by Cari Quinn
But if she called, he’d tell her to come home. To leave West and go back to her regular daily existence. And that thought made her physically sick.
She knew she would have to soon. She couldn’t become a professional groupie.
Did such things exist? See, if she’d done her research properly the first time, she would know these things. Instead she’d cheated and done something immoral and it had led her to certain ruin, which had then led her to the very best thing in her life.
Better than she’d ever dreamed.
Hard to imagine that was the best commercial against doing bad things, but there it was.
“That bad connection again,” Lauren said, voice clipped. “You should talk fast.”
“Your father and I pulled some strings. If you present your research so far—in whatever format you’ve compiled to this date—and vow to abide by all college policies and procedures, along with keeping your nose clean in your personal life,” her mother cleared her throat, “the university would accept you into your degree program once again. Pending board review and an acceptable personal interview, but I assume you can be on your best behavior for that long at least.”
Her breath tripped and she reached out to steady herself on the dresser. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed West sitting up, and she could guess his grin was gone.
He was concerned about her. Knew just from her silence and her body language that she’d been told something bad.
Except it wasn’t supposed to be bad. This was what she’d been working for since the fall. Ineffectually, true. She’d gotten caught up on the low wage treadmill, trying to put together enough money to get her own place along with paying some rent to her best friend. It wasn’t right for her to sponge off Ethan.
So now you want to sponge off West? Like you’ve been doing already?
She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes. She would pay him back too. Somehow. She wasn’t a mooch, even if she was doing a damn good impression of one right now.
This was her answer. If she went back to school, she could probably get a work study program too. Not that they paid much, but it would be experience in her field and she could get another shitty job for the time she wasn’t in school or studying or working at her job for credit.
That should give her approximately twenty hours a week to make minimum wage, which meant she should be able to move out of Ethan’s apartment approximately by her seventy-fifth birthday.
Or she could move back in with her parents. They’d always held out that carrot. Get back into college, come home to stay rent free. Then you can save your money for your own place.
Right. And for paying off her student loans, since the gravy train had run out from her parents when she’d gotten tossed out on her butt. As it should have. She clearly hadn’t respected her degree, so it wasn’t their responsibility to contribute toward it.
Maybe she should just write down hot mess as her occupation and leave it at that. Or lukewarm mess, since West was the only man who’d ever made her feel hot. No one had ever made her feel the way he did.
“Lo,” he said softly from the bed, and his voice rose above her mother’s endless droning on the other end of the line.
Lauren turned, sure her eyes had to be bright from the tears she refused to cry. Not over this. She’d gotten herself into this, and she’d find her way out.
“Stay with me.”
For a second, she thought she’d imagined his lips moving. Dreamed up his husky voice saying words that seemed so impossible.
Why would he want her to stay? She didn’t have a job or anything to offer him. Hell, she didn’t even know all the blowjob tricks the real groupies must know.
All she knew was that when she looked up at him as he walked toward her, everything inside her strained toward him as if he was a magnet and she’d turned into a piece of metal. Pulled inexplicably into his orbit.
“Stay with me,” he said again, running his hand down the length of her hair. “Don’t go.”
She cupped her phone into her shoulder in the vain hope her mother couldn’t hear. Though a part of her wanted her to. Ached for her mother to know someone cared about her just as she was, maybe even lo—
No. Deluding yourself isn’t the way to a better life.
“Lauren? Lauren? Are you still there?”
She wanted to ask him what that even entailed. Staying with him. Surely he meant just a few more days. What was the natural ending point? And how could she guess it would be any easier to leave then than it was right now?
Swallowing deeply, she lifted the phone to her ear. “I’m here. Thank you for pulling strings. I know that must’ve been difficult for you both to appeal to the board.”
“Yes, well, we were in a very awkward position. But everyone makes mistakes. How you fix them is what’s important. So how are you going to fix this lapse, Lauren?”
Good question.
Gripping her cell, she stared into the green eyes that already centered her faster than anything else she’d ever known. Anyone else.
“Plans here have changed, and I’m going to stay with the tour for a while longer. When do you need my answer?”
West grinned at her and wrapped her hair around his fist, drawing her closer so she could lean against him. It would be far too easy to do just that. To run from one situation to another without taking a breath for herself in between.
So why did it feel like this was truly the first time she ever had?
“What do you mean ‘staying with the tour’? You’re being ridiculous. A girl like you doesn’t belong on a tour bus. It’s infatuation, Lauren, and it will fade. But not if you get yourself in a bad way before you’re smart enough to come home—”
“When?” Lauren asked, cutting her off. Praying like hell that West hadn’t heard what her mother had just said.
Suspecting from the pinch of his brows and the tic in his jaw that he’d picked up every damn word.
“What date do you need to hear from me by?” Lauren questioned at her mother’s silence.
“Two weeks,” her mother said finally. “If you’re not home by then, you can kiss your chances of getting back into the university goodbye.”
“Okay. I’ll be in touch.” She was about to end the call when guilt and a lifetime of bowing down to her mother kicked back in, right on schedule. “Thank you. And thanks to Father as well. I appreciate your extra effort, and I’m sorry if I’ve caused either of you or Ethan any worry. But I’m fine.” She gazed up into West’s concerned expression, his hand on her hair a lifeline she wanted to hold onto with both hands. “I’m better than fine.”
Her mother made a derisive noise and ended the call.
Lauren shut off her phone and tossed it on the dresser, facing the wall for a long moment while West cupped her shoulders and nuzzled the top of her head. They were both completely naked and it was as natural as if they’d known each other a lifetime.
But they hadn’t.
They hadn’t.
“She’s a rigid, cold woman,” she whispered, unable to raise her voice. “She always has been. She and my father live for appearances, and I’ve been a painful disappointment since the day I was born and the nurse called me fat.”
“What?”
“I was a big baby. Shocker, since I’m big all over now too.” She waved a hand at her shape. “My mother was always a perfect size four, and she nearly died having me. She was convinced this was because I was too large, and was only compounded when the nurse commented how I was awfully chubby for a newborn. So my mother put me on my first diet in preschool. ‘No cupcakes or sweets for Lauren. She’s trying to reduce.’” Lauren laughed bitterly and rubbed the heels of her hands over her eyes. “I was three. I didn’t even know what reduce meant.”
West rubbed her upper arms. “You’re perfect, and she’s a bitch. I’m sorry, I know she’s your mother, and I shouldn’t speak negatively about her. But she’s a goddamn bitch if she treated you that way.”
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Gathering her courage, she turned to face him. He didn’t step back, and the way his gaze warmed as he looked her over—though he quickly tried to focus only on her face—went miles to making up for her mother’s thoughtlessness. “What you heard her say isn’t how I feel. I just want you to know that. If something crazy happened, and one of those stupid British condoms broke, and I ended up—” She sucked in a breath and blew it out again. “Any child would be lucky to have you for a father. Any woman who closed you out of her life is insane.”
He shut his eyes and framed her face in his hands, tipping his forehead to hers.
She reached up to cover his hands with her own. “What are we doing, West?”
Eyes still closed, he shook his head.
Steeling her shoulders, she nodded. Okay then. She would just have to take it minute by minute then. No labels. No guideposts for where to go next. Just feeling her way, with him right by her side.
Until he wasn’t anymore.
“Thank you,” he whispered, opening his eyes and assuaging so many of her fears with that one powerful glance.
She was still reeling when he gripped her hand and led her to the bed, pulling her onto his lap without a thought for how heavy she was. She shifted, trying to somehow make herself smaller, and grimaced at the flare of heat in her backside. He simply curved her against his chest and rubbed her hip, spreading warmth through her in a whole new way.
They just sat like that for a long time, with the sounds of the hotel waking up and bustling all around them. Carts wheeling down the hall, the soft snick of doors opening and closing.
“What does your tattoo mean?” she mumbled with her face pressed against his throat.
Slowly, he continued rubbing her hip. She was certain he would do it for hours if she only asked. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t spanked her there. The comfort his big, callused hands offered was immeasurable.
“Which one? I have many.”
She reached over his left shoulder to trace the triangle, and he nodded, recognizing the shape. “Ryan and Michael have matching ones. We got them in college. They lasted longer than I did.” His lips quirked. “Three parts of a whole. We were a unit. Since none of us really had a traditional family, that was important. Or if we did have a family, it was fucked up. Michael’s dad married Lila when she was fresh off the farm. Barely eighteen, starry-eyed, the whole bit. She was only a few years older than Michael.”
“Wow. So he must’ve been in teenage hell.” When West frowned, she raised her brows. “Gorgeous mother-in-law? Come on. I might be innocent but I know how the teenage male penis works. I found enough of them trying to work their way into my hands.”
His laughter had to be the best sound she’d ever heard. “You have a way with words, Lo.”
“Thank you. So you’ll buy my forthcoming book on the female orgasm?” She slugged him lightly in the shoulder. “You might learn a thing or two.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt that.” He kissed her, so briefly she thought she’d imagined it. “I already am.”
“What about your family? Unless you don’t want to tell me. And if so, I’ll probably pout and withhold sex for at least fifteen minutes and/or when the ice melts.”
He grinned and tucked her hair behind her ear. “We have to leave soon. The bus rolls on. Back to LA next. A pair of shows at the Roxy next week. One on our own then a charity gig with some other bands. So technically if you wanted to go back to Ethan’s—“ He broke off and shook his head. “I can’t even say that with a straight face. I live with Ryan. So you can hang with us for the week, if that works for you.”
“Bachelor pad with Ryan, huh?” She poked him in the ribs. “Will I be interrupting any wild orgies?”
“Not unless you plan on starring in any.”
When she gawked, he chuckled. “No, no orgies. Ry’s not like that. He’s barely there anymore, actually. I’m not sure what he does with his time now. But we’ll mostly have the place to ourselves.”
“But you are?”
“Huh?”
Yeah, so she just couldn’t let the orgy thing go. “Ry’s not into orgies. Are you?”
“No. I’ve never even had a threesome. I tend to be a one-on-one kind of guy.”
“Hmm.”
He continued on as if she’d asked him how he liked his eggs. “And then in a week and a half, we have an awards show in Vegas.”
“Oh. That sounds cool.”
“Yeah. It is. We’re up for best new artist.” He lifted her hand and traced the valleys between her fingers. “I heard your mother say you had two weeks to decide. So before Vegas would probably be a good time to figure shit out, since we have to leave the Friday after this one. We’ll be there for a few days, then on to some place in the Midwest. Heading toward summer concert season.” The look he gave her held heavy subtext, she was almost sure, but damn if she could figure out exactly what.
She so wasn’t built for relationships. There was a reason she’d had so few, both romantic and personal. She just didn’t know how to deal with people, though somehow she was doing better with this one than most.
“What will everyone say when you bring me back on the bus? They thought this was my last stop. That I’d probably just dematerialize into the groupie ether like all the other girls you’ve brought with you.”
“What other girls?”
She circled her free hand. “You know the ones you take with you on sex sprees.”
“Sorry, babe, that’s just been you.” He laced their fingers together over her thigh. “I’m a one-on-one and one-and-done. I’ve never asked anyone for a repeat, never mind to ride to the next stop.”
Her pulse sped before settling into a dull, thudding beat in her ears. “You don’t have to lie,” she said quietly.
“Good, because I’m not. If you asked me a question I didn’t want to answer, I’d just avoid it. I wouldn’t make shit up. That’s not who I am, Lo.”
She gripped the compass charm hanging from the cord around his neck. That was a story too, one he hadn’t wanted to share the other day. Understandably. This was all so new.
They were virtual strangers, even if they felt like anything but.
“Like your family,” she said.
The corners of his mouth tipped up. “Yeah, like my family. I definitely don’t talk about them much.”
She didn’t expect him to say anything more and definitely didn’t intend to press. He would tell her what he wanted to on his own time.
But he wasn’t through.
“Let’s just say I split from my family’s trailer as fast as humanly possible. My dad was an alcoholic who couldn’t hold a job. My mom was his favorite punching bag, though it was mostly verbal. Definitely not any better. Only difference was those bruises didn’t show.”
“Oh, West,” she murmured, horrified. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to start you down this road.”
“Nah, you couldn’t know. And you didn’t start me down it. I came from it, born and bred.” He closed his fingers around hers on the compass charm. Inadvertently, she’d clutched it tighter as he spoke. “This was for Chloe, my little girl. So I would never get lost again. Would never forget what was important. My true north. Her and Raine. Just because I’m not with them all the time doesn’t mean they aren’t the center of everything.”
He lifted Lauren up as if she was weightless and carried her to the other side of the bed, sitting them down again closest to the nightstand. He reached for his wallet and thumbed it open to a small picture of a laughing, beautiful girl with long, wavy dark hair and sparkling green eyes. West’s eyes.
“My baby sister,” he explained. “We’re a little over a year apart. She’s almost through with school to become a high school art teacher. She loves kids too.” He rubbed his fingers over the little piece of plastic keeping Raine safe. “I stuck around the trailer longer than I would have if not for her. I didn’t go until she was ready to move out. She really made something of herself.”
“So did you.”
When he didn’t say anything, she grabbed his chin. “You’re kidding me, right? You think what you do isn’t important? You give people happiness for the price of a ticket. You take them out of their ordinary world and give them magic, West. Fucking magic.”
“My champion,” he murmured, and she nodded fiercely.
“Always. I’ll keep saying it until you understand what I see in you.” She gripped the compass again, pulling tight. “Your sister is lucky to have you too.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“What about your mother?”
“She stayed with him. I couldn’t convince her to go.”
“And they’re still together.”
He looked somewhere off in the distance she couldn’t see. “I’d assume so. I haven’t been back in a while.”
“By choice?”
“Her choice. She said it was easier if I didn’t come around anymore, stirring up trouble. So I did as she wished.”
Lauren tipped her head against his. God, how her chest ached for him. He’d been turned away from people he loved, over and over again.
Just as she had, though it was a vastly different circumstance in the case of her parents. They’d never been close in the first place. But to be rejected by his parents and then to lose his daughter…
She cupped his cheek, rubbing his stubbled jaw until his gaze shifted back to meet hers. “It’s their loss.” She pressed her lips to his, hoping he could feel every ounce of feeling she poured into the kiss. “Completely.”
He closed his hand around hers on the compass, his lips curving under hers. “You’re good for me.”
“Ditto.” She eased back and smiled. “And I’m not even talking about the orgasms. I like beating you at Goth Avenger too.”
The furrows in his forehead smoothed away. “We should see if we can play that again somewhere, if we can find it.” He brushed her hair back from her cheek. “Since you’re staying with me.”
Her mother’s ultimatum popped into her mind. Getting back into school could be the answer to everything she’d been working toward or a complete disaster. She just had hadn’t fully figured out which it was yet.