Life goes on. It was about the only thing he’d really learned, but it would do. “I think I might come home in the spring.”
“Whenever you come I imagine you’ll get quite an O’Malley welcome home party,” Meghan finally replied.
She hadn’t tried to lock him down on a return date. He relaxed. The idea had formed and been spoken in the same breath. “Will you come to the party?”
“Am I going to be jealous of a great tan, big fish tales, and generally wishing I could have seen all the sights you’ve seen?”
“Absolutely.”
“Well in that case…”
It felt good to laugh with her. He thought of all the majestic sights he had seen and all the places he had visited. “Someday I’ll take you to the Tetons. You’d love the way the wind blows through the canyons and words echo against the mountains. You need a vacation too.” He’d probably have to haul her up the path when they got to the high altitudes, but she’d get a taste of a mountain so intense she’d almost be able to see it as she climbed those paths and encountered snow at the higher elevations.
“I’d like that.”
“So would I.” Silence stretched. “I should let you go. It’s late there.”
“If you can’t sleep, try tape eight.”
He leaned over the side of the bed and shifted cassettes. “I found it. Good night, beautiful.”
“G’night.”
She was the first to hang up. Stephen held the receiver, thinking a minute, smiling, then set it down. He’d been blessed in his friends.
He slipped the tape into the cassette player he carried with him when he went fishing and turned it on. “It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a single person was moving, except for a smart blind mouse.” Stephen laughed and shut it off to listen to later. She was priceless. She’d known the silence of this place would get to him, and she solved it in a unique way.
There was one box yet to open. He glanced at it on the table occasionally as he prepared to turn in early. The box was square and heavy. It wasn’t the desire to have one last package left that delayed him. The tag on the box said it was from Jennifer’s husband Tom.
He finally sat at the table and picked up the accompanying envelope.
Stephen, Jennifer asked me to give you this after a year passed. After some thought, I decided you should have it for the holidays. — Tom
Stephen opened the envelope, his name written in Jennifer’s familiar elegant script. The fragrance in the letter was faint but one he immediately associated with his sister. She loved lilacs.
Stephen, it’s hard to write a note knowing it will be words from the grave. I love you. I know how hard this last year must have been for you. I’d like to help with a gentle nudge. You have so many facts about God, but you’ve never let yourself get to know Him. Please meet Him. Jesus is someone you can trust, and He’s the only one who can help with the hurt you’re feeling now. I miss you, my friend. With all my love, Jennifer.
The note was her voice.
His hand shook as he opened the box. After reading her words, he wasn’t surprised at the contents. He picked up Jennifer’s diary. It was dated in gold on the cover with last year’s date. He remembered Tom had given her this new one at that last Christmas. Beneath the diary was her Bible. He carried the two items with him and stretched out on the bed. He couldn’t open the diary, not yet. Whatever she had been feeling those last few weeks before she died would be so hard to read. He picked up the Bible instead. She’d left a bookmark in the fourth chapter of Luke.
Religion had always felt like false hope. He’d been disappointed too many times to want to put his faith in something tangible. But belief in God had become an important part of his siblings’ lives. The topic would be there when he returned home whether he tried to run from it or not. He owed Jennifer. To ease the pain of how he’d disappointed her, he took her note to heart and accepted that he couldn’t run anymore from the topic of God. He started reading at her bookmark.
Ten
CHICAGO
This is the most depressing New Year’s Eve party I’ve ever attended.” Kate glanced up from her Diet Coke, wondering if it was the crabmeat crackers or the lobster rolls that were making her queasy tonight. Great. She just got over the flu only to give herself food poisoning eating questionable hors d’oeuvres. She tugged out the chair beside her with her foot. “Sit, Jack. You’re bored.”
Her brother dropped into the chair, tugging at his tie. At the invitation of her captain, they were crashing a New Year’s Eve party sponsored by the Police Retirement Association. She was on the job, but about the only crisis happening on New Year’s Eve so far was an attempted shooting and barricade at a hotel down the block, which she’d settled in an hour. “Cassie will be here soon.”
“I should have just gone to pick her up.”
“Give her a chance to get beautiful. The night will be better when she arrives.” Kate looked at her watch. Where was Dave? He got off at ten, and it was half an hour past when she thought he’d be here. She rubbed a headache growing worse with each hour. How much grief would Dave give her if she admitted red spots were dancing in the edge of her vision now? She was ready to go home.
“I heard Marcus is coming to town in a couple weeks. Maybe we can get a family basketball game in?”
How long had it been since they last gathered as a group to play some ball? The schedules for couples were never as easy to coordinate as the spur-of-the-moment games they used to have when everyone was single. They hadn’t played in months. The night of Jennifer’s funeral they had played a pick-up game, using it to wear off the stress of the day. But after Stephen left, it felt strange playing without him. Kate forced a smile, pretty sure she’d be flat on her face if she tried to run on a basketball court right now. “We’ll do that.”
She spotted Jack’s fiancée walking across the hotel lobby. “There’s Cassie.”
He spun out of his chair before she finished the words.
Kate watched him reach Cassie and sweep her up in a greeting. It was good for the O’Malleys now to be couples. Jack and the others were happy; she was head over heels in love with her husband. But the price of their happiness was higher than she thought.
What was Stephen doing tonight? He was being left out as the family transformed itself. When he set out on his drive she should have gone with him, should have stopped him from leaving. She drank her Coke and brooded.
Kate shoved scrambled eggs onto two plates next to some toast. “Stephen spent New Year’s Day helping a guy hang cabinets. We’ve got to get him, Marcus, and drag him back here. He isn’t grieving; he’s stuck in a hole and making a motel in Arizona his home. What does he think, that we don’t want him here?” It was the middle of January, and she felt like she’d lost a brother as well as a sister. It had been wrong to let this go on so long.
Marcus took the plate she handed him and pulled out a chair across from hers. “It’s more than grief over Jennifer and the memories from his past the funeral stirred. He absorbed the pressure of working in this town for years without a break. He needs some time to decide what he wants to do. That’s not a crisis, Kate. It’s just his way of figuring things out. You know he’s a runner.”
She scowled. “I remember.” She had tried to tail him during one of his attempts to run away from Trevor House, and he intentionally lost her by doubling back through the school yard. Stephen had looked after her over the years; it was time she looked after him. “How much longer?”
“A few weeks.”
She looked at Marcus and finally accepted it with a nod. She’d be one of those going after Stephen. She wanted so badly to get a hug from him and know they were okay. “Like some more coffee?”
“Sure.”
Kate got up from the table and staggered.
Marcus shot out his hand to catch her arm. “Whoa, sit back down.”
She sat and he pushed her head between her knees.
“Here
.” Marcus pressed her water glass into her hand.
She lifted clammy hands and gripped it hard.
“I saw what you didn’t eat, so that’s not what’s causing this. Why didn’t you let the doctor check you out last month when this started?”
She bobbled the glass and nearly spilled the water. “I don’t want to hear I’ve got cancer like Jennifer.”
His hand tightened on the back of her neck. “I wish you had said something to Dave.” She looked up. Marcus looked like she’d punched him in the gut.
“Dave would have just taken me to see a doctor.”
“What do you think I’m going to do?”
She lowered her head and tried to take deep breaths, knowing the day had just moved out of her control. She’d been trying so hard to keep Dave from seeing one of these spells. She should have known her luck would run out around Marcus.
“Seriously, can a doctor make you feel any worse?”
The light-headedness faded and she forced herself to sit up. “Call Meghan. Maybe she’ll know the name of a good doctor who has a decent bedside manner.” Between the headaches, the waves of light-headedness, and the recurring nausea, her symptoms were growing steadily worse. She couldn’t avoid the reality any longer. She groaned and laid her head down on the table. “I feel awful.”
“I’ll be right back.”
Meghan thanked JoAnne for the ride to Lake Forest, caught hold of Blackie’s handle, and turned toward Dave and Kate’s house. She was glad she’d already been in town when her mom passed along the call.
“Thanks for coming, Meghan.”
“It’s my pleasure.” She walked toward Marcus’s voice, grateful there was something she could do for the O’Malleys for a change. Blackie led her up two steps and into the house.
Marcus clasped her hand with his. “You look really good.”
“Thank you. How’s Kate doing?”
“I talked her into lying down upstairs.”
“Take me to see her?”
“Sure. Can I get you a drink or something first?”
“I’m fine for now.” She motioned Blackie to follow him and walked up the stairs, out of habit silently counting them. They reached the landing. “Let me see her alone.”
Marcus hesitated. “Sure. Her room is the second door on your left.”
Meghan squeezed his arm and walked down the hall, trailing a hand along the wall to the second doorway. She tapped on the door. “I hear you’re feeling pretty awful.”
“Like someone is trying to take out my guts from the inside out,” Kate replied. “The bed is six feet straight ahead, then there’s a chair on your left.”
Meghan let Blackie escort her to the chair as she smiled at her friend. “That symptom sounds descriptive. What time’s your appointment?”
“One o’clock. And you don’t need to make sure I actually get there.”
“JoAnne and I were in town shopping. I was ready for a break.” Meghan reached for Kate’s wrist, checked her pulse, and then rubbed her arm.
“Don’t bother. I’m dying.”
Meghan settled back in the chair but kept her hand on Kate’s. “You’re not dying. I’ve seen a lot of the flu this year that is laying out grown men. You could be slightly allergic to the type of cologne Dave uses for all we know, but we’ll eliminate the obvious things first—stomach flu, a reaction to your birth control pills, the start of an ulcer. Do you really think you’ve got cancer like Jennifer?”
“It crossed my mind a few times,” Kate muttered.
Meghan squeezed Kate’s hand, understanding just how hard it was to push away irrational thoughts when it came down to scary what ifs. “We’ll let Sandy sort it out. I promise you’ll feel better tomorrow, if only because you won’t need to worry about it anymore.”
“I’m scared, Meg. And I am never scared.”
Meg turned Kate’s wedding ring. “You’re not going to lose everything you love just because for the first time you have happiness with Dave, a job you enjoy, and peace with God. It’s not about to get ripped away from you. I promise you that.”
“Jennifer died. Stephen left. And the fear eats at me because I’m never sick and something is wrong.”
“Jennifer’s waiting for you in heaven, and Stephen will come back. Depend on God, and the fear will find its right size. He’s bigger than whatever is wrong.”
“Dave’s going to meet us at the doctor’s office. He’ll have to break the speed limit to get back in time, but he’s determined.”
“He loves you.”
“I know, Meghan. I’m depending on that.” Kate sighed. “I’d better change and get ready to go.” She eased to the edge of the bed. “You’ll keep Marcus company in the waiting room?”
“I will,” Meg said. “He’s worried about you.”
“Good. It serves him right for telling on me to Dave.”
Meg laughed.
Meghan sat beside Marcus and listened to the sounds in the waiting room. She could hear pages quickly turning in a magazine— Marcus wasn’t pausing to read anything. “Would you relax? Kate’s going to be fine.”
“She looked awful.”
Meghan patted his arm.
She missed this, the pace and flow of patients. She faintly heard Kate’s voice saying good-bye to the doctor. “Marcus, call Dave again and tell him not to bother to park but to come around front to the circle drive. Kate and I will meet you in the lobby.”
She heard him set down the magazine. “You’re right; she’s coming and her color is better.”
“I think she would prefer talking with Dave downstairs rather than here in a crowded waiting room.”
“A good assumption, Meg. I’ll go intercept him. Meet you by the entrance downstairs.”
A few moments later Kate collapsed into the seat Marcus just vacated. Meghan turned toward her. “What’s the verdict?”
Kate struggled to get the words out. “I’m pregnant.”
Meghan reached over and gripped her friend’s hand. She’d been hoping that was the case. Kate’s hand turned in hers and about cut off the circulation.
Kate sighed and then laughed. “Dave is going to be thrilled. World class thrilled.”
“How far along did she think you are?”
“Eight weeks? Ten? I didn’t hear much of what she said after the word pregnant.” Kate leaned forward. “Am I going to be this sick the entire nine months?”
Meghan smiled as she rubbed Kate’s back. “Cheer up. You’ve only got seven months to go.”
Kate groaned.
“The first trimester is normally the worst of it. Are you happy about this?”
“Yeah. I think I’m going to start blubbering soon. What do I know about babies? I have no idea how to be a mom.”
“You’ll learn how just like everybody else. Marcus went to find Dave. He’ll meet us at the entrance.”
“He’s going to pick me up, whirl me around, and I’m going to lose the crackers I had down the front of his shirt.”
“Toast, hot tea, no caffeine. I’ll take you through a whole list of things that will help.” Meghan got to her feet and offered her hand. Kate took it. “You’re going to make a great mom.”
“At least my son or daughter will have two parents who never leave.”
Meghan wrapped her arm around Kate’s waist and hugged her, hearing the absolute promise. “And I’m going to throw you the biggest baby shower you’ve ever seen.”
“Meg, don’t you dare.”
Meghan laughed. “I bet your fellow cops would come. What are friends for, if not to embarrass you?”
ARIZONA
Stephen drove back to the motel Friday night, one hand on the wheel, the other rubbing a blister forming on the side of his left thumb. Next time he volunteered to help install a garage door opener, he would make sure he had on better gloves. Homemade bread still warm from the oven rested in a sack beside him, filling the cab with a wonderful aroma. He’d miss this barter system after he moved on to a more
formal job in Texas. He pulled into the motel parking lot and felt a jolt. Marcus was leaning against a BMW waiting for him. Stephen parked and shut off the truck. The solemn focus on his brother’s face warned him.
“It’s Kate,” Stephen said, guessing what would send Marcus halfway across the country without a warning phone call.
Marcus just nodded.
Stephen picked up the sack and shut the door of the truck feeling like a very old man. He’d known a day like this would come when she walked into a crisis and got into serious trouble.
“She’s pregnant, Stephen.”
He stopped halfway across the parking lot at the quiet words. “Kate?”
An easy smile played at the corners of Marcus’s mouth. “That was about her reaction too. Does this town have somewhere you can get a good meal?”
Stephen shifted the sack. “Grandy’s down the road a bit.”
“There’s no close airport and I’ve been driving for hours. We need to talk.”
Stephen drove him to Grandys, taking along the homemade bread. They settled at the back table. “Is she doing okay?”
“She’s sicker than I’ve ever seen a lady get and struggling to accept the change this will mean at work. She kept her promise to Dave—she’s moving over to work robbery and fraud. Her days as a hostage negotiator are over. She’s hoping an opening in homicide will become available.”
“Kate is going to be a mom.” Stephen tried to get his thoughts around that new reality and found it a stretch. “I didn’t even know she wanted to start a family right away.”
Marcus smiled. “She came out of the doctor’s office in a bit of shock. She didn’t even suspect it.”
“Dave is okay with it?”
“Walking on air and so proud you’d figure the baby was already born.”
Stephen could see that; Dave was head over heels in love with Kate and the type of guy to celebrate the fact that he’d soon be a father. Stephen thought about Kate being pregnant and the image caused his smile to grow. “When’s she due?”
“The doctor gave her a date in mid-July.”
“I appreciate your coming to tell me in person, but you could have called.”
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