by A. E. Radley
“I did say that, didn’t I?”
“You did. You were so miserable with Kate that when you finally decided to make the break, you wanted to become a new person. To retake control of your life. You had big plans.”
“I did. I do. I still do,” Holly admitted. “I read those entries in my journal. My relationship was falling apart, the only stability I had was Arrival. Well, Victoria. Even though she was awful to me.”
“How has she been now?”
Holly smiled. “Wonderful. Well, moody, too. But she has been there for me through everything, dealt with everything. The guestroom, oh my god, Gideon, I never want to leave. It’s like heaven. She’s thought of everything. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it or make a big deal of it.”
“So, considering what you read in your journal and what you have seen now… what do you think?”
“That Victoria has lost her mind?”
“Maybe.” Gideon chuckled. “But let’s suppose she hasn’t. Let’s suppose she is actually being nice to you. Building a friendship. Why would she do that?”
Holly opened and closed her mouth. “No… I know what you’re thinking, but I can’t… I can’t take that risk. Maybe she’s just being nice.”
“Of course, yes, she’s well-known for her kind deeds.”
Holly stared at him. “Do you know something?”
“I know lots of things.”
“Anything relevant to my current situation?” Holly asked.
Gideon sighed. He lowered his scone to the plate and steepled his fingers. He looked at her seriously. “Holly, I would never break a confidence. I wouldn’t tell Victoria anything you told me, or even anything I suspected. Likewise, I wouldn’t tell you if Victoria had told me anything. Even if it would be ever so relevant to your current situation,” he emphasised.
Holly felt her mouth run dry. He knew something. She wanted to reach across the table and grab him by the collar and force him to spill whatever secrets he knew.
“Victoria is surprisingly nervous when it comes to matters of the heart,” Gideon continued. “In all the years I’ve known her, she’s never been comfortable with the thought of anyone loving her. The confidence, the bravado, is all fake. She is so keen to protect herself that she often pushes people away.”
Holly held her breath, silently begging Gideon to continue. Any insight she could get would be welcome.
“She also often makes assumptions,” Gideon said meaningfully.
“Assumptions?” Holly asked.
“Yes. Think of your most negative view of a situation, that’s Victoria’s default position. And with that, I should stop talking. I consider her one of my dearest friends, but I know she’d happily bus me down to the mail room if she heard me talking about her like this.”
Holly understood. Victoria seemed to be a knee-jerk reaction kind of person.
Gideon looked at his watch and sighed. “Sadly, I have to leave. But I want to see you again soon, if you’re agreeable?”
“Absolutely, you feel familiar to me, and it’s so nice to be able to talk to someone.”
They shared contact details, and Holly gave him a farewell hug. Gideon stepped into Victoria’s office to say goodbye before he left.
Holly cleared away the brunch things before returning to the guestroom to immerse herself in more journals and to process what Gideon had said. She wondered if it could be possible that Victoria had feelings for her, too. It didn’t seem likely with the foul mood Victoria had been in.
But Gideon was hinting at something. She wondered what he meant by alluding to Victoria making assumptions. Was he suggesting that she had made an assumption? If so, what was it?
She decided that she needed to spend more time with Victoria to get an idea what the older woman was feeling. Victoria certainly wasn’t going to come to her, so she needed to make the first move.
30
It was an hour after Gideon left that Holly finally plucked up the courage to knock on the closed door of Victoria’s study.
“Come,” Victoria replied tersely.
Holly took a deep breath and opened the door.
She walked in and noted Victoria at her desk, hunched over the Arrival Book. Victoria didn’t look up. Holly sat on the sofa and waited silently. She knew Victoria would have to at least acknowledge her presence.
It took a few long, icy minutes before Victoria raised her head and steely green eyes looked at her questioningly.
“I need to talk to you,” Holly said.
Victoria sighed. She lowered her pen and took off her glasses. “You do?”
“Yes, if you’re not too busy?”
“It depends on what you’re here to say.”
“You’re not making this very easy,” Holly grumbled.
“Well, I’m not sure I wish to hear it.” Victoria laughed half-heartedly.
“What? Why?”
“I presume this is about your journals?” Victoria asked. “You’ve come to tell me you wish to leave?”
Holly blinked. Was this what Victoria’s mood had been about?
“I can just imagine the contents of your journals,” Victoria continued. “I made your life a living hell, I’m sure. So, if you’re here to tell me just how awful I was—”
“No,” Holly interrupted. “Not at all.”
Victoria looked cynical. “No?”
“No. And I don’t want to leave, unless you want me to go? I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”
Victoria’s jaw clenched. She shook her head. “I don’t want you to leave, this is your home for as long as you want it to be.”
Holly smiled. “Good, because I love being here. I love getting to know you better.”
Victoria snorted a laugh. “Oh, I’m sure everything you need to know is in your journals. Maybe you haven’t read that part yet?”
“I’ve read everything I’d written about my work at Arrival,” Holly admitted. “I liked and admired you then, and I feel the same way now.”
Victoria’s eyes snapped up in shock.
“I wanted to say that I’m sorry if I’ve upset you in some way,” Holly dove into her prepared speech. “You’ve been distant, and I haven’t liked it, especially if it’s in any way my fault. So, if I’ve done something, then please accept this as a blanket apology. But maybe you’re just tired like you said you were. In which case, maybe there’s something I can do to help? I feel a bit useless anyway, and if I can… assist in some way, that would be cool.”
Holly knew it was important to provide Victoria with an out. It was obvious that she was upset, but it was also obvious that she wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it. Or probably even acknowledge it. Giving her the option to cover it over with tiredness was best for everyone.
Victoria swallowed and then coughed lightly. “Um, well, you have nothing to a-apologise for.” She sat up a little straighter. “As I said before, I’m tired, just… tired.”
Holly knew it was a lie, but she was willing to allow Victoria the space. Especially now that they were actually talking.
“How can I help?” Holly was already on her feet and pulling over a chair from against the wall to place it in front of Victoria’s desk. “Really, anything. I’ll hold a paperclip if you like.”
Victoria looked at a loss for a moment. She looked down at the Book on her desk.
“Could you look for an old issue for me? I think it was September or October 2010? I’m sure I’ve seen a similar headline to this before.” She tapped her finger on an article.
“Sure!” Holly turned to the bookcase she had looked at the previous evening and searched for the edition. She was glad to have her back to Victoria as a wide smile covered her face.
31
Victoria and her children had a tradition. Whenever they returned from a trip without her, she would pick them up herself at the airport or train station personally. It was her gesture to remind them how much she loved them, even though she had to send them away on occasion because of her
work.
After hugs were exchanged, they always went for ice cream. In recent years, it had become frozen yoghurt, which was much healthier. The children would have giant cups of frozen yoghurt with whatever toppings they liked, as long as one was fruit. And occasionally, Victoria would steal a bit or two.
Alexia loved the tradition. At eight, she was still at an age where her forgiveness could be bought with a sugary treat. Hugo was fifteen and sometimes harder to appease.
“So, Holly’s in the guestroom?” Alexia asked before taking another bite of her strawberry frozen yoghurt.
“No, I put her in your room. You’re in Izzy’s bed.” Victoria took a swipe of Alexia’s yoghurt.
“Mom!” Alexia laughed.
“Of course she’s in the guestroom,” Hugo said. He rolled his eyes in a way that Victoria knew mirrored her own.
“I thought she might be in Dad’s old room,” Alexia defended.
“Why would she be in there?” Victoria frowned.
“In case you needed to keep an eye on her. Because of her memory and stuff.”
“I see. No, she’s in the guestroom. She’s doing well, she just doesn’t have all of her memories yet.”
“But she’ll remember us, won’t she?” Alexia asked.
“No,” Hugo glowered, “why would she remember us, stupid?”
“Hugo, be nice,” Victoria warned.
He grumbled an apology to his sister.
“I don’t understand how she can forget everything. How does that happen?” Alexia asked.
“It’s very complicated,” Victoria said softly. “The brain is a very complicated part of the body. We don’t properly understand it yet. Sometimes things happen to the brain and we don’t know why. But, in answer to your question, no, Holly won’t remember you.”
“But she’ll remember us after she’s met us again, right?” Alexia asked. “Like, will she forget us again? Will we have to tell her who we are every morning?”
Victoria smiled. “No, sweetheart, she remembers everything that has happened after the accident. She just can’t remember anything before it.”
“Does anyone know what happened to her?” Hugo asked. He toyed his spoon around his chocolate frozen yoghurt.
“Unfortunately not,” Victoria said. She used her spoon to swipe a bit of chocolate brownie from his cup.
“Sounds scary,” Alexia said.
“It was, which is why we have to be the best hosts we can. We must make her feel at home and safe and welcome.”
“Why is she staying with us?” Hugo asked.
“Because she doesn’t have anyone else,” Victoria answered
Hugo stopped moving his spoon and looked up at his mother. “Like, no one?”
“No one.”
He raised an eyebrow and returned his attention to his treat.
“Can we go down to the guestroom and see her?” Alexia asked. “Because the more time she spends with us, the more she might remember us. And then she might remember other things.”
Victoria smiled at her daughter’s innocent simplicity. “I see your thinking, but it’s unlikely that her memories will come back that way. She may never remember. So we need to focus on making good memories rather than trying to bring back old ones.”
“Has she remembered anything?” Hugo asked.
Victoria resisted the urge to mention that Holly recalled the damn dog, although she’d have to eventually. She shook her head. “Nothing specific as far as I’m aware. She says she feels sensations, like a faint memory of knowing something or feeling something. But nothing too specific.”
“But we can go and see her, right?” Alexia pushed.
“Of course, sweetheart, but you must respect her privacy. Like you would any other guest. Although I would hope that she will spend most of her time with us in the main part of the house.”
“I wonder if she’ll remember how to play Xbox with us,” Hugo mused.
Victoria felt her jaw slacken. “Pardon?”
Hugo looked up at her. “Holly used to play Xbox with us, some of the Lego games mainly. When you were running late.”
Victoria’s mind spun. She had no idea that her children had ever socialised with Holly. She knew that Holly had run errands which involved them, had met them, had spoken to them. But this seemed to be something more.
“Did this happen often?”
“Yeah, a few times,” Hugo said unhelpfully.
“I see.”
“Is she in trouble?” Alexia asked sadly.
“No, no… not in trouble. I just didn’t know.”
“We didn’t say because Holly was cool and you’d probably fire her if you knew,” Alexia offered.
“Shh.” Hugo shoved his sister gently. “It was fine, Mom. We made her come upstairs and play, she didn’t want to.”
Victoria nodded. “I understand. It hardly matters now. I just… didn’t know.”
“Can she play with us now?” Alexia asked.
“If she wants to, I’m not her keeper.” Victoria shrugged.
“You kind of are,” Hugo pointed out.
“Eat your yoghurt before it melts,” Victoria said. She wasn’t about to have this conversation. She didn’t need Alexia asking a million awkward questions about power of attorney rights, a detail she’d only shared with Hugo over the phone.
“What do you mean?” Alexia asked.
“Eat your yoghurt as well,” Victoria said. “We need to head home soon.”
Alexia knew it was time to stop asking questions and wisely got on with eating. Hugo continued to look at her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on his face. She glared at him. He chuckled and looked down at his chocolaty treat. Sadly, the glare had stopped working on him many years before. She hoped he wouldn’t prove to be too much trouble over the coming days.
32
Holly heard the front door opening and the murmuring of conversation. She sucked in a deep breath and put a smile on her face as she walked out of the study and into the hallway.
“Holly!” Alexia ran towards her and pulled her into a hug.
Holly was surprised by the reaction. She knew from her journals that she looked after the kids once or twice, but she had no idea that Alexia was so fond of her.
“Hey,” Holly greeted.
Victoria had a shocked expression on her face, too.
“Hey Holly,” Hugo said. “Cool hair.”
“Thanks,” Holly smiled.
“Yeah, really cool hair,” Alexia said as she stood back and gazed up at Holly in awe. “Holly, will you watch a movie with me tonight?”
“Alexia,” Victoria said in a warning tone.
“It’s fine,” Holly reassured her. She loved how friendly Alexia was, it felt so good to have someone look up to her. “Absolutely, but remember you have school tomorrow.”
Alexia’s face became serious. “Do you not remember me at all?”
Holly bit her lip and shook her head sadly. “No, I’m sorry, honey.”
“Do you remember Hugo?” Alexia asked.
“Of course she doesn’t,” Hugo said. He rolled his eyes and picked up his suitcase from where the driver had left it by the door.
“I’m sorry, I don’t remember anyone,” Holly said.
“But—”
“Alexia…” Victoria warned again.
“It’s fine, Victoria.” She looked down at Alexia. “I don’t remember anyone. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t hang out and have fun like we used to. Maybe my memories will come back one day, maybe they won’t. I’m okay with that.”
“Mom said you remembered Izzy,” Alexia pointed out.
Holly looked up at Victoria who was looking more and more uncomfortable.
“Well, erm, yes, I did. I had a flashback, of sorts…”
“Like in the movies?” Alexia asked.
“Was there a flash of light when you remembered?” Hugo asked. He was on the first step of the staircase, but the news of a potential flashback had him interested
.
“No, unfortunately it wasn’t that dramatic,” Holly deadpanned.
“What about banging you on the head again?” Alexia asked. “Has anyone tried banging you on the head?”
“No one is hitting Holly on the head. Now, both of you go to your rooms and unpack.” Victoria said sternly. It was clear the conversation was over.
“Fine,” Alexia said.
“We’ll talk later,” Hugo said. He started to climb the stairs.
“I still think you should talk to your doctor about it,” Alexia grumbled quietly.
“I’ll be sure to mention it,” Holly agreed. She walked over to Alexia’s suitcase. “Come on, I’ll help you unpack.”
“Holly, do you want to play on the Xbox? I could set it up, if you like,” Hugo called down the stairs. “I mean, you used to play. Maybe you’ll remember something?”
“Sounds great,” Holly said.
“Yay!” Alexia cheered. “I’m so glad you’re back, Holly. You’re so cool.”
Alexia picked up her suitcase and handed Holly her backpack. The young girl ran up the stairs.
Holly turned to Victoria and smiled. “I’m cool.”
“Oh, shut up.” Victoria grinned.
“And my hair… is really cool,” Holly added.
“Go away. Play your game.” Victoria shooed her away with her hands, but the smile remained on her face.
* * *
“Mom said we can have pizza!” Alexia announced.
Hugo paused the game they were playing and turned around to look at his sister in astonishment.
“Mom said we can have pizza? Like… our mom?” he asked.
“Yep.” Alexia placed the glass of juice she had gone to get on the coffee table and sat on the sofa.
Holly looked from Alexia to Hugo. “I take it that’s unusual?”
“She said we can eat it in here,” Alexia added.
Holly thought that Hugo’s eyes were going to fall out of his head.
“Seriously? Are you joking with us?” he demanded.
“Seriously. She was working and I asked her what we were doing for dinner and she gave me this.” Alexia produced a black credit card from her back pocket. “She said we can order pizza and eat it in here. She said the smell of the pizza would make her ill so she’s going to eat on her own.”