Chapter Nine
Nikki
It’s been a couple of weeks since the high from him whispering my name has faded and we haven’t said more than five words to each other since. I’ve hardly seen him and when I do my heart stops and I get pink and sweaty and I can’t stop myself from looking into his eyes with longing and seeing the same longing in his.
School started and I’ve had to be at home to pick Dexter up and make sure his homework is done. We’ve been fighting constantly. The good thing is my mom hasn’t messed with me since last time. Sometimes I hope she’s dead and she’ll start stinking so I’ll know when it’s too late to save her, but then I hear her sing in her beautiful voice and I feel sick to my stomach.
I’m sitting on Persephone’s bed while she goes on and on about her parents being assholes and getting into her business and giving her a hard time, needing to know where she’s going and when she’ll be home and I want to strangle her.
If only I had the energy.
I wish Natalie and Marc were my parents for real instead of wishfully adopted ones. But no, I got the shit end of the stick with Sensitive Artist and Crazy Ass as parents.
Persephone’s never wanted for anything and here she is complaining about checking in which she’s constantly doing for her idiot boyfriend anyway.
She wants Ares to go with her to her dad’s house but apparently Ares is being a total butthead and refusing to go because he’s scared of their dad. And every time I hear his name I get so irritated I feel like gnashing at something. He’s hardly looked at me and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve tried to keep it cool. I have tried not to think about him. I’ve even tried thinking about other guys.
I don’t know if I’m cut out for the clandestine affair thing but I am finding myself willing to try.
I wish I was the type of girl who put up a fight but I’m no good at it. It’s hard for me to fight against what I want. And I’m terrified of losing out on what could be the only bit of happiness I will ever have in my life.
“I can’t stand it here anymore. My mother is so stupid and she won’t stick up for me at all when her stupid husband talks shit to me. He has no right to say anything to me. He’s not my dad. My dad would kick his ass if he knew how they treated me all the time. I hate Marc. He always gets into my business.” Persephone throws a handful of clean jeans into a drawer and kicks it closed. “My mom found my stash the other day. I left my secret box out and she was throwing some junk into my room and she saw all my private things and she went psycho on me and brought him into it. It’s stupid.” She pushes her long hair back and looks at the ceiling. “God, I hate it here. I wish Jimmy’s roommate wasn’t a dick so I could move in with him. Why does all this shit have to happen to me?”
Natalie opens the door and walks in with another basket of laundry.
“What the hell? Don’t you knock?” Persephone bitches, glaring.
“Don’t talk to me like that, Persephone, it’s so rude.”
“Whatever. What do you want?” she asks.
“I’m having people over and I don’t want to worry someone will see your nasty hair brushes lying around or your clothes or makeup or anything else. If you don’t clean your shit I’m throwing it away. Now.”
“I’m calling dad. You never treat Ares like this.”
“Go ahead.”
Persephone storms off.
Natalie smiles at me. “I’m not worried. Ares gets his practically anal habits from his dad. He’ll be on my side. Are you hungry? I made lunch.”
Thank God. All I want in the whole world is to see Ares and he’s not going to be in this hellhole. I hug her, letting her squish me with her mom hug. “You okay? What’s the matter?”
I shake my head, clinging to her. “I love you so much. I wish you were my mom.”
She smiles at me. “I am your mom. Don’t you ever forget it.”
I smile, ignoring pangs of guilt, and let her take me to the kitchen. “Can I eat in the den?”
“If you bring your dishes when you’re done.”
I make my plate and bring it to the den. I sit on the sofa and start flipping through channels on the TV, stopping on reruns.
Ares plops on the other end of the sofa. “I’m not watching this.” He scowls, grabbing the remote. He flips through the guide while I eat, butterflies raging in my belly at his nearness. He changes the channel. “Where have you been? I thought you’d never come back,” he asks quietly.
“Hiding from you,” I whisper back.
He looks at me with that look. “I’ve been wanting to see you.”
“Hey, Legs,” Marc says, coming down the three steps into the room and sitting in the chair. “I thought you were the evil twin’s friend. What are you doing hanging out with this guy?”
I smile my waitress smile at him. “Ares doesn’t talk as much.” I look at Ares.
He’s ignoring us. This is how he acts when Marc is around. He doesn’t hate Marc. Whenever Persephone bitches about him Ares is always the first to tell her off for it.
“Very true,” he ponders.
“He’s the strong, silent type. A man romance novels are written about.” I smile at Ares, seeing his eyebrow rise almost imperceptibly. I’ve always flirted with him. The only difference is before he wouldn’t look at me, he’d glare at a wall, and now he’s giving me that eyebrow.
“Hmph.” Marc chuckles.
“It’s too bad all of his romance will be wasted on some skinny blonde chick with no body.”
Ares rolls his eyes with a huff.
“Not if his mother has anything to do with it. She’s been matchmaking on every reservation she visits. Did you work today?” Marc asks me.
“I have a much-deserved day off.”
“And you chose to spend it here, watching a weird movie with this tough guy?” he scoffs.
I shrug. “Persephone told me we were going to go out but I guess she changed her mind. Ares isn’t so bad. At least he doesn’t constantly talk about his boyfriend.”
“True.”
“Marcus! I need your help with manual labor!” Natalie yells.
“Coming!” he says, getting back up.
“I’ll be back.” Ares follows.
And now I’m all alone again.
He comes back in with drinks and his own plate of food, setting them on the coffee table and plopping himself on the couch. He looks at me. “I need to see you,” he whispers.
My stomach flutters and I just stare at him. I don’t really know what to say.
His eyes are so intense even though he’s trying to keep as casual as possible.
Is he going to say something crazy? Is he going to profess his undying lust for me?
“I got the grant.”
And now I see that the passion in his eyes is joy.
“I have to go to New York and attend art school there for two sessions. I have art shows already scheduled.”
I’m sad. And mad. I don’t know why I’m mad except it’s not me with the opportunity. I smile and I know it’s bitter. Persephone is taking full advantage of living at home. They’ve both been given a lot of good opportunities, for sure. He works hard for having good parents. I get jealous sometimes. He doesn’t have to work hard and he does. It’s like those kids with asthma who excel in sports to prove a point. They’re assholes and make me feel like shit for my struggle. “That’s amazing. Are you excited?”
“No, I’m super scared. I’ve never been on my own before. I’m not going to have anyone to talk for me. What if I get shy and can’t talk when it’s important?” He looks genuinely concerned and it softens my heart a little because he’s admitting his one vulnerability.
But not enough to make me forget my bitterness. If that’s the most of his worries then shit, I don’t know. Good for him then. “You’ll find some cute blonde girl to do your bidding.”
He looks at me funny. “That’s not what I want. Besides, everyone has black hair there.”
I hate this place
.
“Nikki?”
I look at him. He’s gorgeous. He has good parents. He has everything. I was stupid to dream. Nothing has changed, I have nothing and he has everything. “You know, I have a lot on my plate right now. I have to work two crappy jobs to feed my brother and myself and pay bills and pay a mortgage my father left me with. I like you, but we’re in two different places right now. I can’t do this with you.” I feel like a cheap whore and I didn’t even get a chance to enjoy it. I should have known he’s out to have a celebratory bang, with me as the bang. It sucks because I actually like him a lot.
I make to leave and he grabs my arm. I struggle for a millisecond before turning to give him the dirtiest look I can muster.
“You can’t do what with me?”
I narrow my eyes. “Nothing.”
“What is it that’s happening with us that you can’t deal with?” he whispers, his eyes dark pools of vulnerability.
I pull my arm away as I get up. “Let go of me.”
He lets me go and I walk away.
Chapter Ten
Ares
I’m making out with some girl in the warehouse of the skateboard shop where I work. My heart isn’t in it. I went ahead with it to see if I could in good conscience but it doesn’t hurt my conscience because it’s nothing. It’s like I’m feeling up cardboard. I keep looking around the warehouse and thinking of all the work I could be doing.
I keep thinking of everything Nikki said.
Dexter is her world.
She’s never mentioned her father before. Or what’s wrong with her mom.
The girl starts feeling me up and I pull away from her.
She looks at me funny, smiling. “Don’t you want this?”
I shake my head. I don’t.
I turn and clock out.
I leave the warehouse out the back door and head to the record store down the street where my sister works. I want to tell her about Nikki and I want her to help me figure out how I fucked it up and it sucks I can’t, but that’s what takes me here.
There’s another girl behind the counter and she’s already smiling at me. At least I don’t have to work to get her attention. “Persephone?” I ask.
“She’s stocking,” she says and points, flirty.
I turn and see my sister’s straight black hair over the barrier. I walk up on her quietly. “Seph,” I yell in her ear.
She jumps and glares at me. “You know I hate it when you do that. You scared me, you creepy fuck.” She turns back to her stocking. “What do you want?”
I don’t know what I want from her. I guess I want her to help me figure out what’s wrong with her friend. But I can’t tell her and if I tell her I’m hungry, she’ll suggest we go to Nikki’s diner to eat. I don’t know if she’s working but I don’t want her to look at me like she did yesterday.
“Airhead?”
I turn to her, annoyed.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yeah.” I look at the CDs she’s stocking. “I made out with some girl in the warehouse today,” I tell her.
“Cool. Was she blonde?”
I frown, thinking back. Was she? I don’t think I looked at her. “I think so.”
“It’s weird how they’re drawn to you.”
It is weird. “She tried to go down on me. Isn’t that weird?”
“Gross.” She makes a disgusted face. “‘Tried?’ What does that mean?”
“I walked away.”
“What’d she say?”
“I don’t know. I clocked out and left.”
“That’s what I love about you, Ares. You’re an insensitive asshole. You’re going to make some insensitive bitch a happy wife.” She looks at a CD cover and puts it where it belongs.
I hope not. I’m trying not to be an insensitive asshole. I just don’t always know how to say what I want to say. All I know is I don’t want Nikki to think I’m an asshole. My dad is an asshole and I hate him.
“Ares!”
“Huh?” I shake my thought and look at her.
“I want to go to Dad’s house. Will you come with me?”
I flash hot and cold for a second thinking she’s reading my mind.
What a weird day.
“I don’t want to be here anymore. I need a fresh start. I can’t stand the way Mom and Marc look at me like they know me. Marc is such an asshole and Mom’s letting him be a dick to me. I hate it.”
I laugh, not a friendly laugh. I can’t believe her sometimes. “They’re not treating you bad.” She’s such a brat.
“Have you seen the way they look at me?”
“Yeah, it’s because you’ve gone completely nutso. You’re acting so self-absorbed. All you talk about is your stupid boyfriend and how your parents are treating you bad.”
She glares at me. “What I do with Jimmy is no one’s business but mine. And Marc is not my parent.”
“He’s more of a parent than dad. He’s fed and taken care of you for years.”
She looks at me like I’m a dirty rotten traitor.
I put my hands up and take a step back. I don’t want to fight. I came here for a reason.
She turns back to stocking CDs.
I look around. “What’s up with you, anyway?”
“I’m trying to have fun. What’s the big deal? Nikki’s always working or doesn’t have money and she’s such a downer. And Jimmy’s important to me.”
I frown. It’s shitty she’s not being Nikki’s friend right now when she needs it.
I lean on the edge of the case. “I think she’s having a hard time. She has sad eyes.”
She shrugs. “It’s because she’s Jewish. They all have sad eyes.”
I frown, disgusted. “I think it’s because her home life sucks,” I tell her. I hope I’m not being completely obvious.
“She never says anything about anything to me.”
God she’s so self-absorbed. “Where’s her dad at?”
She shrugs again. “I dunno. She’s never mentioned him. Why do you care?” She squints at me.
Yep, too far. “You should care. You’re supposed to be her friend, right?”
“I guess. She’s been dumb lately. I was trying to tell her about all the shit going on in my life the other day and she took off.”
I stare at her in disbelief. I can’t believe she’s so oblivious. She wasn’t always like this. She used to just be a jerk to people she didn’t care about.
“Let’s go to Dad’s house for a while.”
“They need me at work.” I look around. Jimmy just walked in the store. “I gotta go now.” I can’t stand him.
“Bye.”
I walk by him on the way out, ignoring him as hard as he ignores me. I walk back to where my Honda is parked at the skateboard shop and get on, strapping on my helmet.
Fuck it. I’m going after her.
Chapter Eleven
Nikki
I’m sitting at the curb at the back of my diner, all dressed up with nowhere to go, smoking a clove and wallowing in self-pity. I can just walk home but it’s dark and my mom’s been having a creepy guy over and I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I grab my useless keys in my hands hearing heavy boot steps coming back where I am.
It’s Ares.
I’m so taken aback, I just stare at him. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you doing here?” He sits down next to me.
“My car wouldn’t start. I walked to work and Persephone said she would ask Jimmy if he could pick me up and take us to the club but I guess he said no. So now I’m sitting here wondering what to do.”
He just nods, sitting next to me.
I finally take a deep breath. “I’m sorry I was an asshole. I shouldn’t have unloaded on you like that. I just had these thoughts and instead of being happy for you, I was sad.”
“Why were you sad?”
“Because you get to leave.” I shrug a hopeless shrug and look away, blinking.
�
�Come with me.”
Incredulous is the word for the look I give him. “That’s insane. And I could never leave Dexter.” This is stupid.
“Why don’t you ever talk about your dad?”
My eyebrows go up as I turn back to look at him. “What brought that up? Why are you even here?”
“I can’t stop thinking about what didn’t happen at the diner.” He looks out at the dark tangles of blackberry bushes.
“Oh.” I look at the blackberry bushes too. I used to love picking them off bushes and eating them when I was a kid.
He turns to me and bridges the gap between our bodies. He takes my face in his hands, so close his breath touches my lips. “Is it okay?”
“Don’t ask. I’ll just say no.” I close my eyes and his lips touch mine and a warm, comfortable weight sinks into my belly like I’m home and safe. I’ve never felt so warm and comfortable in my life. I put my hands over his and kiss him back. Oh my God. This is Ares. Ares is kissing me and I’m kissing him back.
His mouth leaves mine with a sweet kiss and the echo of his lips against mine.
I blush and turn away. I press my tingling lips together.
Wow.
That happened.
Oh God
If Persephone knew about this she’d never forgive me.
He pulls back, his eyes intense. “Full disclosure, I made out with some girl today,” he confesses. “But I didn’t like it. I just kept thinking about everything else and I don’t want to kiss other people.” He searches my eyes with nothing but questions.
I raise an eyebrow, smiling. “Was she pretty?”
“I would have remembered if she was ugly.”
“Was she blonde and sixteen?” I grin.
He smiles back. “Probably more like seventeen or eighteen.”
“That’s cool. Was it good?”
“Meh.” He shrugs. “It wasn’t great.”
“Wanna take me home?”
He tries to control his face. “Sure. Right now?”
I grab my bag. “Yeah. I’m beat.” I take a long drag and sigh out a dragon-like plume of sweet smelling smoke.
Chasing Stars Page 4