by Laura Gates
"It's not your fault. It's no one's fault really," he said with a cracked voice.
"But I am sorry if I triggered anything," she said.
"It's all right. I can handle it," he said, looking into Evie's intense blue eyes he loved.
"Do you want me to go?" she asked.
"No! Don't do that. In fact, how about we go? I'll give Jaws another try. You can eat Toblerone, and I'll eat whatever fruit you have in your fridge," Beau said, smiling, feeling ready for what could happen.
Evie smiled back. "I didn't buy Toblerone this year, but I have a bunch of grapes, apples, oranges, pineapple, and popcorn," she said. "That sounds perfect," Beau said.
Evie and Beau said goodbye to Kade and Laila before walking to their cars.
"I need to go get my kids," Evie said.
"Actually, they are probably in bed by now. They are really good about following bedtime," Beau said, feeling lucky, "so why ruin a good thing?"
"All right, I will go get them in the morning," Evie said.
Evie and Beau climbed into their cars and headed to Evie's townhome. Evie went to her kitchen and immediately began popping the popcorn. Beau started pulling out all of the fruit he could find. Beau found the little foldable table Evie kept behind her sectional that she set food on when she was eating while watching TV. He set it up and began taking bowls to it. Evie soon followed with the popcorn.
They found the movie on Netflix and selected it. They often joked about what happened in the film, such as the cause and effect situations. Beau noticed Evie would not put her feet on the floor or even close to the edge of the sectional. "Are you afraid the shark is going to get you?" Beau teased as he grabbed Evie’s leg trying to tickle her. "Maybe," Evie said, laughing. They continued to watch the movie. Even though Evie had seen the movie a million times, certain parts still made her jump. Beau jumped himself when the dead guy in the boat appeared, when the shark surfaced out of the water when Brody was chumming, and when the shark leaped onto the "Orca" before eating Quint.
When the movie was over, Beau was frozen to the couch. Evie suddenly had a crazy idea. "Want to go jump into my complex pool?" she asked.
"You are nuts," Beau said.
"My friends in college and I used to do it after watching any of the Jaws movies," Evie said.
"Well, I don't exactly have a swimming suit here," Beau said.
"That didn't stop us," Evie said. Beau looked at her in disbelief. "Are you suggesting skinny dipping?" he asked, swallowing a lump in his throat, feeling like he was going to back out of his decision.
"You have some sort of undergarments on, right… I hope?" she asked him.
"Yeah."
"Use those," she said.
"What about you?" Beau said, getting choked up.
"I've got it covered," Evie said.
Beau hesitated, wondering if he was ready to see Evie in her underwear. However, the idea of jumping into a pool after watching a shark movie sounded crazy and fun. "All right. Let's do this!"
They got up off the couch and ran outside to her complex pool. It was after hours, so they hopped the locked fence. Beau proceeded to get undressed until he was down to his boxers. Evie did the same until she was down to her bra and underwear.
They moved to either side of the pool and stared at each other. Evie noticed more tattoos on the right side of his torso that looked like words to a children's book. Okay, he is hot, and I just want to have a nibble on his abs, shoulders, pecs. And I want to grab that ass! Evie thought to herself, drooling. Beau’s imagination didn’t do it justice as he stared at Evie’s body, memorizing every curve, muscle, and the underwear. Not a thong girl, but bikini cut, Beau thought to himself. He tried to think about the crazy thing they were about to do. "On the count of three?" she asked, trying so hard to keep her head straight. "Okay, one…." "Two…." "THREE!" they both said before jumping into the pool.
Evie swam to the top, but Beau was still underwater. Since it was dark, she couldn't see where he was. Suddenly, Evie felt a tug on her ankle before submerging in the water again. She broke free of Beau's grip and swam to the surface. He swam up and started laughing. "Did I scare you?" "Didn't phase me. You're not the first one to do that," she said before splashing Beau’s face with water. He immediately grabbed her arm and pulled her close. Evie soon dunked Beau, which surprised him. However, he grabbed her and pulled her under.
Out of breath, Beau and Evie grabbed onto each other once they broke the surface. Beau could still touch the bottom of the pool, but Evie was too short, so she wrapped her arms around Beau's shoulders. They looked into each other's eyes, and the atmosphere became electric. Beau soon wrapped his arms around Evie's waist, rubbing her left side. Feels better than I thought, Beau sighed to himself. Okay, Evie. Just let it happen, she coached herself as she wrapped her legs around Beau's waist. They leaned in to kiss each other before all of the lights around the pool turned on.
"Hey! What are you guys doing!?" Evie's building manager shouted. Faster than the manager could get down to the pool and see their faces, Beau and Evie jumped out, grabbed their costumes, and hopped the fence. They ran back to Evie's townhouse. Luckily, she lived far enough away that the footprints they left would be gone before the manager figured out who they belonged to. When they got inside, they began leaning against the wall laughing so hard. Eventually, they slumped onto the ground, rolling with laughter.
Finally, after laughing for what seemed like twenty minutes, Evie regained some composure. "I'll go get towels," she said as she began standing up. Beau grabbed her hand, intertwining his fingers through hers. Those thoughts and feelings lingered in his brain as he imagined pulling Evie down into his lap, kissing her finally, kissing every single ounce of her body, pleasuring her, and making love to her. He revelled in his thoughts for a while.
"Beau?" Evie asked. His staring was making her feel a little vulnerable considering she was wearing a wet bra and underwear. I know I don’t have stretch marks, but do I look that awful? I’m still trying. At least I wax, Evie told Beau in her head. Beau snapped out of it. Finally, he said, "Thank you for suggesting we jump in the pool. Not the craziest thing I've done, but it was still lots of fun." Evie smiled. "I haven't done that in years, so thank you for doing it with me," she said.
Beau let her hand go, and Evie went and grabbed towels as well as warm pajamas for herself. After changing, she rummaged through her loungewear and pajamas, finally finding one pair of men's gym shorts that would probably fit Beau as well as a large T-shirt. She took the towel and clothes to Beau. He went into the bathroom and put on dry clothes. When he walked out, Evie was bundled up on the sectional underneath a plushy turquoise blanket watching one of her favorite shows.
"May I climb in, too?" he asked. "Yes," Evie said. Beau sat back down, and she soon covered him up. Her hands and feet were freezing, causing Beau to shiver, but they soon warmed up as they snuggled closer to get warm. She leaned her head against Beau's shoulder, and he put his arm around her. Evie fell asleep first, so Beau pulled her a little closer, stroked her cheek, kissed her forehead. He positioned himself on the sectional so he could pull Evie under his chin. He rested his head on top of hers, and closed his eyes, feeling at peace. My girl, he thought before falling asleep.
Chapter 12
Evie Gets Help
"I am pleased with the progress you have made, Beau," Peter said, "You are living an active lifestyle and spending lots of time with Ms. Long and her kids. I truly believe her family was sent to you to help you cope with your loss even more."
Beau smiled. "I have grown to care for those kids like they were my own. Chloe was a little older than Levi, but he has the same energy and spirit that she did. Cordell and Harper would be the same age, so seeing her reach certain milestones reminds me of where he would be. I still miss my kids, but the wounds are healing," Beau responded.
"What about spending time with Ms. Long? What has that been doing for you?" Peter asked. Beau hesitated to answer because he k
new Pete suspected Beau’s feelings for her. "What do you mean?" Beau finally asked. "I think we've all seen the way you look at her, like she’s the only woman who existed in the world. The chemistry between you two is unreal," Peter said.
"Evie reminds me of Phoebe a lot. She says things I can only imagine Phoebe saying to me when I step out of line, but Evie has some other qualities that I love. Evie has more knowledge about music than anyone else I know. She plays the violin, she dances, she's kind, and she's selfless. If you’re wanting me to say I like her, then I will say it. Yes, I like Evie," Beau concluded. Peter smiled. "That's good. It’s been nice watching your heart open up again. Being with the Longs has been the best medicine for you."
Evie heard the last bit of Dr. Bennett’s statement as she walked towards the first living room. Evie was super happy that Beau chose to spend time with her and her family to help him recover faster. She knew how much he struggled, not going back to drinking.
Evie’s feelings for Beau had grown exponentially since that first park outing, but they freaked her out still because she didn't want to get hurt again by another man she liked. Then Evie reminded herself that Beau was a completely different guy not only from the time she met him but from Jude. He chose to spend his days with a single mother and her two kids doing regular everyday activities. One of her favorite moments of Beau was watching this rockstar have a tea party with her daughter wearing a huge floppy hat and pretending to sip a little teacup with his pinky up.
She loved listening to his singing in the car when they invented the game, Song Styles With Beau Halstead. She cherished the moment that Beau taught Levi how to throw a football. Beau adopted himself into their family and became one of Evie's best friends since moving to San Francisco, but Jude…. Jude’s ever present abuse held Evie back, No man will love you like I did. They will never know how adventurous, fun, and sexy you were before you had kids. You’re just a mom.
Trying to brush off Jude's words, Evie peaked her head inside the living room and watched Beau and Dr. Bennett conclude the session. She leaned up against the door frame, watching Beau intently. Suddenly, Evie felt the urge to sneeze. She tried to make it go away, but then she sneezed, causing Dr. Bennett and Beau to jump. "Sorry, guys. I came to say that the rest of the band wants to have a meeting real quick," Evie said, wiping and scratching her nose. "No problem. We were finishing up. I will see you next week, Pete," Beau said. Beau and Dr. Bennett shook hands. "See ya, man. Keep up the good work!"
As he walked past her, Beau paused by Evie and rubbed her shoulder a bit before running his fingers through her hair, causing Evie to smile. Dr. Bennett watched the interaction as he packed up his briefcase. When Evie entered the room, Dr. Bennet looked up at her. "How are you this evening, Ms. Long?" Dr. Bennett asked. Evie smiled a little and began fidgeting with her smart watch. "Doing all right, I guess," she responded, still fidgeting with her watch. "Are you sure? You keep coming here as sessions are ending, and you always look like you have something you need to say," he said.
Evie pursed her lips. Okay, Evie. You can do this. You can ask for help, she encouraged herself. "Well, I think I am finally ready to face my demons. I overheard the last bit of your conversation with Beau, and I feel like I need to get this off of my chest so I can begin to heal and … possibly… ," Evie said, looking towards the hallway Beau walked down. "Have a seat. Let's talk about it," he said, motioning towards the couch. Evie sat down.
"So, what seems to be the trouble?" he asked her. Evie spilled her guts. "When I found out Jude cheated on me and had been continuing to cheat on me for the last four years of our marriage, I felt like this huge hole had been punched through my chest leaving me hollow inside. Soon," Evie's tears began flowing, "Jude told me that no man would ever love me again because I gave birth to two babies. No man wants to be with a mom who has lost her sense of adventure and leaves her sex appeal in a Zumba class. I felt so betrayed, and it was almost like I became a robot whose sole purpose was to keep two little kids alive.
"Once we moved here, I never realized how awful Jude had been to me for the last eight years of our marriage. He is constantly putting me down and building himself up, never owning up to his mistakes, blaming me for his problems, that I will beg him to take me back, tells me he's the better parent when it comes to dealing with Levi's behavioral problems, and the worst one that no one will love me the way he loved me because he knew me back when I was the adventurous one.
"I began to have awful thoughts that I wouldn't be able to have peace unless I ended my life; that my kids would be better off with their dad. It doesn't help that Jude calls every week not just to talk to the kids, but to remind me of everything I have told you. The only things that have been keeping me going are Levi and Harper," Evie concluded.
Dr. Bennett listened intently taking notes and handed her a box of tissues that sat on an end table. Evie grabbed one and wiped her eyes. She had never entirely told anyone how she truly felt. "I don't know what to do to cope with his words or how to brush it off. What suggestions do you have, Doc?" Evie asked. "Well," Dr. Bennett began, "what was he like when you first met him? And how did you meet him?" "I met him in the library during my sophomore year at the University of Maryland. It was a quick, intense, and passionate romance because he was so charming.
"Once we were married, I noticed little things and put-downs towards me, but I knew my sister and her husband had to go through some adjustments as well, so I ignored them. However, they never went away, even after four years of marriage. Once Levi was born, they progressively got worse and worse. Once I called Jude at 11:00 PM to see if he was coming home, and he told me I knew better than to call him at work since he would lose his job if he didn't get back to his meeting. I later found out he was with a call girl. As the years progressed, his rudeness and inconsideration for everyone else besides him grew exponentially," Evie said.
"Well, I've only heard one side of the story, but it sounds like Jude may be a narcissist. They are difficult to get along with," Dr. Bennett said, "They tend to gaslight. He sees himself way differently than how he truly is."
"How can I stop his words from affecting me? I have cried myself to sleep just about every night since I moved here because of his words."
"Take everything he says with a grain of salt. When he tries to manipulate you, remember all you have accomplished so far. Be mentally strong, remember your self-worth, and let his words brush off your shouldersI would also recommend setting up boundaries. I will let you think of those boundaries whether it’s co-parenting, personal lives, that sort of thing."
"Thank you, Dr. Bennett."
"You're welcome. Now, do you feel like you need some validation and positive affirmations about yourself?"
Evie thought about that and responded, "Not all the time. It's nice to hear now and then."
"All right. I will make sure you get it occasionally from myself, the band, other employees, and especially Beau."
"Why 'especially' Beau?" Evie asked.
"I know you guys are really close, and usually, people need to hear words of affirmation from those they trust."
“We are close. I’ve never had a friend like him before.”
Dr. Bennett could tell Evie would not admit her own feelings right away. “What makes him so different?”
“He’s always there for me and my kids. We just make each other happy.”
“Why does he make you happy?” Dr. Bennett probed.
“Because my feelings for him are deeper than just a friendship.” Evie’s voice became super mousy as she spoke.
“Indeed, they are.”
"Are you still my therapist or a nosy coworker?" Evie joked.
"Both, I guess. Sorry if that's too personal."
Evie shrugged. "Well, we're all family now, anyways. The truth is, I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Also, I know that if Beau and I dated, I would be all in; no going back, and that terrifies me because I'm still trying to deal with a narcissistic ex-husband. So
I'm not ready to open myself up that way again no matter how kind, funny, handsome, dorky, strong, and protective he is. I've told people I don't have time to date, but it's my fear. I don't want another guy telling me the same things Jude tells me already, so why ruin my friendship with Beau?" Evie asked.
"Do you honestly think Beau would ever tell you that you've lost your sex appeal and sense of adventure?" Dr. Bennett asked. Evie paused before shaking her head. "Not in a million years would he do that," Evie said, "so the problem lies with me. I'm the freaked out one here who shuts people out the first sign of conflict."
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a very independent woman who likes to do everything herself. Maybe when you feel that urge to push Beau away, let your guard down, and let him help you. Accepting help does not make you weak. It makes you smart."
"I will try, but it's complicated. I've just bottled up my emotions and shoved them down since I was a teenager dealing with my mom's fight with cancer. I always felt like we had bigger problems at home, and I didn't want to stress my mom out with my stupid adolescent things because she was already sick from cancer treatments."
"Well, start practicing. Maybe if you opened up and communicated a bit more, Beau would be able to help you."
"Scary thing for me to do. When I tried communicating with Jude, he made it all about him because… well, narcissist."
"Indeed, but Beau isn't one, so it's okay to talk to him. I bet he will be open to your thoughts, ideas, and feelings."
"I will do my best to recognize when I start to close off."
"Sounds good. You are one of my best patients willing to take counsel. Also, may I suggest changing your goal from not getting hurt to something else?"