How Ya Like Me Now

by Brendan Halpin

  Alex introduced him to Tanya, who was the only other white person in the room besides him and Alex, but who wore her hair all braided like the black girls, and then to Aisha, Gisela, Kenisha, and Hanh. Eddie was glad he didn’t have to do weird handshakes with the girls, because that would have been embarrassing. They all just raised a hand, smiled, and went back to ignoring him, which was pretty much the treatment he was used to from girls.

  What he wasn’t used to, though, was the treatment he got from the boys. “So, Left Eye,” Kelvin said, and everybody cracked up, and Eddie took his hand away from rubbing his left eye, which still really hurt from that paper airplane and was definitely watering and probably bloodshot. He noticed that Alex was trying hard not to laugh. “What’s crackin?”

  “Uh, well …” Eddie wished he had a quick comeback, something nasty to say about Kelvin’s aim with the paper airplane, something funny, anything at all …

  “Okay, okay, quiet type, I get that, I get that. Yo, Alex, man, we figured your cousin would be white, but Left Eye is literally white! Can’t see his face next to the wall!”

  “Kid could be completely invisible in a snowstorm!” Savon added.

  “Homeboy makes Michael Jackson look black!” Kelvin added, which brought laughter from the whole room.

  “Hang on,” Savon said, “I see something. Something … damn! Look at those red ears! Yo, Alex, your uncle a lobster or something, ’cause homeboy …” Eddie was glad to see that Alex looked shocked and horrified, but it wasn’t enough to stop his anger.

  “Alex’s uncle is dead, and your name means ‘soap,’” Eddie said, hating how stupid it sounded the minute it came out of his mouth. He’d killed whatever advantage he might have had from the dead-dad thing by trying to add the stupid French thing. He turned around to walk out, and Savon said, “Oh, yo, man, I’m sorry. I didn’t know, I’m … sorry your dad passed.”

  “Yeah,” Kelvin added, “Savon thinks just ’cause his dad’s alive and locked up, everybody’s is!”

  “Shut up, Kelvin,” Savon said. “My dad ain’t in jail.”

  “That you know of. All I’m sayin’.”

  Alex finally piped up. “Damn, Kelvin. That wasn’t right.” Sure, he’d stick up for Soap, but not his own cousin.

  Gisela said, “Y’all are out of control today Where’s the love, people? You”—she pointed to Savon—“didn’t have to take it there, and you”—to Kelvin—“didn’t have to take it there. Talking about people’s fathers. Y’all got to leave family out of it.”

  “Yeah, okay, Your Highness,” Kelvin said, but he shut up, and Eddie was glad Gisela stuck up for him.

  Eddie was still standing next to the door, which opened and hit him in the back. A big-headed white guy with salt-and-pepper hair poked his head in. “Sorry about that, my young friend. Advisory 212! I am delighted to see so many of you here before the official start of the business day! You could certainly teach several of our fourth-year associates a lesson in punctuality.”

  “Well, Mr. Paulson, we need to get through that Dudley Square bus stop before the troublemakers get out of bed,” Aisha said.

  “Same thing at Forest Hills,” Hanh offered. “You get there after eight, mad heads be hanging around trying to start something.”

  Paulson stopped smiling for a second, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He looked like he was actually in pain. “Young people, I am truly sorry on behalf of our city and our nation that you should have to think for even a second about whether your journey to school will be a safe one. All of us here at CUE understand the difficulties and sacrifices you make in order to secure the education you deserve, and we respect you for it.”

  Nobody said anything. It was a little strange the way Paulson got all serious and sad for a minute. Eddie felt like he should rush in to fill the silence, but what could he say—“I know what it’s like, nobody went into the bathroom next to the third-floor science lab at my school unless they wanted to get beaten up”? Somehow it seemed different. And this was his school now anyway.

  Pauslon’s face cleared, and he said, “Having said all that, what have you been told about closing the conference room door?”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Paulson,” Kelvin said, grinning. “We know that the other advisories like to get work done before school starts, and Kenisha’s a little out of control.”

  Kenisha looked up from her book, adjusted her glasses, and said, “Mr. Paulson,” but he cut her off.

  “Please, Kelvin. The fact that Kenisha outscores you by ten points on everything does not make her out of control.” This brought a chorus of “Oooohhs!” from the rest of the advisory, and a small smile from Kenisha as she returned to reading. “Now, Edward, my friend, you and I need to have a brief meeting before advisory gets under way, so you can get the lay of the land here at the finest school in America. If you don’t mind accompanying me to my office …”

  Eddie was happy for the opportunity to get out of the line of fire, but he was not too psyched to be heading to the principal’s office. The principal at OHS never even knew his name, and he had liked it that way.

  His first day of school hadn’t even officially started yet, and already he’d been hit in the eye, insulted, and summoned to the principal’s office. Terrific.

  “Now, Edward, you’re coming from Oldham, I believe?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ah yes. I did some observations at OHS for my secondary administration certification. So the halls of the Center for Urban Education are probably looking very strange to you right now.”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “You will note the lack of graffiti, and also, though the school day hasn’t officially started yet, the lack of desks for hall monitors.”

  “So, um, do the hall monitors walk up and down the halls instead of sitting by the bathrooms?”

  Paulson smiled. “No, Edward. We have no hall monitors here, and you will never be asked for a hall pass. We consider ourselves a community here, and, as such, we give each other freedom and expect responsibility. It’s our assumption that you know where you need to be during the day and that you are responsible enough to be there. We assume that if you are on your way to the bathroom, you actually need to use the bathroom. We assume that when you leave the building for lunch, you will be able to return to class on time and not cause trouble on the streets. Now, the overwhelming majority of students thrive under such conditions. Some, of course, do not, but there is no need to treat the entire student body like criminals simply because a small percentage need extra help remembering their responsibilities.”

  This sounded like about the dumbest thing Eddie ever heard. This guy obviously knew nothing about teenagers. Eddie was sure kids walked all over him. Oh well. That was better than a mean principal any day, especially if the principal was actually going to know his name.

  “And you’ve spent a few minutes in the advisory room?”

  “Um. Yeah.”

  “I assume advisory is an unfamiliar concept to you as well?”

  Eddie didn’t quite know how to play this. Alex had told him how they had stupid names for everything here, and he figured advisory was just a dumb name for homeroom, but he knew if the principal was saying he assumed he didn’t know something, he should act like he didn’t know it.

  “Um, yeah.”

  “Well, I’m sure Alex has explained it to you somewhat, but, in a nutshell, it’s incredibly important in the business world and in life that people be able to work in teams. Now, simply because of the way scheduling works, we couldn’t have you in the same classes all day with the same students, so we’ve created advisory as a way of grounding all students with a group. I’m sure you will find this ‘corny,’ as Kelvin likes to say, but we really view the advisory as a way of building a familylike atmosphere here. It really does become a tight-knit community. And, in addition, your advisor, Mr. Harrison, is your primary adult contact in this building. So when you or your guardians have questions, when you get report cards,
when you have a conflict that needs mediating, your advisor is there to help you.”

  Great, Eddie thought. Somebody else breathing down his neck, and more talking about family. My family’s broken, Eddie wanted to say, and I can do just fine by myself. I didn’t need an advisor at OHS, and that was a way bigger and meaner school than this one. Paulson kept talking about freedom and responsibility, and about how you stayed in your advisory until you graduated, and how people really looked after their advisory rooms, and Eddie just nodded and smiled and tried to look interested. The only interesting thing that Paulson told him, though, was that Eddie should ask Alex about what had happened when he’d left a potato chip bag on the floor of an advisory of fourth-year associates last year.

  6

  As soon as Eddie was out the door, Alex decided he could stick up for him. He had a vague sense that he probably should have stood up for him while he was actually in the room, but he wasn’t sure if Eddie would get upset. It never looks good for a “young man,” as Paulson would call him, to have somebody else fight his battles. And Eddie did need to learn how to take a joke and give one back. It sure hadn’t been easy for Alex to learn that. Still, Eddie was family, and Alex owed him some loyalty.

  “Gisela’s right, you guys. Y’all were a little rough on him.”

  Kelvin immediately said, “Shoot, I was harder on Savon, and he’s my dawg.” This was accompanied by a punch to Savon’s shoulder.

  “Still.”

  “Aw, he knows we’re playing. Doesn’t he?” Kelvin asked.

  “I really don’t know, to be honest with you. Kid doesn’t talk much.”

  “Maybe you should try to be more like him, Alex,” Hanh called out.

  “Maybe you ought to …” stop being so hot so I can pay attention in math class, part of Alex wanted to say, but instead he said, “try to act more like a normal Asian girl—be quiet for a minute and get some good math grades.”

  “Yeah, that’s why you try to copy off my quizzes.”

  “That’s a lie!”

  “Yeah,” Savon said, “Alex copies off me!”

  “All I know is he’s always staring over my shoulder in math class!”

  “That’s because he’s trying to look down your shirt, genius! I thought Asians were supposed to be smart!” Kelvin retorted, and Alex knew he needed to come back with some crack about how there was nothing to see down Hanh’s shirt or something, but he found that his mouth suddenly wasn’t working. He held up his history book to hide his face because he was blushing so hard he was practically purple. He was going to kill Kelvin, who, of course, was right. Alex would never copy off Hanh when he sat next to Savon already, but Hanh was always “pushing the boundaries of professional attire,” as Mr. Paulson called it, and so, yeah, he … ugh. Alex was dimly aware that the whole advisory was going “Oooh!” and laughing, and he wondered if Hanh was hiding, too; if she was embarrassed because she liked him, too.

  Fortunately for Alex, Harrison entered at that moment.

  “Damn, Harry,” Kelvin said, “we were just about to really let Alex have it.”

  “Well,” Harrison said, “there’s so much wrong in that little sentence. First, you began it with a swear word—admittedly a mild swear word, but one that’s clearly out of the CUE code of professional language—”

  “That’s the FA-CUE code of professional language,” Alex piped up, sensing his opportunity to get out of the social hole he was in, and everybody laughed, definitely a good sign.

  Harrison stopped talking and stared at Alex, visibly annoyed. Alex kept talking. “What? I mean, isn’t this the Francis Abernathy Center for Urban Education? I mean, I’m just saying the name of the school over here—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yes, we can’t possibly change the name as long as Abernathy is mayor, which looks like it’ll be until all of your grandchildren die, but I feel like that joke is really, really tired. And, Kelvin, don’t call me Harry, and don’t even hint that there’s anything going on in here before I get here, because if I have direct knowledge that something other than quiet study is taking place here before the official opening of school, then I will need to arrive earlier to supervise this time, like most other advisors do, as I’m sure you’re aware. If, on the other hand, I believe you to be studying quietly in seats or making your way here prior to the official opening of school at 8:25, then I have no reason to arrive before, say, 8:20, and we can continue our fine current arrangement. Am I clear?”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Harrison sir!” Kelvin answered.

  “That’s more like it,” Harrison said, trying and failing to stop a smile. “About time I got the respect I deserve around here. Hey, Alex, where’s your cousin? Isn’t he starting today?”

  “Yeah, he’s talking to the chief executive officer, getting the professionalism lecture with a side order of ‘freedom and responsibility.’”

  “All right, then, well, let’s try to make him feel welcome as soon as he arrives,” Harrison said, and Gisela snorted.

  By the time Eddie returned, it was transition time, and Harrison made everybody introduce themselves to him in professional language, even Alex, which was really dumb. He shared a bedroom with the kid, it wasn’t like he needed to introduce himself. When it was Eddie’s turn, he said, “Uh, my name is Eddie, which I guess you know. I was living in Oldham until recently.” Alex’s heart sank. Eddie had a great opportunity to make some joke about paper airplanes, or dis Kelvin in front of Harry without Harry noticing, but he didn’t take it.

  They had put Eddie in a different English class from his, so Alex didn’t see him again until marketing, which was this weird combination of an art, math, and English class that every sophomore at FA-CUE had to take. The marketing teacher, Mr. Lewis, was an old white guy who had worked in some company for his whole life and was trying to give back to the community or something. Everybody knew that nobody in any other school took a class like this, so it might have been easy to treat it like a joke if Lewis wasn’t so serious and such a hard grader. On the first day he gave them this long lecture about marketing and how they were always on the receiving end, and how if they could understand it, this would be tremendously empowering. Alex didn’t quite get the speech, but apparently Lewis gave the same one at parents’ night, and Alex’s mom and dad were completely in love with him.

  The other thing about Lewis was that he was really funny, if you could figure out when he was making a joke. He said everything totally seriously, but Alex had learned that Lewis had a little twinkle in his eyes when he was joking, and he and Savon were the only ones who ever laughed.

  Eddie came into the room after Alex had found his usual seat next to Savon. “Hey, Eddie, you can sit over here with us—there are no assigned seats,” Alex called to his cousin.

  Eddie kept walking to the other end of the classroom and sat by himself. “That’s okay, you sit with your friends,” he said, obviously still pissed about that morning. Fine, Alex thought. Be like that. Baby.

  Lewis got up from his desk and walked over to the whiteboard. The whole class fell silent. Alex had learned the hard way that you didn’t talk once Lewis got up from his desk.

  “Today,” Lewis said without even a hello or good morning or anything, “is an auspicious day. It is a day that I am sure most of you have been awaiting with bated breath, as I’m sure my previous students have related to you the carnival of learning fun that is the Marketing Project.”

  Alex winced. He’d been pretending that the Marketing Project wasn’t really going to happen this year, and here it was. Whenever the Marketing Project came up, anybody who had already done it just kind of shuddered and said something along the lines of “Oh. That was hard.” This never bothered Alex so much, because older kids were always trying to scare the classes behind them by telling them how hard everything was. What did scare him, though, was the fact that they would never say anything else about it. It wasn’t like they wanted to talk it up to scare people; it was more like it was something so p
ainful they couldn’t stand to talk about it.

  Lewis did his best to play up how scary the project was, explaining that it would test their math skills, their creativity, their ability to work with others, and their ability to do a great deal of work in a short period of time.

  “Your first task will be an individual one,” Lewis said. “I expect you to research a business that started no fewer than five and no more than thirty years ago.”

  That would probably include a whole lot of porn sites, Alex thought immediately He daydreamed briefly about having a conversation in which he said something like “It’s research for school, Mom, I swear!” and decided that he couldn’t really do it, even though it was a funny idea.

  “And before you ask, no, you may not research any company that purveys pornography over the Internet or, indeed, in any other format.” A couple of people snickered, and Alex noticed that Lewis was looking right at him with that twinkly look in his eye. Scary. “Trace the business’s development, and analyze what role marketing played in the ultimate success or failure of that business.”

  Alex looked over at Eddie. He had a notebook open and was writing down everything Lewis said. Actually, so were most people in the class. But Lewis always gave assignment sheets. Why did everybody waste their time doing way more work than they had to?

  Lewis said some more stuff about how he wanted them to write a proposal for the project, and then he handed out the assignment sheet, just as Alex knew he would.

  When marketing ended, Alex tried to catch up to Eddie, but he disappeared into the hallway before Alex even had all his stuff packed up.

  Even though Alex knew that Eddie had overreacted this morning, he did feel a little bad, and so he was glad when he found Eddie at the end of the day. “Hey! How did your day go?” he asked.

  “Okay, I guess.”

  “So, uh, did you meet anybody else?”

  “You know, I kinda kept to myself today, after this morning.”

  “Yeah, well, those guys can be kinda rough, you know, but it really is all in fun.”