by Megan Abbott
“I don’t need to go anywhere,” she was saying, her fingers crooked over the mask, pushing it away. Her eyes landed on Deenie. “Deenie, I don’t.”
“I know,” Deenie said, nodding, her neck thrusting almost as hard as Gabby’s had. It hurt to look at.
“I just felt dizzy or something.”
“But just to be safe,” Deenie said. “Okay, G?”
* * *
Tom sat Deenie down in the car, windows shut tight. He asked her to breathe slowly. He was trying to explain something he couldn’t explain.
“…and as soon as we can reach out to Gabby’s mom, we will. They’ll do some tests. It’s just better if you stay here. With me.”
“Why couldn’t we go to the hospital?” Deenie said. “Gabby wanted me to.”
Tom wasn’t so sure about that. When Lara Bishop arrived, soon after the EMS, Gabby’s embarrassment seemed heavy and tortured. She couldn’t even look her mother in the eye.
“She didn’t faint,” Deenie said. “But her body. What was happening to her body?”
The pensive look on Deenie’s face, like when she was small. Finding a cat drowned in the ditch by the mailbox. He didn’t know how long she’d been staring at it, her brother next to her touching it gently with a stick, hoping to nudge it to life. That night she’d had nightmares, her mouth was filled with mud. He’d tried to explain it to her, how accidents happen but we really are safe. But there was, already, the sense that nothing he said touched what was really bothering her, which was the realization that you can’t stop bad things from happening to other people, other things. And that would be hard forever. He’d never quite gotten used to it himself.
“And what does it all have to do with the health department?” she asked.
“They’re just making sure everything’s okay,” he said.
Of course, he had no idea. When he’d learned about their visit, just before first period, he hadn’t liked the sound of it.
“It was the nurse,” Bill Banasiak told him. “She blew the whistle.”
The new nurse, the peaked blond one whose name Tom could never remember, had called her supervisor at the hospital about a bite on her arm from Lise. Embarrassed, she hadn’t told anyone at first. But now she was worried. What if there was some kind of virus at the school? One of those new kinds?
“Not the sort of talk you want to have at a school,” Banasiak said, shaking his head.
Especially not coming from the nurse, Tom thought.
But he didn’t tell Deenie any of this.
“I’m sure we’ll know more soon,” he told her now, realizing he’d said the same thing ten times about Lise. “Okay?”
“Dad,” she said, looking down at his phone resting on the gear panel, “can we call Lise’s mom again?”
“Sure,” he said finally. “I’ll call in a little bit.”
“How about now?” she asked.
“Not right now, okay?”
Deenie nodded tiredly. For a second, she looked very old to him, the rhythmic chin wobble of his own grandmother.
But when she turned back to him, her chin had steadied. Tugging her jacket collar from her neck, she said, “But you will?”
“I will,” he said. Then, “You feel up to class?”
Part of it seemed ridiculous to him, to have his daughter sit and listen to a lecture about the Panama Canal, but he couldn’t think what else to do with her.
For a moment, only a moment, he wished Georgia were there. Georgia, at least the Georgia from before, would have canceled her own appointments, left work, and hijacked Deenie for a soothing schedule of girl time. Or their version of girl time: buying stacks of magazines and tall coffee drinks and curling on the den sofa together. Or something. She seemed to know how to do those things. Until she didn’t.
“I can’t get away,” she had started saying the year before she left. “I’m sorry, Tom. I can’t get away.” That’s how she would put it, as if home were “away.” This was when she was spending an hour a day at the Seven Swallows Inn on Beam Road with her coworker lover (What else could you call him? Married himself, with three kids, cat, dog, hamster). She confessed to this and everything, far more than he’d ever wanted to know, including how ashamed she was of keeping spare underwear in her desk drawer. And how she was “very—mostly—sure” that this coworker lover wasn’t responsible for the pregnancy, and thus not for the ugly miscarriage, nine days of bleeding and sorrow. That was something else she had Tom to thank for, he guessed.
Later, after she was gone, he found himself driving to the Seven Swallows, sitting in the parking lot for hours, going through the bank statements, the separation agreement, divorce papers, filling in squares with a ballpoint pen, gaze returning again and again to the sign out front: CLEAN COMFORT HERE. He wanted to keep everything in his head all at once.
“I can go to class,” Deenie was saying now, her hand on his arm. “Dad, I can.”
Tom looked at her, saw her eyes fixed on him, searching. Like she had seen something on his face. Something that worried her.
“It’s okay, Dad,” she said, firmly. “I’ll be fine.”
“Sheila,” he said. “Tom Nash. Just leaving another message to see if there’s anything I can do. Call me, okay? If I can be any help. Deenie sends her love to you and Lise both. We all do.”
He thought of Deenie inside the school, wondering, worrying.
An uneasy thought came to him: If she doesn’t find out something, what if she takes off for the hospital again?
So he had another idea.
“Billing, can I help you?”
“Hey, is this Diane? This is Tom. Tom Nash.”
The harried voice on the other end eased into something soft, breathy.
“Tom. Well, well. I was hoping you’d call. I’d given up a little.”
He cleared his throat. “I’d been meaning to. I had a great time. It’s been a crazy couple weeks.”
“Eight weeks.” She laughed.
He’d met her at the post office, on the longest line either had ever seen. She’d told him her son was trying out for junior hockey and Eli was his idol. She didn’t want her boy to play because she worked at the hospital and saw all the players come in with faces dented by flying pucks, teeth knocked out, cracked cheekbones, and, once, a blade to the neck. But what could you do, he loved it.
Tom said he understood.
She’d given him her number and they had dinner at someplace Tom couldn’t quite remember. Maybe it was Italian. He’d meant to call again. A second date always felt like an announcement at his age. And he never felt ready for the announcement.
“Eight weeks, really? I’m sorry. But I’ve been meaning to and now I have a reason, a good excuse.”
“You didn’t need an excuse.”
“Okay, but here it is.”
It turned out all he had to do was say Lise’s name.
“Oh, that girl.”
There was a pause on Diane’s end, and Tom wasn’t sure what to make of it. It wasn’t a large hospital, but still, he was surprised she knew who he meant.
“Yeah,” Tom said. “We were over there yesterday, but they didn’t know much then.”
He heard a momentary clicking sound. “Let’s see what I can find,” she said.
Her lack of hesitation in breaking HIPAA regulations and various laws was a relief. He felt a kick of revived interest in her, followed by wanting to kick himself.
“She’s still not conscious,” she said. “She’s stabilized, though. And they’re doing diagnostics. I can’t tell you exactly.”
“Oh,” Tom said. It seemed like a long time to be unconscious. Unless not conscious was code for “coma.”
“But the mother is a real problem,” she said, her voice quickening a little. “Everyone’s talking about it. First, she blamed the paramedics. Claimed they’d dropped her. They don’t do that, Tom. Then she blamed the ER doctor. Now she seems to have darker theories.”
“Darker theories
?”
“I don’t know. Crazy stuff she probably got off the Internet.”
“Ah.”
“We’re hoping she doesn’t find out about the other one.”
“Gabby Bishop,” Tom said quietly.
“You know her too?”
“I do.” Part of him was expecting her to say Gabby was also unconscious. That maybe something had happened to her heart too.
“Jesus, sorry, Tom,” she said. “But they’re not the same. It’s not the same thing. That’s not a cardiac situation.”
He could tell she was the kind of woman who told men what they wanted to hear. That didn’t strike him as a bad thing, even though he knew it should.
“I saw it happen,” he said. “It looked like a seizure.”
“Well, they haven’t even admitted her. They’re doing tests.”
“Diagnostics?”
“Yes,” she said gently.
“Thanks a lot,” he said, “for all this.”
Then a lilt returned to her voice. “You know you left your doggie bag in my fridge. I gave you two days to call, then I ate all that peach cobbler myself.”
* * *
Standing in the corner of one of the bathroom stalls, Deenie was trying to slow her breath.
Stop, she told herself. You’re not one of those hysterical girls. You’re not Jaymie Hurwich, who started sobbing in gym class and had to be walked to the nurse’s office for hyperventilation. Jaymie, who went to the nurse’s office for hyperventilation at least once a month, upset about a test grade, fighting with her boyfriend, grounded by her dad.
Kim Court said she’d seen Skye huddled by herself on the loading dock. “I didn’t think Skye got upset,” she’d said. “Did you?”
And Deenie’s phone kept flashing with texts, one after another.
What is HAPPENING?
Gabby has it too!
Did u see her face??
And pictures of Gabby. Even videos someone took with the phone. A gruesome one of Gabby’s head rearing back, her neck thick and purple under the lights.
And all Deenie could think of was Gabby and Lise in hospital beds, side by side, their arms connected to an elaborate blinking web of cords, tubes.
Both their heads somehow purple and split, their mouths open.
If it happens to both your best friends, the next one must be you. If it happens to both your best friends, it must be you.
But it wasn’t the same. Gabby hadn’t fainted, had never even fallen, exactly, never hit her head or bit anyone. Never had that look Lise had, like an animal trapped.
Gabby had only looked confused, lost, mortified. Which was how everyone looked some of the time, every day.
The door to the girls’ room swung open.
“It was just like with my cat, I’m telling you,” Brooke Campos was saying loudly. “Do they know if she was sleeping in a room with a bat? Or was around a sick bat? That’s how it happens. We found one in our garage, hanging right over the cat bed. We had to have Mr. Mittens destroyed.”
Deenie opened the stall door to see Brooke with a clump of senior girls, all waving their lip-gloss wands, passing them from one to another—watermelon crush, scarlet bloom.
“So you’re saying they both just happened to get bit by bats?” one of the seniors said.
“It was probably the same bat,” Brooke said, a little defensively.
The stall next to Deenie opened and Skye appeared. Deenie hadn’t even known she was in there, those long crocheted skirts of hers, one layered over the other, muffling her movements.
“Hey,” she said, nodding to Deenie.
And she started unhooking all her exotic bracelets to wash her hands, her fingers moving gracefully over the fasteners. It was strangely hypnotic.
“Hey,” Deenie said, thinking about what Kim had said about seeing Skye curled up on the loading dock. She looked at Skye’s face, hunting for a sign: red eyes, swollen face. But you could never see much through all the hair.
“I mean, think about it. What if they slept in the same place?” Brooke said, blotting her mouth with a paper towel. “Gabby and Lise.”
“A place compromised by bats?” the same senior girl said, hand on hip.
“You can say what you want,” Brooke said, digging her heels in. “I just know what it looked like. Her mouth was foaming and her tongue went like this.”
Leaning into the mirror, she stuck her tongue violently to one corner of her mouth.
“That’s not what happened,” Deenie said, watching her. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I heard Nurse Tammy got bit,” Brooke added, ignoring Deenie. “Lise bit her. And she has big teeth.”
“A vampire walks among us,” whistled one of the girls, hooking her fingers under her mouth like fangs.
“So, Brooke, are you saying Lise bit Gabby too?” Deenie said, looking at Skye, trying to get some help. “Or that she just licked her?”
Brooke shook her head pityingly. “I know she’s your friend. Both of them. But.”
“There’s bats down by the lake,” Skye said quietly, looking in the mirror, lifting her hair from her brow.
Deenie looked at Skye, shaking her hands dry.
“If it were rabies, they would have known right away,” the most sensible senior girl asserted. “That’s not hard to figure out.”
Tugging loose three paper towels, Deenie rubbed her hands roughly, until they turned red.
“We’d be lucky if it was rabies,” Skye said, twirling her bracelets back down her wet wrists. “They have a shot for that.”
“So what are you saying it is?” the senior girl said, eyeing Skye, trying to up-and-down look at her, but Skye was not the type to be chastened by that.
Shrugging lightly, she shook a cigarette loose from somewhere in the folds of her skirt. “I don’t know,” she said. “I’m just thinking about the lake.”
Deenie looked at her.
The senior shook her head dismissively. “No one goes in the lake anyway.”
“No.” Skye nodded, letting her eyes skate across Deenie’s face, and keep going. “They never do.”
* * *
Like after all school disruptions, there was a window during which you could do anything, and Eli took advantage, finding a corner in the back of the auditorium as teachers corralled the remaining students.
But soon enough, Assistant Principal Hawk—his real name, maybe—took Eli’s shoulder in his talon grip and marched him to earth science.
No one was paying any attention to poor Mr. Yates talking about natural-gas extraction. Everyone in school had seen what happened to Gabby.
One girl, breathless, announced that Gabby’s mother had arrived and that “her scar looked bigger than ever!”
“Let’s try to keep our focus on the subject at hand,” Mr. Yates said, straining.
“Mr. Yates, maybe it’s the drilling!” Bailey Lu exclaimed, her palm slapping her desk. “My mom says it’s poisoning us!”
Slipping in his earbuds, Eli stared out the window at the practice rink, bright with cut ice.
He wondered if it was one of those superflus and was glad he and Deenie had had all those shots the month before, their arms thick and throbbing. Or maybe it was a girl thing, one of those mysteries, like the way the moon affected them, or like in some of the videos he’d seen online that, mostly, he wished he hadn’t.
But it didn’t matter what it was. It was going to be bad for his sister, who loved Gabby even more than she loved Lise. Who talked so much, always in a hushed voice, about the Thing That Happened to Gabby, about her cokehead father, who liked to show up at school every so often, begging to see his daughter. Maybe you should have thought about that before you picked up the claw hammer, Eli always thought.
The truth was, he didn’t know Gabby very well, just as the tall, pale-faced girl all the other girls copied, her clothes, the streaks she’d put in her hair then dye away again, the way she spray-painted her cello case silv
er.
He did remember being surprised last fall when she started hanging out with Tyler Nagy, a hockey player from Star-of-the-Sea. Eli had never liked him, the way he was always talking about the screeching girls who came to all the games, the fourteen-year-old he said wanted him to do things to her with the taped end of his stick.
The only time Eli’d ever really spent with Gabby was when Deenie was a freshman and Gabby had stayed with them for a few weeks. Her mother was having a “hard time,” which had something to do with all the empty wine bottles in her recycling bin and not being able to get out of bed, but no one ever told him the rest. It was soon after their own mom had moved out, and it seemed like having Gabby there was good for Deenie too, who’d spent hours reading by herself in her room back then.
As far as he could tell, Gabby never really slept. More than once, he’d spotted her hiding on the sofa in the den, watching TV in the middle of the night. Hour after hour of the same show where they dressed middle-aged women in new outfits, dyeing all their hair the same shiny red.
His dad told him he kept finding gum wrappers, dozens of them, trapped in the folds of the quilt.
One night, not long before she went home, he found her in the basement, lying on the Ping-Pong table, crying.
Girls—at least, the girls he knew, not his sister but other girls—always seemed to be crying.
But Gabby’s crying was different, felt wild and broken and hurt his chest to hear.
Drumming his fingers on the Ping-Pong table until it vibrated, he tried to talk to her, to make her feel better, but the things that worked on Deenie—recounting graphic hockey injuries, popping his shoulder blade, trying to rap—didn’t seem right.
Finally, he had an idea. Took a chance. Pulled one of the Ping-Pong rackets from under her left thigh, reached to the floor for the ball.
“Come on, little girl,” he said, pointing to the other racket. “Show me what you got.”
The grin that cracked—with tortured slowness—across her face stunned and rallied him.
They played for forty-five minutes, flicking and top-spinning and crushing that hollow ball, until they woke up everyone in the house.