The Doctor's Discretion

by EE Ottoman

  Hill beckoned a waiter over. “A plate of beef and potatoes for me and another for my companion.” He gestured to William. “Ale for each of us, and a plate of the mussels as well.”

  “Of course, sir.” The waiter nodded, eying William curiously. William gave him a tiny nod, which the man returned with a barely perceptible movement of his own head before he wove off between the tables towards the back of the building.

  Hill gave William a reassuring smile. “The food will be worth the seating arrangements, trust me.”

  William hoped so. His and Hill’s legs were all but pressed together under the table, and it was more distracting than William would have liked. Hill turned away to speak with the man on his other side, and their arms brushed again, shoulders bumping. William held himself very still in order not to lean into Hill, a warm, solid presence against his side. It would be easy to give into that warmth, to move closer, their arms touch a little longer. Easy to slip a hand under the table, even, and the thought of that sent his pulse racing.

  Instead, he kept himself still and upright as much as possible in such cramped quarters.

  The waiter came back with ale for both of them. William took his, grateful for something to do. The ale wasn’t bad, he found when he took a sip, and the glass was meticulously clean.

  Their food came quicker than William expected. A plate of beef and potatoes was set in front of each of them and the plate of mussels between them. As soon as he smelled the food, William began to understand why the other diners were willing to put up with this sort of crush. Instead of almost cold sludge, the food was hot enough for steam to rise off it, carrying with it the rich scent of onions and meat. The beef was not one of the best cuts, but cooked perfectly, plenty tender, and the small potatoes were seasoned and roasted to a golden crust. The entire plate was smothered in thick, velvety gravy.

  Seafood was, of course, everywhere in New York, but William tended to be cautious when it came to eating the shellfish supplied by eating-houses. The mussels on the table looked to be well cleaned, and cooked in butter along with sprigs of green herbs.

  “I told you dining here was worth it.” Hill smiled at him. “Do you think you can remove my mussels from their shells for me?”

  William blinked and then nodded, and began to shuck some onto Hill’s plate. Hill seemed to handle his knife and fork easily enough one-handed, but William could see how shucking shellfish would be difficult for him to manage.

  Hill didn’t seem self-conscious about it. He just waited for William to serve him a few, thanked him, and set about eating as quickly and with as much enthusiasm as he could get away with in this semi-polite company.

  The warmth of the room plus the combination of good food and ale was chasing away the last of the night’s chill. William felt his shoulders relax and some of the tension leave his spine.

  Hill was watching him. William knew it without looking. He could feel Hill’s gaze on him as surely as if Hill had reached out and brushed his fingers along the back of William’s neck.

  William set aside his utensils and looked over at Hill. A small smile turned up the corners of Hill’s mouth. His gaze was part amused, part affectionate, and he did not look away from William’s gaze. Instead, his smile grew wider, changing to something else, more of a caress than a touch this time. Other men had looked at William this way before, and he knew what it meant. He felt his face flush but didn’t look away.

  It was dangerous and foolish to consider this. He’d told himself that back in the library. But still… He took a breath and slowly let his hand drop below the table. He reached out and let the tips of his fingers just brush along the outside of Hill’s thigh, and watched his eyes go wide. William’s heart pounded against his chest, excitement and desire mixing with anxiety.

  It would be such a temptation to caress across Hill’s thigh, up the inner seam of his trousers, to see the way his cock would fit against William’s palm.

  He didn’t. Instead, he left his hand there, touching Hill ever so slightly. Hill didn’t pull away or drop his gaze. Instead his hand dropped under the table as well, his fingers skimming across William’s for just an instant.

  William felt his lips curl in a smile.

  “Would you like another plate?” Hill asked.

  “No, thank you.”

  “Well then, we should be on our way.” Hill looked around for a waiter.

  William took some coins out of his pocket, but Hill shook his head when he saw them. “Let me.”

  “No.” William said. “I can pay for myself, but thank you.”

  For a moment, he thought Hill would argue the point, but then he nodded. When the waiter came back to their table, William paid him Hill did the same.

  “Thank you, sirs.” The waiter tucked away the coins. “Enjoy your evening.”

  It was even darker outside now, with a light rain just beginning to turn to a slushy snow.

  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable tonight.” Hill said as they walked a little way from the noise and light of the . “I should have thought, and I didn’t. For that, I apologize.”

  William studied him in profile, as much as he could see in the dimness of the street. “There was no harm done in the end.”

  He watched Hill hesitate and wet his lips. “I would ask you back to my room for a drink, but the room I rent isn’t particularly good for entertaining.” He wasn’t actually looking at William this time.

  “That’s all right, we can go back to mine.”

  Hill looked at him then, his expression open and a little vulnerable for a moment. He nodded once and looked away again.

  “No need to find a cab. It’s not far.”

  The sidewalk was just wide enough for them to walk side by side as they started down the street. Their arms brushed, and the back of Hill’s hand slid against William’s a few more times than might have been strictly necessary.

  After a block the shops and eating-houses that lined the street gave way to apartments and single-family houses.

  William’s rooms were in a respectable brick town house run by a round-faced woman with a lingering Haitian accent, who was about his mother’s age. She rented the house’s two-room apartments to William and three other single gentlemen of color.

  William climbed the steps to the front door, unlocked it, and led the way into the front hall and then up the stairs to his rooms. Once inside he went to light some candles and stoke the fire.

  Hill hung up his coat and hat before moving towards the fire. He was averting his gaze again, William noticed and he was trembling slightly.

  “Come here,” William said.

  Hill’s gaze met his, a little questioning. William smiled and held out his hand.

  He let Hill cross the room to him. Hill took William’s waiting one. For a moment, they stayed there, palm pressing against palm, and then William’s fingers closed around Hill’s callused but slender ones and tugged him close.

  He traced across Hill’s cheek and touch the line of his jaw ever so lightly, and then he leaned forward and kissed him.

  Hill stilled and made a small, pleased sound against William’s lips, his body going pliant against William’s, leaning in close. William clasped his slim waist, his thigh pressing between Hill’s legs just a little.

  Hill made a noise William couldn’t interpret as he broke the kiss. He stared up at William, his pretty eyes gone appealingly wide.

  William slid his thumb against Hill’s lower lip. Hill’s eyes went half-lidded, lips parting just a little. Just enough so William could push into the wet heat of his mouth if he so chose.

  “Is this all right? I mean, we could still just have a drink.” William’s voice came out deep and rougher with desire.

  Some of the hesitancy left Hill’s expression, and he leaned a little closer. “I don’t want a drink.” His lips were hot against William’s fingers. William eased just the tip of his thumb between Hill’s lips and felt his tongue brush against it. He pulled back so he
could kiss Hill again.

  For a while, there was nothing but the feel of Hill against him—the firm angles of his body and the softness of his lips. Hill’s mouth was so warm and tasted a little of the ale they’d had with their dinner. He smelled like pine, cedarwood, and old books. His hand curled around the back of William’s neck, fingertips stroking the skin at his nape, holding him close.

  They broke the kiss eventually. Hill walked him back a few steps and gently pushed him down into an armchair. He knelt in front of William and reached to undo the fastenings on William’s trousers. It was not an easy thing to accomplish one-handed, so William reached down to help. Their fingers tangled together, fumbling against each other and making the whole process far more difficult than it might otherwise have been. William felt his cheeks heat again, and Hill let out a small, amused snort, finally sitting back on his heels and letting William finish the job.

  Hill leaned in once William had managed to get his trousers unbuttoned. William took the opportunity to lean forward as well and kiss Hill until he heard his breathing hitch and felt his fist clenching in the fabric of William’s trousers, just above his knee. When Hill’s fingers did uncurl, they stroked up William’s leg, smoothing the fabric across his thigh, and then kneading into the muscles until he made a small noise against Hill’s lips. He felt rather than saw Hill’s smile, and those fingers moved up, caressed along the seam, and then dipped into the open front. Hill brushed William’s shirt out of the way, touching the warm skin at William’s waist, just below his navel. He traced down, his touch oh so careful. William sighed and shivered.

  The tips of Hill’s fingers brushed across William’s cock.

  William let his head fall back. He reached out, skimmed across Hill’s shoulder, his neck and into his hair.

  Hill freed him from the restricting cloth, hand light against William. The firelight caught at his hair as he bent and brought his lips to the head, more of a kiss than anything else. William was already wet there even though he wasn’t fully hard yet. He always got very wet when he was aroused, but if Hill found that off-putting, he didn’t show it.

  His gaze met William’s and held it as he took the crown fully into his mouth this time, without any hesitation.

  The feel of it was slick, hot and so good, but almost better was watching Hill’s head dip, his soft lips stretch to accommodate William’s length. Hill’s eyes had fallen shut as he sucked, cheeks pink, lips even pinker and glistening. It had been too long since anyone had done this for him. William found himself biting his lips to keep in sounds that were sure to embarrass him.

  Hill slowly pulled back off his cock with a long wet noise that made William bite his lip harder, and kissed along the underside, all the way down to the curls at the root and then back up. Hill watched William as he delicately touched the tip of William’s stand with his tongue, traced along the head before sitting back.

  “So lovely like this.” Hill’s voice was slow and almost gravelly, his hand wrapped around William’s cockstand again. “I thought about how you’d look like this, tonight and this afternoon when we were working. You look so serious when you work, such scholarly concentration.” He smiled up at William. “I wanted to know what you would look like spread out for me, all wet and wanting. Thought about all the noises you’d make and how beautiful you would be for me.”

  William felt himself jerk in Hill’s grip, and Hill bent to lick across the head of William’s cock again.

  The heat of Hill’s mouth and the feel of his tongue against him was amazing, but right now, William’s mind was filled with images of getting fucked, really ridden like he hadn’t been for years.

  “Please...” He dug his fingers into the upholstered arms of the chair.

  Hill’s fingers stroked across his skin, trailed up along his stomach, and then back down. He gave William another long lick. “What do you need?”

  William stared down at him, trying to collect his scattered wits and think of how to ask for what he wanted.

  When he remained silent, Hill licked a long stripe down his cock again and then kissed the head. “How about we start with what I want?”

  William made a strangled noise halfway to being a moan, and Hill laughed.

  “I want to tease you a little bit more and then suck you, maybe play with these pretty baubles.” Hill kneaded him gently through the cloth of his trousers.

  “Yes,” William breathed and lifted his hips up into Hill’s touch.

  Hill practically radiated smugness as he took William back into his mouth. This time there was no teasing, just hard suction as he took as much of William as he could. William watched his dark head move, the pleasure curling low and hot with every drag of Hill’s mouth. Hill’s touch travelled lower, stroking, and William held onto the arms of the chair as tightly as he could and bit off a cry as he spent into Hill’s mouth.

  “There.” Hill sat back looking pleased and wiped the back of his hand across his lips.

  For several moments, William blinked at him, and then he unclenched his death grip on the chair and reached out to cup the back of Hill’s neck. He tugged, and Hill rose up onto his knees so he could meet William for a kiss.

  Their lips brushed together sweetly without the hurry of passion, and William savored that for a moment.

  “Let me.” He reached for the buttons on Hill’s trousers.

  Hill captured his hand and brought it up for a brush of lips across the knuckles. “Thank you, but I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure?” William sat up straighter and reached down to tuck himself away and do up the buttons on his trousers. “I don’t mind, truly. I enjoy it, in fact.”

  “As flattered as I am by the offer, not tonight.” Hill stood and resettled his jacket with a small movement.

  William watched him, wanting to argue, wanting to reach out again. But he also didn’t want to push for something he wasn’t being offered. His stomach twisted with hurt that Hill did not want to be touched by him and anxiety that he’d done or said something wrong.

  He made sure his clothes were in order and then stood. Hill had turned away from him towards the fire so that William could only see his face in profile.

  They were already close. William reached out but stopped just short of touching. “Can I kiss you?”

  Hill turned his face towards William then. “Yes.” He tipped his face up, and William met him. He touched the side of Hill’s face, not holding, just a touch. Hill sighed into the kiss, leaning into William’s body.

  He wasn’t hard, not as far as William could tell from where their hips touched. It made worry pool dark and unwelcome in his gut, but he reminded himself that Hill had offered this, that he’d seemed perfectly enthusiastic and willing to pleasure William. He seemed enthusiastic now, his lips sliding over William’s, his arm coming around William, his body close against William’s own.

  It will be all right. Trust him; we all have different wants and needs.

  “You are so beautiful, I could kiss you all night.” Hill breathed the words low across William’s mouth as though he knew William needed some acknowledgement that Hill still wanted to be here, doing this with him.

  He put his arms around Hill, skimming down his back to rest on his backside. Hill arched into the touch, and William let his grip firm, grasping rather than just feeling. Hill moaned into his mouth. William kept touching and caressing, keeping his movements slow and gentle, aware that Hill might ask him to stop or turn away at any moment. Still, William was determined to enjoy the feel of Hill, the pleasure of holding someone close again.

  “Please, won’t you let me touch you without clothes?” The words were out of William’s mouth before he could think better of it.

  Hill blinked at him, cheeks and lips flushed from their kissing. “I...” He licked his lips, and William’s gaze followed the tiny movement.

  He thought for one glorious moment that Hill would say yes, but then Hill shook his head.

  “I can’t, not tonight.”<
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  William struggled to keep his expression neutral and hide his disappointment. He must have not done a good job of it, though, because Hill cupped his face, trace across one cheekbone, and then feather down across his lips.

  “I want to,” Hill said, sounding like he meant it. “I want your pretty mouth on me more than just about anything. But not tonight.”

  William wasn’t sure he understood, but then Hill’s mouth was on his again, and he stopped thinking about anything that wasn’t the feel and taste of him.

  Hill stepped away finally. “I need to go home. It’ll be curfew soon, and I don’t want my landlady to lock me out.”

  There was nothing William could do in answer to that but nod.

  When Hill had his outer things on once again, he paused and turned back to William. “Thank you for tonight.”

  William gave him a small smile. “Let me escort you downstairs.”

  It was even colder outside now, and the rain had turned fully to snow—one of the few snowfalls they’d gotten all year. William hoped Hill wasn’t going to have to walk far.

  Hill hadn’t put on his hat yet, and William watched snowflakes catch in his hair as they walked. Luckily, he spotted an omnibus a few houses down. If Hill hurried he’d be able to catch it.

  “Thank you.” William turned to Hill who shook his head.

  “No, thank you for joining me this evening.” He put his hat on and walked down the street towards the omnibus. William watched him until he saw Hill pay the driver and climb up into the ’bus, and then went back into the house.

  He spent a long time that night, lying in bed, thinking about the play of firelight across Hill’s face, the wet warmth of his mouth, and the snow in his hair.

  CHAPTER 2

  ~

  Augustus rolled over and buried his face in the pillow.

  It was still dark with not even a hint of predawn light leaking through the drapes, but he needed to get up. He was expected at the hospital bright and early for morning rounds.

  He turned his face to the side when he stopped being able to breathe. He really wished he had not done that last night.