I looked around to make sure no one was listening before I continued. “Those women were all selected by the casting director- not me- based on certain criteria. They were never paid to have sex with you. They were paid to be on the show. Sure we were hoping that you would have good chemistry with some of them. It makes for good television. And they weren’t just interacting with you, they were interacting with the whole band. But night after night, you were the one who chose to have sex with them; the other guys didn’t sleep with them. So that’s all on you.”
Tyler’s eyes were glittering with anger. “It’s a little disingenuous to blame me. You may not have actually given them money and said ‘go fuck Tyler’, but you might as well have. They didn’t give two shits about me or about Cold Fusion. They were just doing what they had to do to get ahead in your fucked up television world.”
Now he was blaming me for his screwing a new woman every night? I took a deep breath trying to contain my own growing anger. “They’re sleeping with you for the same reasons women have clamored to sleep with you before the show even existed. There’s nothing new going on. There’s an element of fame and glamor, money and power, and real sex appeal that is always surrounding you. Their attraction to you might seem superficial, but it probably always has been that way with all the women you were with. I thought that’s what you preferred anyway.”
Tyler pushed his plate away looking disgusted. “I don’t know what I prefer anymore.”
I had to continue with this. I had to push him into realizing something I had already figured out about him. “Maybe you’re looking for something more. A deeper connection. And you’re not going to find that with some groupie or a random fan. It won’t happen with a one-night stand. One-night stands by definition are pretty emotionless. That’s the whole appeal with them. No ties. Just physical enjoyment.”
Tyler looked directly at me. “Is that what we had?”
Now, I was the one squirming. “A one-night stand? You can treat it that way if you want. But I won’t. I already told you that I don’t do that. I only sleep with men I feel connected to. Against my better judgment, I have somewhat of an attachment to you. Don’t worry I’m not about to go all stalker psycho on you. I’ve got some pride.”
I practically held my breath as I waited for him to reply. I had left myself pretty vulnerable.
Tyler smiled teasingly. “Well, if you don’t do one-night stands then you’re going to have to have sex with me again.”
I was grateful that he had lightened the mood. I laughed. “Wouldn’t that break one of your golden rules? ‘No repeat sex’.”
Tyler’s mouth gaped open. “How do you know about that?”
I arched an eyebrow. “The carved plaque in your tour bus gave it away. No repeat sex. No love without the glove.”
Tyler looked embarrassed. “I’ve looked at that thing so many times now that it must’ve become invisible to me. Tommy had it made as sort of a joke when we first started touring just out of high school.”
Just then the waitress came by our booth and dropped off the bill.
Tyler offered to pay. “I’ll get it.”
“Yeah, thanks. My purse is upstairs.” I grinned sheepishly.
Tyler’s eyes widened when he glanced at his watch. “Shit. All this emotional release stuff has made me late. I’ve got to get to the hospital. C’mon let’s go. I’ll get the car keys from Sam and then I’ve got to get something from my room. Get your purse and meet me in the lobby.”
I eyed his rumpled appearance. “Don’t you need to shower and shave or something?”
“No time. Besides, this has been a great disguise. No one’s bothering me. With a baseball cap and shades I’m virtually invisible.” Tyler threw down some money on the table and stood.
Maybe the disguise was working, but he was far from invisible. Rumpled or not, he looked sexy as hell. I wasn’t sure what the future between us held, but if I could even get another one-night stand out of him, I would be in heaven. Rules were meant to be broken. His rules and mine.
***
Tyler met me in the lobby about ten minutes later wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. He had a guitar case slung over his shoulder and was holding a tiny shopping bag from a fancy jewelry store. Every time I looked at him, he seemed more gorgeous to me, and I couldn’t help but remember the private and very intimate act we had shared a few nights before.
I twisted my hands in my lap on the car ride over to the hospital. “So, are we going to visit a friend of yours?”
“She’s someone very special to me. You’ll see soon enough.”
I felt a stab of jealousy, but tamped it down. “I’m not very good with sick people. Maybe I should just wait in the car while you visit.”
Tyler glanced sideways at me. “You were nosy enough to come all the way out here, you can at least follow through all the way.
“I wasn’t nosy. I was concerned. Big difference,” I muttered.
Tyler navigated through the complex hospital campus and finally parked the rental car. We stepped out of the car and Tyler reached in for his guitar and the gift bag.
“Are you sure they’ll let you in there with that?” I pointed to the guitar case.
Tyler nodded. “Yep. I already asked.”
I followed Tyler into the hospital and through the maze of levels, elevators and twisting hallways. I glanced at signs along the way. We were in a transplant center and heading toward the pediatric ICU.
Finally, Tyler peered into what looked like a private room and waved at someone. Moments later, a girl about my own age exited the room. She was beautiful, but as run-down looking as Tyler.
I stood awkwardly to the side as she hugged Tyler.
Tyler passed the guitar off to me as he continued hugging the girl. “How’s she doing?”
The girl straightened up. “Good. She woke up for a bit last night and talked to me. She was groggy, but in pretty good spirits. The doctor’s say everything is going as expected. No complications so far, so that’s good.”
Tyler hugged her again. “That’s great. I told you everything was going to be okay. Why don’t you take a few hours to rest? I’ll stay with her.”
The girl nodded. “I don’t want to leave her side, but I feel like I’m going to collapse if I don’t. I know she’s going to be so happy to see you when she wakes up that it’ll be okay if I take a quick break. Tyler, did I tell you how much it means to me that you came? I couldn’t have survived last night without you.”
“I told you I’d be here. I’d do anything for you guys. You know that, right?”
I felt self-conscious as I listened to their personal conversation. Who was this girl? And who was the sick child? I can’t say that the thought didn’t flit through my mind that Tyler had been involved with this woman and that the child could be his own. But I wasn’t about to make the mistake of jumping to conclusions again.
Tyler glanced over at me. “Sabrina, this is my friend, Katie. Is it okay if she keeps me company while I visit with Hailey?
Sabrina looked me up and down, definitely in the way a woman sizes up the significance of another woman. “Sure.”
Tyler reached for his guitar. “I’m going to go check on Hailey, and make sure she hasn’t woken up. You should go get some rest. Come back when you’re ready.”
Tyler gave Sabrina a chaste peck on the cheek and then went into Hailey’s room.
I was left alone with Sabrina. “So, are you sure you’re okay that I’m here?”
Sabrina narrowed her eyes. “You’re Tyler’s girlfriend?”
I stuttered ridiculously, “N-n-no! Er, no. We’re just friends, that’s all.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Have you slept with him?”
“No! Well, not really. Sort of, maybe.” I was a terrible liar.
She put her hands on her hips. “That’s a yes. So he’s slept with you, he still talks to you afterwards, and he’s brought you to visit Hailey. He must really like you.”
&nb
sp; I felt myself blushing. “No. He doesn’t like me. Sometimes he does. I don’t know…” I finished lamely.
Sabrina tapped her foot. “So, the real question is: do you like him?”
I swallowed nervously. This was the most awkward interrogation ever. “Well, we’re friends.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s pretty obvious. You’re in love with him.”
“Wha – ” My squeaky protested was stopped mid-squeal as she held up her hand.
“Look. I’ve never met one of Tyler’s girlfriends before, because he doesn’t have them. But he needs someone in his life that cares about him. He’s only got me and Hailey, and Scott, his manager, looks out for him too, but that’s not enough. It’s about time Tyler had someone who really cares about him and not all the bullshit that surrounds him.”
The conversation was getting more confusing by the minute. “You’d be okay with us being more than just friends. Not that we are or anything. I’m just asking.”
Sabrina sighed. “I’d be thrilled if Tyler finally found someone. I hope you know what you’re getting into though. He tries hard to live up to his rock star image, but outside of the music that’s not really who my brother is.”
“Your brother? Tyler is your brother?” Suddenly I saw the resemblance between the two of them.
She rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. “He didn’t tell you? Typical. He doesn’t think sometimes. I need to get going. I don’t want to leave Hailey’s side for too long.”
Sabrina left. She had been up the entire night worried sick about her daughter and still she was a veritable force of nature. Her personality reminded me of Tyler’s.
When she was gone, I walked over to the room window to peek at Tyler. He saw me and waved me inside. I was hesitant to intrude, but the little girl looked like she was sleeping, so I entered quietly.
I heard the soft whir of the medical machinery and the various beeps from the monitors all around me. Ugly tubes and wires surrounded Hailey, yet she looked so peaceful.
I spoke quietly, “Why did she need surgery?”
Tyler was sitting in the chair at her bedside. “She had end-stage liver disease. Without a liver transplant, she wouldn’t have made it for long. Sabrina and I weren’t matches for a living donation. She doesn’t have any other family. Except her asshole father. He’s a punk that left Sabrina long before Hailey was even born. When we tracked him down, he refused to even go through the screening process to see if he was a match. I could kill that asshole.”
I pulled the extra chair next to Tyler’s and sat besides him. “Shh. Don’t wake her up. Don’t think about that now. Sabrina said everything is going well. That’s what matters now.”
Tyler scrubbed his face with his hands. “You’re right. The doctors said that if all goes well, she’ll lead a perfectly normal life, except she’ll have to take anti-rejection medication for the rest of her life.”
I kept my voice low. “That’s great. How old is she now?”
“She’s six. She’s always been sick, but she just kept getting progressively worse. God, Sabrina’s had a tough life taking care of Hailey all by herself. She works a shitty job as a waitress. She won’t take any money from me. Says I already do enough with all the medical bills. I wish I could do more.”
I reached for Tyler’s hand and he didn’t pull away. “Just being there for her and Hailey means a lot.”
We sat silently for a few minutes until Tyler spoke again. “I had a lot of time last night during the surgery to do some thinking.”
I squeezed his hand. “What were you thinking about?”
“Well, I was thinking about walking away from Rock Star Diaries. Not right now, but not re-signing onto anymore episodes.”
I digested the information quietly. “They’re going to throw a lot of money at you to stay.”
Tyler sighed. “It wasn’t about the money for me. I did it for the attention. But I’m finding out that I don’t crave it as much as I used to. Not the kind of attention that the show is bringing. I like it when I’m on stage performing my music, but out in the real world, it’s not so great.”
I felt a sadness settle over me at his words. “If the show makes you miserable, you should stop doing it. It’s not worth it.”
Tyler turned to me. “If we walked away, you would lose your job, too. And your big break.”
I waved him off. “Don’t worry about me. I found out that reality television isn’t really my thing either. I’d rather stick to my boring documentaries. I’ll be okay if Rock Star Diaries ends.”
Tyler smiled. “I’m not sure now, though. Our girly talk earlier kind of makes me see things in a different way. I was so mad at you. I felt like you’d betrayed me. I wasn’t - ”
Hailey started mumbling.
Tyler leaned forward and swept a piece of hair off the girl’s face. “Hailey, sweetheart, are you awake?”
It took a few moments for the girl’s eyes to open. “Hi Uncle Ty. You came back.”
“I told you I’d be here when you woke up.” Tyler grabbed her small hand and held it.
Hailey looked over at me. “Who’s that?”
I smiled at Hailey while Tyler answered her question. “That’s Katie. She’s my friend.”
Hailey looked me over much in the same way that her mother had earlier. “Is she your girlfriend?”
Tyler made a silly face at her. “Well, duh, she’s a girl.”
Hailey giggled. “I mean, do you kiss her?”
Tyler glanced at me for help, but I was too busy trying to choke back laughter. Tyler scrunched up his nose. “She wants me to kiss her all the time, but that’s gross, right?”
Hailey nodded in agreement, looking quite serious.
“Hey Hailey. I bought a special present for you. Do you want to see it now?” Tyler picked up the gift bag.
Hailey’s eyes opened wide. “Yes!”
Tyler pulled a small box out of the bag. “Here I’ll open it up for you.” He pulled the pink ribbon off the box and then opened the lid. Inside was a purple leather wrap bracelet. A strand of tiny glass beads in shades of pinks and purples entwined itself throughout three purple leather cords. Small silver charms hung from the cords: a mermaid, a heart, a cross and a peace symbol.
Hailey’s stared at the bracelet. “Purple is my favorite color! I love it, Uncle Ty. Can I wear it now?” She tried to raise her hand, but she couldn’t hold it up for long.
“Here, I’ll put it on you. Remember when you gave me this bracelet?” Tyler held up his wrist. I looked at the worn black leather cuff that he never seemed to take off.
Hailey nodded.
Tyler slid the purple bracelet onto Hailey’s tiny wrist. “Well, you told me it would make me a real rock star. And it did. And I wear it all the time, because it brings me good luck. Now you have your own rock star bracelet like mine. And it’s going to bring you lots of good luck.”
Hailey held up her wrist for a moment to look at her new bracelet. She was smiling ear to ear. “I can’t wait to show Mom. Where is she anyway?”
“She needs to rest for a little bit. She’s really tired. I promised her I would stay with you while she got some rest.”
Hailey nodded. “Okay. Your new TV show is on tonight, Uncle Ty. Mom said I can’t watch it even when I’m better, because it’s not for kids.”
Tyler agreed. “Nah. It’s a pretty boring show anyway. But you don’t need a boring old TV show. I’ve brought you something better.”
Tyler stood up and got his guitar. I backed my chair up to give him some room. He sat back down and played a few cords. “You can rest and I’ll play your favorite songs. What’s your favorite song nowadays?”
Hailey thought for a moment. “Love Story.”
“Taylor Swift still? I thought my songs were your favorite?” Tyler glanced over at me when I laughed.
“Yours are my second favorite, Uncle Ty.” Hailey smiled reassuringly.
“Well, that’s good. I’ve been practicing
my Taylor Swift songs for you. Maybe this time I won’t forget the words.” Tyler began playing the song.
Hailey closed her eyes. Tyler glanced my way every so often as he sang, sparking riotous sensations to spark in my insides. He knew all the words and his voice sounded rich and calming in the small hospital room. Seeing a whole new side of Tyler today had been illuminating. Luckily, he couldn’t possibly guess that my heart was overflowing with gooey feelings towards him. What I had felt before was nothing compared to how I felt now.
Sure, something about the whole situation had my ovaries screaming in desperation to make babies with him, but it was more than that. As he sang the words to Love Story, I felt a bone-deep ache for him.
Before the song was even finished Hailey was asleep, and I was a melted puddle of goo surreptitiously trying to wipe away the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I guess I still hadn’t learned my lesson. I was hopeless.
Chapter 14
Tyler took a long drag of his beer before he stepped under the semi-warm spray of the shower. An hour after their concert ended, he still felt the adrenaline rush from performing, but tonight he was feeling restless as well. Hopefully, he could shake the feeling by just hanging out and drinking with the guys.
It had been about a week since Tyler had come back to the tour, a week since Hailey’s transplant operation. They’d had to cancel only two shows and finally the rumors of his split from the band had died down, considering it was obviously not true.
Hailey was recovering from her transplant surgery with no complications. Tyler used to Skype with her everyday for 5 minutes when she got home from school and he tried to keep that same schedule now that she was in the hospital. She was looking stronger and healthier everyday. He was cautiously optimistic that years of worry were finally loosening their grip.
Rock Star Diaries’ first show had aired to good numbers just as predicted. Tyler had finally watched it. While they all had been portrayed as sex objects, Tyler definitely stood out as the most prolific one, because truthfully, he had been. He’d had new women clinging to him every other scene, most of them he couldn’t even remember now. The media had gone crazy with the show, dubbing them America’s Sexiest Band. They couldn’t go anywhere without being swarmed by the public.
Rock Me: Sexy (New Adult Rockstar Romance) (New Adult Rock Star Erotic Romance) Page 12