by Mia Madison
“He didn’t seem too mad when I texted him,” I say.
“I talked to him about it and managed to get him out of his mood.” She smiles at me. “He doesn’t seem like the type to hold a grudge for long.”
“No, but talking him out of moods is a gift I don’t have, being his sister. He seemed very keen to meet up with you.”
“And I him.” She smiles, but then her face clouds over. “I hope he wasn’t trying to be a hero to impress me. I was already impressed.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. But rescuing people is typical Martin, anyway. He wouldn’t stand aside and let an old lady get mown down. It was only me he had harsh words for.”
“Isn’t that always the way? We take out our moods on those closest to us. The way he spoke about you, I know he cares. He was just concerned you were going to get hurt.”
“And now here we are, concerned for him and about something much more serious. I can’t help wanting to wind the clock back to when he was the one worrying about me going out with a guy he wasn’t sure was right for me.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Listen, Sarah. You’ve only known him such a short time. If this is all too much, I understand if you want to just leave it here.”
“I couldn’t do that,” she says. “It may be a short time, but it was intense, you know? I can’t just leave him lying here.”
“I know exactly what you mean by intense.”
“Is it like that with your guy, too?”
“Exactly like that.”
“Then Martin was wrong.”
“Totally wrong, but I just hope he gets to find out soon.”
Me too,” Sarah says quietly.
*
We hang around the hospital for days. My boss is flexible up to a point, and sympathetic, but I’m still within the period where they can let me go for any reason, and maybe my lack of enthusiasm has shown at times.
Finally, he says he’ll have to replace me, and I lose my job.
It’s the least of my worries. I have some money saved up, and I can get another job like the one I had, if I have to, once Martin is on the mend.
After a few more days, there’s positive news. Martin is off life support. It’s a relief to have him conscious again, but it’s only after two weeks that the hospital agrees he can be moved to recover at one closer to home.
If I thought Martin would be glad to be alive, though, I was wrong. He has to come to terms with potentially life-changing injuries. It’s easy to forget that when your brother might die, not so much when he’s faced with the possibility of never walking again. There’s hope, but it’s hanging by a thread, and there’s a long way to go before we’ll know for sure. In any case, it’s clear he won’t be going back to his unit. The career he loved in the army is over.
Ward visits when he can. He came to London a few times and held me while I worried. But once Martin is conscious, he’s bitter, all thoughts about letting me be with Ward forgotten. My brother rages when he sees Ward or knows I’m with him, so it’s not so easy, and hospital reception areas and cafes are not the most romantic places for dates.
It’s better once Martin is in a local hospital, and I can see Ward when he isn’t working. It’s just not the same with everything hanging over me.
And then Martin gets out of the hospital to face a long recovery at home.
He doesn’t want any friends to see him like he is, never mind Ward. Martin will have to get over that, but for now, I’m afraid he will never accept Ward as either a friend or as the guy I want to be with.
And my brother decides to end things with Sarah, and he sends her away.
“I don’t think he means those cruel words,” I say, trying to comfort her when she runs out of his room crying. “Sorry, I couldn’t help but overhear. He just thinks you won’t really want him in the state he’s in, and I don’t think he can stand the rejection right now, so he’s getting in first.”
“You don’t think he means it?”
“Not at all. He was going on yesterday about how no one will want him now. That you wouldn’t stick around now. He was almost in tears himself.”
She brightens a little. “I’ll come back to visit,” she says, “when he’s calmed down, and see how things are then. Will you keep me posted on how he’s doing?”
“Of course I will.” I give her a hug. “I’m sorry all this happened.”
*
Ward is never far from my thoughts, but with Martin home, it’s impossible to do anything right now. I don’t know when it will ever be possible for us to be together. I can’t desert my brother, and he can’t stand my guy. It’s a mess. The only thing I can do in all this is keep in contact with Ward by phone and text and look after my brother the best I can.
But my phone messages and calls with Ward are friendly and polite now. The heat is gone. It doesn’t seem appropriate to joke with Martin in the state he’s in. And the more I think about it, the more I realize Ward can’t be happy having a girlfriend he never sees. Maybe I should release him, too.
My heart sinks at the thought of letting him go.
CHAPTER 30
Ward
Just when you think everything is going great, life kicks you in the balls. I try not to get mad at the situation or at Martin. He’s going through a hell of a time. I’m not surprised he’s raging and bitter. But I miss Alyssa more than I ever thought I’d miss anyone.
I was happy enough doing my job, living my life before I met her again, and now I’m going about like there’s a huge gaping hole in my existence. I know there’ll be a time for us. We just have to wait. But waiting is so fucking hard.
And then one evening Alyssa calls me, and she sounds so serious, I know it’s not going to be good.
“I tried to talk to Martin about you,” she says. “But he doesn’t want to listen. I’m not sure he ever will.”
“Don’t worry. I miss you, but he’ll come around in time.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t think he will, and I can’t keep you hanging on forever.”
“What if I want to hang on?”
“I’m not going to let you. It’s not fair to you.”
I can’t let her do this. “It’s not fair of you to send me away.”
“Do you not think I feel guilty enough this happened to my brother, without getting in the way of your life too?”
“Alyssa, it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. You have to believe that.”
“I wish I could,” she says. “Please, Ward. Live your life. I don’t want two lives in ruins because of me.”
“It’s not your fault. Don’t do this.”
“I have to.” She ends the call, and it’s more than I can bear to know she’ll be sitting there weeping or soldiering on, looking after her brother with no thought for herself.
To hell with that.
CHAPTER 31
Alyssa
When the intercom buzzer sounds, I’m pretty sure I know who it will be. If I’m honest with myself, I was hoping Ward would come here. I want him to fight for me. I just don’t think it will help as far as Martin is concerned, and I can’t see any future with Ward if my brother won’t accept him.
When I open the door, even half expecting to see him, I still get a rush that it actually is Ward. Our eyes lock, and I can’t look away.
He breezes in, like no one can stop him now he’s here, picks me up and kisses me so hard I get the message. And if I didn’t, he says, “I’m not giving you up, so don’t tell me those things again. I’m going to see Martin. Is he in his room?”
“Yes. He won’t want to see you.” Martin stays in there all the time, when he could easily sit and watch TV in the living room.
“Then tough. Whatever he wants, I’m not letting him get away with coming between us. He’s not going to ruin your life or mine. Shit happened, and I’m very sorry about that, but he has to deal with it and not drag you down, especially in ways that he doesn’t need to.”
“But he’s fragile right
now.”
“He’s also a solider, and stronger than you think—tough enough, in any case, to listen to some hard facts.”
I’m not sure about any of this. But I’m not going to stop Ward from trying. And maybe just a little bit of hope stirs in me, because he came to see Martin despite everything Martin has said in the past.
“Is he allowed to have alcohol?” Ward pulls a couple of bottles of beer from his coat pocket.
“Yeah, that should be okay. Nothing too excessive.”
I rummage around in the kitchen drawer to find a bottle opener and hand it over.
“If you hear the sound of breaking glass, you can come and break up the fight. Otherwise, just let me have this talk with him,” Ward says.
I watch him go into Martin’s room and I hold my breath.
CHAPTER 32
Ward
Martin looks up from the bed where he’s lying doing nothing, looking morose. It’s hardly surprising that he’s feeling down. I wouldn’t exactly be laughing if this happened to me. I’d like to think I wouldn’t take it out on those closest to me either, though. Whatever mood he’s in, I still need to have this talk.
“What are you doing here?” he snarls.
“I came to see Alyssa and you. I brought you a beer.” I put the bottles and opener down on the dresser.
“Well, you brought it, so you can fuck right off again.”
“I’m not going to do that. I’m sorry about what happened, but I’ve heard you’ve been sending everyone away.”
“I can see who I like. I can still do that much for myself.”
“But it doesn’t give you the right to dictate who Alyssa can and can’t see. Can’t you see what you’re doing to her? Don’t you care at all?”
“She’s my sister. Of course I care.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Don’t you think I know I’m wrecking her life too? She’s stuck here looking after me. I don’t need you to tell me that, so you can fuck right off.”
“She’s happy to look after you, but why can’t you do this one thing for her?”
“And let her see you? She can see you if she wants, I can’t stop her. So maybe she doesn’t want to see you. Have you thought about that? Maybe she’s using me as an excuse.”
“You’re already stopping her seeing me with your attitude. She doesn’t want to upset you. Don’t you understand that? But you don’t care that she’s upset. Some brother you are, after all she’s done for you.”
He stops at the accusation. Maybe I hit too close to the truth, and he realizes what it has meant to Alyssa to look after him. “She lost her job,” he says.
“I know, but she would still do it all again. For you.”
“I want her to be happy. I didn’t think you’d stick around this long after everything that’s gone on,” he says.
“How could I not? Alyssa isn’t just any girl. You must know that.”
“I know it more than ever now. She’s stuck here looking after me, and she never complains. Not even when things get really bad, and I snap.”
“She says you’re having physiotherapy and getting some movement back. That’s a good sign.”
“Yes, the doctors are hopeful, but I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“Let’s drink to that day.”
He pauses, and everything hangs in the balance. I just hope he cares enough about his sister that he will say yes to one drink.
“Now you mention it, I could murder a cold one,” he says at last.
I open the bottle and hand him a beer before he changes his mind.
There’s an uneasy truce. I think we could be friends again in time, when he sees how good I am for his sister. Maybe once he sees how I’m not going to walk right out of her life again as suddenly as I walked back in.
We talk about his treatment. He says he veers between thinking it will work if he’s determined enough, and believing it’s all hopeless. But he doesn’t want to give in before he finds out what he can do.
I don’t want to overstay my welcome. When we finish our beer, I say I’ll bring him another soon, and we shake hands on that.
“How was it?” Alyssa asks when I come out. “I didn’t hear a lot of shouting.”
“He does care about you. He wants you to be happy. He just didn’t think I was the one for you. He asked me to bring whisky next time.”
“That’s not what I meant when I said he could have a drink.”
“Yeah, but sometimes a little of what you fancy does a world of good.”
“Not if he ends up with a hangover. He’s grouchy enough.”
“Yeah. I’d better not hang around too long, in case he changes his mind about kicking me out.”
“I was hoping you would stay.”
I kiss her again then, and somehow all thought of me going home disappears like mist in the midday sun.
CHAPTER 33
Alyssa
We sit watching TV together, not talking too much or too loudly, catching up, enjoying each other’s company, until Martin goes to sleep. Even after he settles down for the night and Ward takes me to bed, we try not to make a lot of noise.
It doesn’t matter about having to be quiet, it’s good, as good as it always is with Ward, and I can’t believe how long it is since he held me in his arms and drove me to distraction with his body. The only difference from the early days is that when I come, I have to bury my face in his chest to avoid calling out and waking Martin.
“I missed all this,” Ward says. “I missed you.”
“Yes, I missed you too. You may have noticed how much.” I smile up at him.
He kisses my hair. “I’m not quite sure. Could you just show me again?”
So I do exactly that. And he shows me how much he misses me, too, until we end up laughing, caught up in a tangle of sheets and limbs.
“Ssssh,” I say, though I’m probably the one making the most noise.
But there’s no sound in the apartment. No raging from my brother. He’s still asleep.
“I think in time Martin will accept that we’re a couple, and that I’m here to stay,” Ward says.
“I hope so.”
“Of course, we could seal the deal and that would help.”
“Seal the deal?”
“You could marry me, and then he would have to believe it.”
I gasp. He can’t mean that; he has to be pulling my leg. “Ward, you’re crazy. No one marries anyone to change their brother’s mind about their relationship.”
“It wouldn’t just be for that. In fact, that’s only a tiny part of the reason I want to marry you.”
“It is?”
“I want to marry you because I love you. Nothing would make me happier than if you say you’ll marry me. As long as you feel the same way I do, and it’s not just because of Martin.”
“Oh, Ward.” I kiss him like we never kissed before.
When the kissing stops, he asks me, “Is that a yes or a consolation prize?”
“It’s a yes. I could never say no to you.” I kiss him again. There are never enough kisses in the world for us.
“I might hold you to that. But you can say no whenever you like. Just don’t go locking yourself in any more bathrooms to get away from me.”
And we laugh at how it all began in the Bello Italiano restaurant so little time ago.
EPILOGUE
Alyssa
“I can’t believe it’s my wedding day, already,” I say to Sarah, my maid of honor. We’ve been friends ever since the days when Martin was lying in the hospital.
Sarah waited patiently until I told her Martin was over the worst and might agree to see her, and then, just like Ward did when he came back into my life, she just turned up and wouldn’t go away until he talked to her. The rest is history.
When I moved out to live with Ward at his cottage, Sarah moved into the apartment.
“It’s been a bit of a whirlwind,” she says, “but you two are perfect tog
ether. You look lovely.”
I give her a hug. I’ve never owned a dress as beautiful as the ivory silk lace one I’m wearing, or ever felt as good. Ward always makes me feel special, but I have an inkling his eyes are going to bug out when he sees me in this.
When I tried to lose weight for my wedding day, he said to me, “It’s fine if you want to, I’ll support you all the way, but I love you exactly as you are, so promise you won’t go crazy and disappear on me.”
There’s not much chance of me doing a disappearing act on him. I lost four pounds, just enough to make my dress fit better and feel like a million dollars in it.
“You look lovely, too,” I say to Sarah. She looks fantastic in the blush-colored dress she helped choose. “And Martin is lucky to have you in his life. I hope he tells you that.”
“He does.” And I can see it in her face. She loves him. I hope it won’t be long before they have their own wedding.
The girls from the bank are my other bridesmaids. I kept in touch with my co-workers after I left. They were the only ones to keep me sane while I was working there. They join us then, and we drink a toast, giggling about nothing, excited for the day ahead.
Martin is walking, unsteadily, but continuing to improve in balance and coordination as the months go by, and it’s so good to see him cheerful again. It makes me happy to have him back as the brother he was, and we are all getting along. He’s stopped trying to be a parent and feels more like a friend.
He’s even stopped teasing me. I don’t know if Ward had a word. I didn’t even notice at first, but Martin doesn’t make cutting remarks anymore, even as a joke.
Ward and Martin are such good friends now, they even laugh about Martin’s disapproval.
Martin is the one walking me down the aisle today. In the beginning, I never thought I’d see the day when he would do that. But now, as he takes my hand, ready for the wedding procession, he says, “Hey, Sis. You look beautiful,” and he kisses me on the cheek. “If I have to give you away to anyone, I’m glad it’s Ward.”