I hear him behind us. He catches up to walk next to me. I turn to look at him. He is wearing sunglasses, making it difficult to see his eyes.
“Hey, Livi.” Aye su voz, it almost makes miss a step. I continue walking, giving him a smile, and before we reach our spot we slow to a stop.
“Before we leave will you go on a walk with me?”
“Yes, of course,” I answer, grabbing his arm. I quickly notice my actions and remove my hand. He glances down where I had touched him then back at me.
Mandy realizes we aren’t right next to her and turns to look for us. She gives me a smile when she sees Nix and I talking to each other. We turn back making our way towards the crowd.
Everyone begins to settle in; opening the chairs and umbrellas, popping open beer cans. The music starts blaring out of the speakers, and it’s beginning to look like a beach party without the bouncing of the beach balls. The volleyball net goes up ready for a match.
The ocean breeze is cool enough to bring a chill to your body. Even though the sun is out, I decide to keep my clothing on, not sure if I want reveal my half-naked body now that Nix is here.
Mandy introduces Nix to a couple of our friends while I sit in my chair, rubbing on some sun block. I catch myself looking at him, becoming curious of his tattoos. I want to see them, but most of the time he’s concealing them. As I look on I notice he is fidgeting, tugging in his long sleeve shirt. I wonder what he’s so nervous about. Why would he wear a long sleeve shirt to the beach?
Tom comes over to invite us to play volleyball. I look over at Mandy and Nix to see if they agree, and I get up, and we head towards the net. Playing volleyball loosens Nix’s mood. We’re getting comfortable being around each other. Even though this isn’t Nix’s usual scene everyone seems to like him, especially the girls.
“Hey, guys, I need a break,” Mandy says breathlessly with her hand on her knees, barely able to stand.
“Me too,” I agree, walking off towards the ocean, dying to throw myself in to cool off. I look out into the ocean, slowly rubbing my feet back and forth on the sand, waiting for a wave to come wash it away.
“Want to go for that walk?” I turn to stare right at him, and my heart rate increases. I almost can’t get a word out…he feels so close.
“Yes,” I manage to say to him. We begin walking down the beach, along the sand and through the water. I can feel the coolness as the water hits my feet.
He stops walking and is silent for a moment. I turn to look at him. I don’t know what he’s thinking or about to say, and I’m so nervous that a lump forms in my throat.
“Livi, I want to apologize about the other day at Blends. I shouldn’t have just walked out on you like that. I’m sorry,” he tells me, removing his sunglasses so that I can see his eyes and the sincerity in them.
I really want to say that it’s okay, but I promised myself I was going to be honest with him, because I want him to be able to get to know me.
“I’m not going to lie, Nix, I was a little shocked. I was just left there, sipping on my coffee, but I’m sure you have a good reason. You do have a good reason, don’t you?”I ask, hoping he doesn’t say he just wants to be friends, or he had the wrong impression of me. Because if that’s the case then he could have just told me, and avoided this whole situation to begin with.
“Livi, I like you. I’m very attracted to you, and I hope it’s mutual. I would like to get to know you.” He looks at me, looks out into the ocean, then back at me. “The reason I walked on you out at Blends was because I just can’t be around all the partying and drinking. That’s just not what I’m about. I don’t know what Mandy’s told you about me, but I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t got out to college parties. So when you told me about college was all about partying, I just couldn’t sit there and listen to all that bullshit,” he explains while looking down at the sand before he put his sunglasses back on.
“Apology accepted,” I say, grabbing hold of his arm. “Nix?”
“Yeah?”
“I think we both have a misconception of each other. I would really like to get to know you, too.” He runs his fingers through his hair.
“I’m really glad to hear you say that. I don’t know what it is about you, Olivia, but you make me feel…”
“Feel what?”
“Just feel.” I look at him, confused. I notice he sees my reaction, and I hope he elaborates.
“In order for me to explain I need to tell you a little bit about my past. I know we just met, but I feel a connection. There is something that pulls me to you that I can’t explain. I hope you don’t think I’m a fucking creep.”
“I’m hoping you’re not.”I’m not sure what I’m about to hear, or what I just agreed to, but I also feel a connection to him. I know that right now I have to put my heart on the line, and in this moment it’s up to me to choose whether I want this or not. And I want this.
He takes a few steps away from the ocean, placing his arms on his head, and letting out a breath as he sits down in the sand. I automatically go sit beside him. He removes his sunglasses and brings his knees up to let his arms rest on them. I sit there in the silence giving him the time he needs. Time to collect his thoughts, words, memories that he feels he must share. I don’t push; I have my own bad history. I just don’t know if I am ready to share that part of me yet.
“I was young and reckless,” he starts, breaking the silence, and I turn my body slightly to face him. “We were just having some fun, and like always, I wanted more.” He turns to look at me and I see haunted eyes looking back at me. “We were in an accident that involved drugs and alcohol. That accident took the life of my best friend.” He leans back into the sand resting on his palms, staring out into the ocean. “I couldn’t save him, but he saved me from all that fucked up bullshit in the end.”
I’m speechless. Part of me wants to ask more questions but I’m not going to press for more information. In all honesty, I see now why it is difficult for him to be around alcohol, but he works at a freaking club. Dios ayudame, don’t let me ask this stupid question.
“I’m sorry you lost your best friend,” I manage to say.
“I’m sorry, too. He was great, a better man than me.”
“So how is it that you can work at a club that serves alcohol or DJ at parties?” The words are out before I can stop them, and I see him sit up resting his arms on his knees. I feel humiliated.
“I’m there because of my work.”
“DJing?” I ask, knowing the answer but I don’t know what else to say.
“You mean spinning, they call it spinning.”
“Oh, spinning,” I correct myself.
“Spinning helps me get lost in the beat. It helps me get into the lyrics, to help me forget about my guilt and pain. That was until I met you. You have taken over in some part.” Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness for his loss. I didn’t mean to feel this way, I know he doesn’t want my pity, but it isn’t pity. I wish I can take away all his hurt, so I do the only thing I can think of to show him I care.
I kiss him.
Today is the day. Our official first date. After we left Myrtle Beach he asked me for a do-over date. We have been busy all week so today we finally have the chance. He didn’t mention where we are going; he just said to wear something comfortable and warm since the fall weather has been picking up. I opt for a blue and white striped three quarter shirt with some ankle jeans and blue Toms. I pile up my hair in a high pony tail. I complete my ensemble with pearl earrings. I have light make-up on. I didn’t want to over-do it with my appearance, because I don’t want him to think that I am trying too hard to impress him. I decide to just go with it. Like I said, I am not in love with him. I just want to explore these feeling he has awakened in me. I don’t want to be like my mother and all the other trailer trash girls that have sex with guys just for the hell of it.
I hear my phone chirp on the bed as I am putting
on my shoes.
Nix: Hey Olivia I’m 3 min away.
Me: Ok. I’m almost done.
Nix: :)
I grab my light blazer since I didn’t know how long we will be out. I know we both have an early class tomorrow, but I am not going to let that cut our night short if we end up having a good time. I grab my wristlet and stuff my credit card, lip gloss, ID and $20 cab money into it just in case I had dreamt the whole chemistry thing going on and I need an escape route.
I hear the door-bell ring and I rush downstairs to get it.
“Someone has a hot date?” Samantha asks with a smirk. She is one of my sisters, a third year S.O.S. She also holds a chair on the S.O.S directive board.
“Hope so,” I tell her as I pass her to open the door. And there he stands, all sexy and shit. He is wearing a white tee with a black leather jacket and loose jeans with some timberlands, all very James Dean-esque. I just want to drag my fingers through his silky hair. I must have zoned out for a minute, because he looks at me questioningly.
“Sorry, what?” I ask him.
“I asked if you are ready.”
“Oh, yes,” I say stepping out and closing the door behind me. He doesn’t move back as I expected, and I can smell him; all minty fresh, but still manly. I lock eyes with him. I can see his grey eyes become stormy. I think my new favorite season just became winter, because the dark grey sky will always make me remember Nix’s beautiful eyes. I bite my lip as I look into his eyes, and I see him lean in closer to me. Is he going to kiss me?
Then I feel his lips on mine as he gently tugs on my bottom lip. He sucks on it for a split second before he releases it to claim my mouth for a deeper kiss. I am in heaven. And I thought I was bold. I wrap my arms around his neck and start to run my fingers through his hair, something that I have been dying to do since I laid eyes on him. He slowly stops kissing me and steps back a bit. His hands are still around my waist and my own are around his neck, playing with his hair.
“Okay, isn’t the kiss supposed to be at the end of the night?” I manage breathlessly.
“Yeah, but I needed to get that out of the way since it’s all I could think about,” he whispers back.
He moves back a bit and I withdraw my hands from around his neck, running them slowly down his body before I break all contact with him. He grabs my hand and gently squeezes it before he turns and starts to walk to his Challenger. He opens my door and helps me get in. I see him go around the front to get into the driver side. I take this quick moment to calm my beating heart.
“So where are we going?” I ask again, knowing he will not tell me.
“Just wait and you will find out,” he responds as he turns the car on and speeds out on to the street.
I still feel nervous, but I also feel comfortable being with Nix. In a strange way the silence that encloses the car doesn’t unsettle me. Many people feel awkward with silence, but I feel that my moth-sized butterflies have calmed down. What is it about this guy that makes me feel things that I never thought possible? Why, after all these years, has my heart decided to beat a bit faster than usual? I wonder if he feels the same thing as I stare at his beautiful profile as he maneuvers the car onto the highway.
Wait, highway?
“Um, are we going somewhere far, Nix?” I ask again, because we live in a pretty small town, and everything is within reach.
“Just relax, enjoy the ride, and tell me little bit about you,” he says with a faraway look.
“Okay. So ask me the questions that you would like me to answer,” I tell him.
“Aren’t we too agreeable for a girl that’s used to giving orders?”
“Yeah, don’t get too excited. It’s only me trying to give a good impression. I don’t do this often, so take advantage, buddy.”
“Believe me, Olivia, I already have a good impression of you,” he says as he runs his gaze down my body. The car just got warmer. I feel his eyes on every inch of my body, making it tingle just like he can and has done for that past few weeks.
“Oh, about the taking advantage part, yeah, we will get to that,” he smirks. His smile stays on his lips as he starts with his questions. Yeah, I think I just sat on the sun with all the heat I’m feeling.
“So what is your major?”
“Law. I wanted to go into social work first because I want to help abused children who don’t have a voice to be heard. But then I realized that maybe I have a better chance fighting for them in the court of law, since social workers still have certain limitations in the cases that they manage. And I have a problem with restrictions. I don’t like them,” I respond, which surprises me because of how truthful I am with my answer. Everyone thought that the reason I wanted to be a lawyer was because of the prestige and power that came with the title. “You?”
“I want to be a doctor. I want to save lives. Just knowing that I can help someone and give them the chance to live, even if it just one person, would fulfill the promises I made to myself,” he answers me with sadness in his eyes.
“Well, it seems we have another thing in common. Who would’ve thought? We both not only want to save lives, we also want them to live a life,” I say.
“Yeah, way to keep it so impersonal with my first question,” he says with a laugh. I have come to like that sound. The guarded look in his eyes has gone away. Hopefully for good. It makes me feel warm inside knowing that I might have had something to do with that. I don’t know why he keeps himself so guarded, but I hope he can let me in. What am I thinking? I have to let him in too, and that is something that I am not ready for. I want to try to be in this relationship without him having to know my past.
“So, do you live around here?” I continue with the questions.
“Yeah. My parents live an hour away from school. I have dinner with them about once a month. It’s actually a requirement for them to pay my tuition. I don’t mind eating with them. Sometimes it does get out of hand, like when my mother starts talking about girls and safe sex, but I love her,” he says, turning to look back at the road. He has that frown again. I see the sign mentioning the exits for the pier out by Myrtle Beach. So I’m guessing that’s where we are going.
“Nix, are you taking me to the carnival?” I ask him with a goofy smile. He remembered one of our conversations in class when I mentioned that I have been living here a year and I had not gone to the pier and that it was something that I have been wanting to do all summer. Kylie said only teens went to the pier, not college woman.
Ever since Olivia had mentioned in class that she wanted to go on the rides, I got the idea to bring her to the pier. I have never had an actual mature date before, so I really didn’t have many options. So I was taking all the clues from our conversations these past few days to see what she liked and didn’t like.
“Yeah, I kind of got the hint from you earlier this week, since you mention the pier about hundred times. I can take a hint,” I joke.
“What? No, I didn’t. I only mentioned it once when Mandy mentioned that some of her customers never shut up about it. I just never had time for carnivals growing up, and I always wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. Sorry if you thought that you had to bring me here. Anywhere you take me will been fine,” she says with a pout.
“I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. I just wanted to do something that you would like. I didn’t want to screw up the only chance I got to make you want to give us a try.” I take her hand from her lap and bring it to my lips to give her a little kiss, and I set our entwined hands on my lap. I look her way and she has a sweet smile on her face. That’s when I knew that this girl is going to breathe life back into me, and even though I know it’s going to hurt taking those first few breaths, it will get better. She will make it better.
I turn into the parking lot to find a parking space. I can feel Olivia’s excitement vibrating through her pores as she looks at the pier and the carnival lights. Her anticipation getting out of the car is funny; she yanks her hand from mine and opens the door
jumping out before I even take off my seatbelt.
“Jesus, Livi, you didn’t even give me the chance to play the gentleman and open your door?” I say.
“Sorry, it’s cool. I know you are and I just can’t hold in my excitement. Does that make me childish?” she asks worryingly.
“Yes, but I think it’s adorable. Then again, I might be biased since I like you a lot.” She blushes. She is beautiful, beyond words. No matter what she does she always takes my breath away.
I round the car and take her hand as we walk towards the fun and games.
“Do you want to eat first or walk around?” I ask.
“Let’s walk first and see what’s around since I already know what I want to eat,” she says with a cute smile.
“Yeah, and what’s that?”
“Fish and Chips, funnel cake, cotton candy, oh, and a candy apple,” she replies with no guilt about all the carbs she is about to eat. Yep, I like a girl with a good appetite. Her joy is rubbing off on me. I feel like a kid in a candy store.
“In any particular order or how you listed them?” I turn to ask, but I have lost her attention. Her eyes are straight ahead, looking towards the Ferris wheel. It is super huge and goes up pretty high. “Maybe we should do the Ferris wheel first,” I tell her.
“Nix, am I such a dork for acting like this? Tell me the truth. I have never been to a carnival since I spent all my time studying to get a scholarship. I feel so old sometimes, but times like these I feel like a kid. So don’t lie,” she says, still worrying. As if I would think any less of her for enjoying something as simple as a carnival ride.
“No, Livi, I told you it’s cute and hot at the same time. Seeing the excitement and wonder on your face for something so simple makes me wonder what your face would look like when I give you your first orgasm with my hands.” And cue the blush. I can’t believe I left her speechless. I pulled her towards the line and we get on the ride. She still doesn’t said anything until we get to the top and she sees the view.
Guarded Hearts Page 6