by Rayne Hall
* If possible, let the non-PoV character speak first, and the PoV react. This feels more natural than the other way round.
If this seems a lot to put into a few lines, remember that small clues are enough. You don't need to describe the setting in detail, but the reader needs to know if it's indoors or outdoors. A biography of the characters is also unnecessary as long as you give a hint about their role.
ASSIGNMENT
Think of a story you want to write. If you're like most writers, you probably have a wealth of ideas waiting to be developed. Choose one where you could start with a dialogue between two people. Write a draft.
Or
Rewrite the beginning of your current work in progress so it starts with dialogue—but only if you feel that this suits the story.
17 INFORMING WITHOUT INFO-DUMPING
Dialogue is a great way to convey information to the reader—but beware info-dumping. 'Info-dumps' are sections where the author force-feeds the reader with information, and the reader, bored, skips those paragraphs to get back to the story.
INFO-DUMPS TO AVOID
You need to keep away from two types of info-dump in your dialogue: the 'As-You-Know-Bob' and the 'Master-Tell-Me-How' devices.
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1. As-You-Know-Bob
When characters tell one another things they already know, the dialogue feels unnatural. Here are two examples:
Mary faced her husband across the kitchen table. “As you know, Bob, we're short of money. We took out a mortgage on this house three years ago when your father died. Our eldest son John is attending college, and we are struggling to pay the tuition fees.”
“As you know, John, this apparatus is crucial for casting the cogwheels used by the nation's fleet of dirigibles,” Mary said, “so let me give you a quick reminder how it works. Listen carefully, because this is important.”
2. Master-Tell-Me-How
To heap a lot of information on the reader at once, writers may resort to a question-and-answer device. A character (often an eager student or apprentice) asks about the background of something, or how it works, and listens attentively as the master (or teacher, grandmother, guru, wise old man) imparts the knowledge. However, the readers aren't as attentive as the fictional apprentice. After two sentences, their eyes glaze over and they skip.
Here is an example:
“Master, tell me how cogwheels are made with this apparatus,” the boy requested.
The master demonstrated. “First you turn this lever. Then you turn this wheel and... [insert paragraph of instructions.]”
“Thank you,” the boy said eagerly. “Where do the cogwheels go when they are finished?”
The master showed him a map. “Here, at the Blue Steam river, is the dirigible factory where most of the national fleet's vessels are assembled. Ever since our Queen came to the throne... [insert info-dump about geography history and technology].”
HOW TO CONVEY INFORMATION IN DIALOGUE
Here are some techniques to try in your fiction:
* Readers need less information than you may think, so reveal only as much as is necessary for the understanding of the plot.
* As a rule of thumb, feed the readers information in morsels—a word here, a sentence there—spread over several pages.
* To make the readers aware of a difference between their reality and the story's fictional world, let characters mention the different item in passing, showing that they take it for granted.
Let's say you're writing an urban fantasy novel and want to alert your readers that werewolves exist. Weave some casual mentions of werewolves into their conversations, perhaps like this:
“Auntie, I've been to the zoo! I've seen werewolves and lions and tigers and a big grey elephant!”
On the next page, Mary chats with her friend:
“I've seen the most amazing dress, dark grey like a werewolf's pelt, with a plunging neckline and silver appliqués at the hem. I must have it.”
* To arouse the readers' interest in a subject, withhold the information. The technique of avoided answers works well here. (See Chapter 2.)
“Have you ever seen a werewolf in these parts?”
“We have a lot of interesting wildlife here. I shot a wild boar once, the biggest beast ever, weighed in at nearly three hundred pounds. I had the tusks made into bracelets for my wife. Mary, show him your bracelets, will you?”
ASSIGNMENT
Think of an item of information you want to convey to your readers. Insert the clues in small subtle portions.
Or
If you've used info-dumping dialogue, revise that scene by breaking the information into several small pieces and serving them in interesting ways.
18 INTERNAL DIALOGUE: THINKING, NOT TALKING
Every rule book and style sheet insists on a different format for character thoughts: single quote marks, double quote marks, no quote marks at all, tags, no tags, past tense, present tense, speech, indirect speech, direct italics... Whichever method you choose, someone will tell you it's 'wrong'.
I'm not going to complicate matters by decreeing yet another set of rules. Simply pick one method and apply it consistently to the whole manuscript, unless a paying publisher requests otherwise.
Instead, let's look at how to make those thoughts riveting, because that's the skill that counts.
Character thoughts (also called 'introspection' or 'internal dialogue') slow down the story's pace, which is sometimes desirable but more often it's not. They are among the bits many readers skip. Don't let that happen to your story.
Here are some tips:
1. Use internal dialogue sparingly. Often, it's enough (and better) to imply the character's attitudes through his actions or visceral responses.
2. Keep the thoughts short. If a thought is short, it won't slow the pace much, and readers won't skip it. The shorter, the better.
Instead of
'I wonder what's the best thing for me to do in this situation now.'
write
'What now?'
3. Stories told in First Person (I) can have more thoughts than Third Person (he, she). Thoughts feel more natural in First Person, and they don't disrupt the plot flow, so if it suits your story, the character's thoughts can span several sentences. For First Person stories, it's probably best to render thoughts without quote marks or italics.
4. Don't use tags if you can avoid them. Thought tags (he thought, she realised, he wondered, she considered) call attention to themselves and create a barrier between the reader and the experience. However, if a scene needs thought tags for clarity, use them.
5. If you use thought tags, keep them short. As a magazine editor, I often received submissions by novice writers with sentences like this:
''That's it,' she thought silently to herself in her head.
Hmm—where else would she think but in her head? To whom else but herself? In any other way than silently? It's enough to write
'That's it,' she thought.
6. First Person PoV and Third Person Deep PoV don't need any attribution at all. It's clear who's thinking, because the reader sees only inside that one character's mind.
Instead of
The door slammed in my face. 'What now?' I wondered.
you can simply write
The door slammed in my face. What now?
6. If you need to attribute a thought at all—for example, if the story is told in Omniscient PoV—use beats rather than tags. (I'm not adding an example here because establishing Omniscient PoV would require a lengthy excerpt.)
7. In Deep PoV stories, you can contrast what the PoV character thinks with what he does. This can be done in the same tense as the dialogue, or in the same tense as the narrative, either in Direct Speech or Indirect Speech—use whatever suits your story best.
“Will Daddy be home for Christmas?”
“He'll do what he can to be here with us.” The swine won't come if he can help it. He'll stay cosy with his new family.
&
nbsp; Lady Mary's lips ached from keeping the polite smile in place. “How interesting. Tell me more.” She couldn't wait to get away from the boring vulgarian.
ASSIGNMENT
Find a section in your work in progress where a character has thoughts. Tweak it so the thoughts feel natural and don't disrupt the story flow.
Or
Write a short section where the PoV character thinks something between talking and acting. Remember to keep the thoughts short.
19 INSULTS AND PROFANITY
Do your characters cuss, curse and swear?
I'm not going to tell you that you must always or never use swearing in your fiction. That is for you to decide. However, I'm going to give you some aspects to consider, as well as techniques how to use profanity to good effect if you choose.
Please don't think that your characters have to swear 'because everyone swears on TV' or 'so they sound like real men'.
Dialogue with profanity doesn't necessarily sound more realistic than without. Nor does it have more impact.
Decades ago, swearwords in literature were so rare that if a character cussed, the readers blinked and stared. Now there's so much swearing going on in books and movies, the effect has worn off. Most of the time, the f-word has the same effect as 'really, very, kind of, dunno maybe, err'—it dilutes and weakens what is said. 'Dropping the f-bomb' doesn't create a shocking explosion, it elicits a yawn.
Consider your intended audience. In some genres—such as Inspirational Romance—swearing is taboo, in others, it depends on the publishing house. Many publishers won't accept foul language in manuscripts, and many readers won't tolerate it in books. Unless you're certain that your book will be viewed only by cuss-friendly people, it may be best to err on the side of caution.
WHEN TO USE PROFANITY
When your characters use swearwords, this has several effects, some desired, some undesired. Consider them before you decide, and remember that they don't necessarily reflect the speech patterns of real-life people.
* Characters who use a lot of foul language come across as unintelligent. Is this an effect you want? Probably not for the hero, the villain and other important characters, although it can be useful for the villain's minion. (In real life, a person can be an astrophysicist with an IQ of 150 and swear all the time, but this is fiction, and we're looking at how readers perceive fictional characters.)
* In a discussion or confrontation, the person who uses foul language is perceived as having the weaker arguments. He comes across as needing to bolster his feeble reasoning with swearing. You can use this when two characters argue: one of them uses more and more swearwords. This signals to the reader that the cusser is losing the argument and knows it.
Let's say two war leaders argue over who should hold a fortress. Each presents his points and argues his position, and at first they use similar language. Then:
“In this case, you don't need the fortress and can surrender it.”
“I won't fucking surrender the fucking fortress. It's my fucking right to stay.”
Put yourself in the reader's mind. Which of the two comes across as the stronger one here?
* If a character never uses foul language, and two thirds into the book he suddenly yells a curse, the impact is great. It signals that the situation is serious.
* In some milieus where swearwords are part of everyday language—say, among the members of an inner city gang—dialogue will feel stilted if you censor the words. You don't need to insert as much profanity into those scenes as there would be in real life, but you may decide to sprinkle some token words into the dialogue.
* For 'fish out of the water' stories in which a character enters a different milieu for which his upbringing has not equipped him, the use of foul language can emphasise the different lifestyles. For example, if you place a convent-reared girl among dock workers in the harbour, the use of foul language for the men and the non-use for her will sharpen the contrast.
* Swearwords, curses and insults can serve as backstory hints and for world-building.
INVENTING SWEARWORDS, CURSES AND INSULTS
Here is how to bypass most language censors, entertain your readers, enrich your book with world-building, and have creative fun at the same time: invent new swearwords!
Words like 'damn', 'hell', 'bloody', 'fucking' are dull. Don't dilute your dialogue with them.
Instead, invent new words and phrases.
1. Consider your characters' backgrounds. What environment do they come from? What's their job?
Use words from that environment to form curses.
When things go wrong, a sailor may grumble “Barges and barnacles!” and yell “You scurvy-mouthed ship rat!”
The physicist may utter “Crying chronon!” “By all the quarks!” or “You higgs-bosomed wormhole!”
Take care not to over-use this technique. If characters constantly use funny profanities, it creates a comedic effect.
2. If you've invented a society, allow uncouth people to use the names of the spirits and deities in a foul manner, often combined with words relating to genitals or bodily functions. This works especially well if the words alliterate (start with the same sound). Let's say the community worships the gods Tivla, Avalti and Bordok, then people may swear “Tivla's tits!” “Avalti's arse!” or “Bordok's balls!” Of course, the priests and educators of this society try to stamp out this casual blaspheming.
3. In fantasy fiction, you can use swearwords to hint at differences between that world and reality as we know it. Does the planet have three moons, is the community menaced by vampires? Let a character exclaim, “By the three moons!” or “Vampire's teeth!” and the reader gets an inkling of what's going on.
4. Look up insults from other cultures and periods, and tweak them for your story. The internet is a great resource for this. How about “You curly-headed onion!” from ancient Rome, or “You turtle egg!” from modern China?
5. When inventing curses and insults, mention body parts and bodily functions (caution—those may be too similar to modern swearwords and thus not work as creative alternatives), painful experiences and the person's ancestors: (“A curse upon your ancestors!” “May a thousand fireants crawl into your butt!”)
EXERCISE
Invent profanities to suit the following:
* A cattle rancher
* A hospital doctor
* An archaeologist
* A mountaineer
* A deep-sea diver
* A world where werewolves are a serious threat
* A world where floods are a frequent problem
ASSIGNMENT
Decide if you're going to use profanity in your writing, and if yes, how much and on what occasions. (If in doubt, do without.)
Optional: invent creative swearwords, curses and insults for the story you're working on. Have fun!
20 FOREIGN LANGUAGES, ACCENTS AND JARGON
How 'foreign' should foreigners sound? How much of their language should you render in the original? How can you make an accent heard? How do you format foreign words? How much is too much?
Before long, every writer faces this kind of question, and there are no definitive answers. However, I can show you what I've found works best in my fiction and that of other authors.
ACCENTS
If a character has a strong accent, don't write everything he says exactly as it sounds. The effect would be ridiculous.
“Wherr arr we going?” Maria asked. “I tink tis trrip is verry farr.”
If you must, pick one word and show its accented pronunciation whenever the character uses it, but don't do it for every word.
A better method is to use the accent as a beat the first time this character speaks:
“Where are we going?” Maria pronounced the r's deep in her throat. “I think this trip is very far.”
AMERICAN AND BRITISH ENGLISH AND OTHER VARIATIONS
American and British English use different words, and it's best if your character use
s the appropriate ones.
For example, if an Englishman joins a conversation with Americans, he'll talk of 'autumn' when they say 'fall', and of 'lift' when they use 'elevator'. Don't draw attention to the differences, just use them.
Here are some words to use, first the British then the American variant:
autumn/fall
lift/elevator
braces/suspenders
suspenders/garter belt
flat/apartment