His response was instant. “Of course.”
Hopping out of my bed, I plodded over to Julian’s room. Wishing I could block the image of Hunter’s wan face from my mind, I crawled under the covers with Julian. Reaching out for me, he clasped my hand, just like he used to when we were children; the warmth and familiarity was soothing. Squeezing my palm, he murmured, “Night, Nick.”
I smiled as best I could. “Good night, Julie.”
I’D WAITED WEEKS to tell Halina I was ready to return to the ranch. As eager as I was to be free of her, I dreaded it too. I probably would have gone several more weeks without telling her, except she’d attempted to force-feed me again, and in a moment of sheer panic, I’d blurted out that we could go home so long as she promised to never pour blood down my throat again. I just couldn’t take it. Halina wanted to go home just as much as she wanted me to eat, so she’d agreed to my compromise. While I knew she hoped I would succumb to the monster inside and feed, I’d seen the joy in her eyes as she’d started making plans with Gabriel to surprise the family with an unannounced visit.
But, if I were honest, one of the reasons I’d been reluctant to return, a large reason actually, was Nika. I hadn’t been ready to face her. All the feelings I’d been trying to repress since converting had rushed to the surface the moment I saw her. She was gorgeous. With dark amber eyes and long silky hair that my fingers itched to touch, she was just as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. Seeing her again had pierced my silent heart as surely as if someone had staked me. And the way she’d looked at me, with such compassion in her eyes. She might not be in love with me anymore, but she still cared about me. And I still cared about her. Just seeing her again made me want to do anything she asked of me. Even drink. I’d considered it, briefly, but in the end, as always, I couldn’t go there.
The smell had been thick in the air, Nika’s heartbeat had raged in my ears, and all I’d wanted to do was drink that glass down. And another. And another. But my stomach had instantly knotted and my guard had instantly gone up. Dressing up blood in fancy crystal didn’t alter the reality of what it was, and what I was if I drank it. I probably should have just sat at the table with the family, acted as human as possible, but I’d felt my willpower fading, and I’d known that if I had sat at the table, the glass would have ended up in my hands, the blood would have ended up in my mouth, and another tiny part of my soul would have shriveled and died. I did not want what I desperately did want. So, in the end, I chickened out, asked to leave, and further removed myself from the only people who were attempting to help me. And from Nika, who said I was a part of her family, who begged me to stop hurting myself, and then begged me not to leave. She still cared…but she shouldn’t.
Pushing aside my dramatic reunion with a family of monsters, I focused instead on the ancient one walking beside me. Gabriel’s eyes watched the stone steps as we walked, so I was free to study his expression, not that doing so helped me any. His face was a blank slate, an empty mask. He hadn’t said a word since leading me through the hidden entrance in the living room that led to the lower, sun-proof layers of the home. Everyone else in the house had mentioned me after we’d left, most were worried about what I would or wouldn’t do. I had no plans to do anything, so none of them needed to worry. I’d listened for Nika to speak her fears, but she hadn’t. Her silence unnerved me more than Gabriel’s.
After traveling down several hallways and three flights of stairs, we reached a set of heavy gilded doors. Gabriel pushed them closed after we walked through, and all sound shut off from above me. The isolating silence was deafening. It put me on high alert, and I spun around, searching for an enemy. All I found was Gabriel watching me with a slight lift to his lip. “The lowest level is soundproof. Don’t worry, you get used to it.”
I hadn’t experienced pure silence since being turned. The closest I’d come was being submerged under water or under the earth, but that was nothing compared to this. After the disorientation passed, I found that the solemnity was comforting. Knowing no one above could hear our conversation, I asked him, “Will you begin working on me now?”
The short stone hallway in front of us came to a T, with lights on the walls extending both left and right. Gabriel turned right, so I followed him. “Yes. Your room is directly across from my main lab, so no one will question your location. We’ll have plenty of time for testing.” He looked over at me. “No one can know what we’re doing down here.”
I nodded. No, if anyone found out, they would tell Halina, and she would never allow the bond to be broken. She’d probably stake Gabriel if she realized what he was doing. She might afterward if her feelings weren’t severed like Gabriel thought they would be. But that was his problem, not mine. Sighing, I wondered if any of this was going to hurt. That didn’t matter though. I needed these shackles removed, as much as that thought pained me.
My chest constricted, and I automatically searched for Halina’s presence above me. And Nika’s. I knew I shouldn’t care about either woman, but they both had a place in my heart, and they would both be affected by my quest for freedom. I wouldn’t be deterred by that fact though. Returning my eyes to Gabriel, I calmly stated, “Let’s get started.”
Gabriel led me into his laboratory. I suddenly felt like I was in a horror movie, entering the mad scientist’s lair. Glass containers bubbled and percolated with red and pink liquids, all of them releasing the scent of blood into the air. I struggled against the conflicting urges running through my body—desire and disgust—but the blood was laced with so many other, unappealing smells, that I quickly pushed aside the longing.
The smell of sulfur burned my nose as I watched Gabriel stride from one experiment to another. A full smile was finally on his lips. This place was clearly where he preferred to be. Turning down the heat on something simmering on a burner, Gabriel poured a small sample into a cup, then, using an eyedropper, squeezed a few red drops onto a slide. His smile grew as he examined the slide under a microscope. “Perfect,” he murmured.
He lifted his eyes to mine. “I have several experiments running, plus the never-ending job of creating the drug that keeps mixed vampires from converting until they are ready.” I remained silent. Gabriel had already told me about the lifecycle of mixed vampires. Nika, while as alive as any human now, would die and convert like any other vampire before her 26th birthday, unless she took the drug Gabriel supplied. It made my leeriness of him fade some, to know that he might extend Nika’s living life. She could find love, have children, grow old…even die and stay dead. She could live a completely human life.
I pondered for a moment how I would survive if Nika chose that life. But then I remembered that my plan wasn’t to survive at all, so Nika’s death wasn’t something I would ever need to worry about. Selfish, yet comforting.
Gabriel continued while I silently berated myself. “I asked Imogen to look over things while I was gone, but she doesn’t know this room like I do. It’s good to be back.” His smile was radiant as his emotions finally showed themselves.
Feeling lost in this confusing, stark room, I asked, “What do you need from me?”
Gabriel raised an eyebrow, like he thought the answer was obvious. “Your blood, of course.” He pointed across the room, to a wall-sized refrigerator with a clear door. Inside, I could see rows and rows of vials full of blood. “I already have a sample from Halina, but I’ll need yours so I can compare the bond.”
I snapped my eyes back to his. “The bond is in the blood?”
Gabriel’s expression grew even more amused. “Everything is in the blood.”
Well, of course it was. What in my life didn’t revolve around blood now? Gabriel extended his hand to a chair nearby, and I collapsed into it. With barely an examination of my arm, he found a vein and plunged in a needle. I flinched, but was soon mesmerized by the sight of the vial filling with deep red liquid. “I may wake you periodically throughout the daylight hours to perform other tests on you. The middle of the day is the only
real time we’ll be alone.”
He filled up another vial while I nodded. “That’s fine. Whatever you need from me.”
“Eating would help,” he replied.
I raised my eyes to his; it was a struggle to keep them open. I was so tired. “Is that necessary for the testing?”
Filling another vial, Gabriel shook his head. “No. But it would keep Halina off your back and happy, and it would increase your stamina so I could take more of your blood if needed.” He capped off the vial and indicated the four he’d filled. “I’ll have to make due with these for now. If I take anymore, you may pass out.”
I looked over at his collection. Some sick, twisted part of me wanted to drink the blood, even though I knew it was mine. I shook my head. “Blood loss won’t kill a vampire; if you need more, take it.” It took a lot of effort, but I refocused on him. “If I don’t have to eat, I won’t.”
Gabriel glanced down at my arm, then removed the needle. “There’s no need to completely wear you out…I have enough for now.” The tiny prick in my arm healed the second the intrusion was gone. “And if you choose to live in pain, then I guess that’s your choice.” He started to turn away from me, then stopped himself. “How you live is up to you, Hunter, but I care a great deal about the living vampires in my care. If you hurt Nika or Julian, or any of the humans in my nest, not only will I end your life, but I’ll do it in the most painful way possible.”
Even though his words sent a chill through me, I smiled at him. “And here I thought you wouldn’t stake me?”
He frowned. “Not without good reason.” He lifted a pale eyebrow. “And I think I made it quite clear that I would not be staking you.” As if he hadn’t just been talking about my gory demise, he smiled and indicated upstairs. “While you are here at the ranch, you should check out the living room during daylight hours. I’ve protected the windows to a level that allows purebloods up to thirty minutes in sunshine. I think you would enjoy it.”
An explosion of painful need burst through my soul. Sun. I’d gone so long without it. I never thought I’d see it again, feel it again. If I could have it, even for just a few minutes a day…maybe it would keep the insanity at bay, give me a reason to go on, to keep trying, to keep living through this hell, at least until I could be free of it. “Thank you,” I whispered, too blown away to say anything more.
I stumbled to my room, anxious for the sun to rise, for night to end. I wished I was tired enough to fall asleep, to speed up the process, but I wanted it too badly and sleep was impossible. My plush room had every amenity—four-poster bed covered in a solid black comforter, a dresser full of clothes, all in my size, a chaise lounge beside a bookcase overflowing with novels that piqued my interest, a leather couch opposite a flat screen TV, and even a private bathroom.
Since I was covered in grime from living outdoors and sleeping in the ground, I decided to take a shower. Filth swirled down the drain as the hot water removed all traces of my former life. Savoring the stinging sensation of scalding water, I turned it up even hotter. Even though my shower was longer than most baths, the hot water never ran out. The plumbing here was designed for those who liked being warm.
When I was clean, dry, and dressed, I laid down on my bed and waited; I was too tired to do anything else, and too eager. Straight across from my king-sized bed, where a normal room would have had a window, was a painting. The intricate brushstrokes depicted a glorious sunrise. It made my eyes brim. The sun. I was going to see the sun.
Halina came downstairs before the night was through. When I felt her approaching my room, I feigned sleep. She cracked open my door, whispered my name, then sighed as she walked into the room. I had to consciously fight the innate need to turn and acknowledge her. But if I did, she would want to talk, and I didn’t want to do that right now. I just wanted to be left alone. “Are you asleep?” she asked. I laid perfectly still, stopped my breathing. The undead didn’t breathe while we slept, while our bodies were shut down. I heard her move to the end of the bed, felt a blanket covering me. The kindness in the gesture almost caved my will, but I still ignored her. I needed to maintain distance if I was going to separate from her. God, could I do that?
Leaning down, she kissed my forehead and spoke soft words in a language I didn’t recognize. The tenderness in her voice was unmistakable though. I clenched my concealed hand into a fist to stop myself from turning to her and seeking comfort. What comfort could she really give me anyway? She was a monster. I was a monster.
When she left the room, I opened my eyes. Grief crushed me—despair over what I was, horror over what I was about to do. There was no way to win this battle warring within me. Whichever way I turned, I’d already lost.
I felt like I waited forever, but eventually, even miles below the earth, I could feel the prickling up my spine that told me the sun was rising. It raised my desolate spirits. Once the sun was well past the horizon, the stinging sensation stopped. Even though I desperately wanted to see the rays of light blanketing the Earth, I waited. I wanted to see them alone, so I needed to make sure Halina was asleep. I had nothing to go on except what I knew of her patterns. She usually stayed up for an hour or two after sunrise, having quiet conversations with Gabriel, or with me, if we were buried together. I figured she would stick to the same pattern here, so I gave her several hours to fall asleep before I rose from my bed.
I was exhausted, and even though I yearned for sleep, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get to that peaceful state this early in the day. My body still hadn’t adjusted, even after all this time, and it took me hours to fall asleep every morning. But today, that was okay; I wanted to see the daylight anyway. I left my room and stealthily crept down the hall until I realized I didn’t need to. While the entire floor was soundproof from up above, each individual room was also soundproof. I supposed that was for privacy of an intimate nature, but it also made it easier to sneak upstairs. I couldn’t wake Halina even if I tried.
When I pushed open the gilded doors that soundproofed the entire bottom floor, noises rushed in on me. Snoring. Cooking. Humming. Roosters. Cows. All of it assaulted me, and it took me a few seconds to push it away to just a dull buzz in the background. Excitement and trepidation grew inside me with every step I took toward the secret exit that led to the main portion of the house. I didn’t think I’d ever been so excited for anything in all my life. As I pulled the door inward, light cut like a knife through the darkness. I sucked in a breath and didn’t move. I waited for the pain that the golden rays would surely give me, but I felt nothing. Smiling, I experimentally held up my hand in the crack between the door and the wall. The light that touched me bothered my skin no more than an incandescent bulb. Giddy, I opened the door wider.
It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the brightness of natural light, and I blinked a few times as I stepped into the room. So eager I was shaking, I turned to face the wall of windows. My breath caught. Bright, orange-red sunshine streamed over the hills and valleys, leaping up to the glass, and pounding against it with all its glory. The room was bathed in heavenly light, and I timidly stepped toward it, sure I would ignite at any moment, even if I hadn’t felt an ounce of pain yet.
When I reached the glass, I tentatively placed my palm against it. It was glorious. It was awe-inspiring. It was everything I’d been hoping for and more. I wasn’t sure how long I had, but I knew I wasn’t moving from this spot until I absolutely had to.
I MUST HAVE fallen asleep at some point last night, because the next time I opened my eyes, sunlight was streaming into Julian’s room. Sunbeams, hazy with dust particles, brightened an old chair sitting in the corner of the room. It was beautiful, and I blinked a few times to see it clearer. As I recalled using that sturdy piece of furniture to build a fort in this room with Julian when we were younger, the peaceful silence was broken by a loud snore.
Curling my lip, I looked over at my zonked-out brother. He had most of the sheets twisted around his body, and was lying in a pretzel-l
ike position that didn’t look comfortable. Mouth open, he was snoring louder than most chainsaws. Smirking, I whispered, “Arianna’s in for a surprise if you two ever do spend the night together.”
“Good morning, Nika,” a voice sounded from downstairs.
Biting my lip, and wishing I hadn’t said that out loud, I looked down at the floor where I could feel Alanna. “Morning, Grandma. Is anyone else awake?” I felt for all the other pinging positions in my head, but they were still.
“It’s just Grandpa and me right now. Hungry?” she asked, ever mindful of my stomach.
The mention of food reminded me that I hadn’t eaten a single bite last night. Just like Hunter. My stomach growled as noisily as Julian’s reverberating snore. “Um, I guess so. I’ll come down.”
“Bring your dress, sweetheart. I’ll fix it for you while everyone is sleeping.”
Stretching, I mumbled an okay and stumbled back to my room to get my bag. Grabbing my prom dress, and the shoes I planned on wearing with it, I plodded into the hallway. I didn’t feel like I’d slept a wink, but I also didn’t feel like I could go back to sleep. As I streaked downstairs to join my grandmother, patches of sunlight washed over my skin. While overwhelmingly beautiful, it was also a heartbreaking reminder—Hunter was hiding for a different reason now. If the sun was visible, he wouldn’t be.
I choked back my pain as I blurred into the kitchen. Alanna didn’t react to the speed of my arrival, just smiled at me when I finished phasing, and pointed to a plate already waiting for me at the island counter—two perfectly crisp pieces of toast coated with cinnamon and sugar. Next to the plate was a glass of orange juice and a steaming mug of blood. Breakfast of champions.
I dug into my toast, chasing it with a swig of blood. I wanted to ask Alanna if she had any news on Hunter, if he’d come back upstairs after I’d gone to bed, if he’d eaten…if he’d mentioned me…but I didn’t want to appear lovesick, so I kept my questions to myself. Alanna probably didn’t know much more than me anyway.
The Beast Within Page 9