Guarded Hearts

by L. A. Corvill

  “Beautiful,” she whispers.

  “Yes, unbelievably so,” I respond, looking at her and not the endless ocean in front of us.

  We get off the ride and we head to the games, where I spend forty dollars for a stuffed Hello Kitty doll, because Olivia couldn’t leave the pier without it. Girls. We proceed to the food, which surprisingly, she did eat everything from her list and shares a bit with me. Well, I stole a few bites. We laugh so much. The last time I had this much fun was when Sky and I came here when we were about fourteen. I start to feel guilty about him not being able to experience this again or go on a date with a girl as beautiful and fun as Olivia. We start walking towards the end of the pier to see the fireworks display.

  “Is everything okay, Nix? You’ve been quiet these past couple of minutes. You are not bored, are you?”

  “No, sorry, I just got a little tired. I’m okay now. Let’s see the grand finale to the best date ever,” I say smiling. I really didn’t want to ruin this for her, especially after what happened at the coffee house the other day.

  “I am having a great time, Nix. I will always treasure this day,” she says brightly. I pull her into a hug and turn her around to face the ocean. I give her small pecks on her neck as she looks up at the sky to see the rain of colors. The look on her face is something I will always remember about this date; to see the wonder and excitement reflect on her beautiful face makes me believe in living again, feeling again, and being able to appreciate everything in life again.

  I lean in to place kiss on her neck and I can feel her melt into my body. Yes, this girl is definitely going to drive me insane. I turn her around again to face me, so that I can kiss her under the fireworks. I feel her hands going around my neck and I deepen the kiss. She whimpers and I sneak my tongue into the warmth of her mouth. She tastes like candy apple. My new favorite things, aside from her scent of vanilla and peony. I growl into her mouth as she stands on her tip toes to get closer to me. We pull apart as the last of the fireworks go up into the sky and I lean my head towards her forehead as we continue to stand there in each other’s arms. I am just breathing in her essence. One of the happiest moments of my life, and I hope it is hers too.

  I pull away to start walking back to the car. She looks tired as I open the door for her and help her slide in with her new Hello Kitty. I start up the car to make our way back home. As soon I hit the highway Olivia knocks out. She looks sweet as she sleeps. I want this girl in my life. I will do anything to keep her, even if I have to break certain promises I made to myself. She is worth it.

  I pull up to her driveway and I shake her slowly. I get out of the car and go around and open her door. “Olivia, baby, you are home,” I whisper, trying to wake her without scaring her.

  “Aren’t we sure of ourselves, calling me baby after our first date,” she says sleepily. Her eyes have this glow in them as she starts to adjust to the light inside the car. Then she stretches and I grow hard. The way she is moving her body, she looks like a sexy kitten.

  Stop those thoughts, pervert.

  “Funny. Actually, yes, I feel like I did show you a great time, so maybe you should let this term of endearment slide since you also fell asleep and made me drive an hour in complete silence,” I say, smiling back at her.

  “Fine, but don’t make it a habit. Once again I had a fabulous time today, Nix. See you tomorrow in class.”

  I walk her to her door and hand Kitty back to her. She takes it in her arms and hugs it to her body. I wish that was me, because I would be the one heading to bed with her.

  “No, thank you for letting me have a do-over date. I had I great time, and I want to continue to do this with you. I really like you, Olivia. I hope you like me back, because I want us to be a couple.”

  The ball is in her court now.

  “Nix, are you asking me to go steady with you?” She smiles.

  “I guess I am. Do you want to?” I know I’m so lame; we are not in fucking high school, but it’s fun to pretend.

  “Well, I don’t want to come off as easy, so let me think about it?”

  “Sure, just let me know.”

  I go in for one last kiss for the road. And she melts into me again. I can feel all of her heat. I wait for her to go inside and I walk to my car with a stupid grin on my face. I take off. I have to go to sleep since class is at eight am tomorrow morning, but I know I will have no trouble going to class, because Olivia will be there.

  Halloween is the time of year that marks the beginning of the holiday season. The color palette of fall is all around, reminding me that Thanksgiving is soon approaching. For our college community, Halloween is a big social event that is hosted by S.O.S., something everyone at school looks forward to. We help by contributing to our community, since every attendee either has to donate some canned goods or give ten dollars that goes to the less fortunate for their Thanksgiving feast. It’s also when everyone is able to put aside all things and disguise themselves to be whoever or whatever they wish to be. Even adults love bringing out their inner child and some girls their inner slut. Regardless of how much fun it’s supposed to be, the pressure is on to host an awesome party. I’ve heard rumors of former parties and I wonder if I can even pull it off.

  Thinking about Nix makes me feel nervous about school. I’ll be seeing him in class, and I know exactly what I want. I want him. It’s now or never. If I wait I might not ever have this again. These emotions I have been feeling are real and mutual. As much as I want to guard myself from getting hurt, I might end up hurting myself if I don’t give us a chance.

  I wait outside class for him. I see him approaching, looking so sexy. He looks at me curiously.

  “What are you doing out here?” he asks, approaching me slowly.

  Before he has a chance to say anything or make a move, I slam my lips against his. I know I catch him off guard. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me back. I place my hands on the sides of his face and look at him. I stand on my tip toes to lean in towards his ear.

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  Placing another kiss on his lips, I feel him hold me tighter, and our kiss intensifies. I don’t care that we’re outside of class or that people might be watching. All I care about is him knowing how much I want him. Our kiss seems to last forever. I feel my body wanting more of his touch. I want to be closer, I want to feel his warmth, and I press myself into him as I suck on his lower lip, and give him a gentle kiss on the side of his mouth. I hear a cough behind us, and I step back slightly while our breathing slowly starts to fade back to normal. Our faces are still inches apart, looking into each other’s eyes, feeling our connection become stronger, and then he breaks it as his gaze shifts over my shoulder to look behind me and smiles.

  “Move it along, love birds,” Mandy says, walking into class. I smile, looking at Nix. He grabs hold of my hand and we walk into class together.

  There are a couple of minutes before class starts as we head over to our seats. As soon as I take mine I feel my body jerk as Nix slides my desk over next to him.

  “Hey, baby,” he says in a low, seductive voice.

  “Hey, you,” I say back, smiling, feeling all the butterflies in my stomach. I’m not sure how to feel about this, if this is too immature, but I like that it makes me feel wanted.

  “I need you closer,” he whispers in my ear, placing a kiss on my cheek. I close my eyes as I feel the warmth of his breath on my skin, making my heart rate increase. Hijo de su madre, how he does that to me. Feeling someone’s intense glare I open my eyes and see Brett’s hooded eyes staring at me. He stomps past me, taking a seat towards the back of the class. I can’t deal with him. I’m not even going to worry and let him ruin this moment for me. He needs to grow up and get over it.

  We rush out of class the minute it’s over, heading towards the commons to grab some much needed coffee. It’s my second dose of the morning, but I already feel like I’m struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

  I also need to ask Ni
x to be my date, because now that I have a boyfriend I don’t have to worry about finding a date.

  “Nix?” I ask, looking at him while I sip on my coffee.

  “Yeah, baby?” he responds, looking at me with those gorgeous eyes.

  “I’m hosting the Halloween mixer this year, and I would really love if you’d be my date,” I say to him, still sipping on my coffee, and preparing myself in case he decides to decline. I know how much he hates these types of social events, and I will not push him to step out of his comfort zone just for some stupid party. My relationship is more important, and I’d rather go solo than to put him in a situation that he feels uncomfortable.

  “Of course I’ll be there. I’m not going to let my hot girl go solo to the most anticipated party of the season.” He looks at my body up and down. I feel a blush coming on because of his hot gaze. We finish our coffees and he walks me to my next class of the day.

  The rest of the day passes in blur, and I am in a caffeine infused cloud nine. Este nino me trae loca.

  The Halloween night is finally here. It has been exhausting juggling school, party planning, and my boyfriend, but it will all pay off. I know the party will be up to par with everyone’s expectations and it will be another great party by S.O.S.

  I’m in my room, listening to music. Nix has me listening to EDM, electronic dance music, and I’m actually enjoying it. I hear “Now or Never” by Tritonal come on, and it makes me realize that I would rather have this now tonight than to never have this at all. I want Nix to know the truth about me. I’m willing to open myself up to make this relationship work. I have to learn to trust him. Without trust there’s nothing. I hope he will understand the length I am going to just give myself to him.

  Looking in the mirror, I do a once over, making sure my ass isn’t hanging out of my outfit. Kylie was in charge of making sure all of the S.O.S. sisters had their matching cat costumes. I should’ve known they were going to be provocative. Nothing is ever subtle and conservative where she is involved.

  I turn around and notice my ass looks huge in my costume. I feel a bit insecure about it. I’m a cat, I know the costume requires little fabric, but I was expecting something different. It’s partly my fault for waiting to try it on since I made no time for it. It’s a black satin corset like leotard that rides high on my thighs, trimmed with iridescent sequins on the bust in a sweetheart neckline that pushes up my bust so far up that it hurts to breathe. The collar is black leather with iridescent studs to match the sequins on the bodice, with an inscribed S.O.S. on the hanging heart shaped tag. I’m wearing fishnets panty hose with black high heels. I feel like a playboy bunny in a cat costume.

  I really need Mandy here to help calm my nerves and reassure me that I look okay in this costume. I had already sent her a text but got no response. The party will be starting and I need to set up. I start making my way down when my phone chimes.

  Mandy: Sorry I’m running late :(

  Olivia: ugh…

  Mandy: I’ll be there as soon as I can

  Running downstairs to make sure everything is set up I forget my cat ears. I throw off my heels to run back upstairs in search of my head band. Spotting it, I slip it on and feel my curls hang around my shoulders. I head back downstairs to finish setting up. People should be arriving soon, and I want everything to be perfect.

  I greet the guests at the door and send them in, but the one person I’m waiting for is still a no show. I’m feeling a bit anxious tonight. I can’t wait for him to get here, and at the same time I’m worried that he’s changed his mind about coming.

  Hearing the music come on, I can feel the bass through my body. I decide why not, the host should look like she’s having some fun. So I head out to the dance floor. Moving my body to the music, I can feel the bodies around me, the lights changing colors. All I can hear is the sound of the rhythm and I can feel the beat running through me as my body sways to it. Suddenly I feel hands on my hips. I don’t have to turn around to know who it is. He came. We continue to dance for a few seconds longer until he turns me around. He leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips.

  “Hey, sexy kitty,” he whispers in my ear. He takes ahold of my hand and leads me towards a dark secluded corner. He kisses me again, but this time the kiss isn’t soft and sweet, it’s passionate and seductive. His tongue invades my mouth, and his hands are firmly exploring my body while he pulls me closer. I can feel the warmth of his breath.

  He kisses my neck and begins to trail kisses down towards my chest. I throw my head back towards the wall and close my eyes. His kisses feel so good; the warmth of his breath on my skin, the softness of his lips leaves me wanting more. His hands slowly move up to my breasts, and he pulls down my top, placing my nipple in his mouth. He bites me just hard enough to cause me pain, but it’s a good pain. It makes me ache between my thighs. My breathing increases as he presses himself further into me. I can feel his hardness on my thigh, but I can’t move to touch him. My arms are thrown limply over his shoulders and I’m panting as my body craves more. The pulsing between my legs is becoming unbearable, but as he touches me, it slightly eases the ache. Me estoy volviendo loca con este hombre.

  “Baby, you don’t know how bad I want you,” he breathes into my ear, sending chills down my spine. A moan escapes from my mouth.

  “Nix, please don’t stop, it feels so good,” I beg.

  “We must stop, we can’t do this here. I just couldn’t resist you,” he says as he starts to pull away from me, kissing me softly this time. I can only nod in agreement. I adjust my costume and hair. We make our way back towards the crowd and I greet and thank people for coming.

  As I stand there, I still feel the warmth of his kisses lingering on my lips. I run my finger along my lower lip and realize this could’ve gone much further. I have to tell Nix the truth about myself before he expects more from me. That’s if I can stop myself before it happens.

  I see him returning with a red cup and I’m guessing it’s my drink. I still haven’t even told him I actually don’t drink. “What do you have there?” I ask, knowing now is a good of a time as any to explain things to him.

  “It’s the witches brew. Sorry, baby, there’s no Po!son Apple here,” he says jokingly, handing me the cup. I take the cup and notice his bottle of water.

  “I would much rather have that,” I say, pointing to his bottled water. He looks at it with a confused look and hands it over, but doesn’t ask any questions.

  “Nix, go outside with me?” It is hard to explain things inside with all the people and loud music. I need to do this outside where he can hear me and no one else can; I still have a reputation to uphold.

  “Baby, you okay?” he asks, concerned.

  “Yes, I just want to tell you something. I think you should know something about me.”

  “Okay,” he says with worry in his eyes.

  “It’s nothing bad. In fact, you’ll probably love it. It’s just that no one knows, so please promise not to say anything to anyone about it. I have a reputation to uphold as S.O.S. President, and being a popular girl, I just don’t think this would fit right if people knew the truth.”

  “Okay, promise.”

  “I don’t drink.”

  “What?” he asks, confused. “I don’t get it, I always see you drinking at the club. And what about that night I took you home from the fraternity house? You were drinking, I saw you,” he accuses.

  “I know. I let people assume I’m drinking, but I’m not. At the club, when I order a drink, Mandy knows to hold the alcohol. She makes them virgins for me. When I’m at a party and someone gives me a drink, I’ll hold on to that same drink all night and pretend to sip it, and then when I get a chance I throw it out, but I never drink it.”

  “Why?”

  “Drinking impairs your judgment, and too many things can go wrong. I have seen people I love do stupid things when they’re drunk, and I’m sure they have their regrets once the alcohol is out of their system. I just don’t
want to be that person who wakes up regretting everyday of their life.” I am talking about my mother. I just wasn’t ready to share that part of my life with him yet.

  “Why didn’t Mandy ever say anything?”

  “Say what?” Mandy says, walking up to us. She’s unrecognizable in her cat costume.

  “I was just saying, that you never mentioned that Olivia doesn’t drink.”

  “Well, it’s not my story to tell. I didn’t think it was any of your business what my friends does or doesn’t do. Besides, I knew she would tell you when she was ready. I’m heading back inside to enjoy this party. I just came out to let you know I was here already. See you two love birds later.” We both watch her walk back inside to the party. He slowly turns to me, he looks gorgeous tonight.

  “I’m sorry,” he says looking right into my eyes.

  “For what? You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “For walking out on you at Blends.”

  “That was partially my fault. I was trying to pretend to be someone I thought you wanted me to be.”

  “Livi, I like you for who you are. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.”

  “Once again you’re forgiven,” I joke, giving him a kiss on his cheek. “Now let’s go inside. It’s getting cold out here.”

  We head back inside. Everyone is dancing and having a good time. I feel a sense of relief that the party is going as planned. The night seems to be going by in a blur and is starting to wind down when I hear a commotion coming from the bathroom. It sounds like Mandy yelling, but it’s muffled. My heart skips a beat, because I know that she would never yell unless she was in trouble. I head towards the sound and begin pounding on the door, yelling for Mandy. Nix is right behind me, and I hear him yelling over me when he suddenly pushes through the door. I see Mandy up on the bathroom sink, with Tom between her legs, the top of her costume is pulled down towards her waist Mandy is trying to push him away, but Nix lunges at Tom, pulling off him of Mandy.