I know the reason why she has to leave, but what Nix just said is a good reason enough to stay. I know she needs her mom right now, I know that she can’t afford a round trip, but if Nix and I pay for her flight she’ll at least have a choice.
“Mandy, let us pay your flight.” Mandy jerks her head up to look at me.
“No!” she exclaims quickly.
“Yes,” Nix states.
“Please, Mandy, let us help you,” I beg her.
“Okay.” I know she only agreed to it for me. It will make me feel better knowing there is a possibility she might return.
Mandy has been taking shelter in Sky’s room, but the room is bare, with only a bed, a dresser, and a lamp decorating it. If Mandy returns I would like to make this look more like a home for her. I see her sit on the bed, and she looks gauntly and fragile. I hope time with her mother will heal her.
“If you decide not to return I can have the rest of your belongings shipped to you,” I say.
I sit next to her and she holds my hand. “Thank you, I wish I could make a decision right now, but I can’t. I need time to know what I am going to do. I don’t know if I could face coming back,” she says wearily.
“I know. Get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” I give her a smile so that she knows I’m okay with whatever decisions she makes. I turn off her light and shut her door.
I walk into the bedroom and find Nix on the bed. I rush to him, tears filling my eyes. He embraces me. I lean in, and quiet sobs escape me. He doesn’t say a word to me; he knows why I’m hurting. I love that he just lets me be. He gently strokes my back, and lies me down next to him. My head is against his chest and I can hear his heartbeat. I close my eyes and I can hear it magnify and resonate from his chest; it is the most soothing sound. I just found my new therapy. Now that I have him I don’t need hot showers to help deal with my pain.
She lies still next to me, and I can smell her sweet scent emitting from her skin as I breathe her in. I can’t imagine not being here next to her. She owns my heart. It feels like yesterday when my world came crashing down. I can feel the ache in my chest when thinking back to the days when she was absent in them. All that we have endured has only made me realize how much I love this woman.
“I love you,” I whisper to her. I want to tell her that every day when she wakes up, and every night before she goes to sleep. I want her to always remember, even when she’s mad, sad, or feels like she hates me. I never want her to forget those three words. I see her eyes open, and she places a kiss on my lips.
“I love you.” Those three words make my heart skip a beat. She doesn’t say too at the end of that, she doesn’t say it in response to my words; she just says to me, and it fucking sends me to heaven.
Even though the destruction that threatened our relationship was a sinister plan brought on by a selfish, heartless bitch, it left us both questioning our trust, and restoring what we once had isn’t going to come easy. Mentally I had betrayed her by the images that were sketched in her mind that morning, and there are times when I feel like it’s true. It left us with dealing with something that never really took place. It is psychological. I know that with time it will dissipate, and getting through this will come with its rewards. She doesn’t expect perfection from me; doesn’t expect chocolates and flowers. All she expects is my love for her, and it makes me love her that much more.
Our hearts were once guarded, now we both have let down our guards. Our hearts may be vulnerable, but I’d rather feel something than not feel at all. How can one measure love? What is love? Love is a feeling that is unexplainable, love is ugly, love is beautiful, love is pain, and love is us.
Love doesn’t give you a warning. It doesn’t send you an email or notification that it is coming for you. It doesn’t care that you have made different plans for your life. And it definitely doesn’t give a fuck that you might have guarded your heart to it, because when it reaches you it consumes you, it destroys all barriers to reach you. In a blink of an eye it takes over your dreams and changes everything around you. It’s like a rainbow after a storm bringing your grey life into color. I am happy that it caught me in its web. That it made me realize what I was missing by just letting life pass me by in the shadows. It made me fall hard for a girl that, unlike me, had never had love in her life before. She taught me to live without guilt and I taught her how to love unguarded. We are each other’s anchor in this world. Where love and death came unexpectedly. We are home in each other’s arms.
Cielo Dee Jackson
Born: June 25, 2014
Weight: 7lb 6oz
Height: 14 inches
I always thought that family was in blood only, but two people showed me that family was not about DNA, it was in the love of the heart. All the people you come to love in your life become your family. So I am grateful for the family I have right now. I might have a small one, but for me it is not about the quantity, it is the quality. So this little girl that is warming my body and brought our little family together once again is one of best things in my life. I fell in love with a boy that not only showed me love, but showed me how to love without limits. Words will never express the love I feel in my heart, the heart that I kept guarded all those years ago when I was growing up. The heart that started beating when it recognized its mirrored beat in Nix. Love, death, happiness and sadness are all emotions that we came to know very well. So, as we start our life together with our pedazcito de cielo we will enjoy every day like it is our last. I will always love him endlessly.
Wake Me Up- Avicii
Concrete Angel- Gareth Emery
Animals- Martin Garrix
Now or Never- Tritonal
Still with Me- Tritonal
Dark Horse- Katy Perry
Talk Dirrty- Jason Derulo
All Of Me- John Legend ft. Tiesto
Last Chance- Kaskade & Project 46
Young & Beautiful- Lana Del Rey (Kaskade Remix)
Hurt- Johnny Cash
All shook up- Avila
Say Something- A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera
Thanks to both our families for supporting us and believing in us. And not making us feel like this was a silly dream.
A huge thank you to Ivette—Thank you for putting up with all our crazy talk.
To Becky, Michelle- For being a part of our Book Club.
KMS Editing- Thank you for working with us and helping us get to the end. Even if we started on the wrong foot.
Emliy From E.M. Tippetts Book Designs- For our fabulous cover and formatting, and patience with the 1001 pictures we kept changing our minds.
Lee Bee- Thank you for proofreading our baby.
Idalia- Thank you for being the best sister ever, and doing my swag. When they were just a bunch of beads and ribbon.
Just The Stories –Jenni –Huge Thanks for all your Support and being one of our BETAs
Thanks you to the following blogs for Helping us with our cover Reveal:
Cecily's Book Review, Naughty Moms' Story Time, Books, Photos & a little bit of everything else, Sue cover reveals & book promotions, Lit Junkies Book Blog, Perusing Princesses Book Blog & K & H Book Blog
Lastly but the best: Molly (aka Aimee’s Mom) For all the popcorn you made for us when we had endless editing to get through.
This ebook was designed and formatted by
www.emtippettsbookdesigns.com
Artisan ebooks for discerning authors and publishers.
Copyright L.A. Corvill 2014
All rights reserved
Cover design by E.M. Tippetts
Table of Contents
Title Page
Dedication
Prologue
1 - Past
2 - Departure
3 - So It Begins
4 - Homecoming
5 - The Night’s D.D.
6 - Rekindle
7 - First Date
8 - Club Po!son
9 - Nightmares
10 - Myrtle
Beach
11 - Carnival
12 - Black Cat Mixer
13 - Is this Love?
14 - Into You
15 - Gala
16 - Shattered
17 - Empty
18 - Hurt
19 - Wait, What?
20 - Solace
21 - Awake
22 - Restore
Epilogue
Playlist
Acknowledgements
About the Book Designer
Copyright Notice
Guarded Hearts Page 18