by Lynn, Davida
“You wouldn’t have let me?” I asked.
Kyle shook his head just a hint. “You needed money more than you needed love a year ago.”
It was another case of Kyle knowing me better than I knew myself. He had offered me money after my mother’s accident; money I knew he didn’t have. It had hurt me to turn that money down. I know the decision had hurt him just as much. The cry had done me some good. Shedding a few tears had cleared the tension and pain that had built up inside of me for so long. I feel my mind sharpening by the second. The draining feeling of living in the Blythe mansion was fading.
I spoke to no one in particular, “Yeah, a year ago I did need money more than love.” The feeling of the stopped car made me uneasy, I cranked the window down to get a hint of cool air inside. It wasn’t because I thought Conrad’s men would be after us; my nerves got to me was because I had gotten used to the calming, hypnotically soothing feel of the engine roaring.
Looking over at Kyle, a wave of lust came over me. That lust took control of my body. With one hand, I unhooked the seatbelt, and with the other, I pulled him to me by his neck. Our lips met, and I let out a moan that was half passion, half escape. Kyle’s five o’clock shadow scratched my skin, reminding me what it felt like to be alive.
Kyle's hands were on my body in an instant. The touch on my shoulder was nothing compared to the feeling of his lips on mine. Powerful and sensual memories of making furious love in nature came back to me as his strong hands made themselves known. I let out a moan as I climbed over the stick shift and lowered myself onto Kyle's lap. Even an inch between us was too much.
My lips worked their way back to Kyle's neck. "I've never forgotten you. I haven't forgotten a single thing."
Heat increased between my legs. My mind went from sexy memories to intense and passionate fantasies. Conrad and I had only been intimate half a dozen times, and each time seemed worse than the last. It had been months, and to be back with the boyfriend that had made me a woman? Indescribable.
My hand slipped down Kyle's body. I was aching for him more than anything else. My world had been turned upside down, and I wanted back what I had thrown away a year earlier. Just as my finger traced up the swollen member under Kyle's jeans, his phone vibrated. I wanted to ignore it, but there was too much hanging over us. It also made me realize that I was still engaged in my family’s eyes. They wouldn’t focus on what Conrad had put me through, only my indiscretions. The weight of that crashed down on me as I slid back into the passenger seat.
“I’m sorry, we can’t do this.” Forcing those words out was torture. I wanted it so badly, but the promises I had made were screaming inside of me. “Conrad is still my fiancé.”
Kyle’s cell phone kept vibrating, a nasty little reminder of the world outside of the muscle car.
I looked down at him with pain in my voice as I said, “You should probably get that."
Turning out the window, honor was on my mind; duty was on my mind; Conrad was on my mind. I almost let myself cheat. Even though the relationship with Conrad meant less than nothing, I still wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself. I made a promise to a man, and I was the type of woman who would keep that promise. I needed to actually end my relationship with Conrad. I had to actually say it to him, as terrifying as that was.
“Who the fuck is this?” There was something in Kyle’s voice that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I snapped to attention and waited for him to speak again..
Kyle listened, his eyes distant, somewhere down the road. He looked at me and mouthed, Where’s your cell? I reached for my purse, but it wasn’t in the usual pocket inside. Shuffling through all my paperwork, the tortoise shell case never came into view. I felt the pockets of my jeans, knowing it was futile.
The overnight bag was the last shot, but I already knew it wouldn’t be in there. I could almost picture my cell sitting on the passenger seat of the abandoned Lexus. Reality hit me then. They had my phone. They had Kyle’s number. They were on the other end of his call…
My eyes went wide. My hands balled into fists. Kyle mouthing It’s okay did nothing for me. They were coming for me. I could feel every inch of my body. Fear made my body tense like a hard hit was coming. My mind tried to do the same. Somehow, Conrad knew what had almost happened between Kyle and I. Somehow he knew, and I was going to pay dearly for it.
I looked into Kyle’s eyes, and they did what they always had: calmed me. After my mother’s accident, Conrad had been the one to keep me afloat, but Kyle was the one to keep me from cracking.
I couldn’t hear the other end of the conversation clearly, but I could hear Kyle’s tone. There was nothing cheerful or happy about it. It was probably the head of Conrad’s security force, the ex-Israeli Special Forces guy that I nicknamed Rambo. Conrad rarely dealt with me himself. When it came to his business in South America, he had no problem jetting down in the blink of an eye, but he never showed me anything near that much interest.
“You know, maybe if you didn’t talk about her like she was your property, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. I won’t be returning her, Blythe. I didn’t steal her. She made a choice I highly approve of, by the way.” It was Conrad. I didn’t know if that made things better or worse. Was an escape really what it took to get him to deal with things himself?
“I don’t give a flying fuck.” There was something in Kyle’s voice that shook me to my bones. It had been so long since I had somebody in my corner. Kyle wasn’t just in my corner, he was my champion.
As he spoke, Kyle’s features change. His face defied the calm voice he was using. An almost ugly quality took him over. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen Kyle so angry. He tended to be the one that stayed cool during stressful situations, so when he started heating up, I didn’t exactly know what that meant. Part of me wondered if Conrad would offer to pay Kyle to bring me back. My thirteen hundred would mean absolutely nothing compared to what Conrad could afford. I laughed off the idea of Kyle agreeing to take his money, though. I knew Kyle, and he would die penniless before dying disloyal.
“Look, I know you’re used to money paving the way for you. I’m sure it makes life remarkably easy, I really am. This ain’t gonna be one of those times, Blythe.” Kyle began to speak through clenched teeth, but the next thing he said was still pure beauty. “Try wrapping your mind around this: You’ve got a rose bush. Every dollar, yen, and euro in the world won’t make that rosebush bloom. Every unquantifiable bit of power that you desperately grasp onto won’t make that rose bloom. Only one thing will make it happen, and I’m afraid that is something you’ve never had; care. Patience, love, and kindness. Those are the only things. The shiner you gave Celeste gives me the impression those aren’t in your repertoire.”
I could barely wrap my head around somebody treating me that way. It had been so damn long since somebody saw me as a person. Despite the furious look in Kyle’s eyes, I had never seen him looking so beautiful.
I heard Conrad’s voice on the other end get louder, but Kyle cut him off. “Don’t fucking threatened me. I highly suggest you let this go. Why don’t you take your private jet to L.A. or Vegas and scoop up some real housewife wannabe?”
Conrad was downright screaming. I had only heard him get that angry when he was on the phone with associates. Even when he was upset with me, his voice was eerily still. He would express his displeasure, first with his words and then with his hand.
Kyle chucked the phone. It ricocheted off of the windshield and bounced on the dashboard. I jumped, not out of fear of Kyle but Conrad. I watched Kyle’s chest rise and fall. He pursed his lips and clenched his fists.
Without turning to me, a sardonic grin came to Kyle’s face. “You want the good or the bad news first?”
I didn’t like the idea of either option. “Good news first, I guess.”
“Well, you are no longer engaged, so there’s that. Conrad made it pretty clear that you two are no longer an item. Pretty clear, indeed.
” I didn’t like the look in his eyes. I had seen Kyle lose his temper over less. Since the moment I reached out to Kyle, I had gotten that sense of control from him. He had come up with a plan, and he had made me feel completely confident in it. I didn’t see any confidence in his eyes now. If that was the good news, the bad must’ve been really bad.
I tilted my head. “Okay.” I spoke slowly, trying not to make the situation worse. “And the bad news is?” I tried to prepare myself for the worst. Lately, it was hard to really pin down what Conrad’s worst was. The first time he hit me, I had made excuses for him. Every time after, it was impossible to know what he was capable of.
Kyle raised his eyebrows and gave a heavy, hard sigh. “The reason the engagement is off,” Kyle’s face seemed to drain of blood, “Is because he wants us dead.”
“Excuse me?” I had misheard. I must have misheard.
Kyle looked as if his world had crumbled. “That’s what the man claims. They found your phone with my number in it. He said I had two choices: bring you back or get buried with you.” He slammed a hand against the steering wheel. “Fuck!”
I couldn’t keep my jaw from dropping. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it. There’s a lot about Conrad Blythe that you don’t know.” Before I could reply, Kyle threw open his door. He stepped outside the car and slammed the door with everything he had. I was stunned. I knew Conrad was a bad man, but…
I was too focused on Conrad to understand what Kyle had said. What did he know about Conrad that I didn’t? As Kyle walked across the deserted road, I stepped out of the car. The stiffness in my legs barely registered as I followed behind Kyle.
“Hey. Stop.” Kyle didn’t seem to be listening. My anger and frustration came out. “Kyle, stop God dammit.”
He spun around. “What?”
“What don’t I know? What the hell is going on?” My voice wavered.
As he stood on the centerline of some road between Davis and Bakersfield, Kyle told me everything he knew. Hearing him speak about what he knew got to me. I could feel the world slipping away a little at a time. Dizziness swept over me, and by the end, he ran forward to catch me before I collapsed. What he told me was incredible. For a year I had lived with a monster. I knew he was bad, but from what Kyle was telling me, Conrad was downright evil.
“I should’ve left sooner.” The words just sort of fell from my mouth. Even Kyle’s strong arms around me weren’t enough. Fear flowed through my veins. Every beat of my heart pushed deeper into my soul. The shakes were back, worse than ever before.
“You didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t know it was this bad.”
“But you did know it was bad?” I looked up to him, my voice trembling.
When Kyle nodded, my breath caught in my throat. I felt betrayed somehow. “Let me explain.”
I wanted to push him away, but I knew my anger wasn’t with Kyle. It was with Conrad. “Explain what?”
Kyle knew when to let go of me. I wrapped my arms around my chest and walked across the road. He spoke, “When Conrad first showed up, I knew what was going to happen right away. Rich versus poor is no contest, and after your mom’s accident, I knew it was only a matter of time.” There was no malice in Kyle’s voice, only pain. “I respect you for the choice you made, but I started looking into Conrad. I didn’t trust him, but can you blame me? Some rich stranger comes in and steals my girl. It hurt like a motherfucker. If it hadn’t been for your mom, I would beat the shit out of him the first chance I got. I couldn’t say anything to you, though. I couldn’t tell you what I found.”
I still couldn’t turn around. I knew the second that I looked at Kyle, I’d break down. “Why couldn’t you tell me?”
“Because it wasn’t my place. Because you weren't mine anymore. I lost that right the second you chose him. That thought burned inside of me like I swallowed a hot coal. You don't know pain until you know what it feels like to not be good enough. Not rich enough, not powerful enough, just not enough.”
“But you didn't think it was important enough to tell me I was marrying a criminal? A murderer?”
Kyle shook his head. “All of that was hearsay. I couldn't get through on anything. I kept digging, maybe because I was hoping... I don't know. Maybe I was hoping you'd come to your senses.”
“My senses? You said I made the right choice. What would you have done in my situation? Mom’s hospital bills were through the roof. She was a week away from being wheeled out the front door. They would’ve let her die in the street.” Tears clouded my vision, but I blinked them back.
“Look, I'm sorry. Bad choice of words. Do you know what I really wanted? Do you know what I wanted more than anything in the world?”
I didn’t bother trying to hide my tears from Kyle any longer. “What?”
I was surprised to see a wet streak down Kyle's cheek when he turned to me. His eyes were still hard, though. “I wanted to see him fuck up. I wanted more than anything for the cops to take him down, or for him to slip up and reveal his true self. I never wanted to say I told you so.”
Halfway through our year together, I did learn what kind of man Conrad was. He was a narcissistic, violent, cold animal. By that time, he had worn me down with equal parts kindness and emotional debt, but it was too late.
“I never loved him, you know. Not really. I guess I loved him for what he did for me, but I was never in love with him.”
Kyle didn’t answer for a while. “If you didn't know about all the bad shit, why didn't you fall in love with him? He was rich, handsome, and powerful. Hell, I could’ve fallen in love with him.”
Laughter came from some dark place inside of me. I couldn't have stopped it if I wanted to. The gravity of the situation was just too much. Kyle and I knew each other backwards and forwards, but apparently, he could still surprise me.
The dumbfounded look on his face only made me laugh harder. “I’ll tell you why I never fell in love with Conrad, you sick idiot. I never fell in love with him because I never stop loving you.”
Kyle looked like my words had bitch slapped him around. I thought his jaw would fall off. I guess it was his turn to be confused.
“You really didn't know, did you? We never said it to each other, but I felt it every single day we were together.”
“I know you chose him for money, but I thought there were other reasons, Celeste.”
“Like what?”
“Like you didn't love me. Like you just knew that it was never going to take off. I felt it too, you know. Maybe if I had said it earlier, you wouldn't have…”
Shaking my head, I blinked away the tears and threw myself at Kyle. He laughed as my weight pushed him back into his car. I squeeze him tight like we were on the back of his motorcycle and it was like the year apart never even happened. I felt like a fool, but in the best way possible. My heart raced, and all of the terrible things that happened were gone, at least for the time being.
Kyle’s kiss was as powerful as I remembered. I hated Conrad for one hundred things, but most of all, for interrupting us in the car. Nothing should’ve stopped us from making love. The one good thing that came out of it was the fact that I wouldn’t feel any guilt. There would be no lingering sense of loyalty to a man who wanted me dead. As Kyle’s hands squeezed my ass, I told myself to forget about Conrad; forget about his threats, at least for the moment.
The animal inside of Kyle came out. He lifted me and spun me around. His large body pinned me against the side of his car as I ripped open his Western cowboy shirt in one quick motion. His chiseled, ink-decorated chest was a sight for sore eyes. “Holy shit.”
Kyle smiled at me. “Yes?”
“Nothing.” I knew that wouldn’t be enough for him, though. “You just look better than I remember.”
He gave a falsely modest shrug. “I might’ve been working out a tad bit.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up and kiss me.”
He did as I asked. Sparks flew between us as we tore each other’s clot
hes off. The thought of another car passing us never occurred to me. We were on some abandoned stretch of some deserted road in the Sierra foothills. I had a feeling we’d be uninterrupted.