“And what’s that?” She faltered and I gripped her hips, my cock straining from her warmth.
“I need you to look me in the eye and tell me you still love me. That there is no pretending when it comes to how we feel about one another.”
Without hesitation, she answered, “I love you. Regardless of how messed up things are right now, I still love you.”
Her admission gave me purchase and my hands moved up her arms, resting on her shoulders. I traced my thumbs along her jawline, preparing myself for what I knew would be my undoing. “Angel, I need you.” Everything about that moment had me spiraling. “Fuck, I need you so bad right now.”
With love shining through her dim ocean blues, she lowered her mouth to mine. She rocked against me, pulled my bottom lip between her teeth, igniting the fire that was slowly burning under the surface. And then I was gone.
Consumed by her body and her kiss. Things between the two of us might have been up in the air, and whether she stayed in San Francisco or came back to Atlanta, one thing I’d never have to pretend was: She’d always own my heart.
Our tongues brushed unhurriedly, deeply as her hands roamed from my shoulders to my chest, reacquainting. Reminding. Feelings previously shoved aside, coming at me full force. She pressed her body to mine and I groaned. God, how I missed her. Missed this. With my arms banded around her waist, I pulled her flush against my chest, intensifying the pressure of her heat against my aching dick. “Angel,” I soothed.
Leaning back, she searched my eyes, confliction swirling in hers. She pressed her forehead to mine, and after a beat, she whispered, “Have you been with anyone else?”
My body tensed. A little pissed off she would even ask, I growled, “Are you seriously asking me this right now?” She looked away. “Look at me.” She did. “Do you think I could sink my cock into some random pussy?” I gripped her waist and softened my tone. “Do you think I could touch another woman after you? Do you honestly think that little of me?”
She shook her head but didn’t say the word I needed to hear.
“Tell me.” My voice was quiet but strained.
“No,” she whispered as a tear slipped.
“Good.” I brushed the errant tear away and offered her a timid smile. “Angel, you’re the one. I don’t want to do this with anyone else. I can’t do this with anyone else.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
Rowan
I was losing the fight. And honestly, what the hell was I even fighting? Would it all be worth it in the end? Sacrificing my heart, my happiness, for my career? This couldn’t be it. There had to be other opportunities, no matter where I chose to live. Did being a vice president at such a young age mean that much?
It was all semantics—and beside the point.
Levi’s visit was unexpected; wearing down my defenses faster than I could have prepared for. But after seeing his ruggedly handsome face and worried eyes, there was no way I could have turned him away. My heart wouldn’t have it.
Lifting my tank over my head, he kissed my belly and whispered, “Beautiful.” He unhooked my bra and peeled the lace from my heated body, sparks prickling every inch of my skin. I leaned in, offering myself, and he pulled a tight bud between his greedy lips. Not once did his smoldering eyes leave mine. Growing desperate, burning with an all too familiar fire I loved.
I gripped his biceps and rocked against him, hard. My head fell back, a desperate cry passed through my lips. How I had lived without him—his touch—his love was inconceivable.
Working his hand between my thighs, he shoved the thin material to the side and slipped two fingers in. “God, I’ve missed you,” he admitted on an exhaled breath. “Tell me you’ve missed me too. Tell me you need me as much as I need you.” I sensed his desperation.
“I need you,” I breathed.
His tongue teased one nipple while a finger grazed over the other. He ran his lips upward from my breast to under my chin and then cupped the back of my head, pulling my mouth to his, his tongue delving in, devouring my mouth while his fingers worked their magic.
Every part of me craved him. Desire burning hot through me. He was the only drug I’d ever allow myself to crave and get hooked on. Every part of me needing every part of him.
I attempted to slide down his thighs and get on my knees, but he wasn’t having it. Levi tossed me on my back causing an unexpected giggle to slip.
“Angel, tell me this is okay.”
“Yes.”
“Thank God.” He dropped his face between my neck and shoulder, making my body shiver with delight. His lips and teeth gently tugged at my earlobe. “Tell me you love me. And wish that we didn’t have to spend another second apart.”
God, my heart ached for him. Our separation had obviously done a number on him.
His lips traveled slowly from my neck, through the valley between my breasts and then my belly. Levi looked up at me expectantly, most likely waiting for an answer. He started to lift his cap away from his head, but I stopped him. “Leave it on.” He cocked a brow and one corner of his lips curled upward. “It’s fucking hot,” I admitted without any shame. I palmed both sides of his face, visibly fighting the feelings, the emotions. “I missed you . . . I need you—oh, god—” His warm mouth covered my entire sex. “Yes,” I moaned, my hands tossing his cap off and raking my fingers through his hair before holding his face close to my core.
“Always so fucking sweet.” He made a show of licking his lips before sucking my clit between his plump lips.
“Don’t stop,” I pleaded.
But did he listen? No. His mouth separated from my body, and he dragged my sleep shorts and panties down my thighs and dropped them to the floor. Then he stood and removed his jeans and boxer briefs, gloriously naked beside me before making himself at home between my thighs.
In one smooth thrust, he was buried deep. “I love you.” His lips came down, sealing over mine. “I love you so fucking much.” He moved slowly, measured and unhurried. My heart melting and exploding at the same time.
We’d talk later.
* * *
“Levi?” Please be asleep. Please be asleep.
Reasoning always followed in the aftermath of making love. And as I lay unmoving in his arms, listening to the steady soothing drum of his heartbeat, my nerves and doubt plagued my mind.
“Yeah, angel.” He started brushing lazy strokes with his thumb along the side of my arm while my eyes remained fixed on the ceiling. My heart squeezed, thinking of what lay ahead. Of what still needed to be said.
“Just checking if you were still awake,” I answered, avoiding the elephant in the room.
“Why are you still awake?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“Just thinking.”
What are you thinking about over there, Montgomery?
All this second-guessing was nauseating. Nerve-wracking. Having him here, with me, in my bed felt right. The world around us merely faded away when we were together. It was just us. No pretenses, only two people in love but hurting under the surface. And for that reason, my mind continued to caution my heart. Repeating how much he had hurt me. And I him.
“What’s going on, angel? Talk to me.” His dreamy, but cautious voice wiggled its way through my defenses.
If we were going to get anything resolved, I had to be open and honest and hold nothing back. “You hurt me,” I cautioned. And I’m so sorry for hurting you too.
“I did. And I’m sorry. It was never my intention.” The sincerity in his words filled me with a multitude of emotions.
“I’m sorry too—”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he assured.
“Yes, I do.”
“No. You don’t.”
I did. But if he felt that way, I wouldn’t argue, not right now. “What happens now?”
Shifting his large body to lie on his side, one arm propped up holding his head in his hand, Levi gave me his full attention. He curled a wisp of my hai
r behind my ear and trailed his knuckles down the side of my cheek. His touch comforting. His expression solemn.
“I don’t see how this is going to work,” I blurted, and for once wished I had kept my mouth shut.
“And we’re back to square one.” He blew out a long, deflated breath upward. “Rowan, we make it work. It’s obvious we’re miserable without each other. We’ll make it work just like we were doing when you were still in Atlanta.”
“But we aren’t at home anymore. I’m here. You’re there. We would rarely see each other.”
“The season is almost over. I could always move out here for the time being until we can figure this all out.”
“That’s barely three months. Then what? Your home is in Atlanta.”
He took my hand and pressed it over his heart. “You’re my home. I go wherever you are and vice versa. None of it matters if we can’t be together.”
“You can’t believe that.” I held back a gasp. How could he say such nonsense? Living in separate cities would be difficult, but with his career, it would be near impossible. “Baseball is not only your career, it’s your life. You can’t just up and leave.”
“You are my life. I can do whatever I want.”
“Don’t talk stupid. It’s not that simple, and you know it.”
He was still under contract, so for him to talk such foolish nonsense had me shaking my head. I wiggled out of his arms. There was no way I would allow myself to come between him and his love of the sport. “And Greg would never let you go.”
“But you would?” he spat irritatingly. “Why are you fighting this? Fighting us? Me moving to San Francisco for the offseason seemed like the most logical of solutions. It would take some effort and rearranging, but I don’t care where we are on the map as long as it’s you and me together.”
“I don’t think that’s what Greg had in mind,” I said with a finality.
“Our relationship has nothing to do with Greg. Our decisions are ours alone.”
“You can’t believe that either,” I chided.
“Well, come back to Atlanta. There, problem fixed.” He locked his hand with mine and kissed the back of it, acting as if it were that simple.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
Levi
It was four a.m. when I’d slipped out of her apartment. I’d gently pressed my lips to her forehead after she had fallen asleep, pulled my clothes on, and stood at the side of her bed, thinking that was it. I’d tried. I’d apologized. Somehow, we’d still been in the same place.
That was two weeks ago and I had yet to hear from her. I guess she made her decision. Chose her career over love. Over us. And if that’s what she wanted, then so be it. Don’t get me wrong, I hated it, although I had no choice but to respect her decision.
Deep down, I knew I’d done my part in trying to make things work—fix what I had damaged, though sometimes you just have to cut your losses. And tonight, I had my team and our World Series championship to think about. The least I owed these guys was my upbeat, undivided attention and to celebrate alongside them. And that was the reason our hometown bar was packed, music blasting through the speakers and our championship game continuously playing on every flat screen in the establishment. Every Bucks Beauty was called in to work the event. Even my parents had made the trip north to celebrate with us.
I just wished she were here.
“Boys,” Natasha called, ignoring the few females at the table, and smiled as she set another round of shots down. “Drink up.”
Everyone grabbed their glass, not caring that they were going to wake up feeling like shit in the morning, me included.
“Caroline.” Hatch caught her attention. “Always a pleasure to see you in the locker room.”
Her cheeks pinked, but she played it off by downing her shot. “Thanks, Alvarez. You boys always make my job easy.” She winked the same time she laid her soft hand on my thigh. What the hell?
If she was touching me, why the fuck was she flirting with him? Not that I cared. If she would just slide over a couple seats, they’d be doing me a huge favor.
Giving Caroline a quick side glance, I raised a questioning brow and she smiled that sweet smile of hers, a smile that would normally knock a grown man to his knees, but not me. Not tonight. Not ever.
Over the years, we’d kept things platonic. Our past, a rather short, physical one, was fun while she was a cheerleader for the Falcons and going to school to become a journalist, but there hasn’t been anything between Caroline and me since then. And there never would be.
So the placement of her hand was unexpected, and frankly, not wanted.
Needing her to catch the hint, I tried pulling my thigh away and chanting over and over in my head for her to remove her hand. To get her fucking manicured talons the fuck off me, her touch making me queasy.
“Champs! Fuck, this is sweet!” Hatch shouted, still high on the adrenaline of our victory.
“Fuck, yes! We owned that shit! Played our asses off.” Chase grabbed his beer, chasing his shot.
Having a moment, looking around the table, I was grateful these guys were my people. Aside from my actual family, they were the few I could count on to always have my back. No matter what, and vice versa. I knocked back my beer with a genuine smile, absorbing our victory. We owned that shit.
But then I felt sick. Caroline’s hand moved higher up my thigh, caressing my hard muscle as her knuckles brushed my dick. She squeezed my leg and leaned into my side, her lips too close for comfort. “What do you say we take this celebration over to your place? Like old times?”
My stomach dropped.
I couldn’t. It didn’t matter that I had accepted Rowan’s decision, the wound was still too fresh.
“I’ll make it worth your while,” Caroline cooed, the lust in her voice making me nauseous.
How the fuck do I peel her away from me without coming off as a dick? And how do I not feel like I’m cheating on my woman?
My eyes shifted frantically around the room. When I told myself I wouldn’t think about Rowan, I wasn’t expecting to be reminded of her at every damn turn: the table where we first met, then the table where she sat with Spencer and I saw red, and the hallway in the back where we hashed shit out. There was no escaping her.
Something had to give. Living in perpetual hell, without the one you loved was worse than Hell itself, in my opinion. The days seemed to roll over into the nights with no end in sight. And not a whole lot mattered anymore. Trying to keep it bottled up and hidden was taking its toll.
“Hey.” A sweet familiar voice came from behind me and I froze.
One of the guys blurted, “Oh, shit!”
She was there. After two weeks of no contact, she was standing merely five feet from me looking beautiful. And nervous.
I blinked. Twice actually. Her eyes cut to the woman next to me, and she frowned, her eyes lowering to tiny slits, provoking me to shove Caroline’s hand off my thigh.
“What the hell?” Caroline grumbled and I pushed to my feet.
“What—” I choked. “What are you doing here?” I took one step toward her, erasing at least two feet of distance.
“I had to see you.” Her gaze fell to the concrete floor. Something about her expression told me this wasn’t good. Unease swallowed me whole.
“You’re not here to tell me you’re pregnant and then fly back to San Francisco, are you?” I couldn’t go through that again.
Her brows pinched. She looked at me earnestly and shook her head. “No. I’m not pregnant. You’re good.”
“I don’t know about that.” I didn’t feel good. I’d never be good until I had her back in my life, forever.
With it all hanging in the balance, I tried to get a read on her and her intentions for popping up unexpectedly. Well, sort of. She had every right to be there. She was the daughter of the GM, after all. Maybe that was why she showed up. Who knew?
“Do you think we could talk for a minute?” She ignored Caroline shooting dag
gers at her and without saying anything, I knew what she was thinking. “Unless you’re busy?”
“Not busy at all.” Caroline scoffed from behind me, and I didn’t give a shit. I took Rowan’s hand in mine, not once did my eyes leave her. “Follow me.”
“Okay.”
I led us to a semi-quiet corner in the back, almost the same exact spot where we had it out months ago. Carefully backing herself against the wall, Rowan pressed her palms to the concrete for support, her eyes locked somewhere between my throat and my chest. This was it. This was going to be the final inning, bottom of the ninth, the moment that would define my future—with or without this woman.
The only woman I’d ever loved.
With my heart hammering against my chest, I took a step toward her, peeled her right hand away from the wall, and linked her fingers with mine. Feeling her warmth radiate between us had my heart pounding harder, louder in my ears, so loud actually, it drowned out the noise of the bar. I swallowed hard. “You wanted to talk to me?”
“I did. I mean, I do.”
“Will you at least look at me?” I gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Please.”
She inhaled a deep breath and bit her bottom lip as she exhaled slowly. Her eyes met mine and her voice shook when she asked, “Who was that?”
“Who, Caroline?” Her lips twisted and she nodded. “A friend.” No comment. “It’s not what you’re thinking—”
“And what am I thinking?”
“That there’s something going on. That she’s more than just a friend.” It wasn’t hard to figure out that was what she was assuming.
“Is there? Something going on?”
It pained me to hear the hurt in her voice. “No.”
“Okay.”
Giving in that easily didn’t sit right with me, but Caroline was the least of my worries.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“Will you let me say what I need to before you say anything?”
“Before I answer that, should I be worried?” I quipped.
Her unsure smile did nothing to reassure me. “I don’t think so.”
Top Notch (Man on Top Book 1) Page 28