by Becca Steele
“Sounds great,” I managed. “Raine?” It wasn’t worth disagreeing with him. Even though he never got physical with me, he liked to tear me down with his words. That was even worse in a way—he had a way of getting inside my head, twisting me up.
Turning on my heel, I headed up to my room, assuming Raine would follow. I heard the sound of her boots on the wooden stairs behind me, and my jaw clenched. Those boots…she must’ve known they’d be an unwanted reminder of our time together. And now I had to spend time with her in my fucking bedroom, my one safe space.
I pushed the door open, and she followed me in. As I turned to face her, I saw her eyes darting around everywhere, taking everything in. Her gaze landed on my bed, and she pulled her lip between her teeth, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. She cleared her throat, tearing her gaze away.
“Carter?” She spoke in a soft, hesitant voice.
“Stay the fuck away from me.” The burning anger and betrayal I’d felt ever since she tricked me had intensified, and as much as she’d avoided me, I’d also avoided her, because I was at the point where I didn’t trust myself not to completely lose control. I needed to blow off steam, but my partner in crime, Kian, had been distracted all week, and Xavier didn’t like to get his hands dirty. Meaning, I had no outlet for the rage inside me.
She ignored my warning growl, swallowing hard and stepping closer. “What am I supposed to do? Your dad’s expecting us to study.”
What was she supposed to do? Well, my dad would have plenty to say if we didn’t study, and no doubt Raine would be happy to tell him if we hadn’t done any. Although…maybe I could persuade her, now she knew what I was capable of. Then again, I did need to get a good grade on this essay to keep my spot as the team captain.
Mind made up, I pointed towards my desk. “Sit there and don’t fucking touch anything. Don’t even move. I’ll be back.” Before she had a chance to say anything, I left, heading back downstairs to pick up my bag from the hallway where I’d dumped it earlier. I paused, hearing my name mentioned. Moving closer to the door to the formal living room, which was slightly ajar, I waited, listening.
“He’s just not interested in putting the effort in. He can’t be bothered to try. It’s pure laziness on his part.” My dad’s words had me balling my fists at my sides, my jaw clenching so tightly that it was giving me a headache. “I hope Raine will be a good influence on him. You must be so proud of her, Pam.”
“She works hard.”
Typical comment from Pam.
“She’s very conscientious. A girl that Carter could only dream about ending up with one day. If only he would pick someone like Raine as a girlfriend, instead of those brash, in-your-face girls that he seems to bring around.”
“Carter is only concerned with the superficial. You know this,” my dad responded to my mum.
A throat cleared, and my dad spoke again. “Apologies, Sanj. We shouldn’t be discussing this with you here.”
Their conversation turned to other subjects, and I moved away, suppressing the rage. Fuck, I needed to burn it off. I pulled my phone from my pocket.
Me: The bowl. We’re fighting. NO EXCUSES
Kian responded instantly.
Kian: OK. I’ll text when I’ve set it up
I blew out a heavy breath. Knowing that I had an outlet for my anger helped to dull it to a low simmer. I responded with a thumbs up gif, then headed back to Raine. Pushing the door open, I saw her slam my desk drawer shut, and she spun around to face me with guilt written all over her face.
“What are you doing?” In two strides I was standing in front of her, staring down at her. I gripped her chin in my hand. “Answer me.”
She stared up at me, her eyes wild and afraid.
“Stop giving me that look, Raine,” I growled.
“What look?” Her voice came out as a shaky whisper.
Releasing my grip on her chin, my hands went to her waist, and I effortlessly lifted her onto the edge of my desk. Placing my arms either side of her, I lowered my head to look directly into her eyes. “That look you’re giving me right now. That look that makes me want to do bad things to you.”
Her mouth fell open. She swallowed hard, but she held my gaze. “You don’t deserve to do bad things to me, Carter. Not after what you’ve done.”
I lifted my hands from either side of her, pushed her legs apart, and stepped in between them. This was a bad idea. Really, really bad. She made no move to stop me, frozen in place. I needed the rage back. “I don’t deserve to? What about what you’ve done, huh?”
“Me? I think it pales in comparison to what you’ve done.” Her voice shook, but she bared her teeth at me.
“First the slap, now talking back to me. Do I need to remind you of your place, Plain Raine?” At the same time as I growled the insult, I pressed my hips into her, unable to stop myself. Her breath hitched. My eyes lowered to her heart-shaped mouth as she licked her lips, preparing a comeback.
“You keep saying that, but I know my worth,” she hissed through gritted teeth. Her chest rose and fell sharply, her eyes darkening as her anger overtook her fear.
I leaned forwards. My mouth went to her neck, inhaling the scent of caramel apples, then moved up to her ear, and she stiffened beneath me.
“Shut up.” Bringing my hand to her neck, I wrapped my fingers around her throat, feeling her pulse thumping wildly.
Her soft gasp as I gripped her made me smile, but she soon recovered.
“Go on, squeeze.” She taunted me with her words. “Does it make you feel good to know you can choke me? Leave bruises on my skin? Overpower me just because you’re bigger than me?”
“Raine…” My grip tightened.
“Do it.”
Those two words snapped the final thread of my control.
16
His lips crashed down on mine.
No.
No, no, no.
I shoved at him, scraping uselessly at his chest through his T-shirt. Tearing his mouth away, he released his grip on my throat and grabbed my wrists, pulling them away from him and managing to twist my left wrist in the process. I cried out at the sudden pain and lunged forwards, pulling his lip into my mouth and biting down as hard as I could.
“You fucking—” he shouted, finally releasing me, his hand flying to his lip.
“Can’t handle a bit of blood?” Where all this newfound confidence was coming from, I didn’t know. It had taken him pushing me over the edge by framing me with the theft to do it. I held on to it with both hands.
He stood, towering over me, blood dripping from his lip and running down his chin, as I cradled my wrist, both of us angry and unwilling to back down. Time crawled to a halt as we stared at one another, neither of us wanting to be the first to break the connection.
Hurried footsteps sounded in the corridor, and Carter’s eyes widened. For once we were on exactly the same page.
“Bathroom!” I hissed urgently, and he nodded, diving for his bathroom door and slamming it shut behind him. I fell into his desk chair, yanking open the lid of his laptop and pressing a button to wake up the screen.
“Everything okay? I heard a shout.” Carter’s dad poked his head around the door, peering suspiciously around the room.
Clearing my throat, I placed my hands in my lap so he wouldn’t see them shake. “Everything’s fine, Mr. Blackthorne. Carter stubbed his toe. He’s in the bathroom. Would you like me to pass on a message?” I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“No, no, that’s fine. Thank you, sweetheart. His voice grew soft. “Thank you for doing this for him. I hope that you will be a good influence on him.”
“I’ll try,” I managed. My throat was so dry all of a sudden.
“Good. Well, I’ll leave you to it.” He backed away and left the room, closing the door behind him. I collapsed back in the chair, before springing to my feet. Now I wasn’t hypnotised by Carter’s eyes, I needed to check if he was okay. Why, I couldn’t say.
Holding my breat
h, I knocked on the door of the bathroom but didn’t wait for a reply before I entered the small en suite room, decorated in white tiles with black accents. Carter stood at the sink, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror briefly before he turned his gaze away. Taking a step closer, I saw that his lip was still bleeding, although he’d wiped away the blood on his chin.
Without taking another second to think about it, I ripped off a couple of pieces of toilet paper from the roll on the wall, folded them into a square, and dashed the square under the tap to dampen it slightly. I hopped up on the counter next to him, and when he remained staring straight ahead, I grasped his chin. “Let me…” Reaching out, I pressed the makeshift compress to his lip. He growled under his breath but let me touch him. “You need to move closer.” Frustrated, I pulled at his jaw, and I thought I saw a hint of a smile appear, before it vanished. He moved closer, though. In fact, too close. Standing to the side of me, but his hard thigh was pressed against my leg, and his nearness made my heart race. Now he wasn’t looking at me like he hated me, the feelings that I’d been suppressing returned in full force.
I sucked in an unsteady breath. “I think…um…just hold it on yourself.” Hopping off the counter, I barged my way over to the sink. My wrist was starting to throb a little now—not much, and in actual fact I didn’t think he’d even meant to twist it, but I didn’t want to risk it swelling or anything. I turned the tap on, holding my fingers under the water until it became icy cold, then placed my wrist under it with a sigh of relief.
“Did I hurt you?” I’d been so engrossed in my wrist that I hadn’t even noticed Carter move, and now he was behind me, peering over my shoulder. He was still holding the tissue on his lip, but his other arm came around me, and he gently cradled my wrist under the running water. His touch set all my nerve endings alight, and I couldn’t help pressing back just the tiniest bit, my back up against his hard body.
“Not really,” I whispered, not wanting to ruin this moment with a return to animosity.
“I didn’t mean to.” I felt him swallow hard against me, and then he was speaking again, his voice so low that I had to strain to hear it. “I go so fucking crazy around you, Raine. You’re no good for me. I don’t trust myself when I’m around you.” His voice grew even lower. “I don’t like who I am around you.”
His words really, really hurt. More than anything he’d said to me in the past. Because I knew he believed them to be true. Was there any point in me saying how I felt around him? How I’d realised that I could stand up to my biggest tormentor without backing down, and that was something I’d never imagined I was capable of? My childhood bullying had left me retreating into my shell, making myself invisible, and I’d never fought back. Yet, with him, I’d managed to stand my ground. And being with him that night, anonymous and masked, I felt freer than I ever had in my life.
I couldn’t articulate any of it, though.
“I see.” I bit my lip, willing the tears away.
Releasing my wrist with a heavy sigh, he took a step back, and then he was gone. I remained where I was for a while, just trying to compose myself. Trying to make sense of the emotions whirling around inside me. Eventually, I straightened up, splashing some water on my flushed cheeks, and re-entered the bedroom.
Carter was sitting on his bed, his laptop open in front of him and the textbook next to him. He cocked his brow in a silent invitation, his expression carefully blank. I made my way over to him, tugging off my boots and arranging myself cross-legged on his bed. His bed was huge, so I didn’t have to sit too close. The atmosphere between us was weird—it was like we’d reached some kind of fragile, temporary truce, and neither of us wanted to say or do anything to break it. My earlier, hurried search through his desk drawers had turned up nothing, and I decided to put my search for answers on hold for now. I was drained, in all honesty. Ever since Fright Night, actually, ever since this school year had begun, I’d been unable to fully relax, knowing he was there, ready to attack me with his words and actions.
“Okay.” I broke the strained silence. “Have you started working on the essay yet?” Carter shook his head, and I sighed, pulling his laptop towards me. I opened up the web browser, navigating to the CliffsNotes website. “Do you use this?” Tapping at the screen, I glanced over at him. Sprawled casually on the bed, the top two buttons of his shirt undone and his hair tousled where he’d been running his fingers through it, he looked so good that I lost my train of thought as I trailed my gaze over his body before returning to his face. He raised his eyes to mine, reluctant amusement sparking in them.
“You were saying?” His lips tugged into a smile when I stared at him mutely, lost in his eyes. Ugh. This wasn’t like me. Or at least, not with anyone else.
Clearing my throat, I forced my mind to concentrate. “I asked if you use this website.”
“No.”
“There’s your first problem.” Shuffling closer to him, I angled the screen so we could both see. “This website breaks it all down for you. It explains all these different concepts…” I typed the name of the play we were studying, Macbeth, into the search bar and then scrolled through the results. “See? If I’m not sure what something means, this is the first place I go.”
Leaning forwards, he was quiet for a moment, staring at the screen. “I thought CliffsNotes was for people that weren’t…y’know. Clever or whatever.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Just because someone doesn’t understand something straight away, it doesn’t mean they’re not clever. There’s no one way of learning that’s right for everyone. Sometimes it takes looking at something in a new and different way for you to understand it.”
“Yeah,” he mused, a slight frown on his face.
“And just between us,” I added, “Professor Patel can be a little dry in his teaching methods.”
“That’s a fucking understatement,” he muttered, collapsing back against the headboard. We lapsed into silence, as I navigated to the summary of Act 1, scene 5. I opened his copy of Macbeth to the correct page, my eyes skimming over the familiar words. Familiar, because I’d already completed our assignment.
“Read this scene, and then we’ll go through it,” I suggested softly, handing him the book and indicating where he should begin.
“Read it with me,” he countered. “You do the Lady Macbeth parts.”
I groaned, my cheeks flushing. “I-I can’t.”
“You can.” His voice was insistent. “We’re not in class, there’s no one else here. It’s just you and me.”
“Fine.” My cheeks flushed, again. He flashed me a satisfied smile, and I sighed. “Give me the book, then.”
Instead of handing me the book, he reached for my arm, tugging me closer before releasing me. Our legs were touching, and goosebumps popped along my arms. Somehow managing to ignore his presence, I began reading. “They met me in the day of success…”
I lost myself in the words, my self-consciousness vanishing almost as soon as it had arrived. When I paused for breath, I became aware of Carter watching me intently, an almost puzzled expression on his face. “What?”
He shrugged. “Never thought I’d see the day where we were in the same place and you weren’t irritating the fuck out of me.”
“Except for Fright Night,” I pointed out, and his eyes darkened. I gritted my teeth, prepared for a backlash. Why had I brought that up?
“Are you seeing Lena’s brother?” he suddenly asked, ignoring my comment.
“Huh?” My gaze flew to his. He’d schooled his features into a blank expression, and his voice was casual, so I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“Never mind.”
“No, I’m not.” Despite Cassius’ idea to make Carter jealous, I couldn’t lie to his face. Not after I’d tricked him once. The fortune teller’s words echoed inside my head again. Trick him once, but don’t trick him twice. Why I was even thinking about that, I couldn’t say. It wasn’t like I believed in any of that kind of thing. Something about
the way she’d spoken to me, though, and the intensity on her face…it had meant that her words had become imprinted on my brain.
Carter nodded, dropping the subject, and returned his attention to the page. “Carry on.”
“It’s your turn.”
The next hour flew past, as we read the rest of Act 1 and went through the CliffsNotes summary. I asked Carter questions, and he responded with thoughtful answers, making notes on his phone as we worked through it.
Before I knew it, there was a soft knock at the door, and Carter’s mum appeared. “Time’s up.” She smiled at me, before her attention turned to Carter. The smile dropped from her face. “I hope you behaved and listened to Raine. Your father and I expect at least a B on this assignment.”
Next to me, I felt Carter stiffen. I met her gaze head-on with a sudden need to defend him. “He’s going to do fine, Mrs. Blackthorne. He’s incredibly intelligent. There’s a lot of points he came up with that I didn’t even consider.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” she said. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll show you out. Your aunt’s waiting downstairs.”
“Bye, Carter,” I murmured softly after pulling on my boots. He ignored me, his gaze fixed on his laptop screen.
With a sigh, I left the room.
17
Coming back to the park brought back all kinds of memories of Fright Night. Lena led me past the darkened café and large grassy area to the skatepark where tall floodlights illuminated a huge scooped-out bowl, with ramps and pipes surrounding it. The graffiti wall ran all along the back of the area, and my eyes were immediately drawn to the corner where Carter and I had painted our artwork, although I was too far away to see it.