by Tim O'Rourke
“You have nothing to be nervous about,” he smiled. “I promise.” Then, picking up the carrier bag in a quick movement, he handed it to her.
Winnie looked confused.
"It’s okay, I bought you some new clothes to travel in,” he explained.
"Look, I ain’t no charity case. I got my..." she started.
Thaddeus cut across her with a gentle smile dancing over his lips and in his eyes, and said, “Call it an advance on your wages."
Winnie looked down, and pulling open the bag, she peered inside. She raised her eyebrows, and closing it she looked up at him.
"You were that sure that I'd come, you went and bought these clothes?"
Without taking his eyes from her, he said, “I wasn’t sure you would come, but I kind of hoped you would.” He then took a metal comb from his back trouser pocket and handed it to her. “Go freshen up.”
Without looking back, she headed across the concourse in the direction of the female bathrooms where she could have a wash and put on the clean clothes. She had become used to washing in public bathrooms, but at least now she had some decent soap and shampoo to do the job properly. Winnie had also become accustomed to the stares that you got, but today she didn’t care. Today she would leave the bathrooms looking as good as any of the other women who stood and preened themselves in the long mirrors above the sinks.
Winnie found the cubicle for disabled people and slipped inside, closing the door behind her. She chose that particular cubicle as they were bigger than the others, and they had their own sink and hand dryer. She could wash and change without others looking at her. Filling a basin with warm water, she leant forward at the waist and wetted her hair the best she could. Winnie squirted some of the shampoo into the palms of her hands and then massaged it into her hair. Leaning forward again, she washed the white foamy suds away. The smell of the shampoo was sweet and almost intoxicating and at once she started to feel better about herself. Then stripping down to her grey underwear, she refilled the sink with clean water.
She washed as best as she could, splashing her arms, legs, and face with water and soap. It felt as if she was washing away the last few years from the pores of her skin. Turning on the automatic dryer, Winnie angled the nozzle so as to dry her hair, face, arms, and legs. Then snatching up the bag of clothes Thaddeus had given her, she pulled them out and dressed.
Alone again, Thaddeus purchased Winnie a ticket from the automated machine. He knew the bag he had given to her contained one of the violet tops, with the black jeans and boots. A fire burnt in his stomach with anticipation as he waited for her to return. He wanted to see if she would look as good as he hoped. After waiting patiently for some time, Thaddeus looked up to see Winnie appear from the ladies bathroom. She came towards him, and his heart beat loud and fast in his chest as he looked on in wonder at the transformation. She was going to be perfect, he thought secretly to himself. The top hung loosely about her frame, shifting and whispering like a violet haze as she moved towards him. He figured her height to be about five-two without the boots, but now she appeared to be much taller. That was good, he thought - it was perfect. He noted that she had put his comb and the shampoo to good use, for her hair now hung in thick, fiery locks about her face and shoulders.
Winnie reached him, feeling fresh and excited in her new clothes. She couldn’t remember feeling so good about herself. It was as if she was a person again.
"How do I look, Thaddeus?" she asked.
He knew exactly how she looked, and it was better than he could’ve ever imagined when he first caught sight of her a week ago, begging outside the Embankment Tube Station. Then as coolly as he could, and wanting to hide his own excitement, he looked at Winnie and simply said, "You look okay." He then turned, snatched up his case and made his way across the concourse towards the platform where their train waited.
They boarded a first-class carriage and took their seats. Winnie excitedly sat in the window seat, as Thaddeus took the seat beside her. The train pulled effortlessly out of the station at dead-on seven-thirty in a cloud of oily blue diesel smoke. Winnie reclined her chair and relaxed, letting her heavy eyelids slide shut. Thaddeus turned slightly in his seat and studied her profile for the briefest of moments, then turned away, and as he did, his eyes turned black with horror. Across the gangway sat a man, the Evening Standard newspaper held up before him. Thaddeus read the bold black headline splashed across the front: “Female student found savaged in bedsit.”
Chapter Five
Their journey to the south west of England passed with little conversation. Winnie had slept most of the five hours away. She found the soft reclining chair just too comfortable. It was the nearest thing to a bed she had slept on for a very long time. She awoke occasionally as the train drew into stations along the route, and she would throw sidelong glances at Thaddeus. He seemed to be restless, strumming his long, slender fingers on the table before them. He stared deeply through the window and out into the night. The window threw back his own reflection, and he seemed to be staring back into his own dark eyes.
At Exeter, Winnie woke with her bladder pleading to be emptied. She pressed the flat of her hand against her tummy in fear of peeing herself. Thaddeus had gone from beside her, and she peered along the gangway in search of him. The aisle disappeared narrowly away in both directions, but she couldn’t see Thaddeus. She spied his suitcase above her on the rack, and guessed he couldn't be far. Air whistled through her teeth, as she sighed and got up from her seat in search of the bathroom. The train seesawed back and forth as she passed amongst the rows of seats. There were only several passengers remaining in the carriage. Most were asleep, one or two were reading, and another sipped from a steaming cup of coffee.
The door which separated the carriages slid effortlessly open for her as she passed through. The bathroom door was showing the engaged sign and she waited patiently outside, her hand pressed flat against her stomach. Her need to go was desperate now, as she squeezed her muscles tight and pressed her legs together. She bit into her lower lip, draining the blood there. Not knowing for how much longer she could hold on, Winnie inched forward and rapped on the door with her fist, then tugged at the handle. As she pulled, the train lurched, throwing her forward as the toilet door was opened from the inside. Winnie tumbled into the waiting arms of Thaddeus.
"Steady," he whispered, holding her tightly by both shoulders with his hands.
"Sorry, I thought the door was jammed and I'm bursting...." she groaned, her pale cheeks flushing scarlet.
"Well I won’t hold you up any longer," he smiled, releasing his grip on her. He slid past, then turning, he smiled back at her and said,
"Would you like a coffee, Winnie?"
Returning his smile, she nodded. "That would be great, thank you."
He turned away from her and she closed the door. Winnie yanked down her jeans and panties, and hitching her top up about her waist, she sighed. Once finished, she pulled up her jeans and rearranged her top. She squeezed some soap from the container on the wall, and washed her hands in the warm water which tossed and tumbled from the tap. Winnie towelled her hands dry and turned to the mirror to straighten her hair, and paused. Several small drops of what looked like blood stained her top across her right shoulder, where Thaddeus had gripped her only moments ago. She dabbed at it with a wet towel, but the blood was sticky, and it just looked worse where she had tried to wipe it away.
Raking her fingers through her hair, she tried to hide the spots of blood which covered her shoulder. Satisfied that they were hidden, she left the bathroom. Returning to her seat, she found Thaddeus with two small cups of black coffee. Once she had sat down again, Winnie glanced down at Thaddeus’s hands. He had tied a white-coloured piece of tissue around his right thumb.
“Have you hurt yourself?” she asked, taking a sip of the hot, sweet coffee.
“My cigarette case,” he said, placing his hand beneath the table and out of sight. “One of the edges is slightly
serrated. I’ve been meaning to replace it for a while now, so it is my own stupid fault.”
“Does it need stitches?” Winnie asked, thinking of the blood that was now on her top.
“It's just fine. I've covered it for the time being. I shall patch it up when I get home.” Then, noticing the blotches of blood, he added, “I'm sorry for ruining your top. You look really pretty.”
The sudden compliment surprised Winnie, and although it was nice to hear - after all, who didn’t like to hear compliments - she felt awkward and didn’t know how to respond.
Watching her, Thaddeus said, “Don’t worry about the top, I shall replace it.”
Then breaking his stare, and feeling her cheeks flush red again, she turned to look out of the window and said, "You don’t have to replace it, you've been too kind already."
They arrived at St. Erth Railway Station just after midnight. The bitter night air engulfed them like an icy blanket as they climbed from the train.
They found a taxi easily enough, and it whisked them through the night to their final destination of St. Ives. The taxi driver pulled up short, just before the turnoff where the main road ended and petered out into a narrow, unruly lane. Thaddeus paid the fare as they clambered from the car with their luggage. They stood before the lane as the taxi's taillights disappeared into the distance.
"The cab driver won’t take us any further. The lane is too narrow and the wild bracken scratches the car. I can't blame him, the uneven road doesn't help the suspension either," he remarked as he picked up his case and guided her up the lane, leaving the main road and the warm, orange glow of the street lights behind them. Winnie stayed close behind him, then pausing; she looked back at the road. If she was going to back out now, this was her last chance. Where was she to go? She didn’t know this part of England. She had never been to Cornwall before. What did she have to go back to? Winnie had come this far. Turning away from the road, Winnie was faced with the total darkness and silence that lay before her. It was in complete contrast to London at night, which had been bright and full of noise, people, and traffic. She had never known such silence and her new surroundings unnerved her. Thaddeus continued to move briskly ahead. Winnie could barely make out his form before her. Guided by the sound of his footfalls on the stony ground beneath them, she stepped forward into the dark and followed him.
Winnie tripped and stumbled in the dark, and she winced out loud as thorns and wild ivy clawed at her like greedy hands. Not once did Thaddeus trip himself up or snag his clothes on the undergrowth, which grew in a frenzy on either side of them. Winnie guessed that they must be climbing up, because her legs began to tire and her calf muscles ached. They must have been walking for twenty minutes or more, her labouring behind, as Thaddeus strode out ahead. She was just about to cry out and plead for a rest, when Thaddeus came to an abrupt halt. There was a sound in the darkness as she heard him loosen a bolt and swing open a gate. Winnie passed through behind him. Thaddeus closed it, and then strode out in front again.
After only a minute or so of walking, Thaddeus stopped again.
Winnie heard him slip a key into a lock, then another, and then the sound of him pushing a door wide open. He disappeared for a moment, and then there was light. Winnie found herself standing before a large house. She guessed the building had to be very old from the little she could see by the light which spilled from within. She passed through the open doorway, leaving the cold and the night behind her. Thaddeus had disappeared. Winnie looked about the vast hallway she now found herself in. The walls were panelled in a rich, deep oak. Doors to rooms led off the hallway. A wide double staircase grew from the centre of the hall and spiralled upwards into the dark like an ancient spine. Thick patterned rugs covered the polished wooden floor. Portraits adorned the walls. She was no artist, and knew very little of history, but she could tell that the pictures had been beautifully painted, and were very old. She looked about for Thaddeus as she clutched the carrier bag to her chest.
"Thaddeus, are you there?" she called out. As the last of her words trailed off into the depths of the enormous house, lights flickered on from the landing above her. Looking up, Winnie saw Thaddeus standing at the top of the stairs.
"Welcome to my home, Winnie. Come up and I shall show you to your room."
She moved across the hallway and climbed the stairs. At the top, Thaddeus led her down a long narrow corridor, stopping outside a door at the far end. Winnie stepped into the room and looked about in wonder. The room was finely furnished with a four-poster bed at its centre. White drawers and cabinets trailed away in either direction from the bed. A beautifully ornate dressing table stood in the far corner with a small, plush velvet-seated stool before it. A bay window, fringed with lace curtains and silk drapes, faced the bed on the opposite side of the room and added to its size. Walk-in wardrobes, carved in the same fashion as the other furniture, followed the line of the wall to the door where Winnie and Thaddeus now stood. Thaddeus stepped into the room and gazed about.
"This is your room, Winnie." He crossed to the far side and swung open an adjoining door. Gesturing into the room, he said, "This is your bathroom."
My own bathroom? Winnie wondered in awe, as she joined Thaddeus. A thick blue carpet covered the floor, and she could tell it was deep and soft as her boots sank into it. A round-shaped bath lay to one side, slightly sunk into the floor. There was also a shower and toilet. More white cabinets and drawers lined the walls. Crisp white towels hung from a rail fixed to the wall.
"Oh, my god, I can’t believe this is going to be my room, it beats the Embankment any day."
Thaddeus caught her gaze and grinned, "Well don't say anything, just enjoy."
Winnie went back into the bedroom and Thaddeus followed.
"It's just that I get the feeling...” Winnie started.
"That it's all too good to be true,” he cut in. “That I must have an ulterior motive for having you here?" He looked straight at her, his face blank, not giving anything away. Then, turning, Thaddeus went to the bedroom door. He stopped and faced her again. "I've given you my reasons and you decided to come. If you want to stay, do so, but if you feel you must leave, then go. It’s entirely up to you, Winnie. The hour is late and I must work in my room before I rest. So I bid you goodnight. If you decide to stay, I’ll be getting up at dusk tomorrow evening. Do as you please until then, but do not disturb me, whatever the reason." He then turned in the doorway and disappeared into the shadows, which were cast along the landing.
Winnie stood looking at the empty space where he had been. After several moments, she went to the door and shut it tight. There was no lock, she noticed. Taking a chair, Winnie wedged it against the door. She knew that it wouldn’t keep anyone out, but the movement of it would wake her. It was better than sleeping with one eye open like she had on so many nights beneath the Embankment.
Winnie went to the bed, lay on it, and spent her first restless night in Thaddeus’s house.
Chapter Six
Winnie awoke at a little past nine to the sound of heavy rain beating against her bedroom window. A strong wind nagged and tore about the eaves with an icy fury. She laid spread across the bed, fully dressed. She hadn't felt secure or comfortable enough last night to strip herself bare and climb between the sheets. She had felt vulnerable in the dark, and a certain distrust for Thaddeus still remained. He had been right. The house, the bedroom, the new clothes, the chance to escape her life on the streets, and Thaddeus himself, all seemed too good to be true. She had spent her life distrusting people, because most had hurt her, or let her down in some way. The distrust she felt for her new surroundings and Thaddeus didn’t surprise her.
She pulled herself up onto her elbows and gazed sleepily about her new room. It truly was beautiful with its apple white walls and lavish furnishings. It was the kind of room that she had only dared to dream about as a child, as she lay at night and tried to escape the drab surroundings of the care homes she was passed around. Winnie really
didn't know what to make of Thaddeus, but so far, he had been nothing but generous, kind, and true to his word. If she left, what did she have to go back to? She had no money, no clothes, or a place to live. Who would employ her? She had been on that merry-go-round before. No one would give you a job if you didn’t have a bank account. You couldn’t get a bank account without an address, and around and around it went. If she stayed, saved the money that Thaddeus had promised to pay her, then perhaps she could afford to start a new life for herself. She could at last break that vicious circle which she had been trapped in for so many years.
Winnie swung her legs over the side of the bed. She pulled off her boots and wiggled her feet. Standing beside the bed, she let the soft carpet seep between her toes. Winnie headed for the bathroom, undoing the blood-stained top she still wore. She let it slide smoothly off her arms where it fluttered to the floor. Standing naked beside the sunken bath in just her panties, she bent over and loosened the taps. A torrent of hot water cascaded over the shining enamel of the bath. Winnie stepped out of her panties, then climbed into the bath and let the water rise about her. She stopped the flow of water nearly at brimming point and lay back in its warmth. The water soothed her body and she relished the feel of it against her skin. She had forgotten how long it had been since she had had a proper bath or shaved her legs. The strip washes she had managed to have in public bathrooms was nothing compared to this. Even though she had only washed her hair the night before at the station, she needed to wash it again. Winnie needed to wash every part of her past life from her hair, skin, from beneath her fingernails, and between her toes. Taking a nailbrush from the side of the bath, she covered it in soap and raked it up and down her arms, over the flat of her stomach, and down her thighs, until her skin glowed an angry red. She then shaved her legs and armpits.