Shadow Games

by Doug Welch

  Part of the trail wound through old woodlands, small streams, and views of the lake, and parts ran along the highway, camping grounds, and parking areas. Although it was peaceful in the woods, the common areas abounded with campers and picnickers.

  Our destination lay along a particular part of the path, one we knew well.

  As we walked, we met other hikers along the way, who nodded politely as we passed.

  We continued onward, toward the wilder parts of the route.

  After a while, the path ascended a high ridge and became more difficult. Only the more energetic hikers walked this part, most stopped at one of the campgrounds or picnic areas.

  Along a well-remembered spot, we stopped.

  “Do you see anyone?” I asked.

  “No.”

  We left the trail, and headed through the woods, toward the lake.

  I remembered when we’d found the spot we always referred to as our 'secret place'.

  Years ago, as preadolescents, walking this path, we came upon a sight that, even as adults, still seemed magic. But as impressionable children, we stood transfixed, at the sight of a doe and her two baby fawns, standing in the path, munching on the foliage that bordered it.

  The deer seemed totally unafraid. We stood and watched as the beautiful animals consumed the vegetation along the trail.

  After a while the doe gave what appeared to be a contemptuous toss of her head as though to dismiss us as any threat, and ambled from the path toward the lake, her two fawns following along behind.

  It was against park rules to leave the trail, but as children, right and wrong possessed blurred edges, so we followed through the woods.

  This day, to gain the tranquility I sought, I would gladly pay the fine.

  Alex and I were dressed in jeans and full-sleeved tops. I had on a blue chambray shirt, and Alex wore a green, long-sleeved, pullover.

  Our choice of clothing was no accident, the Kentucky woods were populated with poison ivy and oak, and experience had taught us the wisdom of full clothing.

  We moved through the forest, skirting the occasional patch of the noxious weeds, as light-footed as ancient, primitive hunters, careful to leave no evidence of our progress.

  Soon, we came to a seemingly impassable line of trees. Young saplings grew alongside old giants so thickly that it appeared there were no gaps.

  We knew this to be an illusion. We skirted the trees and moved toward the lake we could see gleaming through the spaces between the trees. At the point at which it seemed impossible to go further, a granite slab appeared upon the forest floor and a space beckoned. Nothing grew upon the slab.

  We passed over the slab, and entered our refuge.

  Several acts of nature had created the place. Sometime, in the geological past, a section of the granite cliff had given way. It had fallen in successive layers, to create a stair-like pattern. The section of the cliff that moved was in a semicircle, so that the stairs had become like seats.

  We looked at the equivalent of the ruins of a Greek amphitheater, with the stage area showing a spectacular view of a large expanse of the lake. Opposite the entrance to the clearing, a spring ran from the face of the cliff and fell into a granite bowl. I knew from prior experience, the water would be cool, crystal-clear, and delicious.

  We slipped off our backpacks and set them on one of the layers. Later, we would eat our lunch, but first, we simply gazed at the lake.

  When we first discovered the retreat, the deer had led us. After emerging into the clearing, the deer waited for us with her fawns close by her side. She gazed expectantly at us, as though wanting us to comment upon her domain. When we remained speechless, staring in open mouth awe, she had given a toss of her head as though contemptuous of stupid humans, and disappeared with her family.

  We never saw her again. Now, as far as we knew, we were the only two people who knew of the clearing.

  “You were right, Paris, I feel peace. I love this place.”

  I looked around. “I know what you mean. I was just thinking of the first time we discovered it. It was so–“

  “Magical?” Alex ventured.

  I nodded. “Yeah – magical.”

  “Somehow problems seem to diminish here.”

  I felt my smile leave. “Yes. Unfortunately, they don’t go away.”

  Alex bit her lip. “No, they don’t.”

  “I’m sorry I said that. Let’s just enjoy the silence and the view.”

  We sat quiet for a while, each lost in our own thoughts.

  In the amphitheater, everything felt hushed and still, the crystal music of the spring was the only exception. We couldn’t hear the sounds made by the occasional hiker passing by; we wouldn’t be interrupted by demands upon our time. We’d left the world behind.

  I rose to quench my thirst at the spring. The cold, clear water collected into the bowl before cascading down to the lake. The water tasted just as good as I’d remembered it.

  I walked back and sat beside Alex. As I turned around to reach for my backpack, I heard the murmur of voices coming from the entrance to the clearing. I looked at the gap between the trees.

  Into the clearing stepped a man and a woman.

  Shocked and a little dismayed, I thought, how could anyone trespass upon our private sanctuary?

  But the woman fixed my attention. Small, small in every aspect. Each part of her body in perfect proportion. She looked as though a master artisan had created a perfect doll. Her pure black hair gleamed with blue highlights. It lay incredibly thick, curling around her lovely face and cascading in ebony waves down her back. It framed a face that could only be described as glorious. She had perfectly arched eyebrows, almond shaped eyes, which at this time were open wide in surprise, and a generous mouth that had to be the most kissable mouth I’d ever seen. If she wore makeup, it was the most artful job I’d ever witnessed. She stared at me with eyes that were a deep amethyst. I stood mesmerized, trapped as a deer caught in headlights. We stared, all four of us, gazing at each other. We were all speechless. Finally, the woman broke the silence.

  “I’m sorry, are we intruding?” Her voice was a warm contralto.

  I finally closed my mouth, and hastily said, “no, no, not at all. We were just looking at the view. I was a little surprised. That’s all.” It sounded weak, but I would say anything to keep her with us.

  “We thought that we were the only people who knew about this place,” Alex said, staring at the woman's companion.

  “As did we,” the woman replied.

  “This place has lots of room, please join us,” I said, but in my thoughts I begged; please, please don‘t leave.

  The man didn’t hesitate. He spoke in a rich baritone voice, “These two look like nice people, Beth. I think we should stay and become acquainted.”

  His dark eyes glittered as he looked at Alex. He had an accent that sounded like he had spent some time in England. The man had dark hair, nearly coal black. He looked like he might have Middle Eastern ancestry. He had those dark-eyed, handsome features that one might expect on a movie actor.

  He was tall and muscular, much taller than the woman. It made me a little nervous. I glanced at Alex. She positively beamed at him.

  I turned to look at the woman, and then my hesitation evaporated.

  “I think that’s an excellent idea,” I said. “Please sit, rest, – have something to eat.”

  The man walked over to Alex, shrugged off his backpack, and sat beside her.

  His casual attitude irritated me; what was he trying to do, monopolize every beautiful woman here?

  I indicated to the woman that she could sit at the spot I had cleared previously, and I sat beside her, giving her some room between us.

  We sat in silence for a while. I glanced over at her as she stared at the lake.

  “They seem to be hitting it off well,” I said.

  “What?” She seemed distracted by some thought.

  “I mean your friend. He s
eems to be very talkative.”

  “My friend? Oh. He’s not – I mean – I suppose I could say that he’s my friend, but, that would not be quite accurate. He’s my best friend. He’s my brother. Your friend seems quite interested in him.”

  I laughed. I felt a huge feeling of relief and joy. She wasn’t a date. She wasn’t his. Was she married?

  I swallowed the words I wanted to say, and instead, replied, “I hate to sound like a parrot, but that‘s my best friend. She’s my twin sister.”

  Her beautiful violet eyes widened. “Your sister is very pretty. I should have known. She looks remarkably like you.”

  “She’s not the only pretty woman here ...” I said, fascinated by her.

  Then I controlled myself, and remembering my manners, I said politely, and a little formally, “uh – My name is Fox. Paris Fox. The pretty, overzealous girl over there, fawning on your brother, is my twin sister, Alexandra.”

  “Alexandra, that’s an interesting name. My name is Elizabeth, Elizabeth Rowan. The oaf over there, monopolizing your sister, is my brother, Caesar.”

  “Glad to meet you, Elizabeth.”

  “Likewise, Paris.”

  We sat for a while in silence.

  “How do you know about this place?”

  “It’s a strange story.”

  “I've got time to listen.” I waited for her to proceed.

  “It happened when we were much younger, several years ago, when we were walking on the trail.

  “Suddenly, a deer crashed out of the brush. It was apparent from the size of her abdomen that she was very heavily pregnant. She just stood and stared at us with those big round eyes. We were children and we knew that you weren’t supposed to leave the trail, but the doe seemed so friendly. We were fascinated. She moved back into the forest, and we followed her. She led us to this clearing. It was one of the most magical things I have ever experienced.

  “We’ve been coming here ever since that moment. I thought that we were the only people in the world who knew of its existence. It seems that I was wrong.” She looked at me as though waiting for a reply.

  I couldn’t reply. A chill started from the base of my spine, and rippled to the top of my head. I thought, this cannot be a coincidence. The warmth of the feeling was a rush unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It was all I could do to regain control of my mouth.

  “That is a strange story, but what I am about to tell you is even stranger.” I related the events that led Alex and I to this clearing.

  It was Elizabeth’s turn to look shocked. “What an incredible coincidence.”

  “Coincidence? Elizabeth, I’m an engineer. I know statistics. If you roll seven fourteen times in a row, it’s not a coincidence; the dice are loaded. I hate to sound a little like an occultist, but maybe it’s some freak of nature. – Some force that wanted us to be here. – To be here at this moment. – To meet, and to learn about each other.”

  She smiled, looking at me. “It is occultist, – but also a little romantic.”

  That look caused my heart to step into overdrive, so I looked for something to distract me. I glanced over at Alex and Caesar, who were both in animated conversation.

  I cleared my throat. “Doesn’t it seem to you like they’re being very friendly?”

  Her eyes grew wide. “It makes you nervous, too?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Maybe we should invite them to join us.”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  We called over to the two of them. Alex rushed over and sat beside Elizabeth, while Caesar rose easily and smiled at me as he ambled over to sit beside Alex.

  “Paris, Caesar was just telling me how he found the clearing. It’s so weird.”

  “Yes, we were discussing it.”

  Alex looked about to burst with excitement. “Don’t you guys feel it? It’s as if we were all meant to be here. We were all meant to meet each other. I feel it. It gives me chills. Don‘t you think it’s wonderful?”

  I kept my thoughts controlled. I realized that I could start babbling like Alex if I let myself go. I had to admit to myself, that it felt good, as though some glow surrounded the four of us. It could just be wishful thinking.

  We didn’t know who these people were, and I imagined they were thinking the same thoughts about us. However, something felt right, something fundamentally clean about the four of us together in the clearing, at this time. I just hoped that the others would feel the way I did.

  I looked at Caesar. His gaze was frozen on Alexandra. He watched every move she made, as though fascinated. It was annoying, but I ignored it. I looked at Elizabeth, and forgot everyone and everything else. “Yes, it does feel right. It’s weird, but it feels right.”

  We sat for a while gazing at the lake.

  Elizabeth broke the quiet and looked at me. “You said your name is Fox.”

  I nodded, curious as to why she asked. “Yes.”

  “We had a local Jamestown couple at the hospital recently who were in a traffic accident. They were named Fox, are you related to them?”

  I felt my eyes prickle. “Yes, at least I was, they were my parents.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  I swallowed. “That’s Okay. I mean – I’ve got to learn to talk about it, without...”

  She placed her hand on my arm. Her touch tingled. “I understand.”

  I didn’t want her to remove it. “You said you were at the hospital. Do you work there?”

  Elizabeth placed her elbows on her knees and cradled her cheeks in her hands. “I’m a doctor – MD. I specialize in emergency medicine.”

  “I’m an engineer. I work for a company in Cincinnati, but I live in Covington.”

  “You’re a long way from home.”

  “I’m on bereavement leave until I can get my parents’ affairs settled, and then I’ve got to move Alexandra to my apartment. She is going to attend the University of Cincinnati for her MBA. We’re staying at my parents’ farm. It’s outside Jamestown. Do you live around here?”

  She nodded. “My brother and I live with our father several miles from Jamestown.”

  “Just your father?” I asked.

  “Yes, our mother passed away,” she replied.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  Elizabeth shrugged. “It was a long time ago. The pain becomes manageable after time, as it will for you.”

  “Thank you, that’s good to know. – How long have you lived in Jamestown?” I asked.

  Elizabeth turned her gaze back to the lake. “Since our mother died. Our father emigrated from England when we were young. He possesses extensive knowledge of Europe and the Middle-East, so he was employed by the State Department as a consultant in foreign affairs. He traveled widely and took us with him when he could, but mainly we stayed in Kentucky. We had live-in tutors who cared for us at home when he traveled.”

  I kept my eyes focused on her. “That explains why I didn’t know about you from school. We – Alex and I, both attended public schools in Jamestown. We grew up here.”

  She redirected her gaze back to me and sat up. “So did we, but father believed in home schooling. I think it was his English background. He was very distrustful of public schools. He’s still living here, retired. In fact, both Caesar and I live with him. We’re taking care of him. That is, Caesar is mainly taking care of him. I have a very full schedule at the hospital. I frequently stay at a bed and breakfast in Russell Springs. He’s very frail. Uh– our father that is.”

  I winced when I considered my next question. “I really don’t know how to say this, without sounding like a total jerk, so I’ll just say it. Your brother doesn’t look anything like you, so how...”

  “We’re both adopted. Mother was unable to have children. The story of how we were adopted is interesting. Maybe later, when we have some time, lots of time, I‘ll tell you.”

  My mind seized upon her words. Later, meant that I could see her again. Lots of time, implied an extended conversation. The feeli
ng was wonderful.

  She resumed. “Maybe I shouldn’t open wounds, but when your parents were brought to the hospital, I was the emergency doctor on call, and I treated them. Would you like to know the circumstances of their passing? I can understand if you don’t want to know, but I think you should have the opportunity.”

  I looked at Alex, who’d been listening. She nodded. “Please. Please tell us.”

  Elizabeth pressed the fingertips of both hands above the bridge of her nose and rubbed. Then she dropped her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. “When they were brought in –I mean, in the ambulance, I performed triage on the two of them. Your father’s injuries were too extensive. It was obvious he would not survive, so I made him as comfortable as possible and turned to your mother. There was a chance I could save her, so I began emergency treatment. She seemed to have a strong will to live, and I had hope.

  “Usually, I try to keep emotion divorced from my job, but in this case, I was determined to save this patient. I don’t know why. I worked furiously, as fast as I could and she was responding, but then your father passed, and at that instant, I felt her will leave.

  “She was still unconscious, but she smiled, and then she died. I tried, I tried hard, but there was nothing I could do. The experience was traumatic.

  “I’ve lost patients before, but somehow this was different. It affected me for the week afterward. It was Caesar, who suggested that we take a hike to our secret place, only to find you here. As soon as I met you, both of you, I felt at peace.” Her face held a look of wonder.

  There was total silence. Tears were running down both my cheeks and Alexandra’s. My heart thundered. I wanted to take this precious woman in my arms and engulf her. Instead, I cleared my throat and said, “Thank you. Thank you more than you could ever believe.”

  “Yes, thank you, Elizabeth. That means a lot to us,” Alex said. “You’re an incredibly caring woman.”

  That should have been my line, I thought. I want to call her courageous, caring, and beautiful. I want to find an English dictionary and list the words I could say to her, but I couldn’t without frightening her, so I kept my silence. With enormous effort, I controlled myself.

  It was then I realized the truth. My emotions were on hyper drive. Although I struggled to control it, a commanding part of by mind shouted you’ll never experience anything like this again in a lifetime, take advantage of it. Another part whimpered, you know this is irrational, don’t you? Don’t be foolish.

  Yes, it was wrong, it didn’t make sense, but I was hopelessly, desperately, and irrevocably in love with this woman. Don't let her get away, you idiot, my brain protested. It was nuts. Love at first sight was bullshit. There wasn’t any such thing. So how could I feel this way?

  But looking at that lovely, wondrous face, I realized that I was looking at the person who could shape and complete my life. It wasn't a knowing as much as a feeling. The emptiness I’d felt had vanished, replaced by longing.

  The rush was glorious.

  Maybe, if I rationed out the words a little at a time, she would eventually know how much I desired her, how much I cared for her, how much I wanted her. And maybe the time would come when I would not use words, I would use lips and hands and eyes to convey the feelings that any words, no matter how fancy, could not express.

  Until that time, I knew that I would do anything to be near her.

  Caesar finally spoke. “Why don’t we leave, and continue along the trail? It’s getting late.”

  I cast the crazy, dizzy feelings from my mind. I didn’t want to break the mood in the clearing, but I realized that he was right. “Caesar’s got a point, folks. Let’s continue our conversation along the path.”

  Reluctantly, we gathered our belongings. We made sure that there was no evidence of our presence in the clearing, and then exited the way we came, each trailing behind the other in order to disguise our passage.

  We resumed our walk along the trail. I talked to Elizabeth while a vivacious Alex conversed with Caesar. I held back and let Alex and Caesar walk ahead. I resumed walking when Elizabeth reached me.

  “You’re a fascinating woman, Elizabeth. It takes a good mind to become a doctor.” There, I thought, I’d managed some of those words, including the word ‘mind’ I mentally congratulated myself. – Only about a thousand to go.

  “Call me Beth, everyone at the hospital does. Elizabeth is a mouthful.”

  “Okay, Beth, but Elizabeth’s a beautiful name.”

  “Why did your parents’ name you Paris?”

  I turned my attention to the path ahead “Our father had a doctorate in History. He’s a classicist and he picked our names from antiquity. We grew up listening to his stories. In fact, Alex has a degree in history.

  "Me, I liked to take apart things to see how they work, so I studied engineering. I served six years in the Army, and I spent some time in Iraq. I was an executive officer in an engineering company when I left the Army, and I've been working for a large construction company in Cincinnati for about a year.” I turned around and walked backwards. “How about you? You seem very young for a full-fledged doctor.”

  She laughed. “I’m older than I look, although it’s hard to say. It has to do with the circumstances of our adoption. You see, neither Caesar nor I know when we were born. Our father celebrates our birthdays together. It’s the day he found us. We don’t know much about our history, although father tried to find some clues, so we just started year one with the year he adopted us. As near as we can determine, we’re both about twenty-six years old, give or take a year.”

  “Both Alex and I are twenty-six. You mentioned there’s a story behind your adoption. Do you care to relate it?” We were coming to the end of the trail. It wound through the park, returned to the entrance, and emptied into the lot where we parked. I didn’t want our conversation to end. She was incredibly easy to talk to.

  “Perhaps another time. It’s a long story. There will be another time, won‘t there?”

  “You can count on it.” Was she kidding? An Abrams, M-1 tank couldn’t keep me away from her.

  “Do you have a car?” Please, let her say no, or make it break down or something, anything to spend some more time with her.

  “Caesar and I drove together. That’s our car over there.” She pointed to a shiny sleek Jaguar.

  I should have known, I mentally whimpered. I can’t even impress her with my Camaro. “Nice car.”

  She shrugged. “It’s fun to drive. So – until we meet again?” She extended her hand.

  I took it, and damn near couldn’t let it go. On impulse, I raised her palm to my lips, and lightly kissed it, staring into her eyes. “Soon.”

  Her eyes widened. I released her hand and it fell to her side. She blinked and shook her head, then continued to her car.

  Caesar still talked to Alex, but when he saw Elizabeth open the door, he too, headed for the Jag. He nodded to me. “Nice to have met you, Paris. It‘s been a pleasant day.”

  I looked at him and extended my hand. “You’re right. It has been a good day. Take care, Caesar. Have a safe drive home.”

  After exchanging handshakes, he opened the door, dropped his backpack in the back of the Jag, and got in the passenger seat. They waved goodbye, and the car slowly rolled out of the parking lot. Alex and I both stood there, watching them go, as the car disappeared onto the highway.

  We walked in silence to my car, put our backpacks in the trunk, and settled into the seats. I started the car, and drove back toward home.

  As I drove, my mind seethed with wild imaginings. I imagined Elizabeth and I married, years from now. I imagined how it would be to live with her. I had just imagined the type of shoes we would pick out for the baby, when Alex interrupted me.

  “Paris, we’ve got to talk.”

  “Talk? Talk about what?”

  “You know about what.”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Okay, so you’re going to make this hard. I can
live with that. But I’m going to wear you down eventually, and you know it, so why don’t we just cut past the bullshit, and have an honest conversation?”

  I winced. Alex knew me like I knew her. She’d seen how I reacted to Elizabeth, but I was in an emotional turmoil and resisted. I shrugged. “So what's up with Caesar?”

  She laughed. “Here I meet the man of my dreams, the man I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with, and my dear, precious, brother says, 'what’s up'. Paris, get serious.”

  I did not want to have this talk. I wanted to avoid it and hope that it would go away; but it was inevitable. If Alex felt the same about Caesar as I did about Elizabeth, then my sister was as well and truly committed as I was. “Okay, I give up. Lay in on me.”

  “It’s crazy, Paris. From the moment I met him, I knew. I didn’t have any doubts. There wasn’t any hesitation. – I just knew. My mind knew, and my body certainly knew, that this man, this person would be my life’s partner, my companion, my lover. How weird is that?”

  No weirder that what I felt. “We’re not in the best of emotional circumstances, Alex. We’re both vulnerable, uncertain of our futures, and fantasies about happy ever after can affect our judgment.”

  She grew quiet for a moment, and then her eyes widened. “So, you felt it too. I should have known. – The way that you were fawning over Elizabeth.”

  “I wasn’t fawning over her. I just happen to respect her. She has a good mind.”

  Alex laughed. “Ooh, good one, Brother dear. Did you use it on her?”

  “I may have mentioned it.”

  Her eyes danced. “You’re as sunk as I am. The question is how do we convince these two that they should spend the rest of their lives with us?”

  “Alexandra, you’re scheming. You don’t have to get coy with Caesar. It’s obvious he worships the ground you walk on.”

  Her eyes widened and her mouth opened. “What? How can you say that? He was a perfect gentleman, really, really old school. It was maddening. Here, I wanted to ravish him on the spot, and he gives me those serious bedroom eyes and polite conversation. It was – stimulating. But you, you – what was with the hand kissing?" she asked. "Don’t lie, I saw it. If you weren’t my brother and it had been me staring into those sexy eyes of yours when you kissed my hand, I’d have been a quivering bowl full of Jell-O.”

  I smirked. Liked that one did you? But I kept my thoughts to myself. “So, how do you think Elizabeth felt about the afternoon?”

  She stared at me a moment, and then she started laughing. “Damn. It gets better. Big Brother’s got the hots for Elizabeth. I love it!” She giggled. “We’re both, doomed, doomed, doomed!”