“I’m not,” I lied, but the croak in my voice betrayed me. I opened my eyes, and instantly tears spilled down my cheeks.
“You’re crying,” he said, kissing my lips softly. “Please don’t cry.”
“Jared, I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing I need to tell him the truth.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he insisted, kissing me softly once more. “It’s my fault. I know you need time, Sav. I know you have these walls up, and I get it. I just wish you would talk to me, let me in.”
“It’s not that…” I begin to say, but a sob escapes from my mouth, as I begin to cry harder.
“It’s okay, baby,” he whispered, kissing my lips once more. “Please don’t cry.”
I spent the night wrapped in his arms, knowing that I needed to tell him the truth, but needing the closeness of his touch too. I decided I would tell him first the next morning. I didn’t love him, but I cared about him, and I owed him the truth.
Twenty-four hours earlier I was hoping for a future with this man; now I was ready to walk away. It made no sense.
Seth, I thought miserably as I imagined him lying in bed with skanky Meggie Wilks. I pinched my eyes closed tighter, pushing all thoughts of Seth from my mind, as I finally drifted off into a restless sleep.
When I woke the next morning, Jared was already gone, but there was a note on my nightstand.
Hey babe,
Sorry for leaving, but I promised Mom I would help her out this morning. I didn’t want to wake you, because you finally looked peaceful after tossing and turning all night.
Meet me at Mom’s when you’re ready.
Try not to worry about last night. You’re still my girl, so we can figure this out.
Love, Jared x.
Dropping the note on the bed, I flopped back down onto the pillow, releasing a long sigh. I knew going to Sylvie’s was a bad idea.
Still, an hour later, I was climbing out of my car, heading up the front steps to Sylvie’s house.
The moment I saw Jolie, my heart almost broke. Her eyes were puffy and raw from crying; she looked so sad.
“What’s happened?” I asked Jared, as I followed him into the living room.
“Apparently, she and Seth had this big fight when he got home last night,” Jared explained in a low whisper.
“So, he came home last night?” I asked, trying not to seem so happy about that information, or the fact he hadn’t spent the night with the skank. I knew it was selfish of me to be thinking about that part, but I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah,” Jared replied. “And Mom said Jolie lost it completely with him, now she is refusing to talk to him.”
“Poor Jolie,” I said, my heart hurting for this girl.
“Listen, Mom asked me to go to the shop with her,” Jared said giving me a strange look. “She isn’t going to be too long. She wanted to have this big family thing here tonight. She has already been cooking up a storm.”
“Wow,” I replied, surprised that Sylvie would be making such an effort for Seth, but clearly, she thought of him as family too.
“Thing is,” Jared continued with a sigh. “Jolie was supposed to stay here, you know, to keep an eye on things, but she is refusing to stay here because she doesn’t want to talk to Seth.”
“So, you want me to…” I replied, unsure of how I felt about this. That would mean I would be alone in the house once more with Seth. “I don’t know that I…”
“Please, Sav,” Jared begged, giving me a look that I couldn’t say no to.
“Fine,” I sighed. A few moments later, they were gone, and I was alone again.
When Seth walked into the kitchen a short while later, I held my breath. He hesitated at the door before he walked in. That told me he was as nervous as I was. So, I decided to act as natural as possible.
When he asked what I thought about how he had behaved the night before, I was surprised.
“It’s not my place,” I told him when really I wanted to yell at him and ask him what the hell he was thinking, going home with Meggie. He pushed me more, but I was not going to be drawn into this conversation.
But then Seth mentioned Jolie; I just had to open my stupid mouth.
“She’s sixteen,” I sighed. “Teenage girls can be overly dramatic, but they get over things quickly too. Though given how stupid you were last night, I don’t know. I mean how you could ever be with someone like that skank…”
I stopped mid-sentence realising what I had said, as my face flushed with embarrassment. I quickly pushed up from my seat, unable to look at him anymore.
“So, you think I’m an idiot for hooking up with Meggie too,” Seth asked, and I could feel his eyes on me.
“Who you hook up with is none of my business,” I shrugged, I was not having this conversation.
“But you think I let everyone down,” Seth asked as he stood up and followed me across the kitchen. He stopped right beside me. He was so close I could smell his aftershave, as a longing formed in the pit of my stomach. “Or is it that I hooked up with that girl?”
FUCK!! I cried in my head, as my face burned with embarrassment.
“It’s none of my business who you hook up with,” I finally repeated, refusing to discuss it more. “I just don’t like to see Jolie hurt.”
“And that’s all it is?” He asked, completely stunning me with his question.
I took a deep breath, before turning to look at him, but I didn’t respond. Instead, I stared up into his eyes. To my surprise, he just smiled. He was so close to me; I could feel his warm breath on my face.
Neither of us spoke for a moment; instead, he just stared into my eyes as I held my breath.
I thought once more that he was going to kiss me, and it surprised me how much I wanted him to. I needed to stop this.
“I… I think maybe you should go,” I said, my voice barely a whisper. Taking a step back from him, I coughed to clear my throat before I spoke again. “Go clear the air with Jolie I mean. You should go see her. She’s at the shop with Sylvie. I think if you try, she just might forgive you.”
He didn’t respond for a moment.
“You’re right,” He sighed, giving me a strange look as he too stepped back. “In fact, I think I will head over there now. Sooner I clear the air with her; the sooner we can put all of this behind us.”
I knew he wasn’t just talking about what had happened between him and Jolie. He was talking about what we both knew almost happened
“Okay,” I whispered once more surprised by how disappointed I was.
“I should be going,” he replied.
Moments later, he was gone.
I jumped when the front door slammed, but I didn’t move. Instead, hot, salty tears blurred my vision before they spilled down my face.
What the hell just happened? I thought to myself, as my stomach heaved. I thought I was going to be sick. I needed to go. I needed to get out of that house. Turning back to the stove, I turned off the burner, then covered the saucepan with a lid.
Turning, I hurried to the hallway, grabbing my bag and car keys from the hall table before I hurried out the door.
By the time I reached my apartment, I was sobbing like the world was about to end.
You need to get a grip, Sav, I scolded myself, but it was no use. The tears kept coming, and I knew I was about to mess up my life once again.
Chapter 5
Seth
I hurried down the front steps of Sylvie’s house, down the driveway, out onto the sidewalk. My heart was thumping so fast; I could barely catch my breath.
When I was far enough away from the house, I stopped, resting my hands on my knees as I tried to calm my ragged breathing. I gasped for breath, my lungs felt like they were closing in, crushing my heart.
Why didn’t you kiss her? I thought miserably as I breathed in through my nose, out through my mouth. What the hell is wrong with you?
In my heart, I knew that kissing her would have been wrong, but now, for some
reason, I wished I did. Looking into her eyes, I knew she wanted me to. She was almost daring me with the way she looked at me.
She’s Jared’s girl, I quickly reminded myself, hating that this whole situation was so messed up.
Coming home was supposed to be a good thing. It was a new start for Jolie and me; it was coming home to see my best friend, who I had missed more than I even realised I had. It was never about falling for someone that I simply couldn’t have. This was such a mess.
“FUCK!” I yelled as I kicked a garbage can at the side of the road. I pushed my hands through my hair as my mind raced. I couldn’t leave things like this, I knew it.
I needed to talk to her. If I was ever going to get past this, I needed to clear the air between us. I just didn’t know what I should say to her, or where I should even begin?
I released a laugh of disbelief. If I was this tied in knots after only twenty-four hours, how would I be after a month? How was I ever going to be okay being around her and Jared?
I turned and started back towards the house, but I had only made it a few steps when I saw her hurrying down the driveway to her car parked in front of the house. Even from the distance, I could tell she was crying. I had made her fucking cry.
Fuck! I sighed, feeling like the biggest asshole in the world. I just stood there, watching her as she climbed into her car, and drove away.
I knew right at that moment; I needed to let this shit go. She was someone I just couldn’t have. This couldn’t ever be anything more. From now on, I needed to act like the man I knew I was, not the horny asshole I’d apparently become.
Releasing a long, frustrated breath, I turned and headed for Sylvie’s shop. Right now, I needed to fix the one relationship that mattered the most to me. The one I knew I needed to fix. I needed to clear the air with Jolie
By the time I reached the shop, I had somehow managed to push all thoughts of Savannah from my mind; I had even decided what it was I needed to say to Jolie. However, as I stood outside the shop, watching her through the window, my heart hurt. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to her to make this all right.
I thought about our argument the night before; I remembered the things she said to me. She said I only cared about myself and that I was just like Mom. If I am honest, her words hurt.
I realised now, looking at her sitting behind the counter, her eyes filled with sadness; the reason that what she said hurt so much was because I knew in my heart, she wasn’t wrong.
I told myself that I had taken the job in Australia because we needed the money for Jolie’s college tuition, and we did. But deep down inside, I knew it was more than that. I took the job also because I was so devastated over Ashley. I needed to get away to clear my head and I hadn’t stopped to think of how Jolie might feel.
Leaving seemed like the easiest way to escape for a while, but I hadn’t taken Jolie’s feelings into account. She cried the night I told her I was leaving, but she said that she understood. Now looking back, I knew in my heart that she just was saying what I needed to hear, and not what she truly felt.
I was the one person she knew she could rely on, and I had left her too. When she needed me the most, I was a million miles away, fucking one in a long line of nameless girls, trying to forget Ashley. I had failed her just like Dad did, and just like Mom. Now she was hurt and angry, and it was all my fault.
I knew I needed to make this right for her somehow, so that meant I needed to start with an apology, then a lot of groveling.
When I finally pushed opened the door to the store, both Jolie and Sylvie looked up from what they were doing. The moment Jolie saw me, fresh tears danced in her eyes and she quickly looked away.
“Hey,” I said as I cautiously stepped further into the store. “Can we talk?”
“There’s nothing to say,” Jolie replied, but her bottom lip quivered, revealing her true emotions. She was even madder than I had thought, but I had no idea why.
“Please, Jo,” I begged as I took another step closer to the counter. “I know you’re mad at me, but if you give me a chance, I give you my word that I will never leave you again.”
She lifted her head and just stared at me for the longest time. I honestly wasn’t sure what was going through her head right at that moment, and part of me wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“I think I need to pop down to the bank,” Sylvie said as she stood up and removed her apron, before she grabbed her bag from beneath the counter. “I will turn the sign to closed, it will give you two a chance to talk a little.”
“Where’s Jared?” I asked, and the mention of his name made me instantly think of Savannah, as a wave of guilt washed over me. I need to let whatever I felt for her go too. I needed to be the person everyone once believed I was, not the selfish asshole I’d become.
“He’s gone to see the suppliers for me,” Sylvie replied, giving me a broad smile. “So, you won’t be disturbed.”
She kissed Jolie on the forehead before she walked around the counter. As she passed me by, she patted my arm, smiling once more before she left the store, leaving Jolie and me alone.
“I’m sorry I acted like an asshole last night,” I said as I took another step toward the counter. “Sylvie said you had planned to make me a special dinner, but I ruined that too. If I’d known…”
Still, she didn’t reply, and I wished I knew what the hell was going through her mind.
“Jo,” I said as I gave her a pleading look. “You know I love you more than anything else in this world, right? I know I have messed up, and you have every right to be mad at me, but it’s just you and me now. I promise you that I will never let you down again. I will do whatever it takes to give you the future you deserve. If you can just give me another chance.”
“You hurt me, Seth,” she finally whispered as fat salty tears trickled down her face. “And I don’t just mean last night. You left me, with her; with them. He beat me, but you didn’t come home. You promised me that you would always be there, but you left me. You said it would always be you and me.”
“I know I did, Jo,” I sighed, as my heart ached in my chest. I knew I had let her down badly. “But you know that I love you so much, please just give me a chance.”
“If I do,” she sighed as her body shook with a sob. “Will you promise me that I will never have to go home to Mom’s, no matter what happens. Even if you found out something bad about me, promise me that you will never send me away.”
“Something bad?” I asked, completely thrown by what she had said. I had no idea what she was talking about, and suddenly I was scared.
“PROMISE ME!” She demanded, as her tears continued to flow. “You have to say it, Seth.”
“I promise, Jo,” I replied as I looked at my sister. I knew there was something she wasn’t telling me, something big, but whatever it was, she was scared. “But you know there is nothing that you could ever do or even tell me that would make me stop loving you. You know that.”
“Do you promise me?” She asked as she gave me a pleading look.
“I give you my word,” I replied, having no clue what had her so worried. I decided I wouldn’t push it. At least, not right at that moment. Right now, I just wanted everything to be the way it was meant to be between my kid sister and me.
Finally, she gave me a tearful smile as she made her way around the counter, and quickly threw her arms around my neck.
“I’m so glad you're home, Seth,” she whispered as she hugged me tightly. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, Jo,” I replied honestly. “More than you could even imagine. But I am home now, and I give you my word, from now on it’s just you and me.”
“What about Mom?” She asked as she looked up at me, and once more there was worry in her eyes.
“You let me worry about her,” I assured her. “I promise you that no one will ever lay a finger on you again, and if I see the douche, I am going to kick his ass so bad, he will regret the day he ever laid a hand
on you.”
“I don’t ever want to see him or Mom again, Seth” Jolie said as fresh tears trickled down her face. “I just want it to be me and you. You are all I need.”
“You and me, Kiddo,” I repeated and gave her a wide grin. “I will find somewhere for us to live, and you will never have to go back there. But first, what do you think about coming to help me pick out a new car?”
“OH MY, GOD, YES!” She screamed excitedly, and soon her tears were forgotten about. “I would love to.”
“Then maybe we can go apartment hunting,” I added feeling happy that my sister was smiling again.
“Okay,” she nodded but then added quickly. “But not too far from Sylvie’s.”
“Not too far from Sylvie’s,” I nodded and smiled.
“Should my ears be burning,” Sylvie said suddenly as she walked back into the store.
“We were just making some plans,” Jolie replied, giving Sylvie a warm smile. “We are going to go and look for a new car for Seth.”
“Sounds like fun,” Sylvie smiled before she looked at me, and her smile widened. “So, you two have made up.”
“We have,” I replied and couldn’t help but smile too. “I’m officially out of the bad books.”
“Good,” Sylvie nodded with a broad smile. “Because tonight we are having a family dinner, and I want all my kids happy.”
She kissed me on the cheek before she turned to Jolie, and her smile widened as she kissed her on the forehead once more. I loved that Jolie had a mother figure in her life that she truly deserved, and there was no mother better than Sylvie Walker.
Then it struck me; as excited as I was about Jolie and I getting our own place, and getting a fresh start, it meant Jolie would have to leave Sylvie, and that thought made me feel a little sad. I needed to talk to Sylvie, and make sure that she was okay with our plans. After everything she had done for me, and more importantly, Jolie; I owed her that much.
“Why don’t you go wash your face,” I suggested to Jolie, hoping it would give me time to talk to Sylvie. “Then we can go look for my car.”
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