him.

  Luke followed about a car length behind Beau as they drove towards downtown San Francisco and parked in front of some hip lounge or bar. Luke couldn’t tell what it was. Luke parked across the street and watched Beau walk past the bouncer assuming the bouncer knew who he was. Luke got out of his car and walked across the road to the bouncer.

  “Hey! Luke Jeppsen! Are you here with Beau?” the bouncer asked.

  “Yes. I am meeting him here. Did he walk in already?” Luke asked, trying to sound casual.

  “You just missed him,” the bouncer said, “but go ahead and go in.”

  “Thanks,” Luke said, sighing in relief.

  The lounge was very loud and full of young people in their early 20’s. The EDM gave Luke a little spring in his step as well as motivation to find his friend. He surveyed the crowd trying to find his friend and bandmate. Finally, he found Beau sitting at the bar sipping on a bottle of Jack Daniels Luke’s worst fear had come true.

  Suddenly, Luke had flashbacks to that awful time right before Beau checked himself into rehab. Their bassist, Jacob, had just quit, Beau drank heavily every night while they were on tour and often cheated on Phoebe while she was pregnant with Chloe. A therapist was helping the band cope with their bassist quitting, but Beau transferred all of his abandonment issues onto other members of the group. That was when Beau went to rehab.

  Luke continued to watch Beau drink his beer, go talk to a girl, kiss that girl, walk into the bathroom with her, come out looking like a mess, and leave the lounge with her. Luke followed Beau and the girl to her apartment where Luke stood outside to make sure his hunch was correct. Sure enough, he heard his friend moaning along with the girl who couldn’t have been more than 22.

  Luke walked back outside to his car, climbed in, and drove back to the studio. He had sent a text to Kade, Rick, and their former therapist, Dr. Peter Bennett, to have an emergency band meeting in 20 minutes. When they all arrived and met in the living room of the studio, Luke conveyed every detail of what he saw to the others. Kade’s face matched the terror Luke felt inside, Rick processed the information, and Dr. Bennet thought about a solution. They sat in silence for about two minutes.

  Dr. Bennet finally chimed, “He needs to go back to rehab. Clearly, those issues have resurfaced and possibly more because of the deaths of Phoebe and his kids.”

  Kade nodded his head. “I agree. Something has snapped with him lately. He has been a pain to work with, and he hasn’t been like this in five years,” he said.

  Luke also nodded his head. “All right, so the question is, how do we tell him?” Luke asked.

  Rick said, “We might need to trick him. We know how stubborn he can be. He’s not going to go easily or willingly.”

  “I will do some research on facilities, find the best one, make a reservation, and drop Beau off without him realizing it,” Dr. Bennet said.

  “Okay. I just don’t want to go down this road again. The band almost broke up last time Beau lost control, and I’m not sure if I can take it all again,” Luke said.

  “I understand, but right now, we need to focus on Beau overcoming this weakness of his,” Dr. Bennet said.

  A week later, Beau walked into the studio entirely clueless of what the band and Dr. Bennett planned. He noticed the band being extremely kind to him, and he thought that was weird. Luke kept checking his phone every five minutes, which was very unusual. Little did he know that Luke was texting Dr. Bennet about Beau’s reservation at a facility in San Francisco that would allow Beau to continue working on their album and live there for six to twelve months depending on his progress. Dr. Bennet would be involved in the counseling side of things to ensure Beau made a full recovery. They also included some counseling on grieving.

  After band practice, Luke walked up to Beau. “Want to go out for some barbeque?” he asked Beau. Beau shrugged. “Why not? I’ve got some time,” Beau said.

  Luke followed Beau to his roadster, where Beau tossed Luke the keys. Luke felt pleased about this, considering he knew how much Beau would be yelling at him later. As they climbed in, Luke nodded at Kade and Rick signaling them to let the bodyguards know that they were on their way. Everyone knew that Beau would fight this decision and get physical, but they all knew this was the best thing for him.

  They drove across the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco. Luke felt very tense with what was about to happen once they got into the city, but he had to stay calm so Beau wouldn’t suspect anything. Beau looked around him, trying to figure out what bar, club, or lounge to go to that night. He pulled out his phone to look up some of the bars and clubs near the barbeque joint they were going to.

  Luke parked on the street in front of the facility. Beau put his phone away and looked around, realizing where he was. Beau turned to look at Luke. “Why are we in front of a rehab facility?” he asked. “Consider this your intervention,” Luke replied as he waved his arms.

  Beau turned around to look behind him and saw these two huge guys walking
towards him. His eyes grew three sizes when he realized what they were there for. Suddenly, he saw Dr. Bennet walking behind them. “You think I need rehab?” Beau snapped at Luke.

  “I followed you yesterday to the lounge and to that one girl’s apartment. You’ve been drinking and sleeping around again. This behavior is what almost killed the band last time. Do you really want that to happen again?” Luke asked.

  “I don’t need to go back. I know the tools. I can stop at any time.”

  “Can you? Do you want to? Look, I know how much you miss Phoebe, but…”

  “I don't want to talk about this!” Beau yelled.

  “I understand you’re mad, but I don’t want to go down this road, again. Whether you like it or not, you’re being checked in,” Luke said just as the bodyguards opened the doors and put their hands on Beau's shoulders.

  Beau shook the hands off his shoulders, but they grabbed him a little firmer.

  “Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” Luke said, “they are not afraid to use physical force if they have to.”

  Beau was so mad at Luke and the whole band for their betrayal, but he also felt the bodyguards squeezed his shoulders even tighter, warning him of their abilities. He climbed out of the roadster and walked with them without fighting. Dr. Bennett followed behind them. “Beau,” Dr. Bennett greeted. “Pete,” Beau responded. “I will be coordinating with the counselors here.” “Awesome,” Beau said sarcastically.

  Chapter 2

  Divorce

  Evie came home from work early. The PLC meeting she had to go to ended earlier than anticipated, and she was excited to spend the day with Jude, Levi, and Harper. Jude and Evie had been going through a dry spell ever since Harper was born, which Evie hoped would end tonight by coming home early, putting dinner on the table, getting the kids in bed, gave Jude his favorite shoulder massage, and hoping they could have some more quality intimate time.

  She recalled a happier time when she and Jude were first married. In spite of his somewhat rocky upbringing, Jude was very devoted to Evie. They both attended school until Evie graduated with her BS in Music Education, while Jude continued with his MBA. He knew how much Evie loved the acoustic guitar, so he learned how to play for her. Once the kids came along, Jude became a partner for a big brokerage company in Baltimore after graduating with his MBA uprooting his family from Annapolis. He began spending more and more time working, leaving Evie with the kids during the holidays.

  Jude stood about 6'0 with brown hair and dazzling blue eyes. He was about average size with no true muscle definition, but he was still a handsome guy. His blue eyes were what got Evie's attention at first. He wore a suit every single day.

  Evie, herself, had dark brown hair, the most intense blue eyes a man had ever seen, slenderly athletic body, and stood about 5'5. Levi inherited his father's eyes, but had dirty blond hair, and was considered tall for a 5-year-old. Harper inherited her mom's blue eyes. Despite being opinionated, stubborn, and sassy, Harper was the sweetest little 2-year-old with the curliest blond hair. She was considered very petite for her age, just like her mom.

  Evie went looking for her kids in the house. She found them outside playing with the nanny in the backyard. Evie quickly rushed outside, and her kids ran to her, giving her the biggest hug. She loved and adored her children, and her children adored her. Their mom was their whole world, because their dad was hardly ever home.

  While holding Levi and Harper's hands, Evie led them back into the house where the smell of sweet pork burritos filled her nose. Evie loved crock pots ever since she got married. She was always hoping for an Instapot someday for Mother's Day or her birthday, but Jude never seemed to listen or even care about celebrating holidays with his family for the past four years.

  She put a movie on for her kids, said goodbye to the nanny, and decided to do some housework to surprise Jude, hoping he would want to spend some time with her. The one neglected place in dusting was his office, so Evie grabbed the dust cleaner and paper towels. She walked into his office and began wiping down every surface that had dust on it. Evie wiped his desk, monitor, keyboard, leather chair, and the bookshelves. Evie noticed that his office desk was a little disorderly, so she decided to straighten it up a bit.

  As she began to stack some papers, she noticed a business card for a divorce attorney's firm sitting mixed in with the pile. She grabbed it and stared at it for the longest time. She hoped it was a joke or for one of his friends. Evie decided to put the stack of papers in his top desk drawer and opened it up. Before she could set them inside, she noticed divorce papers sitting on top in the drawer. She pulled them out, looked at them very carefully, and saw Jude's and her name on it. Her heart sank. She read over reasonings, and the overall impression was irreconcilable differences. Evie grabbed the papers and put them in the kitchen.

  Tears streamed down Evie's face as she continued to declutter and straighten up her house. What did I do, she thought to herself, what about the kids? Why would he choose to spend time at work than here with us? She had zero answers to her questions, but she was determined to get them out of Jude tonight and possibly resolve the matter.

  She thought back to the last time they had quality intimacy, which was six weeks after Harper was born, which wasn't as good as it had been in the past because of the episiotomy that had to happen for Harper to emerge into the world. Jude had just acquired the big account he hoped for, so Evie assumed his excellent mood would lead to titillation. That night, Jude pushed her away right in the middle of it and went to his home office to work. After that, the limited time Jude spent at home became less and less. Evie immediately began to blame herself for Jude falling out of love.

  When 5 PM came rolling around, the dishes were placed on the table just like when she stayed home with the kids, dinner was ready to be consumed, and the house was spotless for once. She hoped that Jude would change his mind, but deep down, she knew it might not. Jude walked through the door at 5:30.

  "Daddy!" both kids yelled, jumped off the couch, and ran to their dad to hug him.

  "Shhh! Why are you guys so loud?!" Jude yelled and pushed the kids away from him.

  Jude had a bad day at work and brought a bad attitude home with him. Evie was not looking forward to the conversation at that point because somehow, he would make his problem her fault, and often she would concede because she just wanted peace in their home. Jude walked right past the kids and Evie into his office. Evie heard him shuffle a few things inside before there was stillness. Movement from the office started again when she heard Jude start going through his desk.

  "Evie!" he shouted, sounding very angry. She swallowed a lump in her throat, grabbed the divorce papers, and walked into his office.

  "Yes, Jude?" she said as calmly as possible, hiding the papers behind her back.

  "Have you been in here? Nothing is where I left it, and I seem to have misplaced some important papers," Jude said without even looking up at her. He was still searching through his desk.

  "Looking for these?" she said as she pulled the papers out from behind her.

  Jude froze and looked up at his wife. He became a little rigid.

  "You weren't supposed to see those for another week or so," he said.

  "Oh, so that makes it okay?" she said calmly.

  Jude began to get angry. "Well, you were the one who decided to go back to work instead of raising our children!" he shouted.

  "To help you pay off debt for your schooling, hospital bills, and my group fitness things!" Evie said.

  "But it wasn't supposed to be full time! You never communicated with me when it would change!"

  "Really? All of this is my fault? Where were you when I told you I had some important things to discuss with you, and when we finally discussed them, you were too busy even to pay attention? So you just said, 'Do what you want. I don't even care.' Is that my fault?"

  "All of this is your fault. You never wanted me to pursue my dreams! All you have ever wanted is to t
each and go to the gym. You have no respect for me or my decisions."

  Tears flew down Evie's cheeks. "I loved you more than I have loved anyone, Jude. When have I ever given you the impression that I didn't support you? I got my job to help relieve some of the financial burdens you complained about, which are gone. My schooling has been paid off, Harper's hospital bills from when she was born have been paid off, and I have contributed to major savings accounts for you and myself. I have $40,000 saved in that bank account."

  "Well, after we sign those," Jude said pointing to the papers, "the $40,000 will be all yours, you get to keep the Kia, and I get to keep the house since I bought it. You will get primary custody of the kids, and I will have partial."

  "I read them. I saw what we each get. I can live anywhere within the country as long as you have visitation of our children, and I will receive alimony; $4,000 per child into my bank account. Are you sure you want to go through with this?" she asked.

  "Can we get this over with?" he asked impatiently. She laid the papers down on Jude's desk, grabbed a pen, and signed everywhere that required her signature. She suddenly felt black and hollow inside. Jude also grabbed a pen and signed his name.

  "Thank you. I will take these to the courthouse tomorrow. You have about two weeks before you, and the kids need to get out."

  "Why are you punishing the kids? They need a father. I cannot be their mom and their dad."

  "I will contact them once things settle down," Jude grumbled.

  Evie nodded her head assuming he wouldn’t. "Fine."

  Evie's whole world that she had known for eight years crumbled. She had worked so hard to keep her marriage from falling apart in spite of all the neglect, mind games, verbal, and emotional abuse she had put up with since Jude started business school. Evie knew her soon-to-be ex-husband would still be working in his office for a while. There was a pull-out bed, so she determined that Jude would sleep on that.