“You’ve never kissed anyone?” her tone was incredulous. “But you’re… you’re beautiful!”
Mi raised an eyebrow.
“And yes, OK, maybe you’re not totally aware of that, but I’m not just talking about how stunning you are, I’m also talking about how you have this like... radiant soul, like this warmth around that just pools into everyone and anything else around you. How is it that…”
He stopped listening to her at this point, because what she had just said about him was how he felt around her. That was how new people felt to him. Julia was cool, soothing water, soft or hard depending on what she needed to be. Harris was electricity, Rudy… cooled lava. Scarlet was tempered fire, sunlight on a cloudy day.
“Mi?” Scarlet spoke again. “Please say something.”
He did not speak. He could not find the words. Instead, he took a step forward, found her face, and pulled her lips to his. They were warm and bright, and she stirred under the pressure of him, sliding her arms around his back, coaxing him closer. He parted, just a fraction.
“Was that… all right?” he asked.
Scarlet giggled. “More, please,” she said, and tugged him back down.
He did not want to stop. He felt all at once unbound and tethered, like he was floating away and inexplicably tied, all at the same time. She was delicious, and very, very good.
“You’ve done this before,” he murmured.
“Yes, quite a lot, and then some.” She rested a hand against his chest, at the place where his shirt parted. Her touch felt hungry. “But I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed kissing anyone else as much as I’ve enjoyed kissing you.”
“Would… would you like a bit more experimentation, just to be sure?”
“You know what? I rather think I would.”
◆◆◆
He drifted off that night into perfect, undisturbed slumber, the best he’d had in a long, long while. Abi teased him mercilessly about his stupid grin the next morning, and the state of his hair. It made him miss Ashe both more and less.
He wanted to see Scarlet again as soon as possible, to spend the whole day with her if he could, only shortly after he arrived at the base, he was met with the news that there was a pax patient on the loose, and Ben had gone after him.
By the time that fiasco was resolved, and the patient –along with Nick– was safely stowed in the off-site infirmary, it was almost night.
Scarlet met him on the steps almost as soon as he sat down, her voice ablaze with worry.
“Is he OK?” she rushed.
“He’s fine. Not showing any symptoms yet, but… best be safe.”
Scarlet’s entire body breathed a sigh of relief. It filled the space between them. “Is it safe for me to see him?”
“See? Sure. Just…”
“Not touching. Distance. I know. Not my first time.”
Nick would be safe to touch until a rash developed, but caution was always advised. He didn’t know what he’d do if she came down with it, aside from be driven mad.
She returned to his side a few minutes later, much more relaxed. Not an inch stood between them.
“OK,” she said. “Truth time. I didn't just come to see Nick.”
He tried to rein back his smile. It did not work. “Oh good. I was hoping for that.”
“There's this unwritten rule about kissing someone, see. You have to do it again within twenty-four hours or the first one doesn't count. Or something.”
“I've never heard of that.”
“Happy to be of service in delivering this vital piece of news to you. We still have a few hours.”
“A few hours, hmm?” He wound his fingers into hers, squeezing, imagining if there was any way he could sit in her presence for half that time and not want to kiss her. The memory of those moments last night raced up inside of him, spreading across his cheeks. The feeling of her body against his...
“You should know,” she said, “that I'm looking at you adoringly right now.”
“I... I don't know what that looks like.”
“Like this…” she said, lifting his hands to her face, “only it feels like this…”
His insides turned to molten lava and he damn near exploded right there. The kissing wasn't enough. He grabbed her to him, in a manner he hoped was passionate rather than rough. Scarlet moaned.
“Sorry. Did I... did I hurt you?”
“God no,” Scarlet said hoarsely. “I just... I forgot how strong you could be.”
He grinned against her neck.
◆◆◆
Nick got worse quickly. He was symptomless for a few days, helping Mi with the patient further along than he was, but there was a heaviness to him, an exhaustion that plagued him long before the symptoms started. Before long, he was sent to his bed. A hot darkness emanated from him, and Mi found himself longing for Ashe in a way he hadn’t in a while. Sometimes he wondered if that was Nick’s own longing, rising up and out of him, as if such a thing could be made tangible. Mi wanted her here for Nick, but also for himself. Abi might have been more comforting… but sometimes Ashe’s quiet is what he wanted. No pretty words. Just, ‘yup. The world sucks. Let’s deal with it.’
Together. Ashe always believed they’d be fine, as long as they stuck together. Maybe he should have gone with her that day...
No. No maybes. No ifs. The world was what it was.
“Mi?” Nick coughed from the bed.
“Sorry– do you need anything?”
“Just wanted to know where your mind went.”
“Probably the same place yours did.”
Nick exhaled.
“Try and get some rest. Think of good things, if you can. I hear there are such things.”
He went to wash up, taking a long shower, having a quick, solitary supper. He almost tripped into Scarlet in the corridor. She could move like a panther, still as any predator. He wasn’t paying attention.
She took one look at him and raced into his arms. “Lie down for a bit,” she said.
“No one’s here to relieve me.”
“I won’t leave them unguarded,” she insisted. “Or you. Come on. Lie down. For me.”
◆◆◆
It continued this way for a few days. Scarlet came by whenever she could, sometimes more than once, bringing stuff for Nick but often for him, forcing both boys to take care of themselves. She entertain Ben when he was visiting and Nick wasn’t really up for his cheer, and he felt her gaze on him all the time. He could dimly compare it to the experience of peeling an apple… only he was apple and she the peeler. It was… different from before. He had never felt a gaze as keenly as he felt hers. Never felt anything as utterly as he felt her.
One night, she came by very late, and took him into one of the spare rooms, kissing him with a sense of strange, wild energy. It rippled into him, and he knew at once what she wanted. What they both wanted.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
She bit his lip. “You have no idea how sure I am.”
“I don’t… I don’t have any protection.”
Something rustled in her pocket. “I do.”
A grin tore across his face. “You think of everything.”
“Just don’t look in the other pocket. There’s a knife.” She kissed him. “Don't hold back. Don't be gentle.”
“Aren't I supposed to be the one saying that? This is my first time…”
“Hmm... need me to tell you what to do?”
“I will listen to your expert instruction,” he said. “Rapturously.”
Scarlet smiled against his ear. “Take off my clothes,” she whispered. “Slowly.”
Mi's fingers fell to the bottom of her top. He tugged at the fabric and slipped it off, over her head. He dropped it to the floor somewhere, not caring if he tripped over it later. Worth it. The flesh he'd exposed seemed to sizzle between them, like rain on hot concrete. He moved his hands back towards her, to the garment that separated her breasts from his palms. A garment he was v
ery unfamiliar with. There was no clasp; that came off over her head too.
He swallowed the raging fire inside him and traced the line of her neck across her frantically beating heart and cupped the breast beneath it. The softest, warmest thing he had ever touched. She let out a gasp.
“Say something,” he whispered. “Anything. Even if it seems... weird. I need to hear you.”
“I'm... I'm not used to not being stared at.” She said.
“Does... does it weird you out?”
“No,” she said, and her voice burst with honesty. “I think I like it. Because I swear... even now... no one has ever seen me like you have.”
He breathed in deeply, and kissed her again, wondering if it was entirely possible to drown in another person.
“Umm... Mi?” She pulled back.
“Yes?”
“I’ve been meaning to ask… could you... close your eyes when you're kissing me?”
“Oh. Is that a thing people do?”
Scarlet laughed. The lightest, softest laugh, like a sparrow hopping across his palm. “Yes, it's a thing that people do.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm?”
“I'm just wondering why that is.”
“Because it would be too much,” she explained. “Too much to hear, and touch, and see…”
To prove her point, she slid a hand into his shirt, slowly unbuttoning, tracing the fine muscles all the way down to his stomach, kissing the skin as she went. Fire prickled inside him.
She swore when the shirt dropped to the floor behind him.
“What? What is it?”
"I didn't think you'd be so... you're so thin... I wasn't expecting you to be so..."
“What?”
“Hot.”
He grinned unashamedly.
“I'm done with slow,” Scarlet said a moment later, and there was the sound of her shucking off of her trousers, and then almost immediately she was reaching for his, unbuttoning his flies with some urgency.
“Touch me,” she commanded.
“Where?”
“Anywhere you like.” Her voice was wicked.
He slid his hands around her hips and lifted her against the bed, his lips against her neck. She gave a short gasp again, surprised at his strength, but her hands grasped at him, not afraid, not startled... yearning. Wanting more. More of him.
He hadn't known anything could feel like this, hadn't known that anything like this was possible. Why hadn't someone shown him before–
He needed to tell her, what this meant, like she was uncovering another sense he never knew he possessed. He was ablaze with sensation.
Later, later, later...
◆◆◆
He woke to the morning sun streaming down onto the pillow. Dawn. He should get up. Check on his patients–
A hand pinned him in place. “A few minutes more,” Scarlet pleaded.
He was all twisted up in her arms, her flesh still clinging to his. He found her mouth and kissed her. “How long have you been up?” He asked.
“Long enough to stare at you adoringly for some time. It’s a thing we sighted people do. Just assume whenever I’m silent from now on, that’s what I’m doing.”
“What if you’re silent because you’re mad at me?”
Scarlet huffed. “When I’m mad, I’ll throw a brick at you,” she said. “So let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
She rolled over, lying her head against his chest. He wound his fingers onto the short, soft spikes of her hair. “Last night…” he started.
“Last night was incredible,” she finished.
He grinned. He’d rather gathered that when they finally rolled off each other and breatthed “wow” at the same time. It was one of many indications that she’d thoroughly enjoyed hersef. He hoped that hadn’t disturbed any of the patients.
“Good,” he said, “because I am open to constructive criticism. I’m all about improving my technique…”
Scarlet laughed, lacing her fingers into his. “When I find any flaws, I’ll let you know.” She brushed her palms against his, each calloused finger caressing his soft one. “Does it bother you? How hard my hands are?”
“No,” he said honestly. He couldn’t remember ever touching anyone with skin as soft and unblemished as his and the rest of his family. It felt suspicious when he did. A sign of an uncommonly easy life. “I think it's weird that mine aren't. Like... we've cheated something. A little reminder that we're not quite human.”
“Feeling and lookin' pretty human to me…”
“Do... do my eyes bother you?”
“What?”
“I've heard... it can be a but... er... unsettling, the way I don't look at things–”
Scarlet sat up abruptly. “Who said that and where can I find them?”
“That's a no, then?”
“A decided no!” She backed down again, her face level with his. She pushed back his hair. “Is that why you wear your hair so... everywhere?”
“Well... it's not like it impairs my vision! Do you... not like it? I could cut it…”
Scarlet ran her hands through his hair, sweeping it to the side. She kissed his forehead. “I like every part of you…” she whispered. She kissed his eyelids. “Every part.” Her lips touched his neck, his collarbone, his chest, the panes of his stomach... “Every... part…”
◆◆◆
Two day later, they lay in bed again, long after dark. He drew wide circles on her back, listening to the steady beat of her heart. That night, he swore he could feel the moon. It bathed them both in shimmering, silvery light. He felt like he could see every curve of her, every inch.
Courage rose inside him.
“I think I'm falling in love with you,” he whispered.
“Good,” she said, the smile ripe in her voice, “because I fell in love with you a long time ago, and I've been waiting very patiently for you to catch up.”
Mi rose up on his elbows, baffled beyond belief. “You... you did?”
“You are shockingly likeable, Michael. I guarantee you've broken a few hearts without realising it.”
“I hope not...” He swallowed, still processing her words. She loves me. She loves me. They thrummed against his chest like their own, separate heartbeat. “When... when did you fall in love with me?”
“I couldn't put a moment on it,” she said, tracing lines on his chest. “Watching you with a patient, maybe. Seeing that kindness... that confidence… explode out of you. Or maybe when you saved my life at Birchwood. I'm not one for playing the damsel but that was hella hot.”
“Scarl... that was months ago!”
“I told you that I was waiting for you to catch up!”
“Why... why didn't you say anything?”
“I wasn't sure you wanted me to, to begin with. That's the downside of being incredibly likeable. No one knows when you really like them back. Then I thought... we had that moment, the night before…”
His thoughts went dark. He remembered that night fondly, when he should have kissed her and didn’t. But what happened next… “Right. Yeah.”
“When's the right time to make a move on someone who just lost one of the most important people in the world to them?”
Mi caught her fingers and kissed the tips. “When you become one of the most important people in the world.” He leaned in for another kiss. “You don't know how dark the world would have been without you.”
“Probably as dark as mine would be without you.” She lay her head against his shoulder. “When did you realise you were falling in love with me?” she asked. “PS, if you say during sex, I reserve the right to punch you.”
Mi laughed. “I liked you when we first met. Something in your voice.”
“I remember you asking Ashe if I was pretty, and she said…”
“‘Too pretty for you’.”
“Which is an utter lie by the way. I’m not ugly but you… jeez. Maybe she just didn’t notice it because she saw you every day,
or maybe she did and didn’t want to rub it in your face that you are too gorgeous for this plain Earth and it’s such a shame you don’t get to look at that face every day…” She ran a hand across his cheek.
He cupped hers. “Hardly the face I’m interested in seeing…” He rolled onto his front, before he could get too lost in that thought. “I liked you when we played I-spy together on the way to Birchwood. It was just silly and funny and I enjoyed it in a way I didn’t often enjoy things… especially when marching into battle. I kept trying to think of excuses to see you, after that.” He ran a hand along her spine. “I don’t remember when I fell in love with you, I just… I can almost feel this tug, whenever you’re in the room, like someone is pulling tightly on my chest, so hard sometimes I can barely breathe… and it only gets better when the gap between us closes.”
Scarlet smiled. “I feel that too.”
He clasped her face in his hands, imaging her before him. “Scratch what I said earlier,” he said. “I don’t think I’m in love with you. I know it. I’m afraid to inform you that you may be stuck with me for quite some time.”
“‘Quite some time’?” He could practically feel her raising an eyebrow. “How long is that, exactly?”
“Forever,” he said, “if you’ll have me.”
She kissed him, deep and slow. “Oh, I'll have you…” she whispered. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Acknowledgements
As always, thanks must go to my glorious beta readers, Lucy, Demri and Alice. I'm glad you "enjoyed" reading this so much, and also... sorry. Really sorry. I know this book put you all through the emotional wringer!
Once more, thanks to my father for fielding all the military questions. I do not like how much you share in common with Ashe and some of your knowledge is frankly quite horrifying. But also very useful. Thanks for not traumatising me as much as you clearly could have done.
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