“Yeah. Adalynn, do you mind giving us a moment?” I said without taking my eyes from his.
She cleared her throat to try and grab my attention but I didn’t bother looking at her. “Sure. I’ll go see if any of the girls need help stretching.” Adalynn shut the door behind her as she left.
Talon crossed the room and sat on the edge of my desk instead of one of the chairs in front of the desk. I was beginning to think he liked being perched in that spot instead of sitting like a normal person in a chair; not that I minded.
He sat there watching me fiddle with the papers on my desk until he placed one of his hands on top of the stack so I couldn’t move them anymore. But instead of bringing my eyes up to his I fixated them on his hand that was so effortlessly holding the stack of papers in place. “How’d it go with Zoey?” His voice was deeper than usual.
“It went great. She’s a wonderful little girl.” I finally braved looking up at him. His dark eyes were locked on mine as his lazy smile spread wider and wider across his face as I continued to talk about Zoey. Talon loved his sister more than anything in this world. To see how they each lit up when someone talked about the other made my heart happy.
I filled him in on the dance Zoey had taught me and how far she would go with her dancing as long as she was able to stay in it. “Zoey has a passion that I haven’t seen in someone in a long time.” I didn’t let him know that that someone I was talking about was my previous self; pre-incident. While I was talking about Zoey and my adventure, Talon covered my hand that was resting against the desk with the one he’d had on the stack of papers. The warmth of his skin against mine felt nice, and the speed of my heart accelerated, causing me to stop midsentence.
“Go on,” he smiled and nodded his head.
But instead of continuing on about how awesome my night and day with Zoey had been, I leaned forward, wrapped my free hand around the back of his neck, and pulled his lips to mine. It didn’t take long before Talon had enveloped my face with his hands, putting even more passion into our kiss. At first our lips stayed pressed together with no other movement until I felt his tongue move across my top lip, trying to gain full access. Parting my lips, our tongues moved together, caressing against one another as our kiss deepened. The temperature in the room began to rise and I knew if I didn’t put a stop to what we were doing it was going to get out of control fast.
“Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!” A group of voices echoed from the other side of the glass windows of my office, causing Talon and me to separate faster than someone yelling, “Fire!”
Turning my head towards the windows I noticed most of the class gawking at us. Some of the girls were making gagging faces while others were giggling, but the look on Adalynn’s face was the most priceless. Her mouth was gaping open in shock. The last thing I wanted to do was have her find out that something—whatever it was—was going on between Talon and me.
I pushed up from my chair, “I need to get out there. The kids really shouldn’t have seen that.” Moving from behind the desk I began to walk away but Talon reached out, grabbing hold of my arm to stop me.
“I don’t regret it.” He stood, rubbing his hand down the inside of my arm until he linked our hands together. “Go to dinner with me tonight.” His question wasn’t one I was expecting. Fumbling with my words I finally managed to agree to dinner as I was walking out the office door to get class started with a very aggravated looking Adalynn.
I stood there, staring at my reflection in the long mirror hanging on the inside of my closet door. My bed was covered in mounds of clothes I had tried on, got annoyed with, and discarded into the growing pile. I huffed, blowing a strand of semi-curled blonde hair out of my face temporarily.
“What’s wrong?” Adalynn asked as she pushed the mound of clothes across the bed so she could sit down.
“I have less than ten minutes until Talon picks me up and everything I try on makes me feel hideous!” Throwing my hands up I plopped down in the navy blue antique chair that sat in the corner a few feet away from my closet.
“Let me work my magic.” Adalynn jumped up from the bed and headed straight for my closet.
Closing my eyes I let my arms hang loosely off the sides of the arms of the chair. I was five seconds away from giving up on looking remotely put together when Adalynn called out, “Here you go!” Opening my eyes I found Adalynn standing there, holding a knee-length red and black plaid dress with a pair of black stockings.
“Seriously?!” If she thought I really wanted to put on a damn dress, she had officially lost her mind. I rarely wore dresses. Hell, I hardly wore much of anything besides jeans, sweaters, and V-neck solid-colored shirts. Any self-confidence I had about getting dressed up had gone out the window nine months ago.
“Yeah, seriously! Now take this…” She shoved the outfit at me and pulled me out of the chair. “…and go change!” She gave me a gentle push so that I would walk in the direction of the bathroom.
I didn’t bother looking in the mirror in the bathroom while I changed. I knew it wouldn’t give me the full view of what my outfit looked like and I didn’t want to get discouraged before I saw it in its entirety. As soon as I walked back out into the bedroom I heard the doorbell ring.
“Great!” I huffed.
“I’ll let him in.” Adalynn hopped up from the antique chair I had previously been sitting in. The Cheshire-size smile that spread across her face let me know that she approved of the dress. “Stop frowning! You look hot, and I’m sure Talon will think so too.” She winked and exited the room before I could argue.
Rolling my eyes I walked towards the floor length mirror, but before I reached it I noticed the pair of red lace booties staring at me. I sighed and slipped my feet into them one at a time. The heel wasn’t too tall so they weren’t a hazard for me to walk in. With the booties secured on my feet I continued my path to the mirror. As I stepped in front of it I closed my eyes, nervous for what I was about to see. “Open your eyes, Tegan,” I coached myself until I finally braved the situation and did just that.
“Oh my gosh…” I whispered as I took in every inch of my outfit. Most people wouldn’t make such a big deal about it but it was like riding a bike again for the first time in a long time. It took tiny steps to get going full speed and I was terrified of crashing.
“Told you,” Adalynn’s proud voice caught my attention at the door.
“I was just…” I fumbled with my words. “I didn’t think…”
“You don’t have to explain the way you feel to me, Tegan. I already know.” She smiled sympathetically at me. “You don’t see what everyone else sees, but you will.” I felt the tears beginning to build in my eyes so I forcefully willed them away. I couldn’t go out there looking like a blubbering mess because there was no time to fix my makeup if I ruined it.
“I’m nervous.”
“Don’t be. Think of it as two friends having dinner together, nothing more.” Adalynn placed her hands on my shoulders as I reached where she was standing. “If you need a breather or an escape route, I’m only a phone call away.” I hugged her tightly before heading towards the living room where I knew Talon was waiting.
The sound of my heels clanking against the floor didn’t do anything for my nerves, if anything it made them worse. I couldn’t sneak into the living room without giving Talon a warning that I was coming because of their echo. Not that the walk down the hallway from my bedroom to the living room was very long. I lived in a small apartment in Chicago for God’s sakes. You could gently toss a quarter and it might bounce twice from one end to the other.
I kept my head down and my eyes fixated on my booties as I took each step towards the living room. “Wow…You look beautiful.” Talon’s husky voice forced me to stop and close my eyes. I quickly pulled myself together because I didn’t want to look like a weirdo for reacting to him the way I did, but I honestly couldn’t help myself. I took an even breath and opened my eyes, lifting my head to look at him.
The smile that
adorned his beautifully chiseled face was infectious. “Thank you,” I replied shyly. His dark jeans fit him perfectly and the red long-sleeve button-up shirt he had on accentuated the darkness of not only his hair, but his eyes as well. The sleeves were rolled up to about mid-forearm while the bottom of the shirt hung freely instead of being tucked in. “You look nice yourself.” He walked over to me and linked our hands together. In that moment a calming sensation washed over me. The nerves that were shaking me to the bone started to subside and I felt like the sun was coming out from the darkness. It was something new, something I couldn’t explain, and I liked it.
“Ready to go?” He smiled excitedly.
“Yes.” He gave my hand a little squeeze as we headed out the door.
Chapter Five
The restaurant Talon took me to had an Italian name I couldn’t pronounce, but the food was to die for. As we ate we talked about how we had gotten to the present points in our lives, but you could tell we both held back major points; probably due to being afraid of what the other would think. I know I was at least, even though he could see right through my façade and into the darkness that tried to consume me at times.
The wind wasn’t as dramatic as usual as we walked down the street, listening to the nightlife roaring around us. Chicago was known for the wide variety of lifestyles and for having a bar for every type. You could always find a place and a crowd to suit your mood. Talon had linked our hands together before we had even exited the restaurant, and they were still that way. I couldn’t help the goofy grin that was on display across my lips, he made me feel alive again, which was a feeling I never thought I would fully experience. I was just hoping the rain didn’t come and darken my currently bright skies.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“There’s this bar just down the road that has the best bands that haven’t been discovered yet. I thought we could stop in there and check out whoever is playing, if you’d like.”
The pulse in my neck started hammering at the thought of being in a bar with a lot of people. I tried to steer clear of places like that ever since the incident, but I didn’t want to be a downer our first time out together. “Sure. It sounds like a cool place.” I smiled, trying to hide my nerves so he wouldn’t pry into how I was truly feeling about the situation. Thankfully he didn’t.
A few minutes later and we were walking into a very rustic-looking bar that was pretty close to being over capacity if I had to guess. A stage stretched the entire back wall; since the building was a shot-gun style it wasn’t very big. I followed close to Talon’s back as he weaved us through the bar, stopping to say hi to a few people as we went. Apparently he frequented this place from time to time.
“Want a drink?” He called back over his shoulder at me and I shook my head no. The last thing I needed was a drink while being in this overly packed bar.
I could feel sweat starting to bead on my neck just under my hair line, which was never a good sign. It usually happened when I was about to have a freak-out session, and I was praying to the man above that that wasn’t about to happen. As we made our way to the bar, Talon pulled me in front of him so that he could envelop me with his arms placed on the bar. His front was to my back as he talked to the bartender over my head. I felt a puff of his breath against the side of my face with each word. The bartender was a blonde guy around Talon’s age, but they didn’t seem very friendly with one another. When the guy came back and slid Talon his drink of choice he snatched the money up from the bar and walked away without saying hello, goodbye, or screw off, but before I could ask Talon what the guy’s deal was he was back to guiding me through the throngs of people towards the stage.
The once-beaded sweat had made its way down the center of my back. I cringed until it stopped at the clasp of my bra. I huffed as quietly as possible, even though Talon most likely wouldn’t hear me over the music; I still didn’t want him to know just how uncomfortable I was becoming. When we finally reached the destination Talon was searching for, I exhaled a slow breath hoping that it would calm me down some. We were to the right of the stage against the brick wall, which gave us a little more breathing room than being dead center or back towards the exit of the bar, which I was thankful of, but the amount of people was still overbearing.
“You good?” He asked. I wanted to yell ‘hell no!’ but I didn’t, instead I shook my head yes and forced a meaningful smile. “Good.” He smiled back.
Talon wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me against his side as we watched the band rock the crowd. They were packed full of life! Doing covers of 80’s and 90’s songs along with their originals. It felt good to listen to a live band in a bar because I hadn’t been able to step foot into a crowded place, let alone a grocery store, without losing it. There was something about Talon that was pulling me from the darkness and helping the scars of that night heal.
Four songs passed as we stood, leaning back against the wall, taking in the smooth sounds of the band and watching them move effortlessly about the stage. I always loved music; probably would have enjoyed being in a band, but dancing was my true calling. As the band closed out one of their original songs they announced that they would be taking a fifteen minute break before their next set. I wasn’t sure what would transpire during those fifteen minutes, but I had a feeling the dance floor would end up jam-packed even more than it already was. Younger people loved dancing to pop and rap songs.
“Want to meet the band? I went to high school with a few of guys.” Talon leaned down so I could hear him.
I really didn’t want to move from the spot we were in; not only because I was comfortable leaning against and swaying with Talon, but because of the mass amounts of people. I knew if I tried to squeeze through those people it probably wouldn’t end well.
“Go ahead. I’ll hold our spot.” I smiled sweetly at him.
“You sure?” He furrowed his brows.
“I’m sure.” I tiptoed just enough to kiss his cheek. “I like this spot, don’t want anyone stealing it from us.” His smile lightened up his face as he shook his head okay.
“I won’t be gone long.” He leaned down, placing a lingering kiss against my lips before heading into the crowd towards the other side of the room.
At first my nerves kept calm; maybe because of the lingering feeling of being snuggled into Talon’s side, I wasn’t sure. The bass from the rap song that had just started playing vibrated through my chest, causing the feeling of an anxiety attack to rear its ugly head.
“Stay calm, Tegan,” I coached myself out loud. The music overpowered my voice, so no one could hear me anyway.
My hands started to tremble so I closed my eyes and leaned farther back against the wall. Please…Don’t let an episode happen right now. Please! I silently pleaded. Breathing in deeply until my lungs burned, I exhaled slowly, and then repeated. I opened my eyes and found the crowd was even closer to me than before. I gasped as I tried to step back farther into the rough brick wall, but couldn’t. The room started to heat up and the sweat that was beading at the base of my neck was back in full force. I turned my body so that I was facing towards the back wall where the stage was, thinking that if I didn’t see the full crowd it would help me get a grip on the panic attack that was spiraling down on me.
Attempting the second round of calming breaths, like my therapist told me to do, I cursed at how they never seemed to work when I felt someone snake their arms around my waist. I instinctively leaned back into the person, thinking it was Talon, but as the man started to move his hips against my backside I didn’t have to look to know that it wasn’t him. My chest began rising and falling at a rapid rate as I felt the blood leave my face. Jerking myself out of the stranger’s hold I was spun around by the arm to face him.
“What’s your problem?” A man in his mid-to-late twenties scolded me. “I just want to dance.” He gave my arm a pull hard enough to send me flying into his chest.
I gasped loudly as my vision became fuzzy and my legs tur
ned to jelly.
My head felt like a hundred drums were wreaking havoc within it. I groaned as I tried to curl up in a ball and whatever I was lying on groaned right along with me as I moved.
“It’s okay, Tegan. You don’t need to move too fast.”
Talon.
My eyes fluttered as I forced them to open. The smell of leather hit me hard, making vomit rise up my throat before I quickly pushed it back down. Talon was sitting on his knees in the floor beside me, a look of worry etched across his face.
“What happened?” My voice was barely above a whisper.
“I’m not really sure.” He ran a hand haphazardly through his hair. “I went to talk to the band and the next thing I know people were crowding around where I thought I had left you.” Talon sat back on his heels and paused. “When I reached you, some guy had you laid out on the ground…you were unconscious, Tegan.”
I felt the tears building in my eyes before I could stop them. A sob ripped up my throat causing Talon to lunge forward and pull me into his arms. I slid off the couch and into his lap as he whispered that everything would be okay against the top of my hair as I poured out the emotions that were haunting me all night. I had passed out from the interaction with the stranger on the dance floor; made a complete fool out of myself. I shouldn’t have agreed to go to the bar, I should have forced Talon to take me home after dinner and none of this would have happened.
I gripped his shirt tightly in my fists as I continued to sob. I wanted so badly to be strong, to be the girl I used to be, but life kept knocking me down. That night ruined me; completely shattered my being and I was beginning to think that I wasn’t strong enough to overcome the aftermath.
“Let’s get you home.” Talon rubbed his hand up and down my arm. I had completely forgotten where I was. I looked up at him and as if he could read my mind he told me, “We’re still at the bar. The guys in the band and security allowed me to carry you back here instead of calling an ambulance. It took a lot of reassuring but I somehow convinced them that you were okay.” He nervously looked away. “Even though I wasn’t sure if you were okay…I’m still not.”
Graceful Scars Page 6