Writing Vivid Dialogue
Page 8
VICTORIAN ENGLISH
troth = a solemn pledge of fidelity
cloven = split, divided
encumbrance = burdensome obstacle
orb = ball, sphere
slattern = a dirty, untidy person (used as an insult)
out-of-doors = outdoors
to knap = to steal
whilst = while
mad as hops = excitable
ticker = watch
part-rats = half drunk
gargler = throat
bricky = brave, fearless
butter upon bacon = wasteful extravagance
chink = money (lower class slang)
chavvy = child (lower class slang)
flat = a person who is easily deceived (criminal slang)
nibbed = arrested
REGENCY ENGLISH
a trifle disguised = slightly drunk
chit = a teenage girl
to ding = to throw or throw away
cut up my peace = disturb me
a bit of muslin = a woman of easy virtue
doing it a touch too brown = overdoing it
cleaned out = out of money
to flash = to show or expose something
cutting shams = telling lies
leech = doctor
to toddle = to walk away slowly
mill = fight, brawl
too smoky by half = highly suspicious
nabob = a rich man, especially one who made his fortune in the colonies
RENAISSANCE ENGLISH
durst = to dare to
fullsome = rich, plentiful
betwixt = between
beseech = request, beg
dearth = scarcity, lack of
nary = none, absolutely nothing
nought = nothing
to wax = to grow
yore = years ago
privy = toilet
cursitor = wanderer, vagabond
flux = dysentery
forsooth = a mild 'oath' meaning 'I swear', suitable for casual context, polite society, women and childen.
mint = gold
These are just examples, not intended as an exhaustive list, and they don't take into account regional variations and other nuances. Use them for inspiration and as a starting point.
If you write a lot in a specific period, it's worth researching the vocabulary of the era.
You can find glossaries on the internet, and they're free, but be careful: many period word lists focus on underworld slang which isn't how respectable nobles talked.
When using period cant, take care not to overdo it. A few words here and there are enough. Seasoned historical fiction fans will recognise them, and other readers can guess them from the context.
AUTHENTICITY VERSUS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
People of the past didn't conform to 21st century concepts of political correctness. This causes a dilemma for authors: if the authentic language of the period contains words which are now considered offensive, should you use them or not?
The matter becomes delicate in matters of racism. For example, you would not use the word 'nigger'—but a character in the 19th century would. A plantation owner would talk about his 'nigger slaves' not his 'Afro-American staff'.
Think about how you want to handle this. I would opt for authenticity over political correctness, but you may decide differently.
You may want to aim for a compromise: the 'bad guys' use racist slurs, but the 'good guys' use words which are acceptable to modern sensitivities.
TAG STRUCTURE
To evoke a strong historical feel, especially in Renaissance and mediaeval contexts, some authors put the subject after the verb in dialogue tags.
Examples:
“Has the queen joined the hunt?” asked John.
“He'll hang for this,” said Mary.
This is permissible, but feels awkward to many contemporary readers. Most prefer the modern version:
“Has the queen joined the hunt?” John asked.
“He'll hang for this,” Mary said.
ALSO CONSIDER
In a historical context, there is probably a sharper distinction between the voices of educated and uneducated people (see Chapter 12) and also between people of different ranks (see Chapter 25).
SAMPLE DIALOGUE FROM THE BLACK BOAR
Here's an excerpt from a short fantasy horror story set in the Middle Ages.
I gave sprinkled some hints of historical words into the dialogue, especially near the beginning of the story, to create a medieval flavour, but otherwise used modern English.
I took the jug from him and filled my own mug, searching for a topic that would capture Adelida's attention. “I had the most fearsome dream last night.”
“Oh, do tell, Sir Hans!” Adelida exclaimed. “I love dreams, most especially the fearsome ones. Indeed, I have made a study of their meanings.”
I took a gulp of mead. “I dreamt I encountered a big beast of a boar, and it killed me.”
Shuddering with delicate pleasure, Adelida leant forward. “What an exciting adventure! Pray, Sir Hans, tell us more. Where did it happen, and what did the beast look look like, what did it do?”
“I did not see the place, only the charging beast, for one eternal moment. It came charging it me with tusks as fat as arms, and a body as high as my waist – and I am no small man.”
“Indeed not.” Adelida's gaze glided over my person. Playing with her flaxen braids, she declared the dream a sign from heaven, a prophecy of a future encounter. “A boar will charge you, but forewarned by the dream, you will be prepared. Sir Bertram can advise you the best way to kill such a beast.”
My rival plumped himself up like fat partridge. “Indeed. The way to get the boar is with a strong spear that won't break on impact. Easy. Just get him to charge you and aim at the throat, then it will impale itself. You just have to keep the tusks from gouging you. It’s more difficult with a sword, though of course I have killed many a boar with no other weapon.” He basked in the lady’s admiration. She hung on his every word as he elaborated on his adventures.
I, however, could barely bring myself to listen. All the time, the vision of the furious beast remained vivid before my eyes, and I could barely eat my meat.
“Hacking at the shoulder is of no use,” Bertram told me, obviously enjoying my discomfort. “An old boar’s cartilage there is so thick you couldn’t split it with an axe. The belly is better. The trick is to reach it without getting overrun and trampled to death.”
“Hm,” I said. “Uhm. Thank you.”
“It’s the lower tusks you have to beware. They'll rip your leg open and disembowel you.”
ASSIGNMENT
If you write historical fiction, write or rewrite a section of dialogue. Aim to make it sound authentic and real, without totally imitating reality.
24 LEADERS AND FOLLOWERS, BOSSES AND MINIONS, RIVAL ALPHAS
When characters of different rank talk, the dialogue reflects their status.
Think of these examples:
master/apprentice
lord/serf
parent/child
husband/wife (in societies where women are subservient)
lady/servant
boss/employee
king/subject
knight/squire
bishop/priest
abbess/nun
officer/grunt
How sharp the differences are depends on the society your story depicts. In a modern near-egalitarian world, they may be subtle, but in a historical setting they can be drastic. Either way, the role affects how people communicate.
WHO ASKS THE QUESTIONS?
The superior person is the one who asks questions, and he asks because he has the right to demand answers. His questions may be gentle, compassionate, harsh, threatening, offensive, sarcastic, about job-related matters or private issues. Without causing offence, he can ask questions like:
"Where were you last night?"
"How's your wife?"
and his subordinate, whether he likes the question or not, will answer.
The one thing the superior never asks is permission.
The person of lower rank, however, would not presume to ask questions of his boss! If he needs to ask something in the course of his duties, he'll begin with an apology. "Excuse me, sir. Shall I show Mr John into the morning room?"
He may ask permission. "Sir, might I please visit my family?"
But he will not ask questions which demand answers or intrude into the private sphere, like,
"Where were you last night?" or "How's your wife?"
COMMANDS
Superiors can and do issue commands.
These may be phrased as orders: "Close the window!"
They can also be phrased courteously: "Close the window, please."
Or as a question: "Would you mind closing the window?"
They are still commands, and the subordinate won't say "Yes, I would mind." But they portray the boss as a courteous, considerate person. That's useful for characterising important figures in your novel.
HIERARCHY
A character's role and dialogue can vary depending on whom he talks to. For instance, a sergeant barks orders at the grunts, but obeys the major. A clan chief expects subservience from his serfs but kneels before his king. The way he speaks changes according to the situation.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOSSES AND LEADERS
A boss-type has inherited his rank or been appointed to it, and people obey him because they have to.
A leader has won his position by gaining his followers' respect and trust. They follow him because they like him, and because they feel his leadership is good for them.
A boss without leadership qualities can be demanding, inconsiderate, arrogant. He snaps orders and metes out punishment, and doesn't see his subordinates as human beings.
A leader treats his subordinates with consideration—phrasing his orders with courtesy, asking questions which show that he cares, motivating his followers rather than bullying them, showing appreciation, praising good work. A brief dialogue exchange between the leader and a subordinate—maybe tacked into another scene—reveals this easily.
Here's an exchange between a 'boss' type and a subordinate:
"John, bring me the ABC file, and pronto!"
"Yes, sir."
"Hurry up. And stop that stupid limp."
"Here you are, sir."
"Get back to your duties, and if Project D still isn't finished by midnight, I'll cancel your leave."
"Yes, sir."
Here's a 'leader' type in the same situation:
"John, would you bring me the ABC file, please?"
"Yes, sir."
"Thank you. Is that knee still troubling you?"
"Only in cold weather, sir."
"How's Project D going? You've done a first rate job organising it. We need it soon, or the competition will wipe us out. Do you think you can finish it today?"
"I will do my utmost, sir, even if I have to stay through the night."
"Thank you, John, I appreciate it."
In a crisis, people may desert a boss, but they'll rally around a leader.
A boss can also be a leader—for example, he may have inherited his dukedom or been promoted to sergeant, and have the love and loyalty of the people under him. This type is popular in fiction, especially for the male lead in the Romance genre. Other characters are either bosses (the cruel lord of the manor, the bullying sergeant) or leaders (the lowly gladiator leading the slave revolt).
ALPHA CHARACTERS
'Alphas' are characters with both power and natural leadership skills. They have become popular in fiction, especially as protagonists and as male leads in Romance. Their role is modelled on pack leaders in the animal world, such as wolves (male alphas) and hyenas (female alphas). It may be in part predetermined (being the eldest male of a bloodline) but above all, it is won and needs to be defended against other claimants.
In dialogue, alpha characters probably will...
* Ask questions and demand answers.
* Give orders.
* Remind others of their alpha status should anyone forget it.
* Use body language (especially posture) which claims more space than other people's.
* Talk about issues concerning territory.
* Challenge other alphas.
* Interrupt others (but they won't do this often).
ALPHA VERSUS ALPHA
When your story pitches two alpha characters against each other, sparks fly. Each claims the leadership role and expects the other to obey. This may be the most exciting dialogue in your whole book. Set this dialogue against a wild, dangerous background—a bush fire, a jungle, the peak of Mount Everest—and make it urgent that they reach an agreement. Don't waste this verbal match in a tame restaurant or boardroom setting.
SAMPLE DIALOGUE BETWEEN BOSS AND SERVANT
This excerpt is from my short story The Holed Stone, set in the year 1900.
In the evening, Milady rang for Emma and informed her gravely that the lady's maid had been caught at mixed sea-bathing.
Emma's jaw dropped, and her heart hammered in her throat. Had she been seen, too?
“Such scandalous behaviour is unacceptable. She will not be returning to us.” Milady's voice softened. “How long have you been with us, Emma? Two years? You're good worker. Despite your youth, you would never do something improper or against the law, would you?”
“No, Milady.” Emma kept eyes lowered. The carpet's green pattern swirled like water.
“Then I offer you the position of lady's maid, starting today.”
“Thank you, Milady,” Emma croaked as she sank into a deep curtsey.
In the corridor, she clutched the wall to steady herself against the dizzying reality. The holed stone, now dangling on a thong under her dress, had fulfilled her wish. Her future shone as bright as the summer sun, as long as Milady did not find out about this afternoon.
SAMPLE DIALOGUE BETWEEN TWO ALPHAS
This excerpt is again from Storm Dancer.
Dahoud is the Lord of Koskara, appointed by the ruler of the conquering nation. Mansour is Lord of Koskara, chosen and worshipped by the local population. When disaster strikes—the town collapses into a sinkhole—Dahoud naturally takes charge. So does Mansour.
The town was beyond saving, but if they acted fast, they could get out some of the survivors. Rescuers would have to contend with darkness, unstable surfaces, sinking debris, choking dust, lack of gear, the risk of drowning, and the threat of more of the mountain crashing down.
Dahoud needed ropes, spades, torches, and he needed them fast.
From the yurt site, where the earth had not cracked, people came stumbling. Their low whispers shrieked of despair. “My nieces! My nieces are in there.”—“Punishment from the gods.”—“Where’s my mother’s house? I can’t see my mother’s house.”
Dahoud took charge, directing their panic into action. “You, you, and you. Get ropes. You two, torches. You over there, blankets and tools. Shovels, cleavers, spades. Hurry.” Some rushed to do as told, others stared with hostility. To them, he was the enemy, the usurper sent by Quislak. He scanned the growing crowd for competent lieutenants whom the Koskarans would trust.
[...]
“Away from the edge, everyone,” Mansour's voice bellowed in the darkness.
Here was the perfect lieutenant to whom the Koskarans would listen. “Mansour, I need you to organise supplies. Tell these people to bring ropes, torches, tools.”
The rebel leader stood with his elbows spread. “Get out of the way.”
“I know what I'm doing,” Dahoud assured him.
“Out of the way!”
The sinkhole gurgled and slurped.
“Mother of Mares!” Dahoud shouted. “We don't have time for this. People are trapped, the ruins are sinking, the mountain is about to collapse. Why can't you just do as I tell you?”
Mansour shone a torch o
ver the abyss. “I'm Lord of Koskara. We Koskarans take care of our own.”
With the voice which had made legions obey, Dahoud barked: “Get the supplies! Get helpers! Get everyone else away from here!”
The mountain rumbled, and another section of rock crashed into the void. Screams ripped the silence.
Rather than wasting precious moments arguing over leadership, Dahoud gave in. “What do you want me to do?”
ASSIGNMENT
Find a scene in a draft you've written where two characters of different ranks interact. Revise it so the dialogue reflects their relative ranks.
Or
Write a dialogue scene between a superior and a subordinate.
Or
Write a confrontation between two alpha characters jostling for power.
25 ARGUMENTS
When your characters argue—especially when they feel passionate about the topic—you can have a great dialogue scene.
Here are some tips to pull it off:
* Keep the argument short—shorter than it would be in real life.